Stand-up Comedy: A Scene of Paradoxes

After one year, 80 gigs and countless nights worrying, I finally told my parents I did stand-up comedy. As the daughter of first generation migrants from India, I’ve always felt like I’ve been living with a dual existence, especially while following and fostering a career in the arts. Like poetry, which I studied passionately at university, what I love about comedy is its ability to explore and express paradoxes, an art form which in itself carries irresolvable contradictions. I’ve been writing and performing stand-up for five years now and in this essay I outline three areas of comedy which include at the same time as they elude, binary thinking. While there is a disproportionate lack of academic writing on comedy (dating back to the Ancient Greeks), people have long been pondering the question of what makes us laugh. Speaking from my first-hand experience and research, I will explore this question with regard to the process of writing and performing comedy, navigating the politics of performing as a woman of colour, and ultimately co-creating each performance with a different audience.

When I started comedy, I found its honest accessibility, a refreshing change from the academic hierarchies which often govern other art-forms. Due to its populist nature, stand-up comedy is sometimes considered the ‘most democratic of art forms’ (Lintott, 2020, 397). You don’t need any qualifications to understand comedy as an audience member and virtually anyone can try stand-up comedy by signing up to one of many open-mic nights in the city, for free. However, this very anti-institutionalist nature of comedy made it difficult to learn, there was no method except to simply go out there and practice in front of judging audiences. Although it is growing in popularity, comedy is difficult to analyse using the traditional academic methods used to discuss other art forms, due to its use of colloquial language and because its success depends so heavily on changing audiences (Brodie, 2020). In this way, stand-up comedy is elusive. Part of the mastery and technique of a seasoned stand-up comic is to make the act seem effortless. When you watch a great stand-up, it is as if they are re-telling their stories for the first time, to you as a friend. As Ian Brodie identifies, a comic’s ‘technique and mastery’ when interacting with different audiences is as much a part of the act, as the ‘generation of material’ (2020, 402). No other art form is so dependent on particular audiences, with the ultimate goal to be as natural and carefree as possible, on stage.

Furthermore, ‘unlike other aesthetic modes, comedy does not translate or age well’ (McGowan, 2017, 3).

Comedy is highly contextual and what might have been ground-breaking, novel and hilarious in the 1950s, rarely has the same effect today (with the exception of physical comedy due to its instantaneous nature). As McGowan identifies, ‘part of the joy of comedy involves giving oneself over to the immediacy of the experience’ (2017, 3). Nothing can really replace the experience of being in a live comedy venue, watching an act with the particular audience that has gathered to the event. The fleeting nature of the comic moment or event is comprised of much more than simply the written comic material (for example, the venue, the audience, the other acts on the line-up all vary the outcome) and this makes it difficult to universally theorise stand-up comedy (McGowan, 2020).

So then, what makes something funny? There are some general rules to writing comedy that I’ve found useful. In most cases, we laugh when a comic surprises us (McGowan, 2017). This usually happens when two disparate ideas are paired together in an unexpected way, also known as one of the three classic theories of comedy, the ‘Incongruity theory’ (Keisalo, 2018, Green and Linders, 2016, Tully, 2017). For example, Melbourne comic Sashi Perera creates an unexpectedly funny link between the disparate ideas of sunscreen and colonisation:

My partner, he’s white. For those of you who don’t see colour, I’m brown and I find white people wildly confusing. I watch him put sunscreen on in winter and I think ‘How did your people, so successfully, colonise so many countries?’ Was it a night time raid? Is this why you always ‘strike at dawn’? I thought it was a military tactic, turns out it’s skin protection.’

The other two classic theories of comedy are referred to as ‘Superiority theory’, where an ‘in-group’ laugh at the expense of an ‘out group’, emphasising comedy’s ability to further segregate people (Green and Linders, 2016, 243), and ‘Relief theory’, first coined by Freud as a release of tension or superfluous energy (Keisalo, 2018, 118). Australian comic Hannah Gadsby in her famous special Nanette, refers to the essential structure of a joke in a similar vein, as the artificial development of tension and release (Giuffre, 2021, 29). Comedians also often use irony or word-play to convey a funny truth. For example, Melbourne comedian Jonathan Schuster’s joke actualises what is funny about the line, in the sentence itself, and we laugh with recognition:

They say stuttering is hereditary, I got my stutter from my great great great great great great Grandfather’

A popular way of understanding the comic character is as either an ‘insane person in a sane world, or a sane person in an insane world’ (Keisalo, 2018, 123). Australian comedian Anne Edmonds often embodies both of these scenarios. When performing as her much-loved character Helen Bidou, we see an unnaturally tanned, highly strung and outrageous woman in a bright sarong, confronting everyday situations, comedically. However, when Edmonds performs as herself, the situation is reversed and audiences laugh with her as she uncovers relatable truths:

I did the lockdown with my partner, we’ve been together for two years but after that lockdown it feels like we’re about to celebrate our golden jubilee.
(2021, MICF Opening Night Comedy All Stars)

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House Style Lifestyle, Or: Same. Same. Same. Same. Same. Same.


Image by Lauren Connelly.

3920 words. 22-minute read.

Welcome to the world of snackable content.

Listen closely: like an ambient soundscape, its soft tides wash over you and you devour it quickly. Sometimes, it repeats an opinion you’ve already developed, affirming previously held beliefs. From afar this tone appears poetic but zoom in closer and you will see that they are generated to trigger particular affective feeling – what Sianne Ngai describes as ‘the aesthetic experience in which astonishment is paradoxically united with boredom’. Did SEO create this monster? Or was it the inner workings of the thing we now call capitalist realism? The answers lie inside your personal algorithm, an enigmatic void that soothes your soul with its mirrors.

