This Light

My lover found an internet portal to another world because there was nowhere else to go. It was deceptively called This Light and shared via a Google Drive containing 36 folders, which featured multiple subfolders hosting an assortment of films, albums, sound recordings and miscellaneous/unclassifiable video footage. It was like an absurdist streaming platform for the emotionally hollow and conversationally bereft. Selecting content threw you into the fissures of another person’s imagination where our unfulfilled desires were satisfied through their viewing choices, which ranged from social justice documentaries to peculiar clips that were as erotic as they were mundane.

We needed it because there was less and less to say, no one else to see and nowhere else to go within our 5k radius. But This Light was proof that everything still existed while delivering vicarious pleasure through the period of relentless isolation. It deepened our love by tethering us to something beyond the privilege of our state sanctioned intimate partner status. In the new geography of relationships we were safe but watched platonic partners severed apart, understanding their loss because we experienced it too. Our friends became a mirage almost in reach beyond our 5k bubbles.

At first our viewing choices were predictable Michael Haneke, David Cronenberg, Spike Lee, Catherine Breillat, Faith Akin, etc before we found ourselves within folders like Palestine Censored. It was startling to see it there amongst the streams of content, which felt like a cinephile fantasy that elevated the kitsch and the weird into ‘museum’ quality viewing. The stories it contained demanded our attention and action but it was equally odd to see it curated amongst a wide-ranging spectrum, which felt as frivolous as it was transformative and addicting. The films were selected by Kaleem Hawa and documented the land theft Palestinians experienced through the censorship of their films such as:

• Jenin, Jenin (2002), which an Israeli court recently banned and is streaming on Vimeo in solidarity via the Palestine Film Institute;
• The Lobby (2017) and The Lobby – USA (2018), in which Al Jazeera goes undercover among various pro-Israel lobby groups, was not screened in the U.S. due to pushback from Zionist organizations;
• Radiance of Resistance (2016), a documentary about Ahed Tamimi was banned in Singapore;
• The Occupation of the American Mind (2016), a documentary narrated by Roger Waters on Israel’s public relations war in the United States, which experienced many attempts to censor it;
• Cyber Palestine (1999), a short film by Elia Suleiman, a Palestinian director who has been the subject of censors for many of his films

However unlikely it’s presence was it was still an archive of western settler atrocities against Palestinians, which reinforced the implicit and explicit ways that evidence, truth telling and histories disappear within the bureaucracy. It was a reminder that community led action and documentation was needed. It was the only thing we had. So I started to screen shot work emails collecting information for a future archive that I wasn’t sure what to do with but would later send to friends. It confirmed what we already knew about a government that fabricated narratives like ‘keeping social housing residents safe means locking them in.’

Overtime I ambled through the most obscure folders where the absence of linear structure or obvious themes created an absorbing lyricism, that I needed as my own connection to ‘reality’ slipped from view. In The Artist in Society a collection of short clips were taken from feature films and popular TV shows like The Simpsons and Family Guy depicting a range of scenes that occurred in art galleries. The clips were interspersed with random interviews with Andy Warhol and a one-minute clip of Tracey Emin on Channel 4 asking the interviewer “are really real people from England watching this program right now?” with a cigarette in her hand.

My favourite gallery clip was of Eddie Murphy in Beverley Hills Cop.

Eventually we moved even further into the depths of sub-folders buried within sub-folders hidden beneath the art house films, news footage and social justice documentaries to find a section titled The Dershowitz Files dedicated to Alan Dershowitz. A lawyer who represented insidious figures such as Donald Trump, O.J. Simpson, Jeffrey Epstein, Harvey Weinstein, Roman Polanski, Jim Bakker, Mike Tyson, and Claus von Bülow. If it intended to develop a nuanced analysis of the socio-political events that these criminals represented it was weak, leaning uncomfortably close to the ‘right to freedom’ argument raised by those who fear that call out culture impedes their creativity. It seemed to assume that all culture is valid even if created by monsters. We left the portal quickly concerned that it had ever been made.

This Light’s promise started to diminish and I wondered who had collected the wildly discordant selection of documentaries, significant feature films, video art, random home made clips and interviews with preeminent thinkers and artists. A small curatorial statement was the only clue:

This Light is a project that emerged out of a desire to make private viewing habits public, as common space continued to dissolve into private property, and our attention was pulled towards the monetized distraction of streaming content in solitude. It was also a response to the surprising lack of screening venues—and even regular screening series—in Los Angeles committed to expanding the definition of moving images as an art form. For two years I tried to summon the financial support necessary to run the project out of a decorated shed in a backyard; while at the same time taking opportunities to present the project nomadically, including a full-on prototype at the Kunstlerhaus Stuttgart. This Light was on hiatus during 2019, but the pandemic has propelled this current online expression of the project.

Thanks,
Norm

There were links to a website and Instagram that were sparse and ambiguous. I had entered Norm’s imagination not knowing who they were when there was nowhere else to go. An email address at the bottom of the website was the only possibility of finding more. With nothing to do and no one else to see I emailed.

