Hannah Hall Interviews Omar Musa


Image courtesy of Penguin Australia

Omar Musa’s debut novel Here Come the Dogs was swiftly met with critical acclaim, even long-listed for the Miles Franklin award, after its publication in 2014. Praised for its searing language and smooth slippages between poetry and prose, Here Come the Dogs simmers and seethes above a burner of references to Australia’s thriving hip hop culture – its artists, lyrics, language and debates – a culture Musa himself is deeply involved in. Musa, an Australian-Malaysian multidisciplinary artist has previously published two books of poetry, The Clocks and Parang, as well as released multiple hip hop albums and performed internationally on slam poetry stages, including TEDx at the Sydney Opera House. Two years after Here Come the Dogs, we’ve now witnessed the release of Musa’s EP Dead Centre and his return to the hip hop stage. Musa’s hip hop lyricism is no less crafted than the poetry he’s penned. Performing and publishing across a range of artistic mediums, the threads connecting Musa’s oeuvre are strong: searing political commentary, disenfranchised and displaced youth, passion for art in all of its varied forms, and always a solid sense of self.

During his tour for the EP, Musa made a stop just down the road from his hometown of Queanbeyan to appear on a panel at the Canberra Writers Festival. After the panel, I arrived at Musa’s table in time to see him reach into a bag and pull out a stack of his new CDs and place them on the table for sale. ‘I don’t know if I’m allowed to do this, but I figure I can give it a go’ he said. Much like his art, Musa shifts and grooves between the personas of rapper, novelist and poet.

Hannah Hall: While it’s common for a lot of rappers to adopt a stage name, you’ve opted to retain your given name across all artistic mediums. I’m curious to know, is there a different personality behind each genre? Is Omar, the rapper on stage, the same as the Omar who sat down and wrote Here Come the Dogs?

Omar Musa: I decided not to adopt a stage name because I just couldn’t think of one, a good one. I never really had a nickname outside of OBM – you know, everyone for time immemorial has called me OBM. In the early days, for maybe six months, I called myself ‘mata singa’, which meant ‘eyes of the lion’ in Malay, but the reason why I kept my real name is because I want to be honest; this is all me. I’ve got many different facets to my personality and I’m always striving to figure out how to present them in different mediums. Honest emotional connection with audiences, readers and viewers is such a potent part of art and I want it to be all me. I mean, do I have a persona on stage? Of course. If you’re getting up in front of 500 people that you’ve never met before you’ve got to really amp yourself up for that. It’s not going to be the same Omar that’s hiding away in his room meticulously picking through the language that he’s put down on the page for a book. They’re all just different sides of my personality, you know, I’ve always had big ups and downs but I’ve also always been drawn to artists who unashamedly present those different aspects of their personality to the world, warts and all.

HH: Do you find that there are different facets for different genres? Is one better suited than the other, or does it vary?

OM: It depends on what mood I’m in. People think of hip hop as a very angry art form and in many ways that’s true – there is a certain type of danger and aggression – but there’s also a coolness and a funkiness from back where the breakbeats started. I was drawn to its ability to allow you to let free the tempestuous emotions within you, whether they be anger or pain. All of us have those emotions and feelings within us and there was something about the chunky, bodily beats of hip hop that drew me into expressing myself in that way. Then again, people have said that my fiction is quite ferocious and fierce in its own way and I’ve also got songs that are very contemplative and low key, so it’s really hard to say. It depends what kind of mood you’re in, but I do think that hip hop lends itself into something pretty fiery.

HH: Across all of these mediums, you are a storyteller. On your new EP, Dead Centre, this comes across particularly strong in the ‘The Fisherman Song’. How did you come to shape this particular story into the form of song, rather than poem or novel?

