Rawdogging the system: Declan Fry reviews Ender Başkan’s Two Hundred Million Musketeers

Two Hundred Million Musketeers by Ender Başkan
Giramondo, 2025




Ender risks the rawdog. To capture things in mid-flight. It keeps him hungry. Keeps you honest.

What draws Ender to this? Ask Sophia, his partner. She’s 80% rawdog. As in, will “PERFORM ANY ACT RECKLESSLY / OR WITHOUT PREPARATION.” As in: “A MEASURE OF RISK TAKING” (‘Hot Water’, 39).

When I say rawdog, I’m thinking of Carol Jerrems’ portrait of the rawest of all, the Surry Hills “flying dog”:

That’s the joy Ender seeks.

But the speaker is not the poet. I know. I know! So let’s separate the poet from the persona. When I say ‘Ender’, I don’t mean Ender – living, breathing out there somewhere, apart from the work, unknown and fundamentally unknowable – but ‘Ender’, the person on the page.

In ‘Here Is The Shirt, (Get) Off My Back / Swimming In The Afternoon’, Ender writes: “the russians have the kremlin / the ottomans had the sublime porte / and both our children have runny noses” (1). It’s a serious political statement. Stare into the abyss of “middle-aged / left-wing melancholia” long enough and the abyss of middle-aged left-wing melancholia stares back (4). Maybe it takes the form of your dad asking when you’ll become a teacher. Maybe it takes the form of your kid, already more radical than you’ll ever be.

Runny-nosed or not, Ender tells his kids, “make your own fun” (Kadiköy, 62). Try to catch the ball in mid-air! Work – but make it unmonetised. Labour according to your own needs. Arguing with his father, Ender philosophises: “fathers have only interpreted the world / in various ways / the point however is to change it” (‘Lion Kink’, 135).

Take risks. Fight capital. Fuck around. Find out.

The child becomes father of the man in these moments, protecting the poet from middle-aged insecurities. Surrounded by former peers at the schoolyard (“prowling hyper-caffeinated / re-financed class-ascendant former schoolmates”), Ender writes:

lucky my kid
is an anarcho-terrorist anti-capitalist critical-theorist
and disarms their line of enquiry with logic
calls them poo-poo heads…
(‘Here Is The Shirt…’, 4)

By this point we’re five pages deep into a seventeen-page long opening poem. But since you can read poetry on the go (easier than a novel!), this is what you might call slow poetry. It’s poetry for folks who read for the breaks rather than trying to make their breaks more productive.

It’s also a brave opening gambit. This kind of runny-nosed run-on length – especially in your debut collection… well. A few publishers and editors might have advised something neater. Tidier. You can picture them pleading: Maybe just a one or two-pager to kick things off?

No, Ender says. Let it run. Go rawdog. Because “of all things to be afraid of im afraid of wanting to / take writing take language to its limit” (6).

The crucible of political awakening in Musketeers is play. Big brother and big father duking it out with bigger dada. Absurdity is inescapable so long as “many of us come from dysfunctional families but all of us / live in a dysfunctional society” (13). Learning to parent, your kid’s runny nose reminds you that systems fail, “an issue of liquidity” can result in class insecurity/judgement, and that the urge to find seven steps to better health, wealth, family, and relationships is doomed. Maths was never your strong suit anyway.

Fail to find these things, though, and you risk entering hell’s seventh circle: fielding the judgement of other parents about how you parent.

you reject a cool dad / bad dad binary
like you reject a rich dad / craw dad
but you have to say sometimes lets go! or come on!
(16)

The family embodies a human need for “food shelter healthcare culture community”. Like the two Kurdish bakers Ender and his daughter buy simit from in Kadıköy, family is praxis. Family can also be a safety net. But mulling over theory and praxis is probably moot if your practice is (mostly) working – or, if not working, simply necessary. Parenting demands pragmatism! If your kid asks, “was phar lap alive when you were a kid dad? / was phar lap alive when frida kahlo was alive?”: that’s theory. If they ask, “whats a career […] whats a wealthy industrialist? whats capitalism? / why do horses work dad?” That’s praxis (‘Phar Lap’, 107).

Whether you enter the grad program or not, whether you wear overalls or fail to, Ender’s here to warn you: be sceptical of parents. (Dads, especially.) The poem ‘Get Your Overalls On’ ends ambivalently, father telling son, “study ender study… you need education”. But what kind? Aesthetic? Class education? No! The kind that facilitates upward mobility. The kind that sees non-crazy John transform into ‘crazy John’, “mobile phone baron / hero of the turkish diaspora” (56).

So what if you’re crazy Ender and not crazy John? If bookselling teaches you anything, it’s that capitalism is pretty tedious and that “the customer is always / the customer” (‘Erotics of Bookselling, 33). Yet tedium has its poetry, too. It lets you telegraph the hive mind looking for its next summer hit:

               its out of print 
                              it was published in 1803
                                           and we last had it in 1997 
if you want to try amazon you know where i stand
(32)

Ender’s practice, in these and other poems, is to give shape to shapeless days. Not just for himself. For his children. For his partner. For his parents. For his younger self entering middle-age. Procrastination? No time for it.

Because what’s a “dad twice over” to do? Swashbuckle through and hope your alarm clock works. If you want your alarm clock to work, Ender writes, place it just out of reach. Parent yourself. Everything worth having is like Tantalus’s prized fruit. Or maybe it’s like the joke about middle age in Martin Amis’s novel The Information: “He didn’t need an alarm – he was already comprehensively alarmed.”

Posted in BOOK REVIEWS | Tagged ,

Tell Me Like You Mean It 8

River Dreams Bird | Meagan Pelham | Studio A


When I was a newborn baby writer, an esteemed figure in the industry told me, five minutes into our first interaction, that I’d be too difficult to work with because I’m loud, verbose and annoying.