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

an island is an archive

island as a ghost

the island spreads its long syrupy fingers to its edges
dips tips into its own murky waters
echoing with murmurs and
the calloused rhythm it beats out
syncopated and heavy
with bones or words unsaid
bodies of water full /
of bodies
the island anxiously reaffirms itself
the island is not guilt-free
the island contains multitudes
the island is ambivalent and rearticulates itself
the island might gesture to what we leave behind
the island carries the humming of kin
in all their thick knowledge
that weight could break a cop’s back
the island is full of violence
the island is a shadowy border outlined until real
the island is an exercise in white fear
the island is an exercise in black infinity
ghosts on the island are promised futures circling,
haunting

ghost as an essay

ghost whispers in the margins and reveals infinity
scrawled notes languidly travel to a tangential conclusion
each citation is a ghost speaking in tongues
ghost carries language that tastes like metal
ghost converts callouses into question marks
where a line in the margins is a whisper laugh
humming towards new bodies
humming towards a circle
ghost is a text unsure about where it’s going,
knows where it’s from
a haunting is just a studied pause
lapping against water full of ghosts
an essay is a ghost dancing to the gaps and silences
syncopated melody tapped out on bones
or hands holding hands
or hands holding paper like the past
the past is a ghost writing itself into a slow essay
an essay is a ghost on island time

essay as water
the essay, lapping ocean words on words
rock pools through all this language
spreading like blue whispers
crevices in old buildings
the essay sprawls, an unfinished. leaking

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

Vessel/Vessel

The wave hits
as the hand a mridangam

That timbres and vibrates
with each slap

The vessel of bodies
is not a womb

Yet carries cargo
of coolies conceived

By an empire
built from bonded blood

Like the ghatam,
fired with ash

They hiss and crack,
broken fragments

Fly and flicker,
orange red black

Sugar burnt, sweet
in harvest

But our grandmother tells
our mother of lies Sold

as promises, truths hidden
in shame

An earth soured,
smoke in our veins

We carry and hold
these vessels,

black waters, ash.

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

if that ghost is still here come morning

if that
ghost is
still here
come morning
brew a hot cup
go out walking
with the memory
of those you
couldn’t
heal

*

every night
comes with
new intention
but i don’t know
how to read the wind
and this salt water
has me thirsty for
a current that
knows my
return

*

sister
i’ve been
trying to listen
to this story but
every word
comes out
backwards
and every shadow
meets in long dark
where self goes
disappearing

*

go
careful
there’s rules
for whistling night
and stronger ones
that can’t be taught
if you didn’t
grow small
under the eyes
of moonlit knowings
there’s places
i didn’t
go in
time

*

this city
thudded
over site sacred
curls with ghost
watch how
certain places
bubble with
horror or
yearning

*

i’m looking
at these maps
gazing from below
i’m walking with
those ghosts
upon grid
over
drain
sister
we’re marvelling
at shadows writ
upon those dreams
by ghosts
who walk
here
still

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

family name

1.

find the legitimate.
part of the skin.
claim it or.
don’t claim it my.
bad exchange.
my pale belonging the.
way the word.
identity makes you.
spit.
what’s in there.
the visible
thing curled.
in the mouth.
exact like biting.
the blood.
speaks the quantum.
splits.
my favourite.
colour is white.
-passing.


2.

my cousins and I don’t.
have any.
brothers we don’t know.
about men don’t.
want to.
we connect at the.
colour of bruises.
open our drinks view.
pain as an ash-like.
diminishing.
we can imagine.
a sudden deep optimism.
in the face of utter.
calamity.
I will devote myself.
to its water.
develop a silken.
empathy.
harm is better.
dismantled.


3.

make me a weaver.
I will wait.
to stop bleeding.
to harvest.
the flax in my.
backyard cut.
away from the.
heart at an.
angle scrape off.
the skin with a.
shell my ancestors.
also waited.


4.

to be on an earth.
that turns is to.
exist around crisis.
like looking into.
a non-human eye.
my visions are alive.
with me like an.
empress I.
untouch the insides.
I make something.
fit that does.
not want to.

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

salt sore

the sunlight starts without me
latecomer to the morning sleeping
through alarms chasing
yellow glow well after it has turned
orange
turned blue turned
black

tea steeping into its strongest self
i am trying to change the way i look
in the mirror
my face is squaring
off with my body a race to an end
i didn’t see where it started

i have not been taking photos
of my changing face
because the screen won’t do it justice

angels
show up at my doorstep
they tell me i need to leave

a pilgrimage to the seaside
to find the skyline
watch the light sink
into water
watch the water
start at my feet
the horizon is a false finish

i have not been taking photos
of my changing face
but my camera roll is a catalogue
of melting skies
that looked better in person

skies melting white phosphorous
one bang and two angels
telling me to leave

my dad opens a new jar of jam
and mixes it with a butter knife
so that all trace of stillness
is disappeared
one bang and expansion forever
one bang to start the race

telling me i need to leave
a pilgrimage to the seaside

little windows in the tram
walls filled with sand
otherwise it won’t know
how to stop
once it picks up speed
one bang to start a race

one bang to start
a race with no photos
because i’m too tired in the morning
i forget during the day and
i don’t like the light of the evening
on me
the heaviest part of the body is the chest

i don’t see where it starts
but i know where it will end

draining from where
the weight is stored
little windows in the tram
walls that spill
a secret: this vessel
is not actually that heavy
you can take it anywhere

one race track ballasted by salt and sand

sluggish sun seeping thick into concrete
tannin on a shoreline
everything exploded expansion
forever getting bigger
long shadows like aftertaste

my dad makes jam on toast
and digs right to the bottom of the glass
scooping from its seabed

the sunlight starts without me
because my chest
spends eight hours settling and
i don’t have it in me to pick it back up

i’m glad there’s ballast on the train tracks
spare sets of arms for the sleepers
because the carriages are so heavy