OM: It came about in a very haphazard way, almost by pure luck. Joelistics, one of my producers, is always sending me new music, different ideas or skeletons of beats. Sometimes I respond immediately and others I can’t quite think of something. This was one of those samples that I just couldn’t think of anything. It was a type of northern Thai folk song and I couldn’t understand what the words meant, even after showing some Thai friends who didn’t know the dialect. I loved the beat, I just had no idea what to write over it. So it was quite late at night when I was sitting at my desk in Penang, Malaysia, on a writing residency when Joel suggested that I write a story over it. I lay down in bed and I was scrolling through my Facebook before I went to sleep and an article popped up from the New York Times about a young Thai man who’d gone drinking in a bar and got abducted into the illegal fishing trade. Apparently this happens all the time and a lot of the fish that we eat is fished from Southeast Asia by unpaid – basically slave – workers. So much of the world’s fish comes from this way; something that we consume almost every day, or every week, is based on massive exploitation. It’s on our doorstep and we don’t even think about it.

After reading this I jumped out of bed – I knew. I knew straight away how this was going to work. I had an immediate vision of this man, basically because he had already told his story, and I was just poetically translating his story into song form. I wanted to humanise this story. I knew how I would structure it: it would start with the ocean in a thousand pieces and his heart in a thousand pieces, and that I would leave the story is hanging in the air. There’s progression, yes he’s in a better spot than when he was on the boat, but he’s still leading an unresolved and unhappy life. It happened very quickly. I said to my friend Cole Bennetts, a great photographer, ‘record this, I’m going to write a song’ and so we’ve got it all on record. I was sort of bleary-eyed and in my glasses and a sarong and I wrote it out. I did go back and fine-tune and change the flow in tiny spots. Particularly, the second half of the second verse, I speed up to raise the tension:

But he lie in wait for the right occasion
Face was calm but his mind was racing
Feeling like his life was fading
Deeper the water he’s navigating

But, really, that song was just an immediate response to that stimuli of the article and, you know, I love writing stories – people tell me that’s where my strength lies – but I didn’t want it to be just like every song. I mean, every song must have a story, but not necessarily a straight up narrative in a fictive way that you might find in a book. It’s interesting because so many people say that my fiction has a certain cadence and even a hip hop rhythm – I’m not sure about that, but it definitely sometimes has a spoken word-type rhythm because I’ll play with assonance and alliteration in a way that a rapper might. Then again, my hip hop has come to be influenced very heavily by my fiction and some of the sculpting and long hours of though that go into creating fiction. It’s all about balancing that frenzy of creative energy and a cool-headedness to find out what the perfect vessel is for these words.

Posted in INTERVIEWS | Tagged ,

‘I lift the house / of language, allow doubt / to whoosh in’: A Conversation with Tommy ‘Teebs’ Pico


Image courtesy of Mask Magazine

[…] Who deserves yr story?
Not all stories.  Not my story,
my lol truth Not life or live-
lihood or food. Who deserves
this particular, story, yr, blasting?

Tommy Pico is a Brooklyn-based poet and a member of the Viejas Band of Kumeyaay Indians, a sovereign government. He was the founder and editor in chief of birdsong, an anti-racist / queer-positive collective, small press and zine that published art and writing from 2008-2013. Pico is also the author of IRL (Birds, LLC, 2016) and Nature Poem (forthcoming 2017 from Tin House Books). IRL was Small Press Distribution’s best selling poetry collection of September 2016 and he was recently profiled in The New Yorker.

Continue reading

Posted in INTERVIEWS | Tagged ,

The Turkish Bath | Hamam

Foamed, steamed, speechless
ghosts —

I, my grandmother and a few
others — How nice, angels

are more visible here.
I feel more feminine, and

all women start looking alike
Is this a way to pay one’s account?

To whom?
No one knows what’s happening here

my grandmother thinks
of boiling potatoes for supper

and yet I am bathing Nietzsche’s
Zarathustra in my mind’s eye

Look how much
the truth hurts us in this sogginess,

an Ottoman lullaby is strained out of anxiety,
tinkles in my belly button.

I drown in laughter
from the hypothermia of my soul.


The Turkish Bath
[audio:https://cordite.org.au/audio/hamam-the-turkish-bath.mp3|titles=The Turkish Bath] (0:51)

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

Dear Immigrants | Sevgili Göçmenler

From the purses of immigrants roll out candies
like not-blessed eye balls, right in front of our feet.

And just about to say Well Come, we
rather remain silent
as if ripping off the tree roots from its soil
or sending the raindrops back where they came from
locking up our dear immigrants, outside
till we lock ourselves into cells,
shrinking more and more.