“I’m never gonna make it in this town,” I wept to friends over the phone, galloping from the big smoke back to my hovel in suburban Djilang, dirtying my only corporate-adjacent outfit (which I’d bought especially for this meeting) with melancholic goop.

Yada-yadaing forward a few years, I’ve since worked with writers in many roles, and have encountered a range of poets. My early experiences of rejection – particularly related to my personhood – galvanised my belief in platforming courageous and unique voices, ensuring that writers have opportunities regardless of our differences, idiosyncrasies (and boy-oh-boy do we have ’em!) and social compatibility.

When commissioning for this edition of Tell Me Like You Mean It, I gave one prompt to contributors: “Go bonkers! (If you want! So fine if not!)”

Be difficult. Be loud. Be verbose. Be annoying. Or not, if that’s not you. Dammit, just make me feel something new.

In my view, anyone who is privileged to curate the work of others, or handle their dreams and aspirations, needs to behave the way they needed as that so-called emerging writer. Constructive feedback within a suitable context? Sure. Reality checks about the difficulties of the industry? If you must. Discouragement and fear-mongering? No, thank you. Unsolicited comments and unchecked biases? No fucking way.

I was published in Tell Me Like You Mean It many moons ago, and as part of the Cordite masthead for the past eight-ish years and counting, I’ve done production work (aka code monkeying) on many other editions, too. In my everyday life, I read a shitload of poetry: both deliberately and incidentally in work and leisure.

When asked to curate this volume myself, my mind flooded with poets whose work had excited me recently and who filled a vague parameter of not yet having a full-length collection published. I’m proud to present a stellar lineup:

Jamil Badi: dreams where you’re the white kind of queer

Jamali Bowden: A test for the disciple of art

Eartha Davis: kaha, tamawahine / tipuna wahine

Ori Diskett: stat dec (not legal advice)

Merinda Dutton: summer loving

Isabella Eichler-Onus: Spring Clean

Thirangie Jayatilake: New rarest mineral on earth

Joel Keith: To Stella

Ledya Khamou: Love Poem

Maggie Knight-Williams: Begrudging Elegy for a Grief that is Mine

Tim Loveday: Dog Act(or)

Kacey Martin: Aya

August Moulang: The name of a bird is heaven

Mia Nie: if i died and went to heaven

Julian L Palacios: gridlock of queens

S. A. Sisika: Magnetic

Hà Lâm Tô: Lava

Huyen Hac Helen Tran: use case scenarios

Beau Windon: You Want to Chat with Me on Discord?

Troy Wong: Prosperity Toss

Xiaole Zhan: There are wings – 羽 in the pagewind of translation – 翻



Although we frame this series as one focusing on emerging writers, our definition of emergence is nebulous. What is ‘emerging’? When or where does it end? After all, I still feel emerging in many ways – but does anyone ever feel emerged?

‘Emerging’ seems notably discordant with poetry as opposed to other literatures – unless you’re one of a select few, our work generally remains on the fringes. We don’t tend to land the bestsellers and the beefy advances from Penguin (all shade intended to Penguin for not publishing enough local poetry; I said what I said; I told you like I meant it).

Basically, these are writers to watch out for. I hope you’ll enjoy their spectacular work. If you love their poems, make sure you tell them. We could all do with more support from each other.

Posted in CHAPBOOKS | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Love Poem

I know, I know;
I always leave too soon,
I never stay my complete
welcome. But please, for now
drive my car through the ridges
of your childhood.
In the lull of traffic, I sink
into your sweet ordinary.

Cram your CDs into my glovebox
and show me your old high school
your primary school torn down,
your favourite playground
next to your uncle’s old house.
Take me around the lake again
with the pastel cabins taking the brunt
of the temperamental water;
a sleet of gold in rush hour
and choppy in the quiet 11am.

I used to believe love is so short
but I feel endless with you.
Drifting through the rich neighbourhoods
with the hideous modern houses,
I say, “Get rich and marry me.”
The sun pulses cold on the skyline.
You laugh because it’s a joke.
You say, “Of course,
but I need a better job first,”
and we keep pretending that it’s a joke.

You hog the bed and the blankets
and you push me cold against the wall
then, awake, pull me close again,
“You’re falling off the bed.”
You let me sleep through the afternoon,
through two movies and one game,
and you come back smelling like dinner,
checking in, speaking low.
In your bed sleep is deep and crushing,
a child’s slumber, untethered.

I’m trying to say it all,
but it’s bigger than my head—
I heard that in a song once
and now you push me
into the meaning.
I am so afraid to need you,
yet it is the easiest thing
I have ever done.

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

Begrudging Elegy for a Grief that is Mine

In conversation with Geoffrey Hill’s September Song and Two Formal Elegies

I know the dead whom you have deposed.

Welcome to New England,
pasture populated with serrated tussock teeth and African lovegrass,
the old ways lined with laurel and birch
crafting the curves of a white woman from my shallow hills.

When all is said and done, you may tread the labour of your predecessors into the clay
underfoot, where our sinew will fertilise the vines of your exports.

I will find you there again, in the cellar below your Headington stone,
or in the dismembered artefact overlooking your life’s work.

Colour me more difficult than all your forefathers combined.

I will turn my hills back to the hunting range your people made them when they came, and I
will fill myself plenty. You will never feel enough.

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

kaha, tamawahine / tipuna wahine

The afternoon plays with promises
stung lonelinesses straddling each other
cooking
t i m e
sipping grain from yesterday’s wallpaper

& they say kindness is corrugated
& they say blue horses babble like consonants
& they say palm is the doorknob of heart
(dazed, half-gentle)
patches of lover & mountain
styrofoam moons
rainbow recollection
rioting
against
hours
seeking
silo
shared
strangeness —

& if

( & i f )

i close these eyes, i can hear
dawn’s dinner bell
sun letting the dreamers back in
sun siphoning loss from mothers
grief’s scenery
overbaked stars
petrified palaces
ears guzzling instruments
mouths juniper breath

& there
& there
are two dusks

the dusk l o s s has made

the dusk l o v e has made

& one sun
& one sun

(scuffed
hickory)

look —

cotton mountains comfort eyes
twinned mouths grow wet
in the gloaming
nurse bleating foothills .
bandaged b lu e .
(like this . )
this
like

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

Magnetic

Distracting,
Eye catching.
Being magnetic,
Is not free.
It costs hands on your body,
That you did not ask for,
And,
Eyes that only look through you.
It costs the aches and pains,
Of standing up on your own,
And worshipping the fire and the form,
That has attracted parasites,
Over,
And over.

