A Momentry

Father thigh-deep in the sea
lapping gently against his body
carries me against his chest
his free hand peeling seaweed off
my feet his hips
flinging them aside
as he strides forward
stops and shifts me onto his back
then dog paddles into deeper water

Piggyback I look around us
am suddenly afraid cry out
Go back! Go back!
as shore birds flap our way
then veer back heading elsewhere
The dark mass of seaweed sways
between us and the shore

Ahead the sea rolls outward
to the curved sweep of the sky
Over Father’s shoulder
I peer down through glass
sunlight snaking downward
bathing the grassy bottom
sloping deep deep deep
I tighten my arms around his neck

But he holds me up
his pale feet treading water
his hands and arms sweeping the water
like bird wings stroking the air
hovering in place
Don’t look down he says

And I discover I am floating off his back
one hand resting on his shoulder—
blue sweep of sky
sun gilding the water
the warm sea reaching farther than the eye
and Father and I
poised in a moment
like birds hanging in the air

Flown away elsewhere forever


This poem first appeared in Memory’s Mercy: New and Selected Poems (University of the Philippines Press, 2015).

Posted in 85: PHILIPPINES | Tagged

Upon Seeing a Couple Kiss While I Am Taking Coffee Near the Airport

What if no one witnessed the couple’s quick kiss? 
What if I was not in the coffee shop now,
Having cappuccino alone and gazing at those who pass by? 

Coincidences mark the imprint of this hour.
Whether they be casual or one of great weight,
How could I tell? Only the kissers knew the import of their kiss.

Kisses I have known (and among them were yours,
I recall one when we were going upstairs,
That’s another story, however youthful, honest, a pure joy—

As I think all kisses must be if done here,
At a coffee shop just beside the airport).
Well, to them, the kissers, I raise this cup of coffee and my heart.

Posted in 85: PHILIPPINES | Tagged

WAR: Marawi Siege

For the AFP’s Women Pilots and for Yuko Olga Kirsten, 7.

The helicopters fly low during the day.
Yuko Olga Kirsten (she’s seven!) waves
at the unseen Good Men, teal and dark green
iron birds camouflage their faces.
In the air, the sound of the turning blades
Keeps Iligan sane.

We’re at war but we must trust
Good men in Fatigues to push back
Evil Men in Black.

At the war zone,
Scared souls, rosary beads around their necks
Crawl, dodging sniper bullets
Whizzing past concrete buildings. At noon,

another helmet flies in the air,
severed head and rosary race for the sky,
one more Good Man falls, drops among the heap.
Starving dogs gnaw at human flesh –- in the heat.

Our wish is for women pilots to fly the jets
Comfort us before we sleep.
We know what comes after the bombings
flying objects’ roaring loudest at dawn.

All the grandfathers, Little Boy, Fat Man and Thin Man
Would’ve squirmed when the bombs
settle at the lake’s bed.
But, when bombs hit home, invisible
Particles keep us smiling and coughing.

Before bed, I pray for the women pilots’
precise moves. In their hands,
Dying Men in Black know well their fates,
death from women pilots keep close
Heaven’s gate.

Listen well, little girl. Fighter jets are back.
And the cycle begins. We call it, in three letters
out of the alphabet’s 26 — W-A-R.

Posted in 85: PHILIPPINES | Tagged

I Higaonon

I.

I you called pagan,
you say pagan is bad people.
You say you is Christian
and Christian is good people.

You laugh I kneel on big rock
or I pray before big tree.
You angry I call Migbaya,
you say my God is devil.

I not laugh you kneel on dead tree
or you pray to hanging God there.
I not angry you call your God,
and I not call Him devil.

I angry you get my lands,
I angry you get my golds,
I angry you burn my wood books,
but you say I should love enemy.

You say love enemy
but you killed grandpa baylan,
you killed grandma bae,
you killed uncle bagani,
you killed even dog talamuod.

II.

I you called savage
you say savage is bad people.
You say you is civilized
and civilized is good people.

You laugh I speak wrong your tongue
or I not knowing you say.
You angry I speak my tongue,
you say I silent I not speak your tongue.

I not laugh you speak in your noses
or you kalamura speak my tongue.
I not angry you speak your tongue,
I not say you silent you not speak my tongue.