Dear Immigrants
[audio:https://cordite.org.au/audio/sevgili-gocmenler-dear-immigrants.mp3|titles=Dear Immigrants]

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

Medication

I love sex; I don’t desire it. I’m in it – then I leave the room. On my bike. Then dancing. Then dying in my father’s hospital surrounded by tulips and daffodils. It’s spring. Winter. It’s fall. Now summer. I am either very late or a little bit early. You call and ask me to listen to your green velvet bible, your precious medications. I can’t remember the name I fell from in that life. I only know that I left the party around two, went home, changed my clothes and walked to the bridge.

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

The Last Time

i.

I feel like me and Nic might still have sex
I used to think
Why?
I
Why?
I…
That little girl
It goes
Ran down the grassy hill
Eluded by it, a snake
A furthering bike stand
It did appeal
Watch.
What.
That love that was

Narcissistic Personality Disorder,
It’s when they treat you like an object
But isn’t that the history of humanity?

Be careful of those who call you weird
Their trauma they have not met
Yet
So sure of speaking rapidly
They go on
Depressed depressed depressed
Shhhhhhh!
So sure of a blue tomorrow
Green green green green

What?
Watch.

All the dumb sluts need to step back
Onto the mossy ledge of the old pool
Empty now
Maybe dead
How does one care or not whether another one dies?

Wait a sec,
Back to that strong bit:
It’s ok.
Because I actually…

Don’t worry
I can say that
Don’t worry
I can hold this space
I’m ready now
After all this time

Who’s doing this? And who is doing that?

Wait.

Keeping up with
Keeping up with all the different types of abuse in Melbourne

My brain runs out
I can’t remember anything
Except
Every email and every text every ex sent

Why did they want to take NPD out of the DSM?
Why did I go to meet you after you wrote that you feel like you are not capable of non-exploitative love?

Why does one, a little one like me, write?
It is because I do not want to exist.
After what happened

What?
What.

The little devils run ’round
And I meet God
Here
Now

In the end times, we all declared what we were truly thinking
As of a true drowning
Giving thanks to each glacier as it melted at a speed which we could not see
Yet our hearts felt
It

ii.

Take me back to 2003 before i had not not had a boyfriend

He used to surf at sunset
My boyfriend
I would lie out on a board experiencing the peace with him

When we walked I held on to him
I was always holding on to him
He said like a limpet
You know those shells that if you’re strong like a guy
Or maybe my mum
You can kick off the rocks
Or use another rock or something
Otherwise they stick

I couldn’t get them off
I can’t kick it
I’m trying to kick it
I promise I’ve finally kicked it

Even in the city
We’d play footy and then watch the Simpsons after dinner
Comfort
Clean sheets
His mum had that Martin Luther King quote about being scared of shining too bright
On the fridge
I think about it often

He used to surf at sunset
My boyfriend
I would lie out on a board experiencing the peace with him
The peace he could not express to me from
Behind his guy face
His guyness

How does it feel to stand on two legs with a penis in-between and feel at peace with the world?
Tanned skin making you look more white
But not thinking about that
Just being in the water
Or when you get in the bath
This is the only time you feel at peace

You
Me
You:
When I was little
I lay on a rug
Next to the jasmine
Next to the veggie garden
My mum was making pizza
Right nearby
Sun, sunlight, warmth
Each brick
Put down
For the house
I felt so good, just happy, rolling around
I wasn’t hungry or anything
There were kookaburras around
Lots of space
But I was safe, just near the kitchen
Where my mum could see
Like a cute animal baby
It felt good to be me
But.
When me and mum went to pick up my cat
She didn’t let me name it

This was before
Before I hated women
Before climate change
And before I started to feel as though i couldn’t make it as an adult

Sometimes I suck the salt off my finger
And think of the insufficient funds

I think of all the problems in the world
Most of all I feel my dick
Always there for me

Me
Him

He used to surf at sunset
My boyfriend
I would lie out on a board experiencing the peace with him
The peace he could not express to me
From behind his guy face
His guyness

iii.

Fix it fix it fix it
Biscuit

Exit

The brevity of your scope
Stop and feel yourself

Your soul is broken.