i have not been taking photos
i can’t look back
at beginnings

i wipe my camera lens with my shirt
every time i go to take a picture
because if something can’t be still
at least it will be crisp
burning from melting sky
one bang two angels
i know where it will end
but i’m not allowed to see it
yet

a pilgrimage to the seaside
one bang and expansion forever

i hear the train boom and run
towards the railing
i like when the road shuts
rest my chin on the metal
stand at a false finish

a tower of salt sore
in the landscape
greedy to see how it ends

my eyesight has not gotten better
or worse in six years but i can’t
stop buying new glasses

i am trying to change the way i look
back at the melting sky
without becoming a tower of salt
sugar pink

clouds on my phone screen
jam spread sloppy

i wake up still in deep blue
and watch the corners of my bedroom
take shape a proxy sunrise
like walking the street
on a full moon
and saying it’s sunny out

the sunlight starts without me
and it only stops
for the new moon

my dad puts the jam back in the fridge

the heaviest part of the body is the chest

i can’t think back to where it started but i know
where i want it to end expansion
forever getting bigger becoming something else

twenty per-cent of the body is the chest

yesterday i ran the train tracks fence
closing in ringing to mark the end
of something ringing to mark
a last chance sun setting
metal snapping neck straight
i did not look back

one bang and the shatter
of glass turning into sand

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

Pieman Heads

I try not to bring impressions with me
as we step from the boat
the ‘SHE’, Miss Arcadia II
connects us with new journeys
even if our touching
irked the helmsman

pissed up over the sand dunes
among skeletons still standing
and countless pairs of feet
Djon said this continent’s
first portraits were marked in sand
used to tell community by their soles

breakers quaked like an old TV
the spray was waking me up
at the end of the bar I spear-kissed you hard
wondering again if i’m too much
do you think all my self-evidence in landscape
is a bit of a bore? My instructions to look at this stick?

Here could be the final outpost of the world
where infinity or futures come to die
the government’s need for nuclear narcissism
‘old friends’ shaking hands with turned backs
Marsden taught us threat in the wrong people
would he approve of making love here?

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

2021 Queensland Poetry Val Vallis Award Winners

Dimitra Harvey has won the 2021 Queensland Poetry Val Vallis Prize with ‘Cicadas’; Dan Hogan wins second prize with ‘How_to_be_the_best_worker_in_the_world.ppt’ and Damen O’Brien wins the Highest Queensland entry for ‘What’s Wrong With the Date?’.

Dimitra Harvey

Rich in imagery that is both vividly real and subtly symbolic, ‘Cicadas’ is a lyrical meditation on mortality, transformation and sustenance. Its close observations – of insects, love, gardening, death and food – accumulate and deepen with each reading. An insightful, restrained and expansive poem.

Dan Hogan

The poem is driven by an experimental edginess, wildly creative wit, and is informed by a voice that is both incendiary and vibrant. Its form functions as rupture, embedded in it both an unfailing attentiveness and an absurdity impossible to ignore.

Damen O’Brien

This run-on poem does not permit the reader to come up for air but rather compels us to confront ongoing Australian un-history captured in layer upon evocative layer, its frenzied rhetorical questions belie a steadiness gripping us and keeping us beholden long after reading.

Posted in GUNCOTTON | Tagged , , , ,

How_to_be_the_best_worker_in_the_world.ppt

[Slide 1] You will notice all the best workers
in the world purport to be fisherman[citation needed].
[Slide 2] Back when I used to drink I used to die.
[Slide 3] Not to be dramatic but flies come from
nowhere. We know this because [Slide 4] there is
a placeholder for a life-sized life. Meanwhile, you
are to the vectoralist what surrealism is to advertising.
Lunchbroken and broke and [Slide 5] stand still.
Watch what its tail does. [Slide 6] Dad was a
fishermansee: Unemployed, disambiguation and so was
his dadsee: Houseless, disambiguation. [Slide 7] Two images.
Side by side. A hotdog made from the same stuff as
a black hole. A life-size Tech Deck. Brainstorm
on the butcher’s paper. First thought is the best
thought! [Slide 8] Delete this. [Slide 9] Who would’ve
guessed the best worker in the world was a spinoff
series of injuries. [Slide 10] *Superexcellent pizza
party in the middle of wellbeing week*. [Slide 11]
The workers’ honeyful argot regorged and maimed by
those who wear collared shirts to establish credibility.
For example: [Slide 12] Doomed if you do [forward
slash] Doomed if you don’t. Delete [Slide 13] this disbelief.
[Slide 14] Commission misery first, the morning second.
Daily template for success. [Slide 15] Icebreaker activity:
describe addictionyour weekend as a class struggleteam
building exercise without bescumbering the perpetual.
[Slide 16] If I ever die, which I probably won’t[citation needed],
crowdsurf my coffin across the food court at Westfield
.
[Slide 17] Clown emoji. [Slide 18] An escalator step
disappears into the floor with you. [Slide 19] So drunk
at late night shopping right now Sent from my iPhone
.
[Slide 20] This page is intentionally left blank. Lossless
[Slide 21] compression. Every day is [Slide 22] Opposite
Day if you’re alienated enough. [Slide 23] One million
dead meme formats. [Slide 24] What is a professional
development opportunity if not unpaid labour persevering?
For example: [Slide 25] The crocodile is an ancient
creature. One million dollars! [Slide 26] A distant shipyard
horn sounds across the town, which is to say [Slide 27]
Cowboy emoji. [Slide 28] Note how you are nothing
without a caffeine headache. [Slide 29] Using what you
have learned in today’s session, return to your teams
and show them [Slide 30] how to delete this

Posted in GUNCOTTON |

What is Wrong With the Date?