I angry you kill my datus,
I angry you burn my house,
I angry you get my honey,
I angry you get my sakop,
but you say I should know democracy.

You say know democracy
but you commanding all
you telling I not speak
you forcing I live near plantations
You making all us sakop
you killing my brothers not liking you.

III.

I you called brother
you say brother skin also brown.
You say you is my brother
and brother is good people.

You laugh I kneel on big rock
or I pray before big tree.
You laugh I speak wrong your tongue
or I not knowing you say.
You angry I call Migbaya,
you say my God is devil.
You angry I speak my tongue,
you say I silent I not speak your tongue.

I not laugh you kneel on dead tree
or you pray to hanging God there.
I not angry you call your God,
and I not call Him devil.

I not laugh you speak in your teeth
or you kalamura speak my tongue.
I not angry you speak your tongue,
I not say you silent you not speak my tongue.

I angry you get my lands,
I angry you get my golds,
I angry you dishonor my sisters,
but you say I should love brother, skin also brown.

You say love brother, skin also brown
but you help kill grandpa baylan,
you help kill grandma bae,
you help kill uncle bagani,
you help kill dog talamuod,
you help kill even my balangkawitan rooster.

I angry you help kill my datus,
I angry you help burn my house,
I angry you help steal my honey,
I angry you paying cheap my abaka, coffee, coconut, banana, etc.
but you say I should know government.

You say know government
but you commanding all
you telling I not speak
you forcing I live near plantations
you making us all sakop
you killing us not liking you.

IV.

I pagan?
I savage?
I brother?

V.

I knowing gooder, I knowing bad.
I knowing badder, I knowing good.
I knowing brother, I knowing stranger.

I knowing things yesterday, today, tomorrow.

I ancient.

I Higaonon.


This poem first published in Dagmay, the literary journal of the Davao Writers’ Guild. It was also included in Philippine PEN’s Peace Mindanao anthology published in 2013.

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Children of Homeland

I.
In their bamboo huts, where bullets
Could trace them, they tried to hide
Behind their mothers’ bodies as if
They could be infants in wombs again.

Their mothers’ pleas the only shield,
“Tama na! Mga sibilyan lang mi!”
But foes remained unmindful—the ears
Did not hear what the hearts refused to see.

Like dominoes standing, the mothers fell.
Blood ran to the edges of bamboo floors
Before they even hit the ground.
The children were left alone standing.

Datu Camsa sings their song in stillness,
They are now the birds of paradise,
Flying after their heads caught bullets
And their young hearts stopped to beat.

II.
Today they dance with Jamail. They swing
Their arms like leaves of banana trees
Of Tibungol swaying in the wind.
On the stage, they portray the birds

Of paradise, the children who were once
Like them but remained as children
Breathing now the quiet air of peace,
Behind them their watchful mothers,

Clasping hands with one another,
Remembering the previous nights –
The fumbling and the laughter
Shrill with surrender and innocence.

Papanok sa Surga still ring around
The hall. And in the huts left standing,
No traces nor shadows remain, only
The empty wind going and returning.

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Why this Isn’t a Haiku

My pa taught me
putang ina
and wow,
the suddenness
of joy, the stun
of beauty:

how life is taken best
when taken by surprise.

He taught me
the jangle of keys at night
meant he was home
the brown bag in his hand
plump with the promise
of dumplings or sweetbreads

that a week of work meant
Saturdays tasted sweeter
and Sundays blazed brighter.

He taught me
the three meanings of shuffle
two good
one sad:

the riffled peacock tails
of playing cards
those snappy rainbows
of aces and jacks;
the effortless astronomy
of boogeying with mama

as she twirled and spun
and whirled and hummed
around the steady axis
of his smile, her feet
approximating the twinkle
of stars, his own gliding
sliding in that inch by inch
unruffled shuffle to
syncopated time.

Oh my papa taught me:
he taught me comics
he taught me words.

Areglado? he would always ask.
Agreglado! I would reply.

And as time passed
he taught me
how to wade
through boilerplates and contracts
how the intricate constructions
of syntax and phrase
restrain the larceny of men
in ways no poems can.

How he loves life my father;
oh how he loves the game.