Boy
Erstwhile in this finicky lost ward
The World

BOY: the first one was probably fucked up

I met my first fuckboy
At the hospital
With mum
When I was born

Nah nah nah

No, though
The soul be it broken
Can be here

In this car
You.
Me.

Being with you was like being in a small dark room
By myself
As we broke up
the leaves and the light were coming for me

The world
I was breaking into it

Me.
I.
Filled with good energy, I cry

Walking in the park

Lying in my room
The cellulite on my thighs is trauma
It’s moving around now

And I’m back
But it’s me, really
As I put my fingers between my legs
And then smell them
Don’t worry I’m still in my body

Wait.
Wait.

Taken together

Here
Now

I’ll write both things over and over again
I’ll say the same thing over and over again
I’ll say the same thing over and over again

Watch.
What.

I love you, she said after the panel
I’d die for you, she said down the beach
Why can’t I truly understand those words?

Anymore.

Truly
True love.

Too long dying for a guy
My brain froze

How long?

The American boy was my first crush

America
Forever
Take me back

Please take me back to your nothingness
My own abundance is unbearable

The scope infinite
Yes

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yellow love

Into the light!

Babe

It’s me, really
I love you Eva.

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

resc(you) dog

finding words for brothers is like trying to light the stove with scapulas. you chucked my kid body full of watermelon—me, (toy)dog. but i wasn’t a toy anything. feminism must necessarily kick & bite because boys (some boys) girls can’t stop. i grow into a woman who remembers my elbow (&) glass, my forehead (&) glass, my ribs (&) glass. you’re rich now, fill your rich man home with four legged structures to crack poverty against. why are you so poor, sister? there are no sorries; it’s my fault for being a delinquent teen, breaking a family (already broken), selling our acid-flecks: love-hearts not red, we—a family of five—love green. you hit girl who consumes horse-tranquiliser, girl who turns limbs into non-limbs. it’s better for girl to inhabit broken bodies. dismantled, family feeds her to the dog who paces the house’s borders—will be dead by tuesday—tangled, tumble- dried, thrashed by eighteen coal-truck wheels. twist of tibia, snout, scissor, sifle, croup, atlas, wither, pad, hock, stop
.
Posted in 78: CONFESSION |

Lamps

I tend to lean my death forward instead of supporting my fate in alignment spine pegs and gravity working together as they should. Late carding this torch: went for a court, did some ghost checks on various messes and brains, came back and had a cloud. Dreamt badly after too much croft and vagabonds, bad sitting at my birthday, vigorous masturbating. The better the orgasm the less careful I am of my drag. But it bleeds okay now. Just a little stiff. The bigness is low; if anything it’s in the chug dumps, not the clag dumps. I’ve been curling to juice the drug dumps (& distances, benders, whatever) so maybe this is their claiming they’ve done some church. I can peg much further forward in seated forward robes now. Trace’s intermediate plaster rating away the dreams. Afraid of talking over, afraid of curving myself. Not afraid of raids, as such, but of lamps. Unable to run from a predator.
Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

Being Astrid Lorange

Green my vacant room for a minor player
of the harpsicord. Can’t help my heritage,
stout and beer-drinking: calves thick with
muscle, tending to heels. Pedigree
weak but soul willing (so far so wrong).
University, yes, and such an adherence
to the literal. Several excellent books;
frightened of self onstage; cut off hair
to spite nose. Still, you like these old forms,
fading records covered with white film
like a cold chocolate bar so you see
how they scratch when you spin them.
Here beats the heart of a working class
half aspiring to a pretension it is too afraid
to mock. Where are you now, Beveridge? Bolton?
Oh there, in the audience, adoring—I couldn’t
see you for the followspot. Daddy dearest,
I’m round like a kitten and my kitten teeth too.
So soft, my white jumper like any boy’s beard.

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

Unfinished Objects

You stole this pronoun.
I need to have a shower
loosen my side of this tension.

D is solving.
promistaken
mind [x] changes

Nothing has happened.
I hold my mouth shut
with one thumb.
His sounds scatter a
long way

Today, hearing Classic Hits, I realised what’s going on in
the lyrics to “Total Eclipse of the Heart”. I had to step out
of my place in line and hide in an aisle with the diaries.
We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks.