Indeed, non-space (1992) is to Junkspace (2001) is to Airspace (2017). In Marc Augé’s Non-Places: Introduction to an Anthropology of Supermodernity, he defines a ‘non-place’ as one which ‘mediate[s] a whole mass of relations, with the self and with others, which are only indirectly connected with their purposes.’ To Augé, a non-place is a ‘banal utopia’. Rem Koolhaas takes that proposition further – in ‘Junkspace’, he conveys his frustrations in an essay that could be likened to a koan; junkspace is something ‘which cannot be remembered […] Flamboyant yet unmemorable, like a screen saver; its refusal to freeze ensures instant amnesia.’ Closer to the present, Kyle Chayka remixes both to present Airspace, what he observes as ‘the realm of coffee shops, bars, startup offices, and co-live/work spaces that share the same hallmarks everywhere you go: a profusion of symbols of comfort and quality, at least to a certain connoisseurial mindset.’ We sense a collision: each pylon collapsing into one another, its superstructure held together by an ongoing desire for convenience and comfort.

As we collectively dive deeper into this world, one in which that is shaped by larger forces we cannot control, we can see that these facsimiles of feeling arise in situations that maximise rapidly with time, like a slew of cascading windows gone rogue. It reminds me of ‘kipple’, a word made-up by Philip K Dick in Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? In the novel, a character named John Isidore tells a girl that ‘kipple is useless objects, like junk mail or match folders after you use the last match or gum wrappers or yesterday’s homeopape.’ It is an unavoidable annoyance that ‘always gets more and more’, akin to Gresham’s law, in which ‘bad money drives out good’. As kipple accumulates – à la Koolhaas’ ‘there is no form, only accumulation…’ – Isidore warns, ‘[…] the entire universe will be moving toward a final state of total, absolute kippleization.’

These thoughts are, in one part, made up of many nodes and functionalities. We arrive at the problems surrounding predictive text. Perhaps it is here that we can ask ourselves, what came first: the human or the machine? Or is this distinction no longer useful in a world where our corporeality have become so entangled with that of technology? Both entities find themselves caught in a forever loop that echoes Nietzche’s idea of the eternal return. It ‘looks like several historical efforts to the same end’, as Crystal Chokshi notes. Through the mechanisations of the recommendations algorithm, it results in ‘the delegitimisation of orality, the construction of a Queen’s English, and the derision of AAVE, to name a few.’ If language has no rules and belongs to no one, then its limits betray its alleged expanse. We need to recycle subversively, or perhaps invent a different apparatus altogether.

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On the Holding of Spaces for Essaying Into

*humming

REFRAIN

All
It’s a putting oneself into a space of deliberate uncertainty. Stepping into the unknown. A
practicing in that space. Training. It’s about thinking provisionally. Speaking small. Not for
all.

It’s about languaging. Being attentive to words, to meaning. To the meaning that can be smuggled in however unwittingly.

It’s about taking seriously – which might have nothing whatsoever to do with being serious.

*velco rips

FIVE SOLOS

Peta
I can’t bear it. I can’t bear to do another guest spot from the comfort of my terrarium. And so
I have travelled all this way to share an hour with you within which we may inlay ourselves
upon the essay unfurled.

Yet here I must furl this, instead, my part for this – ummmm – essaimblage. This essaying into.

To be furled is to be gathered into a compact roll and bound securely, such as one might wind a sail against a spar or a flag against a staff. And so, I furl myself this here, now, and lie on the floor in my terrarium curled up in a tight little ball to wait for an online appointment to do an online workout with an online guy who will talk me through a range of motions and exercise I could readily talk myself through, if I only had the will and the wherewithal to make the attempt.

*a round of applause

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‘Seeking to be here, doing this’: Po-Essaying into Agro-ecological Thinking


Missy the pig.

PART I

Turn-Pig

JLW

Turn: We take a wrong turn and travel several kilometres in the wrong direction. A speeding car on our tail forces us onward, but we spot a wide driveway up ahead, indicate, slow and veer off.

Pig: I don’t eat pork. Dislike its taste and texture. Perhaps this is because my mother is a terrible cook, her meats always tough and dry. Her roast pork is particularly terrible, grey and rough on the teeth. Many times, she would say ‘I’m making pork for dinner’ and I would reply ‘I don’t eat pork, Mum’.


Turn: I grew up around these lands but still, we lazily rely on satellites to guide our turns; at one point, the Google avatar tells us to take the fifth exit at a roundabout, where only four roads meet.

Pig: It is difficult to gift someone with the likeness of a pig – via knick knack, figurine, toy, mug, pencil topper, t-shirt. Fat pig. Greedy pig. ‘Pig’ has swerved through language into rough territory. ‘I thought of you and bought you this pig’.


Turn: Left onto an unsealed road, we are running late. I am anxious – I don’t like to keep people waiting. A sign up ahead indicates Jonai Farms. I know Tammi Jonas from my days at Melbourne Uni in the mid-2000s; we were both in the PhD program and involved in a casual poetry reading and writing group with other students. I remember Tammi as a commanding presence, never shy of tongue. I do not want to be late for Tammi.

Pig: Piglet was my favourite character from Winnie-the-Pooh. Regularly depicted with a hand clapped against each cheek and his eyebrows furrowed, his anxiety was clearly out of control. It’s possible that I identify more with Piglet now than when I was a child. My eyebrows are sparse and oddly shaped because I pull the hairs out one by one. I do not realise that I am doing this until I am significantly less capable of facial expression.


Turn: I read on the website that Jonai Farms does many things, including: raising ‘happy, tasty, heritage-breed Large Black pigs on pasture’; enacting ‘food sovereignty, which asserts everyone’s right to culturally appropriate nutritious and delicious food grown in ecologically-sound and ethical ways’; ‘living a life in common with nature’; diverting organic waste from landfill to feed pigs; and delivering ‘a full nose to tail no-waste offering,’ as pigs are used for cured meat, pate, bone stock, soap and bone char fertiliser.