And that man over there
stooped and shuffling
so gingerly, so carefully
so daunted by the treachery
of cracks in the floor
of unexpected steps,
shuffling more carefully
than he ever shuffled cards
shuffling in the grip
of gravity and time
that’s the man who taught me
the slow sad shuffle
of loving someone for life.

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Auguries on a Monday Morning

Before stepping out, examine the sky.
Is it dark and heavy, swimming with fish and portents?
Beware. Better to reschedule your day’s appointments.
Is it implausibly blue with no hint of an afternoon shower?
Again beware. Think twice. What you see is not what you get.
Is it unspectacular? Cauliflower clouds with a silver lining?
Beware most of all. The black magician’s dirty trick.
Danger awaits on every street corner. A falling pipe.
A speeding truck. A madman with an automatic rifle.
The black cat crossing your path is a messenger of death
Ditto with the old man dragging a bagful of plastic bottles.
Or the tricycle with the busted muffler spewing black smoke.
You are a sleepwalker innocently shuffling into slaughter.
The bleeding earth is your best evidence:
Denuded forests, disemboweled mountains, poisoned
Waters, clogged seas, islands of trash, smog and polluted air.
If a random stray bullet does not kill you,
The very air you breathe will. The world is a time bomb.
Best to stay put. Call in sick. Say migraine or LBM.

Posted in 85: PHILIPPINES | Tagged

Cause or Consequence

If it blurs your eyes, if it enters your dreams.
If you ever cry in it, the one in your heart might hear it.
If it has been over forty-nine days, gone far too long,
you have lost the mandate of heaven.
If the frogs thunder and croak, the hungry dead afoot.

If you sing in it, your own spittle turned green.
If you scream with it, your eye a-gleaming.
If you kiss it, a demon who weeps.
If you wed in it, you make a home in the eye of the gyre.
If you dance with it, ogres to cripple your knees.
If you worry over it, an angel who means well and leads you astray.
If an elbow ever soaks in it, a spell of good fortune.

If it catches you by both arms, it cannot be helped. Carry on.
If it brushes you on the shoulder, tarry no more, you must hurry.
If you have asked too many times, up to you to ask once more.
If it catches you, disappointment awaits at the end of the road.
Turn back or meander.
If suddenly a land newly-found, you might have foundered on your luck.

If your head steeps in it, your body in knots, wracked with fever.
If your head steeps in it, chase it with water.
If a dog comes up, make two wishes if it walks with you.
One of them forfeited if it howls or barks. Choose which one.
If it carries on the next day, it carries on.
If it falls over the hills, monitor the rivers.
If it has fallen in your sleep, it falls.
If clouds fly out before it, keep close watch on the coasts and the stars.

If you look out to it beseeching, prepare to be faced with vast silence.
If you look out to it in silence, it returns to you wordless looking.
If you have drank too deep of it, treachery begins in the pit of your gut.
If you wade through it, it grows in your feet.
If you walk slowly with it, and so it goes.

If you walk with it, may it yet go well.
If you speak to the voice on the mountain, it will follow you home.

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Phenomenological: Musings on Contemporary Filipino Poetry

Suburbia

On my frequent trips back to Manila, I often marvel at the range of books and literary material now occupying the shelves of bookstores. There’s the usual fare of fiction thrillers, children’s books, academic and scholarly reference books, and religion-based how-to guides. There’s also a flood of young adult and poetry books.

The poetic offerings are usually about love, a testament to the country’s predilection for romance and those ‘sweet nothings’ that feed the face-flushed, rosy-cheeked moments in many a rom-com movie. A quick glance at the bestsellers list compiled by National Book Store, the country’s biggest bookstore chain, indicates a proliferation of poetry books that carry the common themes of love, loss and disillusionment.

For someone like me, whose propensity to further romanticise the plight of a lovelorn poet (if that’s even remotely possible?), it sounds like heaven. But, I find it frustrating that more readers would pander to the sweet poems of Lang Leav (all her love poetry books have been bestsellers for years now), Michael Faudet and Rupi Kaur rather than the deep mutterings of other poets who write with nationalistic fervour, or of protest against the lack of natural justice. For a country of more than 100 million people, where everybody speaks English and whose default language is Tagalog – and who are still reeling from the continued influence of centuries of colonial occupation – it is a confounding revelation. It is difficult to expound on the state of contemporary poetry in the Philippines today because there are so many ways of describing the platforms that are apparent in the local poetic scene at the moment.