Go ask the white historians with their shrunken heads, grumbling
in their dusty cabinets, or the great collective forgetting, go ask them,
spinning in their moral outrage, go lay your hand on Endeavour’s
wormy beams, that brought a freight of pain across the sea, ask
Botany, Plymouth, the sly pestilence of London, where the prisons
brooded, or the stones that built them, ask of them, what made the poor,
the cockies, the shearers, the drovers, the mission kids in their crisp
white pinafores, ask them in their own language gone with their past,
ask for their names, ask for their names, if you would know where it
began, go ask your father’s father’s father who held the rifle and shot
two hundred natives in a day, rub the silver stock of his gun for luck,
interrogate the Union Jack, ask it what the land looked like before it came,
or your local representative, go ask him, hanging by the fingernails
of his voters from the cliff of compromise, then you might understand
the reason, call in to the pundit on his toll free number, he will answer
it live on radio, go ask the bones, if they can be found, unnamed
and unknown, ask the miller, ask the mill, ask the flour they poisoned
them with, ask the boy what his father said, ask the girl what her
mother meant, ask the swastika, the southern cross, did it feel the prick
as it was tattooed to his shoulder, go ask the shoulder, if it will tell,
go ask the embassy how long they will wait, you can cheer for Cathy
but boo for Goodes, if Eureka’s waving, talk to it, ask Macquarie’s
sour bust, go back to 1788, visit 1770, bow to Captain Cook upon
his dais, peer beneath the powdered wigs of Deacon, Mason, Brennan,
Gawdron, Toohey, McHugh and Dawson, go hold Truganini’s hand,
if you can find her, take a census of the Constitution, find out what
the Good Book says, if you want to know why it matters at all,
look for Vincent, look for Oodgeroo, go Intervene in the NT,
we will C U there, bring a dog whistle, bring a dog, go test
the hanging points in cells 1 to 8, if you would know the answer
to your question, blow the dust from the Royal Commission’s
Recommendations, take a statement from the Statement from
the Heart, misname Uluru, call into the empty heads of comfortable
men and certain women, ask them how to close the gap, go to Rio,
go to BHP, go to the Kimberley, walk around, ask the soles of
your feet to ask the dust that once was the Juukan Caves,
ask Coon where’s the cheese, go down to the stadium and ask
Nigger Brown’s ghost, if you really want to understand, ask the
27% that can’t go home, the boomerang that won’t come back,
ask the Stolen what they lost, ask the thieves what they gained,
ask Queen Victoria, ask King George, about the dream of empire,
look for Directions from the stump of a tree, ask ol’ Ned, if it is
better to be free and dead, listen to little Jimmy, chop, chop, chop,
climb aboard the freedom bus, commiserate with British Lord Vesty,
read the Native Title Act, ask Bull and Early who are still alive,
or their cousins who all died young, from too much policeman,
too little hope, stay at the bar at Burketown’s pub, where the publican
sold cut prize booze, round the back where the dogs were chained,
ask Andrew Bolt, he’ll be sure to say, check s18c of the RHA, ask the
open cut earth if it still knows the lines of the song, wear Blackface,
Chris Lilley’s face, if you want to know why, go screen-print black,
gold and red on your shirt, go pay Namatjira’s family what he’s worth,
or sweatshop the dots, sell off the ‘didge, stay for a while in Doomadgee,
sleep it all off in a Palm Island Cell, ask White Australia what it feared,
look for the truth at Myall Creek, ask the right question, open your ears,
ask the Apology what sorry means and then you will know the answer.

Posted in GUNCOTTON | Tagged

Cicadas

Spring unrolled skies like runners of pink muslin, breezes
steeped in honeycomb. Set out flowers in pastry

blues and glacé reds; summer simmered at the season’s
edge, began to smoke. That’s when I found their shells

everywhere — like pods of blown sugar, trimmed
to the trunks of bloodwoods, blue gums.

*

Yolk light streaked tower windows. Down Dixon Street,
the grills hissed, spitting oil. Plane trees offered their leaves
to the pavement in helpings of ginger and oxblood. I watched

strangers champ down fists of minced squid, or tighten
the nooses of their scarves, as lanterns swung
like pomelos from the eaves of tea rooms, and the dusk

slung up its meathook moon. This was Chinatown
on a Friday night — the markets packed. The scent of burning sugar
lured me from my mother to a stall where toffee

oozed in an iron pot. A woman was rolling
a knot of it to a worm. She jutted one end in her mouth
and blew; and as the sugar ballooned, she began

pinching and pulling it, shaping wings, a square
jaw, a long torso coiling round itself — all the while
filling it with her breath as if creation were a kind of

mouth to mouth — then she took the end from her lips
and tweaked it shut. Deft as a doctor’s
stitch she embedded a skewer, tilted the dragon

towards light so it shimmered, copper-bronze.
I watched as she made a horse, a rat — my tongue watering,
even though I knew they were not for eating.