Pig: My mother uses the word ‘pigsty’ to describe an untidy house. My mother despairs at my pigsty. I, too, despair. I tell her that I am too busy at work and too depressed to tidy my house.


Turn: We park the car and wander around a shed, past a large wooden crate filled with lemons. Winter, the mud is slick on pathways carved by footwork into grassy patches. We are unsure where exactly to present ourselves, but a woman in a vegetable garden recognises our befuddlement and shepherds us through a door into a kitchen – this is, it turns out, the main house. Tammi is in the kitchen frying almonds for a salad. It has been several years since we’ve seen each other, perhaps eight or nine. When her youngest child breezes into the room in a rustic poncho – he’s a head taller than me and now seventeen – I recalculate the reunion at closer to eleven years.

Pig: Homer Simpson doesn’t believe his daughter’s claim that bacon, ham and pork chops all come from the same animal. His ‘BBBQ’ pig-on-a-spit ends up flying a significant distance.


Turn: A friend of mine used to be (still is?) mad on cheap meats; he would stock his freezer with plastic-wrapped, marked-down cuts of steak and chops. This always puzzled me because he had a very well-paid job, could surely afford and enjoy a full-priced rack of lamb or eye fillet. And yet, part of me also appreciated that at least those meats did not wind up in a skip out the back of a supermarket, on the way to landfill.

Pig: There’s an ad on TV where a piglet, supported by a cast of other factory farm pigs and chickens, sings ‘Somewhere’ from West Side Story. Tammi says that Cheap meats are not cheap when you look at the impacts of that food.


Turn: I am guilty, of course I am, of buying too many foods in plastic packaging; of ill-considered air travel; of lazy comforts; too many clothes; too little time outdoors; of turning away from the earth. But guilt alone is not particularly productive.

Pig: A few years back, I meet my grandparents and parents at a small-town art show; we have scones and tea and drift past works on paper, canvas, wood. For the most part, the art is amateur and unremarkable. But there is one piece that draws me in, a big sow standing under cover of trees, a corner of hopeful blue sky in the left-hand corner. The artist has called it ‘Piggly Wiggly’, and I pay sixty-five dollars to take it home and mount it above my mantlepiece.


Turn: Tammi and I catch up on years existing beyond one another’s radar by piecing together the puzzle of common acquaintances and their activities. The picture we construct together is far-flung, multi-scened and speculative.

Pig: In high school a teacher showed us a video of animal testing, and one ‘test’ saw a team of men lift a piglet onto a table and then torch its skin while it writhed in agony. I remember nothing of the rest of the video. Perhaps because I puzzled over their intentions with this activity for days. The similarity between human and pig skin renders them prime candidates for biomedical research, yes, but of course a pig will burn if you set it on fire.


Turn: We are welcomed to a large table with many faces, enjoy pho, bread, cheese, butter and tea with milk and honey and lemon cake—all food made from ingredients gleaned from the farm. A table of fleshy faces is overwhelming in the wake of more than a year of pandemic isolation in Victoria. Tammi passes around a recent newspaper article with a headline characterising this place as an ‘abstract farm’. The whole table laughs.

Pig: When I first spot her in a patch of cavorting piglets she does not have a name, but my eyes home in, my mouth turns down like a sad fish. She is half the size of her siblings, perhaps smaller. Instantly, she is my favourite. We walk on to see other pigs in other paddocks, a couple of boars, some cattle. I want to circle back to the little runt, to maybe give her a pat on the head.


Turn: A recent dream: I am driving my father’s very old Mercedes. It is night, and although I am driving slowly, I am unable to fully control the vehicle. When I veer off the road the car begins to turn over until I am upside down.

Pig: I am assuming from Tammi’s matter-of-factness about the runt of a litter that this is a what-will-be-will-be situation. And here I am, elevating an animal above others for its cuteness. For a brief moment, I think about the yard at the front of my house, how it might become a home for a tiny pig. I know this is the kind of thinking that gets baby animals under Christmas trees and then tossed out for adoption when they grow too big. But, back at the first paddock, the runt now standing alone and shivering in the mud with her head lowered, I begin to squeal.


Turn: Later that night, I receive a text—a photo of Betty snuggled in a box with blankets. Tammi had lifted her out of the paddock and leapt over the electric fence as the big mother sow barrelled towards us, screaming her heft along the fence-line. I don’t think this is the usual way, that all strugglers are swaddled and hand-raised until strong-enough for paddock life.

Pig: Betty will not be saved, will not become ‘pet’. Betty will grow big and strong and enjoy her pig life in wide open spaces. She will nose around in dirt and grind grubs between her teeth. And one day, she will become: meat, pate, bone stock, soap, bone char fertiliser.


Turn: It’s been a particularly tough few months at work; everyone is strung-out, exhausted. Full days in front of a screen, the meetings and tasks are endless. I fantasise about all the things I can do with my pay check – a deluxe holiday that’s nothing but supremely comfortable; a new cardigan that is hand-knitted by a talented old lady and sourced by a boutique in Sydney; a box of expensive cheese delivered from Melbourne; a meal at some over-priced restaurant when we’re out of lockdown. Excess and fear dangle a carrot at the limit point of extreme discomfort.

Pig: I read on the World Animal Protection website that pigs have a very good sense of direction and are capable of finding their way home across considerable distances.

Yesterday, I pushed back from my computer and got down on all fours. I could see cat hairs trapped in the carpet, little clumps of dirt, bits of stuff that had fallen from bodies. I started to shake, too energetic at first, but then I got it down to a slow, rhythmic sway. And after that, I was able to stop completely, and figure out my next move.


Betty gets snuggled.