Growing up in the 1970s during the martial law regime under the Marcos dictatorship, the only instruction on poetic form and style instilled in my school-aged psyche was the traditional metre-rhyme of classical poems and the orations of Francisco Balagtas, whose extemporaneous verses brought on a spate of school competitions called Balagtasan. I would practise my Tagalog enunciations in front of the mirror with the pseudo-confidence of a statesman and nationalistic pride. Outside, the machinations of a despotic ruler bludgeoned the back of a muted society with an iron fist, but which later informed the ‘underground’ creative industries in setting up mechanisms for protest. The writers and poets who would do so usually faced the threat of persecution for treason or, worse, the prospect of becoming desaparecidos (the disappeared).

There were a few Filipino proponents of traditional poetics who turned the form into a post-modern motif, the likes of whom include Virgilio Almario (writing as Rio Alma) and Nick Joaquin, both recognised as national artists. The motivation then was to deliver a scathing reaction towards the oppressive socio-cultural and political ideologies of the day, astride a movement that activated the despondent masses into open rebellion and to rise above censure.

What I believe was a turning point in the distinct literary Filipino voice was the People Power Revolution in 1986, when, as a young student, I marched along the length of EDSA with the no-longer-silent populace in the ousting from power of an oppressive dictator. Even then, in the hot and stifling environment of the longest highway in Manila, body pressed against body to face military tanks and gun-wielding soldiers, I remember thinking to myself that the future generation would report on this, make songs out of it, write poems about it. True to my own predictions, a new sense of freedom was blossoming.

Joaquin, Bienvenido Lumbera, Rio Alma, Rolando Tinio and many others maintained the traditional forms in their writing, but the newfound freedom had also paved the way to stronger, more reactionary tropes among writers and poets that still subsist today. Nowhere is this more evident than in the creative initiatives of millennial artists who seem hyperaware of the current challenges faced by a country still mired in third-world sensibilities as it catches up with the highly interconnected world of the 21st century.

Contemporary poetics in the Philippines now seem steeped in phenomenology, in narratives about personal struggles with and the experience of diaspora, identity, climate change, poverty, discrimination, feminism and women’s rights, colonial mentality, natural catastrophe, social malnutrition and the lack of diversity and equality.

The confluence of the need to interrogate the current realities in the Philippines and the desire to scream out against the shortcomings of the powers-that-be has given birth to a voice that stands against the normative pillars of repression and the whip of social injustice. And those voices keep getting younger, with groups of teenagers and young adults embracing progressive forms of creative expression to get their voices heard.

Despite this, the young Filipino voice appears still beset with pain and spite, cautious but keen to participate in the debate. It’s not a surprising observation, where the current socio-political reality under Rodrigo Duterte’s Philippines seems to be a cyclical phenomenon: the socio-political atmosphere today is a mirror image of that during the insidious Marcos regime. The threat of censorship and banishment remains spectral but foreboding.

Nevertheless, there are indicators that contemporary Filipino poetry is finally ripening into full maturity. My literary radar has caught up with the writing of new and younger Filipino poets that deliberate fearlessly on issues that plague our modern society and threaten personal freedoms. There is a political urgency in their voices that addresses challenges of an evolving nation, and that deeply impacts the way they live and on how they strive to guarantee a promising future.

Posted in ESSAYS | Tagged

Point of Departure, Sanlúcar de Barrameda, September, 1519, the Eve of an Ocean Voyage

The sails have a belly-full of siroccos,
Raging to fly if only the hawsers are not tied
To the catheads on the starboard.
The pulleys are creaking mad
And banging themselves to destruction
Against the masts but the boom
Is holding and will not be constrained
To do the wind’s bidding.
If we could give meaning to nature,
The wind wants us to fly to those beacons
On the horizon. Yet be still, my caravel,
Be still, even if the wind cannot,
For we will sail way past those fires
And their alluring shores, past where no sailor
Has been, where no pirate has dreamed.
We will sail not for the doubloon
–that’s for ordinary men to hunger for–,
But to satisfy this Odysssian longing to know
–the spice is only an excuse–
Strange shores and habits and tongues and arms,
Again not for glory–that’s for kings and princes
Whose hands are too soft to rig a mast.
Where is that Moluccan apprentice
Who will sweeten my tongue to the native people
At the end of the round earth?
So I don’t have to use steel in order to persuade
some recalcitrant minds.
You, there, at the crow’s nest,
Do you see Enrique coming?
Here at the mouth of the Guadalquivir river,
The bowsprit is pointing straight
Toward the autumn sky, where the galactic clouds
Are visible, a mirage even to the bravest helmsman.
Let’s first go around the globe itself, Enrique,
For it is round in spite of the priests—
I have seen its shadow on the moon–
Then you can come back to the ample bosom
Of your Moorish paramour.

