Worth words? (or what I loved at fifteen)

I have felt, I have felt a disturbance that
presences with the alleviation of joyed
things, almost fifty summers, fifty winters
and the sister in the earth, myself tucked
into the YHA near Windermere. I take a track
through ancestral country that stiles my steps
through wood, through thoughts infused with
sublimation, a motion that impels the object

of the spirit, the role of things. Was Einstein
rattling Mallarmé’s die?
Imagine the abbey
tinted with the deeds of priests. There is nothing
here you say. And everything you loved. Your
setting words roll down the air, round and
round the smooth stone of your prayer.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Blank lyric

What does the street know?
both of its centuries
have disappeared
this was
a manufacturing warehouse
now a fitness gym
a cafe an imported
fancy european bike outlet
this was a corner shop

the police never come here
to this whatever,
who’d phone for them
no one burns a car round here
not for insurance not for fun
no one burns anything, no rage

eddie says you’d have to choose
audi soft top sports car?
4 wheel drive weed spreader?
‘police cars are always good’

we’re at 107 Projects
astrid’s artwork’s pinned up
white A4 sheets
prose paragraphs
against the grey wall

held by her line,
coinciding with mine
(written independently of hers)
‘The use value of a breakup
is thus the capacity
to steal and burn a car’
i.e. she concludes
a paragraph of prose
on avoiding
‘the pathology of heartbreak’
(astrid lorange)

*

things I never say to friends
whenever I talk to them
email takes
too much typing
to explain
anyway it’s all scroll or arrow
next message

what I meant was
I’d talk about today’s news
the picture of the boy
being tasered to death

who ever chooses
‘law & order’

or

austerity measures –
veiled ideologies
in untroubled countries

or

the ‘high’ alert upgrade
the ASIO guy introduces
on the eve of his retirement,
a gold watch grenade

(war on error
war on death cult
same same same
endless error)

*

decrepit mentors
who won’t retire
grooming acolytes
for true belief
charmed, flocking
to their transformation

others seem to survive
somewhere
where everything
is ‘after baudelaire’
though actually
after him
is renée vivien

throwaway scraps
flashes & slips
notes on reverse sides
of receipts, envelopes,
paper tickets
in pencil or pen,
my method

*

for hours, I can sit
in a plastic chair
looking interested
(recently
for two & a half
hours)
at any meeting or event

life has brought me privacy
mental lurking
researching twenty-four-seven

in the background
dub incorporated
roots music I suppose
nothing to do
with this actual culture,
here,
but available to me
& I am a white person

*

in a world
that really
has been turned
on its head
truth
is a moment
of falsehood

__________________________

It was autumn
osama bin laden
had just been
dropped into the ocean

we continued remembering
time was becoming
less & less

no one had heard of
the ebola river –
we used to call that place
‘warring zaire’
now the democratic republic
of the congo

*

some kind of concert
or documentary
shouting from the radio
sounds like conflict
a female complainant
‘a singer & a poet’

ending up
listed in a chapter –
The Invisible Women
of Australian Poetry
in mid-C21
a young lesbian’s
research project

in the nineteen seventies
a man could be
‘an honorary woman’
& attend
women’s liberation
collective meetings,
sometimes

*

capital is one thing
life has not brought me
Catalyst Money,
not a bank,
a smartalternative
my account
is a dwindler
their emphasis on smart

money buys stuff
there’s probably
more stuff than people

*

the virus
is returning
to its source

__________________________

The only things that are true
are exaggerations
the dreams do not dream

oodgeroo noonuccal
gave me back
the problem
long before
I knew she did

whiteness

then
over forty years ago
kevin gilbert told us
‘white australia’
should leave
‘black australia’
alone.

he was right.