*

Now rummaging at weeds on my knees
in the veggie beds, my fingers scrape the crisp
toffee abdomens of cicada shells. I press aside
drooping leaves of eggplants — the fat fruits,

black as hearses, nodding, glinting offhandedly.
I pull oxalis, dandelion from their roots. Throw
the first in a pile for the worms, heap
the latter by my knee for later:

*

Stir eggs and dill, diced shallots, grated feta and kefalograviera
until combined. Add a dash of olive oil, salt. Fold-in diced
chard and the wild greens you pulled from the hedgerow, the side
of the road — like the peasant grandmother who lived through famine
and three wars, raised twenty children, and knew that everywhere

the earth makes offerings of nourishment. Line your cooking tin
with pastry thin and pale as a cotton shroud. Anoint with olive oil. Now
spoon the mixture evenly across your tray and cover with more pastry.
Puncture the top with a fork or skewer — so steam — like the soul
through the mouth at death — can escape. Cook till golden.

*

For weeks, the air throbbed with their love songs, their
jackhammer dirges, as they bred and died, became banquet
for lizard and bird. I’ve imagined that moment of revelation:
seventeen years tucked in the dirt, sucking root sap, then —

the sudden insistent urge to burrow up and out… Exposed
to light and the swiftness of air for the first time, the old self
ruptures, peeling back — wings unfurl, silent
gossamer. Sometimes I find one, the shell

not entirely sloughed, the crisp, veined wings only
partly unfolded. My eyes track the conveyor belts
of ants: they till the corpse, ferry
morsels to the nest.

*

I ready the ground for sowing. Swing the mattock round again,
tear up another sod. A butcherbird probes the edges of opened

earth and plucks up worms purple-red as sopressa. Skinks

tongue crickets by the irrigation runnels. A kookaburra drops
from the shed then wings north — a marsh snake thrashing

in its beak. Above rotted orange peels, celery tufts, the skins

of pumpkins heaped on the compost — fruit flies hover like tossed
confetti. Westering now, the sun spills her brandy down

the hills; mosquitoes bore for my veins’s hard liquor.

Posted in GUNCOTTON | Tagged

Tell Me Like You Mean It 5


Image by Thanh Tú

This volume of Tell Me Like You Mean It marks its fifth year. Whenever a half-decade mark is reached, I do feel the impulse to reflect on the past. In 2017, Tell Me Like You Mean It was edited by Melody Paloma and Mikaila Hanman Siegersma. From 2018–2019, Melody edited alone until 2020, when Susie Anderson took the reins. This year, in 2021, I have been trusted with the series. It seems significant to note that both Susie and I were published in volume 2, the necessary connection there.

The poem I wrote for Tell Me Like You Mean It in 2018 was my second publication. I was 20, struggling to finish university, and hiding from my friends. I was grateful for the opportunity to contribute to the volume. When Melody approached me, I was just beginning to centre my life around poetry – I wanted to write it, write about it, read it, discuss it, teach it. At 20, that was my dream. I thought that would always be my life. Now, I am a university graduate, I am learning to hide less, and I am struggling to reconcile with the idea of a career in poetry. I would not say I am a poet anymore. Writing poetry, now, is an afterthought. I would say this is not a bad thing. In fact, I would say it is a very good thing for me to leave my ambitions in the anxious place.

Still, I am invested in the poets writing on this continent. Every year while reading the series, I feel grateful to recognise the names of my peers. I am grateful now, to have been trusted to curate and edit this volume.

I don’t want to say anything grand about the poets featured here. I don’t believe that grandeur needs to be showered at their feet to emphasise their value. The poets in this issue may very well be ushering in an unprecedented era of poetry. They are certainly capable. This is not what makes their work valuable.

Luke Patterson: Double Brick Dream

Munira Tabassum Ahmed: Somewhere Different

Taonga Sendama: Halitosis

Eric Jiang: Gilly G

Wen-Juenn Lee: for sylvie & the moonee ponds creek

Anneliz Erese: for desire

Donnalyn Xu: out of solace

Janiru Liyanage: No one can love the world except God

Brieanna Collard: Mother

Hasib Hourani: sealed tight for safety

Brian Obiri-Asare: scattered in colour

Christy Tan: the infinity of the other

Coco Huang: Five sketches in ink

Leila Doneo Baptist: Dictation Poem One: Profanity Filter

Adalya Nash Hussein: money for two (I’m in the one percent)

Hassan Kalam Abul: Signed, Ready for Duty in Reservoir

Vidya Rajan: Knock knock, who’s there? Your mum

Victor Chrisnaa Senthinathan: Spiders

Kartanya Maynard: Tree

Hannah Wu: Impressions


The series is curated without theme, but many poets wrote back to me to ask for a prompt. I thought of Kaveh Akbar’s interview in The Adroit Journal, when he said, ‘Even if it’s a poem about a very dark thing, there’s still delight in language to be offered.’ Echoing that ethos, I asked poets to write something that made them joyful. Whether or not the subject matter was difficult, there is still joy to be found in writing the poem, the delight in language to be offered. That is what I searched for. Many of these poems work in the colloquial register – lowercase is prevalent, for example, and is by and large a dominant connective technique between poets who may otherwise have little in common. Still, these poems are rigorously crafted in service of joy. Joy is no casual, uncomplicated thing.

This long into a project, it is worth re-examining the intentions of the project. ‘Tell Me Like You Mean It’ is a directive. For my money, the most moving poems are the ones where I can read their importance to the writer. I do not want to read poems deemed by poets to have ‘literary merit’. I am tired of brilliance without substance or principle. I am tired of cleanness and prestige. I want honest expression, however clumsy. Once again, I am thinking of the political importance of the emotional record. Poetry is about feelings. It is threatening because it connects us to one another when we may otherwise be alienated.

I hope, if nothing else, that the poetry in this volume offers connection to those who may be reading.