‘You’re very distracting,’
He’ll say,
Looking you up and down,
And,
What he’ll mean is distracting him from finding someone he’ll actually love,
And want to keep around.
It will cost you running to men near and far,
Just for validation and pleasure,
Then realising that your body cannot be all that you are,
When you wake up alone,
Again.

What this charm and confidence cost,
Is taking back your pleasure,
On your own terms,
And practicing loving the things you’ve hidden in dark corners,
Swept under the rug,
Lurking in pitch black,
It takes holding hands with all the complicated,
Messy things,
That refuse to lay flat on their back.

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

Spring Clean

Stacks of dusty newspapers
an omission of memories
like the broken shells
shoved under Mum’s mattress
next to her marbles in a chest.

Morsels of salt treasures
that thaw and crackle at midnight
when I long for the sea to knead our thighs
to the soundtrack of the ocean.

Before the estuary of youth,
we were always so close
to finding a shark’s tooth or ancient skull,
to unlocking the secrets
just beneath the surface.

Before your lungs were charred
and the sun revealed his appetite,
we were golden kids
freedom, in shades of brown
while warm bluebottles desiccated in the air.

Don’t shake off your boots
or hang your coat,
memory is a holiday at a glance
but captivates like a siren.

Clear out the bits of shore
and make space for the baby
only the closets remember
what’s locked in this room.

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

Aya

the ceasing of the heart
evokes pineal eruptions.

everything that was
is,
will be –
expanding into neurons,
a supernova.

if dying is not your thing,
but you’d like to try it,
hold the lighter to the glass;
sink into the bathwater.

allow his hand to place
the pen
between clenched teeth.

find the endlessness.
peel yourself out
of your human skin.
ringed fingers
caressing collarbones.
drip.

become the holy whore.
and aya will bless you,
and you will bless aya.
it is all the same.

bob in the waves, immortal.
remember indigo flesh
and kinder eyes.
do you see?
it is all the same.

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

Prosperity Toss

abundance through the year sliced thinly
good luck and smooth sailing segments, loosely broken

good luck is approaching peeled and julienned
forever young peeled and julienned

progress at a fast pace
peeled and julienned household filled

with gold and silver floor full of gold
and treasures numerous sources of wealth

Arrange the ingredients on a platter and pour out the abundances
to form a ring. Then with family, chosen or inherited, toss high

to maximise your fortunes, chanting lo hei, lo hei, or other
more auspicious wishes according to taste. Recipe notes:

This dish was developed for its wordplay, not its flavour.
Spouses may agree to eat this once a year just to humour you.

Distant cousins may surprise by picking only at selected bits:
We don’t actually like this dish. We just eat the fish.

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

The name of a bird is heaven

After a trans reading of Dickinson’s I dreaded that first robin so

I did not attend the robin’s arrival, weary of
its frantic threshing as we both resisted
capture. The fusion of seasons agitated the both of us, and
each negotiated hiding place landmarked
new growing pains – side, chest, throat, wing.

I found myself holding out against an oncoming wind,
epidermal armour poorly matched against a creature born to fly.
For the first time, a dissonant note played out and I allowed myself to be haunted.
Go, the robin pled. I am at sea, and all wrong.

In spring, I begin to ruminate dressings of skin and silk. How can the flowers
know their wake and rest so easily?
I intuit I am also from the sky and soil, shaped by the tides.
Faith governs me, but even so I am struck by it, the dry-mouthed urge
to tip gently, and then decidedly, against the knife.

I lose sight of the robin amongst the looming reeds. Chase me,
he calls. The wind rushes, behind us now and buffeting with a steady intention.
My companion trails amulets to apply and whittle with. Milky eyes loom
out of the muck, warning of my serene and frenetic exposure.

I avert their gaze, and quietly pray to forget. A message
dribbles through the brush cover – foreign letters play undergrowth games
while I spurn the herald’s mirrors.
How will I know him then?

I have boldly supposed to outrun a drowning, stutter then
notice my futures are awash in gloam.
The flowers urge me into sorrow, I won’t I won’t, on my spittle
until the robin’s return.

The chord cradled in sour pitch crawls through the air again,
ripped from recalled windows into episodic infancy.
I begin to author the memories, witness the garnet plume burst into flame alight
against the thrum of history.

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

stat dec (not legal advice)

i once signed a stat dec
made of three lonely words
i am queer

what have you declared?

i sign others to
solemnly declare that i
need a little bit of help

so here’s a stat dec
template to use when
you need some evidence

I, chosen name, of my city, do solemnly and sincerely declare that:

Due to transphobia / homophobia / outright bigotry
/ paranoia / advice from my lawyer /
the way he looked at me
(cross-out as applicable)

I am unable to complete my assessment on time / unable to come to work
having to reassess my life / a complete and utter jerk /
often finding it hard to concentrate / losing
my train of thought and for-
getting
(cross-out as applicable)

I need respect / advice / support-
-ing documentation / a break / $10,000 /
international acclaim / a solid eight-to-ten
/ 28g of sun-grown Tasmanian bush weed
(cross-out as applicable)

DECLARED by : you
X

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

dreams where you’re the white kind of queer

There used to be this dream we had
of becoming women in a way our
men wouldn’t wanna be. I asked
the boys for a hand but they’re too busy
reminding me that their purpose is fucking
when it’s so obvious they don’t know that
the purpose of fucking is to draw closer, not
erase the body before you.