‘diversity’
sounds positive
not irrefutable

those parts of the day
when you’re disconcerted
(often)

*

crawl in the flint
on abandoned
open-cut floors
eat dust cry sticky tears
break skin give up

impossible
to not be
what the implications
of any history make you
to not be
part of a white default
all you ever do
discontinues only
a skerrick
of its futile record

_______________________________

Outside the clinic
‘incompleteness
was our only hope’
says amanda
right into my ears
direct from the player
I already know
there’s no purpose,
there’s only life,
living,
but she’s talking about
the 20th century
not about today
now
at the hospital,
experimental stammering
altered words aphasia
breath distorted confab
turning noise to sound,
a live vocal performance
(amanda stewart
‘matter in the mouth’)
broadcast on radio
last week

so, ‘incompleteness’


Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Mick

I imagine there is a door facing you,
half open, half closed,
maybe some stranger’s fingerprints around the handle,
those dead leaves heaped by time.
you may have coughed once or twice;
I remember some vague pledge to quit the smokes,
a wry smile and the hours fanning out in languid ripples.
passing laughter in the hall, perhaps,
the ticking clock of it shiny as a needle
falling to the floor in front of you,
the last place the ones who really mean it look.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

The National as A Way of Interpreting My Favourite Martian

I’m thinking about how I understand you; if garages or Martian
food were made illegal. If I name George by
looking at Nigel. I look at Nigel: I look
at night. Like a storybook, yet much more visceral
I get under a clod but have reception problems
I had to ask a magpie what Puritanism was. They said
you can imagine what. Everywhere people were grasping their own
metaphysical waists
as if a metaphysical circus act. My
Favourite Martian
wasn’t like that, yet all
thought it normal. It’s why we needed
brownies. The newspapers were like people who wanted to be newspapers
by screwing themselves up and hiding in a brownie and
invading a Martian’s body and only then were they finally
satisfied. ‘Did they hate Martians?’ a magpie might ask later
Well, it’s funny. The poem invasion. It was more like a
virus than a slum landlord. Or maybe more energetic. That we
could think in this antennaed way suggests the civic good of
returning to black and white TV lounges, to telepathic postures

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Stone Horses

Each horse in this frieze is unique in temperament and personality. No horse is a duplicate of any
other; the arrangement of head, neck, body, and limbs differs in each, even if only slightly

– “Horse Care as Depicted on Greek Vases before 400 B.C.”, Mary B. Moore


I

On the frieze
plaster has peeled
across one flank
and buttock

open-book
nicked stone
feels parched
as meat.

All along the wall
stern forelegs bend in
towards lined bellies, flush
and veined in plaster.

More frozen steeds
arching for
the best hands
money can pass.

II

Your face is familiar
from the walls at
my university, and here
you are also mounted:

stunned eye stretched bare,
plum nostrils and mouth
peeled back, as though
reined to breakage line.

They have no ear
for you here, either –
eyelids hollow as your
plaster body, lower set

than in Perth. I itch
to translate distance
palming forehead, but will
not provoke ejection.

III

No mouth
is identical
along any
frieze here.

Each pony
is strung
up, erect
lip curls

neck bulges with
indignant whispers,
museum rush
of waterline manes

missing Centauric
claim of body,
smooth agency
of traded plaster.

IV

These teeth are poised
for battle.
Hock arcs to tuck
chipped hooves
to strike.
To fight is no
foreign thought,
though all known equine bickering
pales before
such organised iron intent
to maim.
Each leap and snap
for display
is rerouted, ridden down
no path
any horse could hope
to follow.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Night Spaces

I get up to use the bathroom
and all is dark. No little red
or green points of light
only the blue beams
seen from the stovetop
at the right angle.
This has not happened
since we lived in Autumn Park
after graduation. Before the advent
of smartphones. Before we had
a decent coffeemaker or wireless
towers, routers, printers—friends
I sometimes try to make them
when I can’t find sleep
and end up sitting in near darkness
among the false stars.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Nostalgia Half-life

Nostalgia should be labeled a hazardous material
the further you bury the memories
the more your cellular structure
becomes contaminated
and your emotions unstable
simultaneously volatile and disabled.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Artefact