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AMBLE Editorial

SG

As I sat down to write this, I realised that this is the second project that we’ve worked on together during a lockdown. Although we devised the theme for this issue between lockdowns (sitting in a café – imagine that!), the bulk of the reading and curating was done while the city we both live in was well into its fifth (or sixth – I’m losing count) lockdown. And solitude makes for a strange context in which to work creatively, and collaboratively.

I wanted to start by reflecting on the very nature of accepting and rejecting poems for an issue of a magazine. There are so many factors that go into it, not least our own preferences, interests, contexts and poetic leanings (thankfully, we overlapped enough to make the process cohesive!). On top of that though, there is also interpretation of theme, the ways that poems fit in with each other, the fine line between threads of commonality and repetition. Which is all to say that the process of being a gatekeeper, an arbiter of taste, is uneasy and deeply subjective, and there were a lot of wonderful poems we were unable to include.

It’s raining as I write this, and I keep coming back to Jazz Money’s poem ‘if that ghost is still here come morning’ and the way it flows aesthetically across the screen – like water. I remember reading once that scientists believe water can hold memories, and I get a sense of that aliveness through Jazz’s poem, with its ghosts collapsing the linearity of time and place. That collapse – or wormhole, or layering, what W G Sebald aptly calls ‘historical metaphysics’ – is something that we spoke about early in discussions of AMBLE, and as a concept it has come through so beautifully in the breadth of poems that comprise this issue.

EG

I kept trying to find solace in thinking about reading and spending time with poetry as a welcome space in lockdown – the expansion of time it allowed, to help me push back against everything shrinking and slowing. And there was this, but also, as you say, we read these in the context of fifth and sixth lockdowns, and it changed how we organised ourselves around the collaborative process of reading and selecting poems together.

The uneasy and subjective (this is an accurate phrase, so I’m borrowing it) process of selecting poems felt more heightened in this process because of the solitude, I think. But for all the things I wish we could’ve done in this little collab (I’d imagined us on a lounge room floor, reading aloud to each other, revelling in the sounds of the words), I remain impressed by the incredibly high quality of submissions we received overall. To send poems out into the world is a brave thing.

I had imagined AMBLE as a theme to explore its limitations as well as its depths – I had hoped for poems that went beyond what my meagre little lockdown brain could fathom. Poems such as Rosie Isaac’s ‘i saw it in parts’, with its circular, smooth steps, buoyed me. Other poems are quiet but startling. I often come back to Rae White’s line ‘please, register me’ in their poem ‘as climate change descends, i wait to be immortalised’. Its startling simplicity. And Georgia Kartas’s ‘time travels south / into the gut / and pelvis’, in their poem ‘spooky action at a distance’, reminds us of those collapsing categories of physical world, time, body. You mention the Sebaldian wormhole collapse, too – I think it’s that, though I also have even less of a sense of the shape of it. This was perhaps also the challenge for us in this theme – how to create a shape, in the form of selected poems brought together, arranged in tiled links on a screen, from a theme that is in many ways quite uncontainable.

Each poem in this issue brings out a new aspect of AMBLE that surprised, delighted or floored us. Sometimes they took what might have been a predictable interpretation in lesser hands, but executed it in a singular way. I hope readers find joy, solace, solidarity in rage, in this selection.

To end, I want to note that, in contrast to when you wrote the start of this editorial, I am writing this on a bright day – there might be a storm soon but the sky is springish and blue and my body is urging me for a physical manifestation of this issue’s theme.

SG

You’re right in honing in on the expansive physicality of the poems in this issue, and I’m not sure if it’s an effect of the prolonged lockdown or a response to the theme (probably both) but there is a palpable embodiedness in the poems that we received and selected. And by that, I mean the deep sense of interconnection that binds us to one another, to past and future, to air and earth. This is what we were imagining AMBLE could encompass, and the pleasure of the process was finding that it exceeded our own imaginations. In her poem ‘an island is an archive’ Kiki Amberber so deftly finds resonance with this, as you say, uncontainability:

the water exists in a blue dream and its hands are big enough to hold
this, too can slow drip reverberations
or webbed silken promises
the water carves out a new retelling

Time now for me to join you, to leave this screen and step out into the blue.

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A Show of Hands: 10 Works by Michelle Leber

My series investigates fragmented, often disruptive histories, relinquishing control to offer the humble hand a narrative. Dutiful, five-pronged, deft-hinged and symbolically arranged – what do those once-arboreal human appendages reveal when words cannot decide? Inside the Greek Alphabet of Altered States, pandemic’s prison and its creative discourse, like Emily Dickinson, I felt my life with both hands to see if I was there.


Michelle Leber | Necessary Agitation with Rampant Undertone | Paper collage | cm | 2021

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Not Touching the Void, Listening for the Drip: Witnessing Water Cycles


The Watermaker | Catherine Cassidy | 107 x 162 cm | polymers, vinyl aerosol, polycanvas | October 2021.

‘The Watermaker’ by Catherine Cassidy

This year I have recently exhibited a body of work related to my thoughts on ephemeral water, markings and patterns, rivers and lakes that come and go in arid regions of Australia.

This painting titled The Watermaker comes as a natural progression of these ideas. As a landscape painter, used to travelling to remote and arid regions to develop work, I have been very lucky in lockdown to have this storehouse of imagery to dwell on and enlarge and to have had a small window of brief travel opportunity from my Sydney studio into Victoria.

As I researched the area of ancient volcanic ground along the Loddon and Coliban Rivers in Central Victoria alongside my daughter, poet Bonny Cassidy (incidentally my old home grounds) my thoughts pushed further into the origins and beginnings of water systems and I began to think on how water is born, its actual beginnings in deep time.

The idea that a river is born at all and in fact can be born from a volcano, stuck with me and I hope it has made its presence known in this work.