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Codex

1.

And our eyes opened like wounds.
And our wounds declared their solemn hurts,
and the stars reflected the beeswax of history,
the chipped ivories, the runaway ghosts
making fire in the blinding wild.
Arms like branches and hair like leaves,
at night we mistook them
for the blackest of trees.

2.

No melody but gong-beat
No blade but stone
No memory but rain

No code but ritual
split into dreamscape and amber

Hungry conquistador
we offer you alms
we offer you carabao butter and clams

We offer you minor drone
helpless shoreline

Coral like benthic saints
hardwood that took a tribe to fell
they crushed us and cut us

and buttressed their churches
with our bones

We had a god once
we suckled from her breasts the sea

Fractals split from sand
No torrent because dam

3.

The locusts came for our paddies.
We came for the locusts in return.

When were we slaves?
We pined for wages.
Hauled our souls from the forest.

Look at our backs
sore from wishing for wine,
our ports trafficking in despair.

We chased the pirates down the coastline.
Caught up to them by the bay
then prayed as we rinsed
their blood from the planks.

Sad Magwayan, we offer our arms as oars
as you ferry them to Sulad.

Forgive us our fury. Suffer us our ribcages.
Deliver us from the sun
that pries open our rage.

4.

Brother: That we are alive
means that no one deemed our fathers
worthy of killing.

5.

When the mother
felt her throat constrict
into the first Salidumay

When the first godseed
was planted on the shaman’s forehead

When the first fowl
was slain over Apo’s grave

When the first sailor
saw the startled forager
unlock the secret of grass

He must have thought

Home
I must tell everyone about this

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An EJK Nursery Rhyme, or Children at Play on the Street at Dusk

Mama, mama, look at me!
Bang bang! Bang bang! Hee hee hee!
Mama, mama, peys da wall,
tangina, I kill dem all!

Papa, addict, pusher, dad!
Bang bang! Bang bang! Beri bad!
Papa, papa, nanlaban,
shoot him, shoot him, grab da son!

Mama, mama, look at me!
When I grow up will I be,
Bato-Digong-Big Hitman-
Addict-Pusher, bang bang bang!


This poem first appeared in Bloodlust. Philippine Protest Poetry (from Marcos to Duterte), edited by Alfred Yuson and Gemino Abad (Reyes Publishing, 2017).

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Reclamation

My childhood looks like. My girlhood looks unlikely. I, girl, told to work hard. I didn’t sell peanuts on the street. I was mostly well-liked, sang Whitney on cue. I liked singing on the day bed. It was unlikely for a girl like me to sell peanuts on the street. Instead I sang and I will always love you. Girlhood looks unlikely. I got away with most. Sternest instruction was to do whatever it took to not end up—tedium of likeability. Tedium of remembering. Recall being liked, singing to a Tita with much bravura. A girl gets what she deserves: ice cream from the pharmacy next door. I liked singing in the car. A drive to the mall was likely on a weekend. I play-sang, liked malls and shoestring potatoes sold in cans. Were other girls told to work hard, too? Not sell peanuts on the street. Not be the girl without the shoe.

Posted in 85: PHILIPPINES | Tagged

Absence

Her handprints are all over
this part of a wet life. 
Coffee mug of unique design.
Red chair, where the cat 
now likes to nap in afternoons,
beside an OKC Thunder basketball. 
My bedroom curtains in beige, 
which I draw and peer through 
when a car parks outside,
alarming the noisy dogs.
Do I half-hope for a driver 
long unseen? Or do I deny 
any prospect of visitation? 
Just hush the canines 
so I can crawl back to bed 
that was last shared weeks 
ago, before hands and arms
that privileged with hugs
for oxytocin thence caffeine
withdrew a last time. 
And left images that 
resound all over the house 
now subject only to hard rain,
cats and dogs plummeting 
till I fall asleep to thuds, and
enter a dry world of dreams.