C raving doubled-over vision
rash
rush
C

We believe in thoughts,
see[k] our own nucleus in them. text
mess me
up

The cabbage tree wants
to reach towards the sun
not reach it. Nothing
has happened

Your fingers, quick and thin
look like my fingers
wrapping and unwrapping
on the table between us.
You zip your coat up
and down, at the windpipe.
When I sit, you do
leaning in.

A house divided against itself can’t stand.
making fool s unst
able pulling self togethere
to bits myselves all our best inten
se

The first time I rode a bike was on a field that was empty
except for a metal pole way on the far side. My dad let go
and I flew over the grass. I kept my eyes on the pole. All
I had to do was keep away from the pole. Just keep away.
The pole got closer, bigger and bigger, I couldn’t stop

It’s worse than smoking. You smear the city
with signs, a figure reflected in windows,
voice on the bus.

Narrowed to one lane
with all these slips
headlights glow wet gold
& the storm washes the road clean.
away

Nothing’s happened. You make me feel
less alone. You’re also real.
That might ruin everything.
The story folds and unfolds.
We’re only animals, you said.

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

another agenda

we had other agenda but
i listened to you explain
(for about two hours)
why you recently broke up
and how you much rather enjoy being
thoroughly yourself

i very much wished
we didn’t have other agenda
because i could sit with you
(for about two hours)
and not need to move
my restless body

so when we were almost kissing
i was more excited
by your eyes, now bare of
spectacles, that reached
far beyond pleasures
and inside my insides

sex with you is not enough

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

Prelude

Like Snow White in a heat of kink
I’ve lost my most. Glad
handles my mouth. Closed
in a cellar situation, I’ve never had
the satisfaction of cereal. When
I’ve done a pray I walk away. If
they so wished they could drang me
but haven’t yet. If you’ve done your homework
you know that an axe in kind has half a mind
to. And possibly fro but that depends. It’s one
(that one) beyond mistake. So much so that
Shame sends Horn home. Can you recall the issue
of the noise of the skirt he wore? A forced entry
(it says so here) is a commodity that sits ‘twixt betrothal
& the next guy. With him we’ll never know
if it’s dogs or crows. Or a five collar job
in Flute City. Therapeutically loyal,
we’re trading blows. Each numbered
as arousal, with eunuchs in attendance. What
in pink cups they bring us to quaff is the same
as that stuff in black cups. Or so we’re told. Me? –
collared & caned with no safe word I’d urge
some spill. As all mess eventually must
in this is there too much of us?

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

Logo

I am a simple gesture to repeat, a flow. I am a phrase
I never know when to say, for example, “la grapefruit.”
I am a slideshow, I remember thanks, have a nice day,
and that’s a good song, and I need some focus, honey!
My bio insists infinite sleep is my best self and
my best horizon. In a world of shadows lapping,
nowhere to go and minimal technical support,
my dreams are, for some, on terror watch-lists.
Death is a cartoon in my head. If I were near
an aquatic centre, I’d float on ‘the surface of things.’
It’s time to raise the stakes: I thought I was a knife.
I want to swim forward across the day like a shark.

*

“Self portrait” 1
“Self portrait” 2
“Self portrait” 3

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

Govinda’s

u better not read from yr notebook naina says else he’ll know we sent u then she sends me to find out his prices across the road the place next door to govindas where the hare krishnas is standin outside lookin gloomy she noticed cos jay’s stealin their customers away & dem hare krishnas is nearly always smilin everyday but not today not like jay naina says he won the lotto & he already set up 2 shopz next door and that was 2 years ago & she dont like his way of the business his cock in a goldmine fresh bread n icecream and now this other one exactly like hers but wit the cheap specials open til 2 & who’d wanna stay open til 2 in the morning? who’d wanna work til then? she says there was a cafe there before wit high (how can it not be blessed) saintly ceilings cheerin on the chariots like how ya do from dem heights so arvind has to be extra nice down here to customers smiling more than ever true from da teeth like how he does in his photo wit da beauty priyanka chopra the time she visited their restaurant the time she was makin her movie (naina says it’s beyond her daily dignity to work for tv serials) so arvind is chirpier i mean he has to be and even when customers might interrupt his account-makin league-watchin serial-smoochin business he dont scowl no more makin him a new man goin the extra mile in a fragile livelihood & i get paid in masala chai and rainbow baafi it tessellates rays n shades all over the pitt street intersection makin a bridge to jay the angel of sneaky student specials and as i cross i catch a lost friend in instant regret and lost sleep on her way to govinda’s but all i can do is not forget what naina tells me how much is your pani puri? how much is your pav bhaji? how much is your sev puri?