As much as a painting can really only represent its own truth, sometimes it can also hold something of a deeper nature, a resonance of time and motion and hopefully, in this case, a broader echo, almost a journey to the centre of the earth.

As these ideas developed and as imagery began to become manifest, the underground, secret world of water became quite insistent. What is happening, has been happening down there, all that falling and rushing and spilling of invisible water.

Although my research along these Victorian rivers and watersheds have specific names and are bound to maps and technical indications of place, I wanted to unbind them, to make an image which carried a much wider resonance than these written signs we see and follow as travellers.

My understanding of an Eastern view of the ‘void’, a continuous presentation within a painting, is my constant companion as I paint and stands the Western view of the void as a place of almost negation, of nothingness, on its head.

It holds the most generative part of the painting. The water falls, it is always falling, even unseen. My mark making, mingling with thoughts of time and secret tides, became a shower of this continual presence and holds all rivers and their making.

The quote below sits on my studio wall to remind me of the next destination I need to travel to after all the observation and the thinking is done …

‘On the limited surface of a painting, later with the heart, as in the void.’
–Shi-T’ao

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At the National Portrait Gallery: A Short Sequence

– – (Part)

I’m unsure
what is happening even
as it occurs. It’s spring, to

be sure. E.E. Cummings is on
the rise & quickens with the running
sap. (What season was he but spring?)

In this moment, I have lost my train, misplaced
my concentration, and in straying, I’ve discovered
something else and in finding this else I have mislaid
my sense of direction.

– – All of

these accents are mine. (Little gifts the size of
syllables. Little gestures the space
of nodding.)

(- – Whole)

I have wandered into
beauty: magpie chattering

by the lake, foisting
its anxiety, arguing

with itself. The sun wears
a pale yellow dress, twirls, then stands along

the wall minding the clouds.
The security guard calls me

love, and I walk into the building
backwards. Nothing is free,

though there’s no entrance fee.
Everything around me is man-

made, except the water’s ripples & the king-
parrot’s whistling. When impulse lurches,

and I find myself
in an empty gallery,

what are my hands
holding?

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Grave

The lovers are taking it slow. They are drawing out
the days of nothingness, making them last.

Who will be the first to go? Who dares to answer
such questions? The lovers in church are praying

only for each other. They are tracing the edge
of the shore with their footprints. What have they

done that they have not yet been forgiven for?
There is still time to replace the curtains,

to oil the gate so it may close again without
crying. Now is the moment. The lovers know this

as they head home now, evening drawing
their bodies closer, slowing their steps

at a momentous pace, as words fold away
into the spaces even memory cannot reach.

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Sandstone Caves

Gamilaroi Country
with respect

We rumble the turnoff
Quieting wood song on stone
Pick Hardenbergia sprigs
Purple haze to hang
On the rear view mirror

Empty face staring she
Swivels tack waiting
Out of frame a sphinx looks
Up two steps more a Monaro
In the backyard familial

Alcoves contain only absence
Carved with emu feet walls of
Swirling rain pastel smoke
Faint whispers behind open
Windows on outstretched arms

Framed by spindly trusses holding
Bluest sky sharing Uncle’s
Laminated face incongruous
The only one who shows himself
A ghost or a song we might sing

For ersatz seekers in urban black
Scrambling inside digging footprints
In this sacred dust they say
Well others were here

She turns on her long legs
Faces the heat frozen crest
Marathoners straggling behind
Slowly drink in the clouds

I wait in the wave face shadow
Struggle to reconcile for we
Cannot unhang the purple haze
What’s done has left these
Afterimages of illuminance

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The Star

I return to the valleys and hills, following channels overland into dips.

The ceiling’s low, roof gone. I taste yellow smoke mixing with the roots of a cloudbank. Lichen moves fast and waits to dry.

People here talk about the mountain. On a ledge off its skull I watched flocks of mist. The bark behind me was vapour-soaked, streaming as air collided with trunks. The ledge drooled, too – increasing itself, raining onto boulders below, onto people.

There’s no road. A marsh overflows. At sunrise it’s liquid heat, during a shower it bounces. Night, it’s a puddle or a shaft.

A hearth at each end with strong stone mantles, faces scraped with the design.

A full well is a disc on the field, I stumble from it, into a gutter dug in a large rectangle, a charm.

Two crows make a clay bowl and set it on a bough. The people are bent away from me tending to something on the ground. Feathers are twined through dung and small flowers or insects appear. Whatever stirs, shifts earth and stone around it like a skin.

Under the mountain, a mountain-sized dish. I recall some place where the tide passes rapidly through a city, loud as blood.

These people leave stumps, and inside the stumps hollows of peat like broken pots that collect and spill. It’s a big world.

I join them standing under the owls, who will not speak. We’re in a crater looking up. Our voices sink.

I can’t see a road. My chunk of stone grows, overflows with dew. What doesn’t absorb goes upwards, I touch it speeding along splitting into three or four ways. People tell a story about form.

When is a bridge no longer a bridge? As the creek goes under it becomes a river. The road enters it willingly. Plains stand high above. I throw in armfuls of sticks including the big one I carried for protection.