There was once this dream we had
of diverting the gaze from coloured flesh
to the ways I wore a dress: the way the white
gays do. Forget about the white robes we once
wore, kneeling for a lord to erase the body and
soul of the woman we wanna be. Make sure
that you’re fucking only in a dress because
that’s your sole purpose in this community.

Their confidence is a dream, because
queer joy is a brilliant, slippery surge of something
you can’t possibly pin down, but when your
Blackness is pinned down by a white heavy
weight on first sight, as a mere boy you must
make the choice. I’ll give you a dress so it’s
easier to address me as a man without
coloured flesh. Just let me breathe.

Their wildest dreams consist of protest screams
and if that means reposting screams of protest
as dogs draw black blood in another country then
so be it. The full confidence in selectively fucking
coloured flesh like it is your purpose to save us.
Perhaps I should fetch my prayer dress for you
so you may finally see my queerness and
Blackness while I kneel in worship.

They’re fucking in their dreams like the men they
wanna be, and I wonder whether they see a black dog
in me, pants heavy with that surging sex they wanna
see. Yet what is my purpose when my dress dangles
low and their man is erased? If I could draw a line from
your misery to mine, would it ring loud despite our
differences or remain unanswered because the
question you scream down the line in protest is
are you a man or a woman?

They’re gonna dream up a slur for black&queer so that
straight men can erase my body and divert their gaze
from their misery, and white queers can pin down my purpose
in this community they draw purpose from. Perhaps then
I’ll have the language to express what we feel when we
want to be like women but not the ones the white world
says we should be. Until that perfect word is dangled before
the desperate dog in me, we will continue dreaming of
the person we wanna be.

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

Lava

Collage poem, titled 'lava poem', that reads:


Poem note: This poem used photojournalism works from other artists.

Collage image courtesy:
[1] Pickerell, J., & Black Star Picture Agency. (1965). 60 years of photojournalism: The Black Star picture collection. Könemann.
[2] Stone, B. (2018). 1001 walks: You must experience before you die. Cassell Illustrated.

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

use case scenarios

@startuml
: I : -right- (kept sitting)
rectangle everywhere {
everywhere —up— : I : : as
}
(kept sitting) -right-> : you : : there
: you : -right-> (were) : maybe
note right of (were): on the other side
rectangle boundaries <>{
(were) -right- boundaries
}
note left of boundaries: nevermind the
rectangle cells <> {
boundaries -down-> cells <>
}
rectangle rain <> {
cells -left- rain : of
}
rain <.left.> (spilling)
rectangle ink {
spilling <.left.> ink
}
ink -left-> (melting)
rectangle feathers {
melting -left-> feathers
}

rectangle garden {
feathers -left-> garden
}
note right of garden : in the
garden -down- (did)
rectangle bird {
(did) -right- bird : a
}
(bird) -right- (die)
(die) ….right…> (happens) : earlier? always
(happens) …right…> : we :
rectangle there {
: we : -right- there : were all
}
there -down-> (laughing)
rectangle something
laughing -left- something : at
(something) -left- (attempting) : else
rectangle recourse {
attempting -left- recourse
}
recourse -left- (forgetting)
rectangle oxygen {
forgetting -down- oxygen
}
oxygen -right- (outruns)
rectangle all {
outruns -right- all
}
rectangle body {
all -right- body : then\nthe
}
body -right- (disappeared)
rectangle aversions {
disappeared-right- aversions : still in other
}
rectangle time {
aversions -down-> time : all the
}
time -left-> : ourselves \n<> :
rectangle remains {
: ourselves \n<> : -left- (remains) : while
}
rectangle gap {
remains -left- gap : of the
}
gap –left– (expanded)
rectangle everywhere {
expanded -left– everywhere :\n out\n of \n into
}
@enduml

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

A test for the disciple of art

Are we more arrogant
in putting our suffering over that which is beautiful or
in elevating beauty over the suffering of others?

Every heart has flaws
Each unique in their configuration
What flaws has your heart?

What is Beauty without Justice?

Who are your people,
What are their ways of life,
and how do they clothe your soul?

What collective assertions of self-humanisation
have you seen disfigured into cruel self-obsession?

What is Beauty without Justice?

How do you carry the good that you do:
As guilt, as duty, or as a part of being?

What stock do you put in the rhyming of appearances?
Do you find it reveals or obscures the rhyming of souls?

What is Beauty without Justice?

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

summer loving

Summer’s gold hums on the horizon. Brothers and sisters, the oysters are in season. A promise then, we will fill our bellies tonight. We’ll be seduced in a tumble of kangaroo grass and yam daisies. Step softly into our circle. Surrender to this moment. The bush is our cathedral today. We have no need for stained-glass windows. Our communion—Lush and leafed among the paperbark trees and mangroves. Divine architecture surrounds us. You, loose-limbed and lovely. We, bare-footed and beautiful.


come reverent
come in prayer
come honeymouthed
come for the living we will do.

Some of you have travelled from afar to be here. Welcome. Some of you carry heartache and grief in your bones. I sense some of you are weary from battles waged against our oppression. Know this: there is medicine here at the aromatic altar of acacia and ash. Let peace sink into your blood. Your hearts will be healed here when you bathe in waves holding the matriverse.


Quiet your mind, friends.
Breathe deep
to the beat of the bush
to the trill of the magpie singing the moon.
Drink the nectar of a summering sky.
Carry a blissful breeze into your lungs.



It is time to fall in love— with yourself, and each other. When dusk pulls your eyelids shut, pour stardust into one another’s palms, fingertips touching fingertips with cosmic light. Flash your pearly whites, friends. Stun each other —flirtatious as the moon speaking to the ocean. Smile until we find oblivion. Throw your legs into an emu dance. Our feet won’t leave the ground, but oh, we will fly high tonight.


Our feathered skirts will carry a westerly wind beneath them.