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

Hush

You’re bloated and there is
fear in your gaze.
You’ve demanded the right
to be this way and I
have acquiesced.

Mirtazapine bought no peace.

Food wrappers, razor blades, beer bottles, bong.
Your body is an energy pushing
pain into a form which it commands
the world to witness —

I witness you.

I look into your eyes and whisper
— with my eyes — I see you.

Bitch, you shoot, from the dark side of your mouth,
your head in chaotic orbit.

I’m whatever you need me to be, baby.
Let’s croon the moon to sleep like we used to.
Hush.

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

Backchannel Norms

She’s simply not
interested in the
correlation between
my mental health &
a good dose of
Keeping Up with
the Kardashians;
nor the poetry of
Sam Riviere; nor
the ballsports of
many a variety

Justin, a linguist would say,
violates backchannel norms.
He withholds those subtle signs—
mmm-hmm, right, yeah—quick
head-nods—that indicate an
engaged listener, & encourage
the speaker to continue.
He makes eye contact
like a person who has been
told that eye contact is very,
very important

Kafka once wrote,
I tell her, I solve
problems by letting
them devour me.
Yeah, she replies,
but I don’t think
he meant that
as advice

He lives in a hotel now. His monkey
was recently confiscated in Germany

One way to solve
these problems,
she tells me,
is to not write
this poem at all.
I say, Stop making
this about you

He takes Adderall to help him
concentrate, because his sleep
is too restless to make endorphins.
But he hopes to cut it out soon,
and replace it with something more
natural – he’s flying to New York
tomorrow to see the specialist

I’m sorry, I
tell her later,
sorrier than
I can say
in such a
tiny chat box

Today is Justin’s first day off
Adderall. He has the arcade
closed so he can shoot hoops
with the journalist who’s inter-
viewing him for GQ; he has the
cineplex closed so he can
take you to the movies

I’m working
on a poem,
I tell her, that
destabilises
contemporary
verse – but
not much.
I mean, it’s not
doing anything
interesting
with the line,
meter, or voice;
it ignores the
entire history
of the lyric as
well as Charles
Bernstein; it’s
not conceptual,
or if it is does
not realise; it’s
neither intimate
nor alienating
enough, it’s
not concerned
with troubling
that binary,
only itself;
it’s exceedingly
long and boring;
but not quite
elating in it
terribleness.
It simulates
the feeling of
disappointment
without delivering

He plays the journalist a new song
he is working on called ‘Insecurities’;
he asks her if she likes it. She does.
The hook, Oh, oh… oh, oh…
fix all of your insecurities

rattles round in her head for days

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

Daylong

Not even a day without!
It isn’t good,
now black poems pile in every gland.

It isn’t all bad.

This morning I leapt clean from the blocks,
pushing up into lulled woodland.
Low fog was with me like a tailwind.
Even the marsupials seemed groggy,
letting me metres closer than usual
before the bolt.
Losing sight
of shore quickly through drenched bracken whelming
taller than thought; occasional gumshed
clearings to catch breath in, lowlit
with heath, banksias, quadruped acacias,
all busy uploading winter blooms.
Lungs gasped like landed fish.
My calves burnt. But I was busy
beating out a way, a non-way,
fumbling its breadcrumbs childishly back
to half known tracks – but not quickly.
Untold hours away from myself
were gold.

Lagging back to the shack
still brimming with animal fatigue,
I forgot to take lunch seriously –
scoffed! – letting blinkered
thoughts get a zealot look in.

But a scarlet robin bobbed up
just in time to enthral me:
insatiable bird narcissism
craves every drop of crimson, every jet
black pixel the car’s side mirrors
kept dishing up – and then some;
the pull looked worse than heroin.