I’d like to take this opportunity, now, to thank the designer, Thanh Long, for their generous offering, and the gentleness with which they approached this project and my frantic emails. Thank you. I’d like, also, to thank my dear friend, Tracy Chen, whose precise and unpretentious thinking has informed my intentions towards this volume, and whose steady, supportive presence has seen me through its development. Thank you. And thank you to every poet who said yes. I am very grateful to be among such beautiful company.


Image by Thanh Long

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out of solace

we marked June
with sympathy flowers
left on a doorstep.
obnoxiously yellow
& innocent, followed by
the usual surrender

it was not language but its inverse
cradled between us

small words of comfort
scattered like breadcrumbs
fed to lost pigeons
before flight. I’m sorry

I never get the words right
the first time. every day
I workshop a list
of what I love most, or
what is within reach
though they are not always
the same.
some things are easy enough.
the scent of
camphor on a winter morning
under the sun; the sun,
a fine silk glove
draped over my hands.
my initial response to touch,
which is to scrutinise.
how loneliness
diffuses my need
to be alone & even this

is too close. someone
on the internet says
the catharsis of tragedy
is our own suffering
fed back to us, so I replay
old movies in search for a pain
that is familiar. I cut
my hair in the bathroom
with my eyes averted
from the mirror
distracted by the threads
unspooling at my bare feet;
pieces of myself I could discard
or collect. I admit,

it was embarrassing
to want to live so badly. I was
embarrassed. —the petals lifted
to the wind I turned my face away
in silence I had nothing
to say after all, I was the only one
still growing older.

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the infinity of the other

I listen at the shore
of your breathing

you end where
I can not begin &

I begin where
you never end

where do I return to
when I am returning from myself

does my presence
disrupt the past

an occupation of land is
an occupation of language

violence is legislated
in our ways of

seeing
and not being seen

that which is made
invisible in a name

translating the infinite
into this finite

history. leaving us
in the bones of someone else’s empire

you speak of raising awareness
but I speak to raise the dead

the body displaced
dispossessed

with nowhere to haunt
but itself

scratching for that piece
of eternity in your undying mouth

the names we speak back into life
when we return

when we slide under history’s door
see(th)ing through the cracks of this broken language

this un-writing will
not stop where language ends

this un-settling will
never settle

this dispossession will return
to possess you

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Somewhere Different

The river washes over my heart with caution—
like this is the first time it has ever held a body.

Somewhere different, I am born
into the same tension. To hold is to

recognise; my mother has named a hollow child
too many times. The hospital nurse clasps the edges

of the unknown universe / ma doesn’t
wail for her baby, only asks silently that

god quantifies his mercy in her arms.
This becomes the place where I am most safe—

the sky has always been an open witness here.
Tonight, the mid-noon river in the summer rain is

the only thin substitute for her. Last week it was the smooth
sap of the backyard red gum / with all its wanting teeth.

For now, I am invisible in the river’s warmth /
invulnerable in its strange sympathy.

Away from home, I am told that places cannot be
holy and wild at the same time. I disagree

and turn into freshwater.

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Halitosis

I’ve made my peace and slept in it.

I dream myself a dragonfly wine drunk on your bedside table,
wake to find your face paling in the ache —
Linen wretched with longing I grab,
reaching —
(Show me a poem absent of this love)
Starry eyed, slack jawed marionette of grief.
(The amount of dead under my skin outweighs the living)

The evening night a mumbled hymn
and the morning dawn (sheen of grief against your skin) a hoarse rosary under the sequoia —

I dream your breath against my cheek
and in the end,
the poem writes itself.
Adjacent to the sky before it breaks,
the poem writes itself.
Cumulus, cowardice dragging its yellowed belly to the gutter.
(I’m running out of things to yearn for)
(I’ve dreamt you each night)
(Wretched, wretched seltzer under my tongue, heartbroken halitosis)

Godspeed and good riddance.
Godspeed and good riddance.

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knock, knock. who’s there? your mum.

your mother is a shopping cart
in a newly-paved parking lot,
a little apart (see there)
from the other shopping carts.

and behind that cart
is a big old car, and that
is your mother also,
now that she’s older –
a hulking great safari beast,
a 4WD that knows it’s not new.

your mother was new to town, wasn’t she?
once, and on the lookout
for a good hairdresser
who’d treat her early greys with style,
and sensitivity.

remember –
your mother’s not a well.
she doesn’t just dry up.
even though you threw
a bucket at her that time
which was plasticine
and empty (thank god).

hey! ew!
your mum threw up
a small pile of puke
in the front-row seats
at the cineplex,
where your dad chose the movie
(before he declared himself missing).

luke! i am your mother!
declared your mother to herself.
she always hissed at the screen
during credits, and cackled
all the way home.
yeah, look, she’s been acting
real strange lately.

but still,
your mother was a financier.
and you lived in that big fancy house
and she wore the best linen suits
(we all stared)
through all 38 degrees
of her endless fever. remember –
how she’d come back from work
her lips cracked from yelling:
high risk or no reward!
did your mother ever tell you
she rode a bull into town
as a little girl?

yep yep yep
your mother was a little girl
no denying it
who pushed a bigger girl
into bitumen for the fun of it
and the big girl tried to eat her.
but your mother,
she found a way out –
through stomach or through elsewhere.
she was always resourceful.
she was … fighting spirit.
she made a tunnel
to smuggle out all the goods.
yeah that’s your mater on wartime radio!
a voice in the background,
a queen of the playground.

okay hey! look,
your mama wasn’t very nice to my mama
(been trying not to mention this but)
and look, my mama probably started it.
she probably wanted
those dollar-dollar-bills
that your mama kept in her secret vault
for those rainy days so
when the water main burst
through the combination lock
and the house became a splintering boat,
you would still be okay.
we had watched them work

all over her.
one last go
on your ma,
or my ma,
as she was also known.

well, look at that
big balloon go!
a red heart glowing
against a dark sky.
that’s just light pollution,
she would have said,
turning a pink balloon crimson.
don’t let the sight of it carry you away
(you’re so sentimental).
and then your mother
would have laughed
to my mother. the pair
or the two or the whole of them going off,
like a bloody broken record.