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Song for the Dead

1

dead boats, do we row you do we row you
cloud and dust cloud and dust, we bow to you
we bow to you, one eye, two eyes, three eyes, four
we are fools to love you, to love makes us fools lost
fools lost in the crowd, long lone roads long lone roads
to you to you to you from the crowd low low low and loud

2

a row of sea birds black, black sea
to and from the start, to and through the end
sit, pop, sit they ask in their way for you to sit for them
kids jump on the bed, no no they are not meant to but they do
do you see the one at the end, the one at the most far end, the one so far
from us? you are not meant to see them well but you do, you do not sit down well
for them, you do not sit down well for them at all, pop, sit down, do not wait for them to
ask but you do

3

but they ask, they ask, and it sings to the muse
it is time, it is time to fall in love, do not hear it
oh but bees do fall but bees do die
they ask us not to speak of the light or the blue birds, they ask
they ask the book
not to see, not to hear,
some ghost is there on the stairs
oh but bees are ghosts they glow pale on their backs
black eyes, black moon eyes, eyes of pure bees

4

good men are hard to find, good men are hard, but to find them is not good

5
bones are dry, bones are white

you grow a tail, I grow a horn
we go and hunt, in a white room, in a snow white dawn

cause and end

mute swans

6
on a red dune, on a dead red hill, mane is tossed down the side, mane is pulled off
dog scares the crows, black oaths, black full and whole, feel the child a hole
to and fro, back and forth tooth is lacked, mind is sunk, slack, clacks
move with me
mouth froths
hair grows and hides the bush

lone long day
in the long lone night

tired hand meets tired meat

eyes, they cried
they are now, done dried sleet

7
fish in the green sea bed
fish in the dark green sea
fish in the bed of rocks
a bowl of change, a bowl of fish
a fin and an eye on a plate cupped nerves

loose breasts swim

old girls, old boys,
learn to sing

8

it was a block of wood, no one saw it there
if it was a lump of gold, it might have been gone

9

monk fish, gold fish, stone fish, fish of a kind
soup of a mix

10
none saw and knew, these cars, these chains, keys to a new world
none knew or saw the old world as a thing as well loved and well made
none but the felt hats, the name cards, the foam in the bags and next to the box
there were bills
there was a brush
there were ducks in the pond
a weed holds his seeds
one here, one there, one
needs to know and see
for the love of god
for the light of life at its height
our fools do love to love

let them eat, let them sleep, let
let’s let them

11
bird on a spit, bird on a brown nude bough
two stones in a well, two dumb stones add to the dead weight of light

12
no time to change, no time at all, we row home, we row home
lone and we mourn, lone and we mourn, lone with the bees we mourn
lone lone lone with the bees and dead things and good as one, as good as one

some one spoke
but none heard.
Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

still work

new year’s day (in kayaks)

raindrops
              ringing up
from shadowfield and goosepimpling
the surface

I want to enter the grey palette
of low hills and saltwater

diffuse where they softly touch.

we watched shorebirds ceaseless in the mud
and all facing one direction

we are always swallowing and forgetting.
more time for watching, less for forgetting

even better to fall upwards like rain

~ ~ ~

in the evening I visit our apartment

I visit my books, my instruments, the plants

I visit the kitchen and cook a meal

I do some stretches while listening to Palestinian rage and despair

I wonder whether the sun came today,
              what sounds alighted on our surfaces

~ ~ ~

              from Anne Boyer’s Handbook of Disappointed Fate, p.11

“Poetry is sometimes a no. Its relative silence is the negative’s underhanded form of singing. Its flights into a wide-ranged interior are, in the world of fervid external motion, sometimes a method of standing still.”

~ ~ ~

on sunday afternoons we visit the park named
for the bicentenary of my ancestors’ invasion

its creeks, canals and wetlands have held refuse from
abattoir, brickworks, armoury, arnott’s biscuit factory

the pathways are jewelled with wonderful words: beaded glasswort, samphire,
spoonbill, avocet, buoyant propagule, east asian australasian flyway

~ ~ ~

The book I will write is spacious and slow. It is a book that will look into the branches and beyond to the sky. A sky whose colour is the opposite of busy; a sky with a membrane moon. It is a book that says East Asian Australasian Flyway. It is a book that says work removes us from the world. It is a book that says simply, I wish my mum was still here. It it a book that says fuck productivity, free Palestine, stop Black deaths in custody, Climate Justice Now. It is a book without a schedule. A book for a kid I teach, who, when asked why we say Acknowledgement of Country, replied: it’s important to say thanks cos it’s a wonderful world. Who also wanted to turn road signs upside down so bats could read them.

The book will sleep.

~ ~ ~

it will begin and never end here in the geological strata of sound
lorikeets; homebush bay drive
lapwings; bike bells; snatches of chatter
fairy wrens; lone currawongs; wind in casuarinas

at the anti-climax the cars and trucks on homebush bay drive will stop for a breath. maybe christmas day. maybe a lockdown.

~ ~ ~

              Anne Boyer writes about Karin Brodin’s poem “Woman sitting at the Machine, Thinking”, Handbook of Disappointed Fate, p.173

Woman Sitting at the Machine, Thinking is about what occurs in the moment that interrupts poetry: work. When the poems were written and people could still get full-time jobs, the moment that interrupted poetry was from 9 to 5. Even then, though, work in the U.S. was seeping out if its forty hour container, spreading onto everything. . .

Woman Sitting at the Machine, Thinking is about what work takes from workers, but also about what it can’t take: intelligence, resistance, solidarity, action on the street, and dreams like ‘the buildings around us are plastered with hundreds of / red stickers that shout STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE.’”

But work, or too much of it, takes this from us too.