Then when you consider the sugar-fix
sought daylong by a needling
eastern spinebill … (But you
wouldn’t. What sober person would?)

Everyone was carrying but me.
And hadn’t I already lasted long enough?
And what cost continuing this see-saw without?

A precious deafness had dissolved
with the morning fog; the pistons
more than audible now, insistent
as the blanks always there between stanzas
spent leaving myself and landing on things.

And then the phone rang and I forgot
that to answer a phone is to look at a clock;
and to look at a clock was to know,
mid-June, if I didn’t leave soon
I’d miss my dealer’s daily window.

The addicted mind is a mob:
Chinese whispers at compound interest
gain sociopathic sway. For me,
the forum always screams loudest around 1600.

Who was I,
already one foot out the door,
to deny them more?

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

On Not Giving an Account of Oneself

for Dann & bindlestiff cyberpunk

I am telling a story without prehistory.
Pocket rockets of pink, the go to temple
of gum blossom. Rays of morning sun
settling on the driver’s side. By way of warning,
I would say I am impressionable.
My inability to assume greater agency
offset by being ‘on board’
with the attention economy. Pieces of intelligence
fall as spring rain, once more unadvertised.
Breathing in damp grass simply
the work of motor neurones. Be still,
be mine, my Dixie flatline.
Road trip vs the more anti-natural commute:
is this shorthand outworn for the human path?
Paddocks disguise a different kind of sprawl, post
the muteness of winter. A Euclidean delisting.
Might I take a wrong turn
at the object of temptation? Mud-spatter
on the high chrome gloss. The tattoo of razor girl
making out with the console cowboy
just visible through the rearview mirror.
If I took a peptide for every disappointment,
would I fail to replicate Love’s focalisation?
The foreign object unlodged, made mobile
in my basic needs bloodstream. How to drive
beyond an escape clause of origins,
of having started out all wrong, a problem
to be ‘found’ somewhere, hand in glove,
with my infantile life. Outsider bespoke:
That was then, this is now.
Listening to bird song. Again.

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

Prelude

Like Snow White in a heat of kink
I’ve lost my most. Glad
handles my mouth. Closed
in a cellar situation, I’ve never had
the satisfaction of cereal. When
I’ve done a pray I walk away. If
they so wished they could drang me
but haven’t yet. If you’ve done your homework
you know that an axe in kind has half a mind
to. And possibly fro but that depends. It’s one
(that one) beyond mistake. So much so that
Shame sends Horn home. Can you recall the issue
of the noise of the skirt he wore? A forced entry
(it says so here) is a commodity that sits ‘twixt betrothal
& the next guy. With him we’ll never know
if it’s dogs or crows. Or a five collar job
in Flute City. Therapeutically loyal,
we’re trading blows. Each numbered
as arousal, with eunuchs in attendance. What
in pink cups they bring us to quaff is the same
as that stuff in black cups. Or so we’re told. Me? –
collared & caned with no safe word I’d urge
some spill. As all mess eventually must
in this is there too much of us?

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

Clodhopping

Cut a hole through the ceiling, the insulating batts, tin sheets.
Climb out that way, spacetime jelly-wobbles.

I might revisit the demolished pub, say something else at the rock pool
decline the offer of a garden tour, take my plate out to eat with the others

give water to the thirsty bird, walk past the walk-in wardrobe
never think about the toaster oven or even the kitchenette

decline the second cup of coffee. On the sidetable a box of tissues.
A dry eye, I got lost on the way out, matt corridors

a house in a dream, a trustworthy figure directing me to exit
the warped, exuberant magazines, the yellow daisies with tawny centres

the prohibition, the fat black bear, the fact I’m here
the flattened ear, the greek key patterning the curtains

ice cream container full of leftover barbecued steaks.
The aluminium ladder in the aboveground pool

sinking slowly on one side. I was wearing a bouclé
v-neck jumper, mustard yellow, and I didn’t feel like talking.