Georgia O’Keeffe & Alfred Stieglitz


Their lives have split apart but still they spend
the winter months, those short dark days, together.
And their connection has become a myth
for both of them, a structure that lives on.
I saw a ziggurat of beeswax once,
a tall stepped edifice of dullest gold,
breathing the faintest scent of honey through
the gallery, although the liquid sweetness
that had lived within the comb was gone.
The energy that flowed between them, gleamed
in photographs and paintings, has lapsed now.
From what remains they mould this artefact:
as keep-sake for the sake of keeping faith,
as truthful and delusive as a myth.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Lullaby

Our sun-cankered, frost-lacerated old bomb
has usurped a spot beside a Milky Way of faces.
Fingers tapping on the dash, I stare up at pigeons
filibustering on ledges outside floors lit
by cleaners; at the back of my hand
charting middle age’s sargassos; and you,
calling some last instructions
like streamers at a ship’s departure
as you cross to lean reluctantly on the door.
Would adages I should have draped over
your slender neck have hung so heavily? “How will you find me
in the dark if all your friends have left the party?”
Your laughter: “Dad, I’d recognise those headlights anywhere!”

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Helen 1962 – 2012

I’m relieved you’ve been spared embalming:
You look like yourself, just elsewhere –
Your energy dispersed, around your house,
Whispering in the trees, in the air.

I recall the young woman who suited her grey hair,
Whose smile radiated the length of Dale Road,
Who hailed me down to say, ‘Hello, I’m Helen’.
It must have been 1997, and we became friends.

Friends and fellow travellers, fellow strugglers,
Who’d talk about their addictions, about the redemptive
Nature of art, and how life is a day-by-day proposition.
See you Helen, in the night sky, in the wild beyond.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Asks

What’s it like to be refurbished
tackled or finger-printed?
It’s not something you can ask
but I’m asking.
What is it like to be watched
waited, frisked?
Whenever I worry about my suit
my transparency, I don’t think of brightness
but calories, phones, ancient trees.
Does it matter who Beyoncé was
or what shalala means?
It’s all dancing lies amongst truths
yours or mine.
Our threats are whatever
and whatever will save us.
We know plexiglass, expecto patronus
or police presence won’t save us.
I interpret the clouds
but they aren’t the rules.
The rules are comments and spam.
Go get the questions!
Where are the questions?
Answers are here, unasked.
My hands are softer than they used to be.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Some words no longer work

I tried changing the batteries on the word SORRY today, rubbed the terminals clean of the caustic build-up from the power source that used to run it, until it ran it dry. My neighbours only know me by shadow or consequence. I said THANK YOU to a shopkeeper yesterday and was ejected from the store. Choosing your words is almost an occupational hazard in this society of scrabbled language. I can’t talk to you because our computers are not compatible and our songlines aren’t in tune. You’re not welcome to knock on my door to see if I’m ok or if I’d like to come over for a drink until you befriend me in the vortex of cyberspace. Our own digital footprints put fear in our systems, syntax error, syntax error, syntax error…a new dictionary of linguistic abuse has arisen from the era of Terror. I’ve forgotten how to have a conversation without editing myself or censoring my desire to communicate. Please contact me on a secure line as my feelings may incriminate me and some of my thoughts may be illegal. Freedom is a word that I’ve bought with a mortgage and am paying heavily for. How will the history of this time be written, when some words no longer work?

A fly in the ointment,
quid pro quo and excuses,
not a time for tongues…

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Shafted

It’s the long hair, untenably straight, and
the swinging eye, like a moon losing orbit.
There has always been trouble brewing –
rising to a knot and then smoothing off
like a yacht setting sail for a trip
around the horn, hardly progressing
against the current; actually against the
direction the world is spinning in.
Such a wearisome traveller – confused
but ever-hopeful, I’ve seen you nod
your grey head, a hollow cheek and down-
line – you are sweet but unwell, pierced
but uncut – we have always gotten along.
There are, after all, no false timelines
– a few breaches perhaps, a few ragged
stories, but they are harmless details
done up and hilarious in their impossibility,
as unpredictable as a shooting star
briefly experienced from the ground
looking up. Your thinness and fighting lungs
are the whip of a narrow cord – it flails
in any breeze but never breaks. We wait
for the grinding down of bone
to chalk, and it always eventuates.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Surplus

A surplus of appendages.
A register of distorted perceptions.