Posted in 85: PHILIPPINES | Tagged

Farol de Combate

for Marc

This is how, while darkness
drew my profile with its little finger

I have learned to see past as Montale saw it,
The obscure thoughts of God descending

among a child’s drum beats,
over you, over me, over the lemon trees.

-Ilya Kaminsky, Praise

I.

The rain falls lighter now and I gaze
At the dark descended onto our town.

From this mountain shelter I saw
The old mango tree struck down

By fierce lightning from the east,
Thunder rumbling in the heart

Of the guardian of the land, who thrills
To the meeting of the drought’s last sigh

And rush of rain brought by the northerlies
This 9th month of my return to my language.

II.

I will go home to my folks, bringing fruits
From hills I had planted to marvelous trees

I had met in my travels in other lands
On this revolving earth: fragrant pears,

Their fresh flushed cheeks, bright lemons,
Yellow and thirst-quenching in hot season.

I will traverse the town’s old cemetery
Where ancestors sleep in edgeless night.

I will not wake them in their supreme repose,
Transient like them, I’m simply passing through.

III.

I trust that beside the well which had been dug
By my elders, a storm lamp had been placed,

Lighting up the path towards home, the lamp-
Lighter minding the first law of neighborliness:

To help one another as best as one can in daily
acts of living, for if the lamp were put out, unlit,

Someone passing by might stumble or slide,
Fall into the neighborhood well and die.

I will stop, draw and drink the living water,
Thank the neighbor for this abiding light.


Translated from Binisayà by Marjorie Evasco.

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The Messy Living Room

There were times when I arrived in the house
With the living room in disarray, magazines
Notebooks and books as if in a wrestling match,
Chairs facing the floor,
pieces of paper scattered everywhere,
dusty, and at the stairs,
Slippers in a conference,
Ay, I would get angry; I’d swear to the heavens!
I would wake up my children,
How they were good at sleeping,
I’d go to their room, as messy as the living room!
I’d shake them awake.
I’d tell them to clean up—and how true,
How gloomy were their faces.
Were their dreams interrupted
Were they running and playing in the hills
Frolicking with friends
Eating out at Jollibee

But now, when I arrive in the house
With the living room in disarray, magazines
Notebooks and books as if in a wrestling match,
Chairs facing the floor,
I rejoice for I know my children are home;
Later on, they would rush out of their rooms,
Even if they’re still sleepy, they’d raise my hand to
their foreheads in respect, then we’d tease and
laugh at each other afterwards.

For today, in the firstborn’s room
How clean and orderly, how tidy
I say: I’d rather it was messy,
Papers scattered under his bed
As before, when he was here
Waiting for me.


Translation by Ria Rebolledo.

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Aftermath

Driving from the airport through a tent city,
we read desperation: Lot for sale. Please contact…

Walls vandalized with our lack: We need food.
SOS. We need drinking water.

Signs speak of dangers: Curfew hours: 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM.
No trespassing. Shoot to kill
. Gunshots at two in the morning.

In crude handwriting, we confess our loss: Bless us, oh Lord, from this thy shit.
Trisha, mahulat kami
. We will wait for you. They’re still waiting.

Further within the city, notes of gratitude: Thank you
to those who helped us. We will never forget you
.

And of grace: We will not give up. We will continue this fight.
A sketch of Pacquiao’s game face before a match.

Isuzu and Nissan repeat the same thing: Here to stay. Soon to Re-open.
Their buildings still lie in ruins.

Assurances of normalcy: Welcome back to school. Among tarps of the Red Cross,
Childfund, United Nations,
the whole damn world in our backyard.

T-shirts scream: I survive. I survive. Worn by people from Cebu, Manila,
Davao, after that great flight away from the stench of the dead.

Billboards cry: Tindog Tacloban. Gi-os. Stand up, Tacloban. Get on your feet.
Move your highly urbanized ass.