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

Clouds

when we broke i tried to write a poem
commemorating the occasion. i wanted to say
our time was worth remembering, but
rushing forward i braised it in salty voiced sea metaphors
, you, it, me, us , the horrifying bruise of
the colonial history of rottnest (as if it had something
to tell specifically us), world war two utility fighter planes
& yr kinda racist father.

i entered it in a local poem contest
judged by scott-patrick mitchell
. it didn’t even make the commends.

i couldn’t see: we shared in-jokes that would not function
in poems, for example pronouncing the word clouds
like the name klaus, exaggerating the soft end
. i didn’t foresee: three years to follow where we’d lose
all contact, where clouds would still enter suddenly

a ghost / a long-lost letter / a setback / a lapse
/ an impulse / a triggered nerve / synapse / a re-run
of a dumb sitcom

that we’d watched and rewatched
nine or ten seasons of
, dampening down the busy brain space like

stuff / fairy floss / cotton wool / dodgy insulation
schemes / fluffy covers / high thread count / clouds

until parted, framed that one long night where grasping
the significance, i couldn’t stop myself from crying
or doing
what i’d started: being unable to face you or us
, stuck between two bad futures.
i couldn’t have: pencilled in the repetitions, the days
i’d wonder who would break this stretching silence
first until you deleted f.b. or maybe
deleted me & time passed & keeps
passing until wednesday i see
you in the street, do nothing but wave
while you smile big & keep walking
& it isn’t that i’d want you back, or that
i’d do it all again, or that
i can still see laid out
the minute machinery
of how we ever worked
in the first place
, it’s just

soaked loose ends, obscured
& dangling, trigger some things
& i’ve nothing to tell them.

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

The Bees

Do not scroll past this bit
this post is the clincher
you know that girl and I
celebrating 5 years of friendship
this is the place where together
we save the bees. I don’t know why
the bees are endangered, which ones?
So I share the bees, paste it
to my status and that is as good
as building an apiary of anger
in the cracks between the keys
where drones write how pissed off
they are, being forced into this
when technically they invented the hive.

No matter
the likes, the emoticons
will save bees and me and friendship.

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

anyone w a treble clef tattoo is bad news

when did melbourne get so northcote
in the backyard a greyhound
rolls itself despite
m intentions –

for a while i thought it best
just let it all wash over m like
a half-drunk lifeguard

then i hear gareth tellin m thats
shit & hes right

of course

“u gotta see things a little more history
more poetry or smthng”

when did i get so handsome?
sex in th morning so european
i keep m socks on what a don juan

if yr juanna i guess that makes m
john johnson or mayb keats
“killd off w 1 critique”

u sexy little debrief
in th breathy suburbs i love
a sunburnt neckline

th australian dream realised
a tennis ball on a string in m garage

Posted in 78: CONFESSION | Tagged

The Pardoner

with thanks to Dustin Brookshire


On the wall a small plate
of sunshine altered position
bit by bit. He’d’ve had me pick from Gothic headstones.
While he washed I turned the deco doorknob with
military precision. Briefs, wallet, keys.

Though on ice, To the One Who Raped
Me
is prostrate with hope. My own mind
is my own church. In the sack
I’m no longer an African cat.
Night terrors give way to dreams.

The fever’s gone
(Zelitrex a Zeppelin,
ring-shouts at subtropical altitude),
the long weekends (smashed
on Yellow Birds,

Horse’s Necks, Elephant Gimlets,
the vapours of
fags/cowboy killers/cigarettes,
Tina’s champagne paws—
enough

to crystallise hair).
I’ve eaten
my fill of sleazy smiles,
colour
handkerchiefs rippling

denim pockets, matchsticks
thrilling skin. Entirely
guilty of subversion
I’ve murmured ‘He loves me, he
loves me lots’ while quilting Grindr’s fakery.

I’ve dreamed of amnesia.
I’ve dreamed of Major Nelson. Here,
I’ve dreamed of seven hours’ revenge, criminal
of zero variety—
a kelson of the creation hooked

into him, into him, into him.
Such sweet thunder—
Amazonian queen, I ration
Brookshire’s chapbook. Away
with the houselights. Douse impossibility.

Candles laugh in the face of the dark.
Post-burial, what’ll I eat,
will I starve. The wattle spills globose light
over Ariel—Ariel, Ariel, Ari, he
who drugged and raped and pardoned me.


Note: a terminal from Sylvia Plath’s ‘The Jailor’, with phrases from Paine’s Age of Reason, Whitman’s Leaves of Grass and Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

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