Shoved into the circular opening of the device,
waves of magnetic composition flutter the flesh.
You use your personality to get the honey out.

Metals in the blood reconsider their assumed
fidelity to the body the blood supports, it communicates.
Radically rooting for the opponent.

It feels like divine intervention, but
might just be an inferior kind of fabric.
What do you even want to be?

I think of something as vague as our genitalia,
as if they could be differentiated.
Of the order of velveteen, velour, rayon.

What if I told you, you have to appear
at the government agency, face to face
with the good burghers, their smiling offspring.
I said I was a catalogue, a trace.

There exists an unbroken line of narrative,
a conversation, between fashion and war.
My flight landed hard on the pykrete carrier.

For the first time since the peaceful autumn,
the fall, we are presented with the opportunity
to approach the skin as a fabric.
Woah, I couldn’t handle the goods.

The sovereign is that which decides to suspend its relation.
I think of your sex, of its wealth, our surfaces
as vague arrangements.

Say you work less than twenty hours.
No, say it.

You attempt to purchase the street magazine sold by the homeless,
but fall short by forty cents.
The destitute console you.

Did you shake the book?
Did you reassign the relevant officers?

I voted to send the citizens to contain the police.
I vote to erase the citizen.

Is it possible to use sex as a kind of manipulative solvent?
Leaning intently onto the joints.

I never wanted to be a part of your series:
people you love in embarrassing headwear.
Would you like milk, sugar, milk with sugar, or just milk, or just sugar?

I was doing my being confidence trick.
I evolved two nasal openings, and the rest followed suit.

Gradually, I acquired the capacity to read, then put it on the market.
We began to open by appointment only, like in nature.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Devouring the (Un)Happy Years

Grandfather had stubby tough hands
that fit within green plastic bucket
layered wet manure into cement-square garden beds
forged New South Wales Railroads
and sunny fat plum trees
in his long grey-paling Yagoona yard.
Didn’t talk
while drinking milky tea
fortified by garage copper still
read broadsheet news
at red linoleum tabletop
bunkered in household-kitchen
doled hard-edge
50 cent
to give hairy brown shoulder hug
smelling thick of pipe tobacco.
Horn-rimmed heavy glasses
Bonds tight blue singlet
matching job faded Stubbies,
embodied eastern European desire
to make Australia home
he spoke five languages
while casting State Government lines
taught other immigrants English
practicing their tongues.
Not once conversed with me about labour
hammering metal inside work camp.
After broken dawn sabre charge
across infantry
left light horse shoes fallen
on forest road
flanked
machine-gun torn
Polish grass
of Krojanty field.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Alice at Last

Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly … – Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


I un-wake to damage.
Neurotic light-bulb flicks
once off, once on, illuminates
imagined city
skyline.

Inside my bedroom it rains
for days. The head
full of synaptic hauntings
shudders. Old-milk sky,
dimming.

I tell myself there is
a world outside
the world. Stay still
completely
still and gather dust.
Watch the fretful halls.

Walls convulse,
contract & close. The filament
at the bulb’s heart flickers. I
am half
dream-drowned Lethe.

