for my wife
and our unborn daughter [håga]
~
We cannot think of a time that is oceanless
Or of an ocean not littered with wastage
—T.S. Eliot from ‘The Dry Salvages’
~
[she] is
drinking a
glass of
filtered tap Brita Pitcher Plastic Water Filtration $24.99
water when
she first
feels [håga]
kicking—plastic
from fukushima
litters the
beaches of
oʻahu gathering
place [she]
is watching
an online
documentary about
home birth—
part of
a comb
corner of
a crate
piece of
bottle cap—
[she] is
craving poke
fish eat ʻahi poke : $17.99 per lb at safeway in mānoa
preserved with carbon monoxide to promote color retention
fish that
eat plastic
derived from
oil absorbed
by tissue—
the doctors
recommend [we]
schedule a
c-section—if
you cut
open the
bellies of
large birds
you will
find the
bristles of
[our] tooth-
brushes—because
amniotic fluid
is ninety
percent water
because every 4-pack replacement filters $24.99
body births
plastic never
dis- so-
lv- e- s
~
before i first
visit [her] in
kaʻaʻawa—before
we eat ʻahi
limu poke at
the beach—before
we wash [our]
hands in salt
water and forage
the tide for
shells—before we
learn [our] body
languages before
i mistake trade
winds for her
hair—before my
tongue dives—before
[we] come against
wreckage—before [we]
close our eyes
to see what
darkness asks [us]
to let go—
before chickens crow
the sun rising—
before i knew
i would stay—
before vowels and
consonants—before was
pō—first darkness
birthing [our] sea
of moving islands—
~
i tinituhon—
[she] is breathing—
at home under a muku moon—
every island is an end and a beginning—
we time the contractions—
neither ocean nor oceanless—
thirty minutes apart—
hacha hugua tulu fatfat lima—
“imagine each contraction is a wave”
says the voice on the hypno-birthing app—$9.99—
the alphabet is a collection of bone hooks—
neither arrival nor departure—
i place my hand on [her] darkened piko—
neither origin nor destination—
sounding lines measure night passing—
should [we] go to the hospital?
~
dear fu’una, first
mother, this is
my first prayer
to you, full
of questions: taotao
manu hao? where
are you from?
what made you
leave your first
home? war, disease,
rising tides? so
many of [us]
have left guåhan,
deployed to faraway
bases—dear fu’una,
dispensa yu’, i
lost [our] first
language in transit,
first words become
ghost islands—fu’una,
first sister, what
did you carry
aboard the canoe?
hacha hugua tulu
fatfat lima—i
carried my passport,
baseball cards, and
coin collection aboard
i batkon aire
to san francisco—
how did you
let go?
~
during RIMPAC 2014
~
when [håga]
was newborn
[she] rinses
her in
the sink—
atrazine in
the water—
a fat
pilot whale
deafened by
sonar washes
ashore hanalei
bay—now
that [håga]
is bigger
[she] bathes
her in
the tub,
cleans behind
her ears,
sings, “my
island maui,”
written by
her dad,
jeff, whose
ashes were
scattered in
māʻalaea harbor,
decades ago—
schools of
recently spawned
fish, lifeless,
litter the
tidelines of
nānākuli and
māʻili, koʻolina
and waikīkī—
when we
first take
[håga] to
the beach,
[she] carries
her into
the water,
hanom hanom
hanom, DU
munitions, PCBs,
SINKEX—[she]
secures [håga]
tightly to
her chest—
what will
the weapons,
ships, aircrafts
and soldiers
of 22
nations take
from [us]?
i wrap
them in
a large
towel when
they return
to sand—
“i introduced
[håga] to
grandpa jeff,”
[she] says—
is oceania
memorial or
target? monument
or territory?
economic zone
or mākua?
a cold
salt wind
surges across
the beach—
[we] shiver
like generations
of coral
reef bleaching—
Notes:
Understory: in ecological studies, ‘understory’ refers to the plant life that grows beneath
the canopy of the forest, and consists of a diversity of shrubs, saplings, fungi, and seedlings.
Pō: In the Hawaiian belief system, Pō is the creative darkness from which all things emerged.
Fu’una: In the Chamorro belief system, Fu’una is the mother of creation that gave birth to the
Chamorro people. Worship of Fu’una was displaced by the missionization of Guam and replaced
by Catholic beliefs of creation.
Poke: Hawaiian dish made with raw fish.
I tinituhon: Chamorro for ‘The Beginning.’
Hacha hugua tulu fatfat lima: Chamorro for ‘one two three four five.’
Dispensa yu’: Chamorro for ‘forgive me.’
Piko: Hawaiian for ʻnavel.ʻ
Mākua: Hawaiian for ‘parent.
I batkon aire: Chamorro for ‘airplane’ (literally, ‘air boat’).
Hanom hanom hanom: Chamorro for ‘water water water’
DU munitions: DU stands for ‘Depleted Uranium.’
SINKEX: Military term that refers to a ‘Sink Exercise,’ in which an unmanned target ship is
used for torpedo or missile testing, sinking decommissioned warships in the Pacific.
RIMPAC: Military term for ‘Rim of the Pacific Exercise,’ the largest international maritime
wartime exercise that takes place biannually in the waters around Hawaiʻi. In 2014, the year
my daughter was born, twenty-two nations participated in RIMPAC.
For more on the territorisation of the ocean.
Various covers of Jeff McDougall’s song, ‘My Island Maui,’ can be listened to on YouTube.