stuart macgill's dismissal of brian lara
in the second innings of the second test
2000/2001

it is akin to the
moment when the
batsman left the
atmosphere of his suit
a viral agent is being
expelled from my body
into empty space it
is exploding due to
lack of pressure and
its particles are
dispersing widely and
becoming invisible
benign little pieces
of the cricketer are
registering on the
radar unnoticed in
the panic i am
returning to my
previous good health
there are distances
to be traversed and i
am starting to
orient myself in a
suitable direction you
can see to port-of-spain
from up here when
the launch took place
their was an air of
optimism in the room
expectations were
being tested and some
were fearing humiliation
some had made such
claims in the days
leading up to the event
that they could now
feel harsh
disappointments
approaching these days
were filled with
excitement and i busied
myself with whatever
small task i could
find i used my
thumbnail to scrape
the dirt out of all the
tiny grooves on the
bottom of my nikes
even the most
humble of predictions
caused a sense of
elated terror everything
was so important and so
precarious and this
importance felt just
nice it may have
been seen by some as
a drastic measure
even one deriving
from a touch of
paranoia this purging
of a relatively passive
virus from my body but
it was something i
felt was made all the
more important by this
very passivity itself
my body was far more
decrepit than could be
medically imagined i
had been reduced to
little more than the
creased spaces through
which i still adeptly
moved the problem was
not with the motion itself
i was glad to have gone
through this the
physiotherapist regretted
nothing but the
unpredictability of
the cricketer's
hamstrings the
unrestrained actions
leading directly up to
his death remained
still unprophesied after
years of rigorous
testing and
simulations a little
uncertainty that i
carry with me to
this day to prevent
the very real threat of
feeling oneself out of
form control was raucous
with the threat of
total brain explosion that
haunts any soothsaying
agent or gifted
medicine man they shut
down all outside
communications and
went into a frenzy
of speculation

i just need some time and space
the cut shot will begin to function
and i will be unstoppable once more in
my exuberance i have let things go
that perhaps should have been
dealt with more rigorously through
my speed and my caution
i have cramped myself for room
i am unable even to reach
all that undifferentiated mass of
chance i used to take
with ease i remember the good times
though i have stopped living them
anew how could i forget i am
skeptical about rebirthing
i have never kissed the badge on
my helmet the way i will kiss it today