To start: shorter work days in winter / mandated time with the daytime sky

~ ~ ~

my job’s intensity is its own species of beauty

the knowing and loving
a sublimation into the worlds of people newly made, newly discovering
the wonder and horror of their inheritance,
putting language and gesture to it all, asking why why why
but I am not teaching them to go slow, and the work is not

the sky, not my family, not my friends opening and closing and opening unto one another, not
fumbling new modes of home-making, not fuck productivity, not free Palestine

~ ~ ~

the music will be lento, grave, adagio; at most andante, cantabile

~ ~ ~

dad on his bike

riding around the place, staying active,
              avoiding idleness, avoiding dwelling, avoiding isolation,
whacking grief’s flat ball on its predictable arc

he sees a cello case next to a woman, says hello, says are you a musician
the cellist says yes, I run a string group at the school
dad straightens, says my wife started music there, narelle, she taught music there for decades,
narelle, all the kids know her, choir, xylophones, piano, musicals,
the cellist shakes her head, hasn’t heard of her

he recounts this on the phone
and we understand that the work of remembering will not be done by the world but only by our
clumsy unrehearsed hands while the world skips brightly away
and I remember walking to the shop together after her mind and body had begun to loosen like scree
and two boys, former piano students, said confidently hi narelle, then looked closer and looked at
one another and said, is that narelle, and I said loudly yes it’s her, and the boys looked
uncomfortable and slipped away, and her face crumpled or was it mine

~ ~ ~

lying on the hill while miscarrying

pelican pelican plane
and tall casuarinas admitting
the gold part of light

the girls kicking a ball on the sideline and the dads playing soccer don’t know I am bleeding,
and that the bleeding is a miscarriage. It’s new to me too.

I am miscarrying on the hill next to the soccer game,
eating a pie and drinking a coffee
from the canteen

I know now I am part of the unseen demographic People Miscarrying in Public

the sloping grass is hungry for the afternoon sun

I am hungry for the sloping grass,

and the sounds bouncing at a remove;
they don’t need me

my miscarriage compels me to lie here
and love the coffee cup and wrinkled paper bag;
love the formation of pelican pelican plane that
looked like this above casuarinas

A series of lines, mostly vertical.





~ ~ ~

on the bus home

the sky could do anything and it did

its pink buffed the dirty asphalt,
making the tiled floor of an empty car showroom
a mirrored pool

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

graceland

on the way to yamma’s
white lines paint the boundary
the fittest tyre on my back
curls
lance the navy-blue blues
son of a dogged captain at princes hill
used to drag like this, like me,
a struck nail in the morning

yamma said, swim laps, big laps
but now i do the drive-by
and the dust, (just) blurs

beeswax on talbot avenue, balwyn
it’s such a joke i don’t think it’s that funny
play strong radio and smell candelas
bend her a tune
and sing for long-life, for a digestive

biscuit,
you just have to learn to not take it to heart, she says in the morning

and yamma’s bed creases inside
organs above half-ferns
breathe baby, breathe
it’s like, pleasure
why do you look at me weird?
when do you eat chocolate?

move this frame for me
just one job for you dear
now that you are fresh

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

Blackheath

It’s not right to be awake late at night, here:
there’s secret business down in the gully
between the darkness and the trees

and it must be obeyed. So I wait until
the morning’s walk to bear news of our liaison
to the discerning ferns. My skin carries

your heat. The daring stringybarks shed
their robes, and discard them in heaps
at their feet. They step lithely down to the creek,

dip their toes in the cool dark water.
(Sometimes we find they have died in the night,
and fallen headlong into it.) And today,

the thick old chopping block is shredded
to rags. I stand on the deck and watch clouds
whip themselves black, and you speak me

that impossible verse, twisting your hat
to a furball in your nervousness. Nobody
intervenes. But night falls again on Blackheath.

So we follow the law of the storm
the way the beasts keep each other warm.

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

Undercover at Battery Point

Gritty realism playing solo fruit box bongo
on flagstone stairs and heavy awnings

reduces the morning to a wet/dry sequence
cosying in doorways, dot-dot-dashing under

drooping canopies of parasols flanked with
oversaturated slashes of synthetic pelt.

Concessionaires in their snug shops concede
little too late to the ocean’s Aeolian bite

pricing their oblations of Uggs, felt mittens
and umbrellas on airlocked mantels as if

the townsfolk aren’t already Patty Hearsts
to the Symbionese cold front storming in.

For a spell our shelter’s a seven-dimensional
cinema’s foyer. A nature doco’s trailer loops.

Possibly apocryphally the director’s family
brought the first Italian bees here their first

giddy sips of Eucryphia lucida (leatherwood)
an understory dweller who — as it transpires —

revels in rain, whose pollen acts presumably
as the niggling pearl of pre-precipitation

in at least one finger of the tumbling nectar
the bumblebees on the foyer’s flatscreen

swim in hyper definition through sunbeams
and gently rising mist at all costs to avoid.

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

Zero Day.10.1110.

The kid never obsessed for mathematics: thinks of it as language where everything’s
indefinite pronoun: its blades shear away names, everything from the kid’s to Latin binomial;
got his physics instead from wood and bearing: shuv and kickflip for medial axis theorem,
his one hundred eighty times table; how numbers’ mass irons the lines from space.

No longer ok on uneven terrain, the kid’s given up on old quarries—cuts flushed
with oxidation states of iron: red and black splitting grevillea thickets as sun dews
on the city quilted below. Once, an odd white light on the horizon line: sun-bright,
rain and dust a rug shaken out between the kid and it; a warp of not knowing reflected

sun from artificial: an Airbus beneath him, a swim in black and red cuts in stone:
once somebody’s job and sprayed over with postcodes: 6108, 6071, 6003. Another way
to quantise country, to grid the granite—a good year it pulses green to black: subpixel
that winks out feeding lichen, sundew, grevillea and New Holland Honeyeater; the whole

thing: a loss of productivity. Back then, in the hills, the kid couldn’t figure out the lines of it,
its striation—how that white light might look from a parallax angle and how straight
the 33kVs from flown overhead, missing the misdirection of topography. Reduced
to powers of two: Mersenne primes, perfect numbers, how to use them.


This poem was written with the support of an Australian Government Research Training Program (RTP) Scholarship.