There is a sickness not worth
surfacing. Better
to sink. To listen: soft light, soft
light
& the pressure
of doorways.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Heathward

Peeling back a wet blanket
of bracken more or less dead
on its feet, a small patch,
one warily pulled head at a time;
hoping to see the doused
coastal heath, that still smokes
underneath, reignite.
Hot-pink flowering Heath’s installed,
Prickly’s Beauty and Moses, Yellow
Spiky Bitterpea, Sagg: the names,
lit upon like the moled plants,
won’t disclose the wanted wealth
of paucity, desiccation
to be risked in these days
of declining rainfall. Planting
stones at the feet of baby shrubs
to dissuade rabbitual
excavations. Taking fresh
pademelon scats as a sign
of progress: remnant native grasses
reconvening as the patch dries out.
And this morning an Eastern Spinebill,
deeply addicted to the sweets inside
each dripping bell of Heath, grinned
through the patch like good luck,
peppering the bared ground pink
with rifled flowers.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

finite

my grandfather said it’s good not to have
to think about blinking or breathing
blood gases sugars or supply
to the brain it’s good not to have
to remember to breathe in
after you breathe out
forget and you lose everything
you have no longer
to remember to think

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Not under Lake Eucumbene

for Adrian, Bonny, Fiona and Lindsay


State-owned water floated,
a new sky.
Raised floor plans are bones of fish in mud.
Dead trees signpost hushed streets
lined with rushes.
Concrete steps lead up
to an absence of church.
Ochre struts from a ute chassis, rusted through,
flake off as slabs of poor shale
or ancient timber.
Fifty years of silt and wash on these spoils
brought them to a dusty sheen
under drought –
death’s own shining resuscitator.

And when Adaminaby
first rises, memory is a plot of panic.
When the old town and its foundations and cisterns,
chimneys and well-tops surface through air,
the breathy wind is across them,
it hisses
the topsoil skyward, coarse with rumour.
The sun
thrashes at a boat ramp that slopes to more ground,
with its cracked contracted wounds peeling scales.
Drowned trees are stuck waders.
There’s nothing here
that’s not residue. A boy, once lost in town,
now has a useless map in his grey head.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

The Road to Ireland

I would like to live in the West, at the edge
of the world, on a small holding,
walk my cow each day to the milk shed
and see which hen I am beholden to

for laying an egg. I would change
wheat into loaves, fill my plate from the field,
stack turf like gold bars for the kitchen range,
and conceal my distillery in creels.

Instead, I have stood at the town’s crossroads
and listened to who is ‘Wanted’ across the border,
who is being adulterous on the old bog roads
and who sprayed ‘Ireland is out of order!’

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Neruda’s Sixteen Finches

It’s difficult to see the glass ceiling because it’s made of glass. Virtually invisible. What we need is for more birds to fly above it and shit all over it, so we can see it properly. ― Caitlin Moran


Insanity.	Great affection.       Hand in hand. 	If your love is for animalia      then
this is the sign	    a sign that you will be judged  (can it be?) 	It’s only Hector Malot
thinking out loud inside your head.	Not so loud!	Neruda hears humming         a fragile
mind is more creative.		I see her travel with sixteen finches 	and a violin or two 	
no less	with a husband  or two     all fit side by side on a rack.      And her stance   strong
not at all unladylike	(captive) she holds	all the wild beasts	gather ‘round her

(lucky charm) like Orpheus 	sweetened by sixteen notes 	oh brother!       just for a lark 
Neruda seeds an idea	to be unshelled    tasted    spitting husks of insanity     to the finches
fine feathers 	not a sign that the bird can sing          no humming please	nor a fiddle
by name alone		befickled of reputation.		(I’ve overheard it said)      only a man 
or a lesbian 	could stroke those curves    make it sing so	(like a beast)	make the maker
redundant.	And behind his hand, hinted in the dark    you know   how she might as well

smoke enormous cigars          drink stout          play golf     (insane I hear) a rodent humming
rat-catching 	fetching finches           teach them all that as well           sixteen years of age.
Watch how the world would play  (make believe)  if not for Neruda   or the great painters. 
Hang the answer in the Halles   see the birdie in the picture    a goldfinch   go look for the 
sign! Bellini is there    copying a feminine figure onto canvas    curves out of the frame
(read an artist’s eye) 	a violin and a woman             bleed together          a medieval beast

mixed from the same oil.     No need for such humming	gentlemen (we’re English).
Remember that	the beak holds no more (significance) than the feather.	Sshh
The picture is speaking           (a beast) of grace          sixteen bunches of erase-me-nots.
Even the devil’s fiddler had an answer	      insanity of sorts          imitations of a donkey
swatch of horse hair 	this is the sign in defence of she          who would not be silenced 
(insulted)           those finches perched high on a single string (to whom do they belong?)