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Double Brick Dream

late september sunday afternoon
eucalyptus blossom
roast lamb in the air
I jimmy open the side gate
smothered with heraldic wattle

and passing through the sunlit
thick yellow
mottled in lorikeet and native hue
here comes the fledgling message bringer
sis’ sings

whole-hearted welcomes
niece in arm
swapping bub for apple crumble
she lands a kiss and nips
off for a well-deserved moment

I follow
the chubby-cheeked sovereign’s felicitous
footsteps across the yard path
and the colours of my day
are complete as I eye

defenders
nephews uniformed as proud pirates
constructing humpies from hard-rubbish
our black-yellow-reds flying
an insurgence of love

and before us with us
watching from the garden’s heartland
covered head-to-toe in mud
nightgown and full makeup on
grandma exudes a deep-time elegance

humming her sweet sundown music
amongst veggies
suspiciously strong
a ritual increase a flowering
synonymous with poetry

front and back this flash Gadigal
hill-top double brick dream home
so far from her stucco beginnings
where now in the twilight hours
of a tired nation

I invoke the old art
of making fire
and plot tender revolutions
with the future custodians
of our little grassroots empire

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scattered in colour

scattered as Marcus as he got swept
up in frigid Melbourne as drunk as
little Nathan buried in Mbembe at
A.N.U. spent as the dull complicity
in offices proved on poor green me
is how damn scattered we are.

‘cause scattered is how we flew here.
and wide as the friction that comes
as the fire rubbing up against sun
burnt country, as settled as our g’daze.
it’s no wonder as we wonder what the
stretch of funk up in here sounds like.

we’re about to lose our heads ‘cause
we disperse and sprawl through the
fire expanse of who we hold on and how
we go on and where we go and how we
get to where we need to sinking here on
some stunning burnt, burnt country.

I too often have the sense of falling up
into a sheet of stars. and if I share
with you where we’re going out of
the dark night as the way our questions
burnt through like that constellation
Steph painted on my heavy chest.

it’s like a black articulation, for real.
caught in the swell of afro punk
and our dispersals also groove as
our displacements slip from azonto to
dub to murmur of different tongues
as we are sprawling, we are sprawling.

on the greenest grass. as the bbq fires
mother earth flat where we are who we are
as blurred as Australian as can be, completely
caught in the swell as our nightly soars
shine this evening bright as Alessandro
leaps into the crowded air and scatters

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money for two (I’m in the one percent)

cento after Elle advice column ‘Ask E. Jean’

This is a benevolent profession
Rogue! Poet! Swashbuckler!
And excellent at household chores!

One day, at a film premier,
I met the Irish actor Richard Harris
the Henry David Thoreau of Instagram
His bankruptcy was due to professional incompetence

A dreaded Dude Philanthopist
Dude-Gooder
“Do you rent your furniture?”

We hug, we shag, we cuddle,
waste your time, take your money and mangle
your children’s idea of right and wrong
What scene would be worse:

This is where the sulk comes in
I’d yodel positive hogwash
dislocating your very essence

bewailing vegetables beyond your control
Overexposed blobs with eyeballs
A 30-year-old blood-sucker is wound around your torso

Her barrage of cruelties
pass over my twin
help me “get over it”

Your friend can become an ordained minister,
will softly recede into a quieter kind of goodwill
What’s your quest?

My Youth Is Slipping Away
I look six times more beautiful at least!
(emoji, emoji, emoji)

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Tree

Have you ever seen a yellowing leaf clutching to a tree branch?
Listened so carefully you could hear it screaming?
The tree is rotting from its roots, but it still grows,
It still clings to its leaves.
It stands strong and refuses to go quietly.
How would you feel?
If all you knew was turning into mulch,
Feeding the scavengers in the muck?
You can feel them creeping and crawling, scratching, and scraping.
Eating out your insides one bite at a time.
They’re doing their best to break the body down,
But what they want, what they hunger for is the spirit within.
The forbidden food they have feasted on for generations.
The little leaves feel sick and one by one they succumb.
Some fly away when the wind picks up,
Some dry up in the scorching sun,
And some are consumed by those snapping their pincers and jaws below.
When a tree is sick most of its leaves fall too soon,
They transition before their time.
A connection is severed, and both are left cold from either side’s departure.
Rotten roots, twisting trunks, bending branches, lifeless leaves.
The wind is picking up,
The sun is boring down and the bush has gone quiet.
The tree stands strong but can’t hold on and she falls with a sickening thud.
Those waiting for their feast move in quickly and silent as death.
And death does come.
Every strip of bark,
Every ring of time,
And every leaf that couldn’t fight back is annihilated.
Annihilation, decimation, extermination. Genocide.
Where will you be when it’s too late?
To save a tree and all its leaves.