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

Wairaka

gannet’s back

she leads
and follows

she does neither

she’s fishing

she’s blinding
herself on the hard
hit against
water

she’s so good at it

she checks herself
unfurls
falls through skin
like stone

with each strike
against fish
her eyes return
to rock

after a time

she will die
of experience

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

PINBALL

Coins take me
snorkelling
through a pinball sea
turbulence

silver-ball salvos launching through
pyrotechnic scopes, melody storms, mind splits
wireless static, bubble pop, synthetic spiral shafts

to downtown
where New Year resembles
a grave-site of meteorites — gloss metallic alchemy
rampant, on the blink
flippers jerk the viewpoint
deadly halogen eyes beam, stimulation overload
pectoral fins
game-some turns erasing inhibitions
bleeding tamarillos

these diamond encrusted goggles
render anonymity
dazzling frames attract

galaxies
fluorescent krill, tourmaline and tangerine turn
iridescent algal green

and rupturing sediment
spurts
primordial haze consumes
the machine grinds down

the salvo stops.

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

Duplex

(Neomarica gracilis, Walking iris, Apostle plant)

Rhythm’s afoot. My fingers step to earth.
They put down roots. They stamp and stamp their whorls.

Worms lay down routes: a red stampede: air whirls.
The sun, another plantigrade, treads heat.

The sun, another plantigrade, spreads heat:
I raise a dozen incandescent masks.

Abuzz, I lower incandescent masks,
I blow faces, ephemeral but famed

bright-blue faces. Perennial and famed,
my fingertips tingle with certainty.

My fingertips tingle with certainty:
I turn and turn twelve diminutive selves.

I turn and turn twelve diminutive selves.
Rhythm’s afoot. My fingers step to earth.

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

spooky action at a distance

I.

Something drops onto my left shoulder
as we dreamfuck each other’s outlines. I scream
A COCKROACH. They brush it off
but the threat is still there
and the bedroom is too messy and there are
too many places for insects the size
of THE FINGER to hide.
As much as I want to
keep us between our thighs, Kafka’s too real and I
stumble backwards through the
doorway.

II.

Sunlight refracts and glitters like a miracle.
I burst up from beneath the water
to the surface. An old beard on the shore is
jump–waving at me, not in greeting
but in warning. The ocean is coming.
I swim–run–crash to the sand; it breaks, consumes the mangroves,
the leftover lands.

III.

Reach into the independent world created out of pure intelligence.
Find the Eye of Horus fragments and balance them back together,
a reaction, a product,
a chromodynamic alchemist trapped in their own house–
X’s bedroom–childhood home,
underground tunnels blocked off by
bookshelves–cupboards–rubble.

IV.

I clamber further into the womb that bears no new life,
only that which has died many times before.
I know it is a trap.
Submit to the pursuit–earthquake–collapsing
lungs,
the red blue eyes that do not blink. A knife is never just a knife
but the intention.
I surrender / cease to slither. I am at the bottom of a hole
in the earth and all I can see
is the light I cannot reach,
diaphanous mercury
mutating.

V.

Until the hole is not a hole
but the outline of other people creatures.
I have so much space to move
between them, even nod my head in greeting to some,
share a knowing crescent moon.

VI.

I did not expect to find you here, waiting for me.
Your skin a forest floor,
your greeting that of a child
run–laugh–hiccupping
down a hill.
Open I LOVE YOU like
I’ve loved you for as long as
the speed of causality
which I have, since

\ the doubletake on the bicycle

\ a doorstep and scrolls of voice across the strait

\ a journey to \ the choir
the end of the night \ prescient fried
\ the backseat of a taxi vegetable dumplings

\ 4am fog \ the smell of the first fruit \ eight hours straight
of fig season along the Hume Highway

\ the second cup
of a twice-born panther \ , since I first saw you on stage.

VII.

I am inappropriately dressed for such an occasion,
swaddled only in the misery
we were assigned
but as we embrace, the cloak transitions:
a shimmering black cape,
a manta ray,
pale rainbow nacre,
the warp and weft of
sunrise–sunset.

VIII.

And though we are two separate knots
together
we disentangle.

Wind the loom’s prophecy
backwards then
reloop:

IX.

\\ Kαι εν κοιλάδι σκιάς θανάτου
η ΓΗ είναι ο ποιμήν μου –

\\ Yea, though I walk through the valley
the LAND is my shepherd –

X.

time travels south
into the gut
and pelvis

horny! for the tall copper tower
horny! for the many names of truth
horny! for visions bigger than revolution

walk the language
between languages

the breaking of the word


like bread

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

Passport

(anthem / continuous loop)

Someday we will find ourselves
in a distant city

lost in embrace
without hour or minute

knitted

twirled

leaves to a bough
branches to a tree

birds will call us
in a chorus
(feathers to a wing)

to a window
explain
the heat of a million
neons fading

it will be us
found in caress
without hour or minute,

dawn disappearing the stars &
carillons engraved on us

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

Salt Lake

Pulse:
peal of bone—

I open my mouth to empty out
this sphere. Soundless-sound hangs
its presence. Pale sky

englobes me—

Am I gravity-
free?

I take
a step

inside. Time rushes through me. A doorway
shuts—walls, walls—a gypsum tomb! I cough up

mummified leaves, stone
seeds—the forest is gone. A pulse, a pulse.

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged

THE SUNMILER

From The City of Lost Intentions: The Temple of Fo-Elpmet-Eht.

Parchment formed the second door.
A brass being with a glass sphere head sat at a desk
in the corner, lit by a gas lamp.
Before it, a map bristled with mountains.
The figure traced the topography carefully with a quill of light.
“The Sunmiler counts sun-miles,” the Guide said pleasantly.
“What are—” began Plume.
“Land that the sun touches, obviously. Use that fanciful thing
you call your brain.”
The Sunmiler’s caliper legs scraped gently on the floor as it
drew them under itself.
“Mountainous landscapes have more sun-miles than deserts,
apparently. It has to do with surface area.”
“Is there any need for such observations?”
“Of course not.”

Posted in 103: AMBLE | Tagged