And this unfinished sentence in Sagkahan: We hope… O and e
blurred by rain. Whatever it was they hoped for, whatever it was…

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That Space of Writing

And when I write, I want the largest space,
Of such breadth, of such length as this world
Never had of forests nor virgin paper,
Where the words never were, their script accursed,
but only now
Descending to cry, Freedom!

Then my hands should never feel there were walls
That grow their ominous lichen between my fingers,
Nor my elbows graze the wild beards of rocks
That cathedral my tribe wailing for their god,
but only now
Descending without speech!

The words that never were create anew my race,
Their mornings stand clear where ancient skies cascade
Down the singing gorges of the wind. My hands
Draw again the map that alien voyages had wrecked,
O long ago
Descending with Cross and Krag!

My elbows swing where rooms void their space,
And I laugh to see the weird syllables of speech
Open their abyss, and stride across the heartland
Of my people’s silences where their eyes pour
like sunlight
Descending to claim the earth!

O when I write again, the words of any tongue
Shall find no tillage in our blood, nor my hands
Scruple to choke their weed, for first must they bleed
Their scripture in our solitude and yield to our
scythe’s will
Descending to carve our heart.

Posted in 85: PHILIPPINES | Tagged

Fireball

It is unclear how many people died on the ground.
-Agence France Presse, July 01, 2015


We have heard of such news before:
a 51-year-old Hercules crashing after take-off,
from a Sumatra air force base into a massage parlor.
The plane had burst into a fireball in free fall
and crushed buildings in Medan, flames surging up
several stories, smoke sealing off fire escapes.
Out of the wreckage jutted the plane’s gnarled tail.
Fire trucks wailed, wailed for burning bodies.
Water gushed through the chaos of ambulance sirens.
On board the plane were military personnel,
their families, and (is it true?) civilians
who had paid a million rupiah each for a seat.
About a hundred forty perished, including a schoolboy.
Perhaps the boy’s teacher, mulling his absence,
would picture him in his uniform as she faced
the whiteboard, erasing the day’s lesson
while the school let the bell tear the air
at dismissal time; and his classmates,
saying his nickname over and over, would recount
to their parents what he had been like
and where his chair was in the classroom. Was it
by the window with a bird’s eye view of neighboring islands?
Before all these happened a tired client in the parlor
might have slumped on a bed that would soon catch fire,
his trousers hanging on a nail, his reversible belt
clinking its buckle against the wall from time to time
as fan blades overhead circled counter-clockwise with a drone.
Baby oil lavished on his back could have lulled the man to sleep
so soundly he did not hear the explosions or, stunned by blasts,
could have turned deaf, lost in thought: was there
anything that could be done or undone?
This was a future we already knew: we had seen it
like a blind masseur before this Hercules became a ball of fire,
who, having plotted the day ahead, would think
he could grasp the next hours in his head
as he fingered the hands of his watch.

Posted in 85: PHILIPPINES | Tagged

Style

My mother smoked a cigarette with the lighted end
inside her mouth. I would watch her as she sat
on a stool doing the day’s wash. She blew
a constant stream of smoke from the left side of her lips,
while her hands made soap suds billow and burst.
In our village not known for unusual things, it was
short of a miracle, the ember not dying
in her mouth and her palate not getting burned.
Style is the perfection of design, a habit
of usage that strives after elegance,

by which a language is renewed to bridge
desire and idiom, not to singe the text that pushes
into the air but to clarify the warm edges.
Fine rhythm, no spittle adrift or, if a landscape,
no embellishments to spoil the perspective.
Nature rendered into a convincing craft makes
tension bloom from puffs and billows as in
a night song rain drips from branches over a lagoon.
It’s not survival that is the leitmotif, but a solitude

in working out a peace of mind or a pattern
of units above the dense imagery, so that
to suffer is to suffer wherever the place,
to love always has an ending. What is forever
but a chance encounter with the sublime
while the here and now, immersed in soapy water,
is erasable, therefore improvable.
Mother did not have to choose. To be where one suffers
is to suffer everywhere, so to get somewhere
you must construct a fable of pain to soothe the ache.

Mother would spit the cigarette on the grass and start
a new one. The art is in getting used to it,
its essentials and fringes, its common moves
toward meaning that unclutters the mind,
fire’s danger considered. When the breathing normalized
there might be a tune in her head or a frenzy
in her hands, every squeeze on clothes a validation
of her history, the ragtag ghost army of it,
the soap that stings the eyes and washes away the tears
of cold neglect. Style is not about freedom.