Yes, the witches will dance	on the grass	underneath the walnut tree (despite)
hubbub of howling            insane humming like tinnitus   a tribe of warriors	in your ear!
Give it time and you will see the sign	    (think back) how the fiddler fitted	    right into
the crowd of sixteen revellers (swooners)            black of dress, of hair, of eye, of bird.
The beast cries out   mad wicked folly    liberates finches and ladies (Victoria is not amused).
One by one          he creates a star in the midst          convenes a meeting of the weird sisters.

Sister	do not consent to be sung           only in the manner they wish (understand)      you
alone can cause your wooden lung to sing it real    listen     (Nicolo’s) little bell     beast
of kind reply	   for this is the sign	   hear your goldfinch   twitter at the tip of the steeple.
Strike the violin sixteen times in staccato	study in Italy (or France)            call home
any place where the Master prizes talent    above all humming   stride forward through time
insanity has a  magnificent portal       (with gilded cornices)        twelve foot mirrors.

I will foster a fine bowing arm   (fine beau on my arm)  keep sixteen finches and a humming
bird     sign of a beast.  My violin of tender years     kissed by the old fiddler    as if an ancient
Cremona at auction.  Delicious insanity! Witch be near me. Mirror me on the path of Neruda.
Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Seven Years, to the Day

His cursive writing. His presence.
This old green logbook to help find lost bushwalkers
Makes him seem right behind that ghost gum.

Blood that took half a decade to purify.
This man, my father who lay in this hut.
In the top bunk, shivering, small, broken.

The bravado had worn off – his boots
Were giving him hell, he wore mine and
I wore thongs. I didn’t stop for boulders.

We walked out back of the dam for a few days.
After his son lay face up beside a grasstree. I wrote:
Sitting here on the ridge, those tiger snakes are still out of reach.

I hoped he might join the dreamers,
Start walking, maybe write some poems
About kangaroos and red-tailed black cockatoos.

But he blamed himself, after blaming everyone else
and we haven’t spoken for seven years.
I return to the hut, to the day, written in the logbook.

I run my finger over his handwriting,
His abbreviation for Mundaring mirroring mine.
He’s not here, he’s not here.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Black-figured Greek urn (lekythos), dreaming

Perhaps the urn was made all those years ago
not to hold oil, which it has never held, not
as the ground for the pictures, which
have chipped off, though a hand remains
unattached to a person, not to be carried
from place to place, though its handles are still
intact, but to dream of the museum,
and the museum attendants, daydreaming
in corners, and the mother, holding
the hand of the little girl in the itchy
red wool, passing the older girl a pencil,
to make a sketch of the urn. Instead, the urn
dreams of a photographer, walking briskly
through the museum not looking
at the objects in the cases, or even at
the other people looking, but at the way
the ceiling lights are reflected in the glass.

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged

Response in Negative

Wrote an extensive treatise
insisting Life is change,

having canvassed the canons,
philosophy, science, so on,

but centring on one life—
I renounce it all.

Should not have changed.
Should have stayed

cleanly bathed in my light-
house gaze, casting, in return,

his own glow. One consummate
arrangement, one time.

Couldn’t. The chrysalis split,
released a whole

other answer despite all.
What I wouldn’t forgo

to reverse, all the way back
to completion’s

precise source, that walk
along the shiny corridor,

pushing the tiny, trans-
lucent crib, asking,

exultantly, Is he mine?
Is he really mine?

Posted in 66: OBSOLETE | Tagged