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No one can love the world except God

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. – 1 John 2:15

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16

my pastor says during mass / and I think I love the world, but I am no god / only a skinny boy with
enough rivers inside me to call home / to wage war / name country / continent / benevolent brute /

sometimes my beloved is a field of wide open overripe fruit and I am their only bee / sometimes my
beloved sings and my hands lift like lilted notes, twisting into a voice / just to join / chorus /
chorus / bridge / today I am watching the birds lift in a hymnal of snowed wing and feather and bone and I

remember that the last male white rhino is dead / and the bees are dying / and there are no more fields to
wade through like rivers / but I am a river / I am the bank’s dirt and my beloved buries bruised flowers

inside me / I am sitting / my face against the glass / watching a thousand birds / fall through a thousand
mornings / chorus / chorus / bridge / my beloved defrosts meat in the kitchen / the ruby / the slick red
wettening in the pink light and I praise this ritual of becoming / faithful rune of cartilage and cardinal/ I

think my love / like all love / is a kind of bird / wreckage of sparrow singing through unbridled throat /
yes / what other glory than this? I sing praise / hosanna / because when they told me

grief has a mouth / my first thought was to kiss it / forgive me / when they told me grief was an animal /
my first thought was to take it home / no, not hunt it in an open field / but home: dry its wet fur / feed it
defrosted lamb from the fridge / I’m sorry / I meant joy / I know you wanted a poem about joy / but

here’s the truth: when I couldn’t write a complete sentence in only English / my first grade teacher made
me stand outside the room and forgot I was there until lunch / because I had no language / I had no

language to cleave the world for space for my body / because once / in writing class, mistaking the
synonym of plot to mean the same thing I write: I lie in a story of land; a cunning of grass and rhye–– Yes. Yes. I
know the trauma of metaphor; the trauma of being a metaphor / I know metaphor’s trauma well the way

I know the sun will die and how my teacher will forget me / (I could not hold her language) / But some
days, my grandma and I will sit on her porch / our faces mauled by columns of sunlight / eat

bright fruit pulled from the ground / durian / mangosteen /rambutan like tiny bone-white suns / the
mangoes crowning our mouths / rising, like dawn inside our throats / a thousand dawns / a thousand
mornings / a thousand birds / falling / falling / falling / like notes / like overripe fruit / like overripe

song / I am twisting blue lilies into her hair / crush hibiscus around her eyes / and for once / we love the
world / and we are not god /and no one’s children / no one’s stupid forgettable children / and we are

not god / and we are not god /
but almost /
almost /

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Gilly G

the night is young
because your hand is on my knee


resting surely as seventeen conversations


warble around us.

whose birthday is it anyway?


i’m busy falling in love
with this couple sitting across the table
waxing on about
Gilgamesh, clutching axe and nightshade


flailing

frayed


at the rim of the forest
meeting Enkidu.


and he’s good, Enkidu, but he dies
and Gilly G wanders the wasteland
baying for his ghost.

as i watch you listening
in your eyes we are them
but in mine Enkidu’s absence is only his.



when I look at you
I find it hard to remember

if

for me


we were ever

them.


that we were in a place
where love rang out
and you could not get away from it

the back then unseaming the now, our bodies
leaching light in unravelled rows

the stars falling in dizzy waves
up and up
over
the lip of this world.

could it be i’m still waiting
for the banquet doors to open

could it be the burnished first look
at someone hot entering the room


that undoes it all.
and how the feeling now
escapes through the throat,
instead gathers all around me like weather.


in dreams I am a multitude of ghosts
whirring in concentric circles, passing
right through your chest like gamma rays

in attempts to kiss your ashen mouth.


it’s no use. jagged knife-lust
is replaced by a soft cavernous want
not a train slicing itself into the city
but a diaphanous ringtone filling the room.


i know now,
while your body is turning into tomorrow
i will remain a speck of dust.
i will remain containing
your offerings and songs


and in the quiet of the blue night
I leave the room, a tomb,
pass by your solemn body
resting there, unmoving limbs repeating
yesterday’s words as iridescence

knowing I will miss
the way you hold the light
on your skin so effortlessly.


hence I’m tramping down Parramatta Road
to seven eleven for a donut, for something sweet,
and I see lit by block light Gilgamesh, vape-smoke streaming
out of his mouth, dead and pink and alive.
he says without words (only the smell of blueberries)

“When you walk back up the street
the home you have just left will be cold,
thick with dust, the bed empty, the room barren.
You know this already, so?
Want a puff?”


I’m kissing him to pieces now
in the curve of a neon glow,
traffic light leaking onto the side of the road

my body lurching, ecstatic,
in the blinding brightness
of a sugar rush.

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Five sketches in ink

Nature is impermanent, and so our bodies are inherently impermanent things. Despite our internal homeostatic mechanisms that serve to maintain a physiological balance (that can easily be disrupted), our bodies are in a constant state of flux. So are our thoughts, feelings and desires – all those metaphysical things that make us who we are. We are a new person each day on some level though we may not notice the changes, and yet sometimes we choose to impose the illusion of permanence on our bodies by various means.

I am interested in tattoos, how they allow us to embed a semi-permanent snapshot of our ever-changing selves in a physical, prominent, and intimate form. The following individuals have generously shared with me the stories behind their tattoos and reflected on their past and present selves. In response, I have worked with them to create short poems to represent where they are at this point in their lives. After they have chosen the location of their poem, I have provided them with a custom temporary tattoo of it.

Here is a gallery of snapshots of these individuals through the lens of their bodies and time.

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