The poem first appeared in Things Happen. Poems 2012
(University of Santo Tomas Publishing, 2014).

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Agua de Viuda

I forgive you
for teasing me I smell good—
fragrant like a viuda.
But I have not buried my husband,
nor do I want to.

The only viuda I knew was my grandmother,
who spent her days playing cards
with the neighbors, and died
two years later of heart failure
on grandfather’s birth anniversary.
A sweet ending, some might say.
But not for me.

This scent you detect, is it
the musk of a woman wasted
on aloneness? Or the sandalwood
of a chest of secrets opened?
Or is it the essence of almonds trailing
after a promise unfulfilled?
Perhaps it is the burst
of jasmine on a night
spent dwelling on a mistake;
the spray of freesias on a day
drained wishing for something back;
the nip and sting of orange peels
while pondering revenge.

I would have you know
the old meaning of “widow”
in Sanskrit is “vidhwa,” solitary,
and elsewhere “separated”
eating only boiled rice
but not bereft,
and no bereavement,
treading on grief like the wife of Bath
wearing red silk stockings
on a pilgrimage.
In this manner it could be true
I am a widow
seeking to be shriven of my foolishness
yet holding fast to the hope of another
chance, a life flaming anew
with the fragrance of sanggumay,
those wild orchids that bloom
only when all its leaves have fallen.


This poem first appeared in Dagmay Literary Folio, Sun.Star Davao. June 26, 2016

Posted in 85: PHILIPPINES | Tagged

The Day of the Three Thousand Flowers

And though it is a twelfth of a teaspoon,

the sum of all honey she gathers

in her lifetime of a few weeks—

collecting pollen or nectar 
from her solitary votaries, 
legion of immobile virgins

yielding to her tongue, relinquishing 
the bloom of their desires

to her who has wings

(among the vulgar flowers, not a one 
could touch each other or themselves!)
—
it is abundant. She soars over

the scent of longing, buzzing to a rhythm 
she set for herself, choreographer

of round or waggle dance.

For her sisters, she charts the path

with the sextant of her thorax,

telling others of the fervid spring.

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My Mother in America Emails Instructions to the Artist for a Portrait of Her Mother, Now 85 and with Alzheimers

What I remember,

what I want her to remember
…
 what you can work with

are these:

youth, a lakeside town, routine mornings,

slick footpaths, the open lips

of a lake and muddy banks red

as fish gills, and stones

strangely shaped like …

like turtle heads, and a slow fog

feathering like threadbare scarves

around her hair. This young mother, mine,

has laundry angled on her hip,

has a toddling daughter – me
– 
who’s ahead of her, not very far, but far enough,

like now …

The girl should skip and sway

holding a palo-palo – she promised to be helpful
– 
and a little pail of kittens

for drowning …

For color, don’t hold back

on the green-blue of the lake …

is all I see clearly now really,

but maybe not too clearly now

that I’m old too … If anything,

you can wash it all a blue-grey

since I am only working from fading

clarity … and I understand, your style

is realistic.



Note: a palo-palo is a paddle used for squeezing water out of laundry.

This poem first appeared in Misfit Magazine, 18, 2016

Posted in 85: PHILIPPINES | Tagged

A Record Year for Rainfall

Sometimes we need ambiguity to make things work.
In the early 1700s, an astronomer in Sweden developed
a scale where water boils at a degree of 0 and freezes
at 100. Eventually this representation will be reversed,
an uncertainty referring both to a finite point

and the interval between temperatures. In 1985,
the BBC would start using degree Celsius in its forecasts.
I almost caught a bird sleeping on top of the wall.
That was around the same time in the 1980s.
I still feel its heart in my hand.

Certain words make us fall silent
because they hearken back to an older conscience,
a raw awe. Like the word fire.
In a recent story, a man converts to the Celsius
and stands in the streets pointing to a confusion

before starting an argument and a conflagration.
No thing off in the distance that cannot
flare into presence, someone said once.
We must somersault into it then,
that presence. Live in it.

Everywhere is water or what smashes
into water. We have to be kind,
buoyant, a house made
of wood. Also, all points
must be rounded off.

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