Aunties and Uncles, I’m calling to that wind. Calling to stories we shall dance beneath the stars—those stars offering a glimpse of all-time. My loves, we will come home to ourselves tonight. Us, home in our breath and alive in our breathlessness. We will kiss moonlight from one another’s skin. Divine beings, you are —spellbinding all of you. Oh, we are ripe with the hymn of an afternoon storm. Let’s make a new bloodline tonight in the sand dunes. Hip bone caressing hip bone, we will make the sky blush at our sensuous meditations.



Blessed be the taste of our liberation.
Blessed be the flame of our bodies warming the night against a coming cool.
Blessed be the ecstasy of loving in the tender light of midnight.
Tomorrow, we will rise with the sun. Rise with the crow. Rise triumphant—still alive, for another day, another minute.

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

To Stella

My hair falls, some
days, like an uninteresting

question. I take
my coffee to sit

in the green chair by the window
and gather into the soul, slow-

ly, certain shards of light
too small to note. O my

life, back early
from the farm –

what was it you saw
that made you want to enter me?

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

if i died and went to heaven

if i were rich and famous would you marry me?
if i were better looking and three inches taller would you marry me?
if i was on time more often would you marry me?
if i went vegan would you marry me?
if i started balding in my 20s would you marry me?
if i met you now would you marry me?
if i had infinite COVID would you marry me?
if you met someone better would you marry me?
if i pretended to laugh at all your jokes would you marry me?
if the grass was greener on the other side would you marry me?
if i wrote you a letter every day for a year would you marry me?
if i had you at hello would you marry me?
if my farts smelled so bad they made you throw up would you marry me?
if we were both married with children would you marry me?
if you walked away in anger and i did not follow would you marry me?
if i wanted to fuck you even and in fact especially when you forget to shower would you marry me?
if i toked lyk dis wud u marry me xD ?
if i proved that every even integer greater than 2 could be expressed as a sum of two primes would you marry me?
if i was a robot would you marry me?
if i was a fleeting consciousness that arose spontaneously from random thermodynamic fluctuations creating a simulacrum of the human brain would you marry me?
if i got on my knees and begged would you marry me?
if i told you i was sorry and i really really meant it would you marry me?
if i won your parents over would you marry me?
if we moved to europe together would you marry me?
if i detransitioned would you marry me?
if i was born perfect or at the very least normal would you marry me?
if god was one of us would you marry me?
if i drove all night just to see you in the morning would you marry me?
if i stop that car drop that phone sleep on the floor would you marry me?
if i got your face tattooed on my face would you marry me?
if i asked you to get my face tattooed on your face so when we kissed it looked like two smaller versions of us were also kissing would you marry me?
if i didnt want children would you marry me?
if i couldnt handle spicy food would you marry me?
if i had a crippling porn addiction that had a deleterious impact on our sex life would you marry me?
if it rained every time we went away for the weekend would you marry me?
if the earth was ending tomorrow would you marry me?
if global warming was reversed would you marry me?
if housing was affordable would you marry me?
if our love was illegal would you marry me?
if land was back and patriarchy was smashed and Palestine was free and struggle was over and it was worth it would you marry me?
if i was the frog and you were the scorpion would you marry me?
if i was the scorpion would you marry me?
if i was not the scorpion but the turtle who sits in benevolent judgement would you marry me?
if i were neither scorpion nor frog nor turtle but some undefined fourth thing would you marry me?
if i died and went to heaven would you marry me?
if i waited for you would you marry me?
if we make it through the year would you marry me?
if we were both happy would you marry me?

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

You Want to Chat with Me on Discord?

I:


[T]HEY
      SAY:

you’ll never be happy
no matter
what date
it’s changed to

so they leave
their celebration
of national pride
on the genocidal
jubilee of colonisation

~~~   ~~~    ~~~    ~~~    ~~~    ~~~


{   {Drinks and Drugs and Sports, Oh My}   }


~~~   ~~~    ~~~    ~~~    ~~~    ~~~


then get grumpy        when we kill        the mood       misery maimed        
maiden voyage        voyeuristic vulgarity        violence murmuring


“We’re still here!”

despite it all
We’re        still        here.
It drives them
   fuckin’ googoobananas.
   All they want is for us
       to go away.

Who is us?
Who is them?
Ain’t that always the question?


~~~   ~~~    ~~~    ~~~    ~~~    ~~~



II:


the black-tie arrival of the finance bro shadows over common decency while little Jaime Weiner asks Grok to undress a woman he barely knows.
       she’s shy and reserved and no one has seen her naked since being seen naked became an adult activity attached to an appetite for arousal.
       he sells crypto or insurance or something else deemed valuable while valueless for a living and complains about artists not wanting his AI investments to mow out the meagre monetary remittance they receive for the blood and stress and heart they donate to each project.
       the project exists in spite of itself – a work of passion pressured by penurious pennypinchers to be something it does not want to be but has to in means to justify its spiteful existence.
       existence diluted to the all-mighty dollar and dolls doled digitally for the finger-lickin’ greed unchecked demanding everything they desire undeserved but declared by their birthright.
       a birthright written in unclear legalese leased to the lucky few by intelligent bootlickers lusting for the lasciviousness lawn on the soul of their boot – lunacy maybe but they work in harmony, securing the status to stale the quo.
       the status quo is broken . . . it has been for . . . the longest time
           whooooooooooaaaa oh oooooooohhhhhhh
look at them in their glass towers
looking down at us with a smug
look on their face hoping we don’t
realise that their towers appear fragile through
real eyes locked tight on a grotesque underbelly of
real lies told to hold us in place.
      {somethingsomethingmeme}
          all so they can ask Grok to show them our private parts.

~~~   ~~~    ~~~    ~~~    ~~~    ~~~



III:


childhood nights tucked in Goosebumps
   R.L. Stine told stories stained to my soul
       scary yet tepid to the world we live in now.
           in lockdown i escaped into the ethos of
               Steven Universe, relishing in lavish
                   declarations of kindness as the core
                       of any welcoming community and yet
                           our overarching society deems it
                               weakness to love thy neighbour.
                                   my neighbour Kaine
                                   called me to the balcony
                               every evening after school to grill
                           my knowledge of Professional Wrestling
                       and Pokémon, excited he could utilise my
                   obsessive hyperfixations in a way that made him
               look smarter to the kids in his grade who saw
           ridiculous childish things as the currency
       to their own personal hierarchy.
   now it’s only numbers
on an imaginary account
that dictate our social
   standings in a world that I wonce
       saw myself as a winner inside.
           the economy doesn’t exist,
               money isn’t real and your job
                   is meaningless in the long run.
                       the fact we forge meaning
                           on the meaningless is an adept
                               failure on our standing as
                                   the planet’s smartest
                                   smartest smartest
                               smartest what though for real?
                           all we need is a fire and a storyteller.

~~~   ~~~    ~~~    ~~~    ~~~    ~~~



IIII  VI  IV?  FOUR:


so many pee-poll are unhappy / / crappy / / snappy / / sad
   but life goes on    {when will it shup ut!?}
and peep-oil don’t complain / / restrain / / dickbrain / / do—nuthin’
   it’s just how it is     [can we maki et knot!?]
hand eye sup pose {Ginyu Force} that’s why we’re in discord.
                   you meant the chat app? There’s a chat app?
AhWellEyeDontFuckinNoThenButEyeAintDownloadinNeMoreDamAppsKayByeThen.

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

gridlock of queens

i miss the way we lived
gridlock of queens
nestled in your father’s money
not any loss, sure, but anything conceivable
say, 9, 18—inconsequential.
27 down, still comfortable,
hungry to feel hungry
in time to taste it on me.

by 36, will all your teeth fall away?
the danger of you forgetting
some things are irreplaceable
was something i could undo
one square at a time, i chased
you three years standing still
returning each tiny white
to gums, my mouth this time,
you are what you eat and
i wanted to be part of you
forever— ’til the bone weight pulverised me
into the smallest pawn, irreducible

i sold my mattress, forgot how to cook
but still your marble serf, soft and heavy
earned you square by painful square
(you gave me a head start, but
you could always have gone anywhere)

then reached the door to peace, seventh heaven
and finally saw that you wanted me
only the unrelenting hoard of your position,
like atom bombs beneath the desert of your skin
rendered every desire hostage
leaving distance your only kindness.
holding your whole bite in my hand
still, only you could chew me up
but would never be hungry.

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

New rarest mineral on earth

Elephants are cute for IG pictures on vacation
but not when they’re drowning in murky waters
buried under the weight of someone else’s emissions

some days it feels like I’m watching
the world fall apart
and I am willing it to not burn into flames
from my little corner
some days it feels like I am covered in shame
at my passiveness
hiding behind the poems stored in my hard drive

some days I wonder if the game of power was always a farce
or if I was just born into this generation

I try to write about global equality and mobility
and wonder if my passport will ever catch up
I think of social structures so often
it feels like I have already drowned in them

I read a post that asked Black women
to not fall into their victimhood
that life beyond victimhood was better
but was there ever a woman who made change
actually happy
about the circumstances she was born into?

looking beyond circumstance is fine,
but while we are born equal, we are not treated equal.

it is not always an upwards journey
it is a roly poly dream
to win some is to lose some
until you run out of exhaustion

I look to fields and flowers
for comfort
but they too are exhausted
covered in the flames of industrialization
and men who run away from earth to the moon
so that they can colonise it better

invisible little us on earth
with our pipe dreams, running through the pipe
until one day, we unclog
the whole damn thing
and machines no longer take
over the humanities
because the humanities
have now become
the new rarest mineral on earth

imagine surviving on just
water and earth and flowers
because back to basics
isn’t just the basics, it’s the foundation
because we finally have time to learn
each other
and not by the degree
by which the sun
burned through our therma layers

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

There are wings – 羽 in the pagewind of translation – 翻

I would like to write a poem
my mother can translate

word for word. We sit
either side of a long table &

ask the world’s accountant
for everything

to balance out, for the poem
to mean what it means.

It is too late. We
open our mouths

& out falls silence —

like walking through a forest
thinking of pianos.

My mother & I meet
in long lines,

before scarce relics,
forgetting nothing

is equally distributed
but history. We watch

herrings dart, scalic
& melodious. We watch

a high-rise rise from
billions-year-old earth.

We watch life interlock
vertically, contrapuntally:

dishwater, sewage, drain-
pipes. The upstairs newborn’s

cry is the world’s first
fugue. Everything

happens & vanishes
like music. Everything

translates into cabbage moths
in the wind. We look up &

read the pale wings of a language

no one speaks.

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

Dog Act(or)

Dog actors are the ultimate method actors
A dog actor does not know they’re acting
& as such fully inhabits The Dog

Become so Dog-like it is impossible
To distinguish the dog’s everyday existence
From The Dog’s narrative

The plot for The Dog
Is always a subplot for the dog
Here is the dog alive in themself

the dog behaves like a dog
the dog acts as though The Dog would act
The acting of The Dog is the dog

The Director suggests
That the dog refuses to hold a mirror
Up to The Dog

the dog barks & so too does The Dog
Though the dog is solely in possession of the bark
The bark is singular

The Director feels the dog
Is not prioritising The Dog
That the dog does not yet know The Dog

The subject is the dog
The object is The Dog
the dog should study The Dog

The Director insists the dog
Must separate from The Dog
In order to become The Dog

How can one become
The Dog when one is already
the dog

the dog’s motivations are different from
The Dog’s motivations
The Dog is more than the dog

The Director is trying to get
The best out of the dog
Who responds by acting like a dog

the dog is labelled a dog
the dog does not know when
To give up the dog act

the dog won’t put in the work clearly
the dog is making things rough
the dog is not a part of the pack

It becomes apparent that
the dog lacks training
But not in the traditional dog sense

Training for dog actors
Is very different
To training for human actors

Method acting is not suitable for dogs
The producers try to train the dog
In the Stella Adler technique

But the dog lacks imagination
the dog acts exactly as the dog would act
When instructed to perform the dog the dog does the dog

The Director sees a silver lining
the dog physically embodies The Dog
Why not try Stanislavski

When the dog is asked to recall a memory
the dog reverts to behaving like the dog
Which is a perfect shadow of The Dog’s childhood

The producers agree that this is quite dog-like
Never have they seen
A dog so fully inside The Dog

During the filming of The Dog Two
Aptly titled The Dog Too: The Dogging
A union rep notices the dog’s behaviour

The rep identifies that the dog
Is dogged by The Dog
That the dog is in fact a dog at all times

This is double standards according to the rep
the dog should not be expected
To inhabit The Dog all day every day

The hours that the dog
Has to be The Dog
This is dog exploitation

At home the dog is sleeping
In a dog bed
& eating dog biscuits

the dog appears to behave
Like The Dog
Even when no one is watching

An intimacy coach
Becomes concerned about
the dog’s mental health

No one can tell whether the dog is happy
The Dog Too is a miserable film
The Dog is unhappy in the film

the dog must act unhappy in order to be The Dog
This is tantamount to psychological torture
The union rep is disgusted

The second AD is outraged
Dogs should be happy
Dog actors should be happy

Litigation against the studio
Leads to The Dog Act
Which requires all dogs on set to be happy dogs

The Dog Act revolutionises the industry
Barring many sad dogs from set
Sad dogs are no longer a part of the story

When award season rolls around
the dog is overlooked for an Oscar
Despite playing a dog called Oscar

The industry debates why the dog was shunned at the awards
One commentator suggests that the dog has limited range
the dog can only play The Dog

Other commentators say that the dog has been typecast
That the dog is not always an extremely happy dog
That the dog actually longs to play more complex dog characters

the dog becomes a representative
For a movement called
The Sad Dog Movement

Scriptwriters get involved
They long to write more complex dog characters
They long to write dogs who have experienced dog trauma

In order to avoid further litigation
The studio comes to a decision
Regarding the representation of dogs on screen

In an open letter they state that dogs are no longer dog actors
That stories about dogs are no longer fictional stories about dogs
That all films featuring dogs are actually documentaries about dogs

The industry seems satisfied with this outcome
Dog trainers & dog workers are ignored
Litigation against the studio is dropped

There is another problem however
People grow weary of their dogs
Can they trust their dogs

If all films featuring dogs are documentaries
Does this mean that the mere presence of a dog in everyday life
Indicates that a person is living inside a documentary

Many dog owners do not want to be surveilled
Other dog owners look at their dogs
As potential sources of revenue

For some dog owners
This realisation rubs up against
Their anthropocentric worldview

They no longer see themselves
As the main character in their own story
They grow jealous of their dogs

the dog is owned by the studio
As such the dog is oblivious to this issue
the dog does not release a statement

the dog is called out by The Dog’s fans
Accused of not caring about the interests of fellow dogs
People say the dog was only ever nice when playing The Dog

A senator raises The Dog Problem
Suggests that the only option
Is to fictionalise all dogs

If all dogs are fictional
Then there will be no dogs
In documentaries

The studio produces
A film called
THE MAKING OF DOGS

The film is an exposé that reveals
That all dogs are made-up
That not a single dog has ever existed

That the only dogs that have ever existed
Are dog characters in films
The film is boycotted by the industry

No one needs to see THE MAKING OF DOGS
The industry is already known for its perversions
Everyone knows that dogs are made-up

According to federal legislation
Made law in the senate
All dogs are The Dog

It is at this point that The Dog turns 77
It is not possible to mark The Dog’s birthday
Because the dog does not exist

The Dog formerly known as the dog
Stares at a billboard with his own Dog face
On it & thinks it’s a Dog eat dog world

Or is it

Posted in TMLYMI v8 | Tagged

Review short: Cadence Chung’s Mad Diva

Mad Diva by Cadence Chung
Otago University Press, 2025



My mother once said, “You have too many desires. If you had fewer desires, you’d be happier.” I wish that I then had Cadence Chung’s retort: “easy to blame desire easy to blame it on the want the wanton of a woman” (15). Breathlessly dispensing with punctuation, these words appear in a poem titled ‘Desio’, early in Chung’s sophomore collection, Mad Diva.

Meaning ‘goddess’ in Latin, ‘diva’ historically referred to a talented female opera singer. Over time, the title came to be used in theatre and cinema, morphing to mean, per Collins Dictionary, “a woman, often a celebrity, with a reputation for being haughty, temperamental, hard to please, etc.” (‘divo’, the male equivalent, holds no negative connotations). Chung plays with both definitions to explore diva as a way of life. In her full-bodied collection, divas wield their desires like weapons. Samson bleeds. Rome falls. A diva shrugs: “I didn’t mean to want you so badly // that I killed it all” (‘Salomé’, 27).

Mad Diva mixes the dramatic tension of classical opera, romantic flourishes and moments from contemporary life to effervescent effect. Across the two-act structure (‘The opera house’ and ‘The madness’), Chung draws on their background in classical singing, music, theatre and short fiction to craft prose poems and poem cycles that embrace the power of character and story. Their poems are not simply re-tellings but new narratives, reminiscent of Angela Carter’s approach to extracting “the latent content” from fairy tales to inspire The Bloody Chamber.

Layered with delicious intertextuality, the collection soars when it explores the messy ethics of autobiography: the cost of using one’s life and, by extension, relationships, for art. What are the consequences of “[t]he hungering. The eating it all up.” (‘Caroline’, 49)? What if artist and muse are one and the same? The speaker searches for answers, earnestly asking in one canto, “How do you make / art that matters?” (‘VIII. Mozart’, from ‘Scenes from a night at the opera’, 38). In another, from ‘Three Witches’, she asks, “How do I write about / the Great Themes?” (‘II. Muse Witch’, 29) before wryly conceding:

They say all poetry is about Love, Death,
and Time. What a horrible thing a poet is,
writing about these instead of living
them, deep inside a lover thinking about
what a sensual poem it’ll make. O folly,

(30)

Chung’s observations on the writing life are neither self-indulgent nor self-pitying. Rather, they subvert the western canon, acknowledging the absurdity of being a poet and highlighting the stakes:

Do you even think about
       how moral it is? you asked.

You put it all into a poem and
       expect it to just stay there?

(‘X. Why I am not a painter’, from ‘Scenes from a night at the opera’, ‘41)

Who is this lyric ‘you’? In many cases, ‘you’ is the speaker’s lover. In ‘Old Masters’, ‘you’ is a fellow poet. In ‘Love lyrics’, ‘you’ is a university crush. Throughout the collection, Chung uses ‘you’ to address characters and the reader simultaneously, breaking the fourth wall. At times, Chung’s ‘you’ is the speaker addressing themselves, as in the seven cantos that form ‘Metamorphoses’, each titled after a Greek mythological character. Here, the horror of the original myths is transposed onto modern settings, and the speaker seems to be reminding themselves of all they have endured: “every night, he’d turn off the console / to chase you to bed” (‘I: Daphne’, 68). The cycle’s title suggests an evolving, multitudinous ‘you’, reflective of Chung’s approach throughout the collection.

Recurring motifs – nipples, bitter negronis and citrus, lipstick, shaving nicks, nails, claws, teeth, spit – work to concoct a heady atmosphere. Sequential poems ‘Prophetic perfect tense’ and ‘Perfume’ feature a lover who has “neat and black” eyelashes (53, 56). The “stab-wound collapse” of a persimmon tree in ‘Aperol’ (26) echoes the title character’s onstage stabbing in ‘Carmen’ and foreshadows a lover’s face, “a powerline falling” in the canto ‘V. Quintet’, itself part of the cycle ‘Perfume’ (60). These reverberations cement the collection’s cohesiveness, rewarding attentive readers. Beneath the glamour, a diva makes sacrifices. Art and life bleed (literally) into one another, amidst the theatre of the everyday: “condom-wrapper kōwhai / pool in the streets […] where plastic bags whisper and moan against walls” (‘Curtain’, 13). Chung’s poems are sensuous yet poised. They teeter but never quite spill over:

when I wake, hot with desire, the figs
are so perfect. They are so red on the inside.
It takes everything in me not to eat them all.

(‘III. Moonlight Witch’, from ‘Three Witches’, 31)

In an interview with Paula Green, Chung explains how combining a first-person confessional voice and a character façade allowed them to keep some distance while staying truthful: “It’s a bit like a recital, where you’re still yourself, but a heightened, slightly over-the-top version.” Sometimes we feel most real when we are performing. A diva is ever aware of the thin veil between fantasy and reality, drawing on real emotion to create an enthralling performance. A poet similarly cannibalises her life. Performed pain is still pain, even as the speaker of ‘Lucia’ attempts to brush this off:

O, I like to say it’s all hellfire and suffering but really it’s all for show. I amuse myself
with a tortured sort of face, writhe around in a cacophony of high Cs.

(24)

The collection’s second act is experimentally introspective, focused on memory and love. Its opening poem, ‘Realism’, see-saws between remembering and forgetting:

kissed a girl in the nightshade brambles then un-
kissed her sucking my spit and my love back

(47)

Chung’s poems on love revolve around impending loss. In ‘Prophetic perfect tense’, she writes: “I knew […] that I will come to have loved you” (53). These are not poems about contentment but pursuit – the thrill of wanting something or someone out of one’s grasp – and love’s intersection with art. I may not have you in real life, the speaker seemingly suggests, but I can still possess you. ‘Two loves’, written after Lord Alfred Douglas, is florid with queer subtext, referencing “the love / that dare not speak its name” (52). Its surreal setting, characters who speak at cross-purposes and quoting of Yeats create a jarring effect. ‘Love lyrics’, in contrast, is delectably clear-eyed, skewering the English canon (“We read Keats, who is dead. We read / Chaucer, who is even deader”, 61) while admitting a similar violent penchant:

always finding love in every little corner
and squashing it flat on the page. 

(62)

The diva too is often thwarted in romantic love, either murdered or dying by suicide. Sometimes, she kills. “Her jealousy,” writes William Berger for The Metropolitan Opera, “is greater than regular people’s. To cross her or incur her ire means death – but to love her can be just as fatal.”

Chung’s debut anomalia (first published We Are Babies Press, 2022; reprinted Tender Press, 2023) displayed the claustrophobic, nebulous voice of a “poked and prodded” specimen (‘rise’, 20, 21, ‘dedications’, 52). Mad Diva embodies the idea, expressed in anomalia, that “everyone contains too much to be held in one / body” (‘belated wishes’, 40). Chung’s emerging oeuvre has advanced from tentatively questioning societal norms to carving a life unbound by them. Mad Diva builds on anomalia’s themes of unbelonging with self-possessed conviction:

I chose art over life a long time ago […] That Muse, that ivory-chested girl, she has my heart.
If she didn’t, I’d be content with peeling oranges in the wine-weighted night.

(‘Lucia’, 24)

This line reminds me of Louise Glück’s response to the scent of mock orange drifting through one’s window: “How can I rest? / How can I be content / when there is still / that odor in the world?” (‘Mock Orange’, 147). A diva, like all artists, remains restlessly open to the world and to feeling. Our desires both pleasure and torment us. All this to say, if a diva relinquished her art-madness, could she ever be satisfied? Could a poet? What matters, Chung’s Mad Diva illustrates, is that a diva chooses her life, her insatiable desires, even if she never comes to fully understand them.

Posted in BOOK REVIEWS | Tagged ,