Twelve Short Talks on Aspects of Origins

In the lottery for topics I got
obsidian—that appearance of glass
when lava cools;

at the margin of what it means
to be a rock. Good thing
I was adopted, at home

with loose connections.
This dark off-cut from our teacher
I am passing around

comes from the island-quarry
on my poster. Somebody
once sailed there to fashion by hand

a blade, a necklace maybe.
Obsidian can be traced back
with precision, the Britannica

told me, because each
hardened flow is unique.
X-rays helped to map

the Pacific migration of tools
(red on my chart)
and their peoples (green).

Local, though, is the volcanic
glass in this closeup
of a coral eye on Rapa Nui

where the statues—hands up—
face the ocean, or inland?
The way they look

fooled our teacher, too.
And it isn’t strange I cannot see
more of myself in that off-cut

now drifting along the stoic row
of parents watching.
They’re only slightly less opaque

than a bucket of water.
The mirrors, I mean,
that obsidian made. Pre-metal.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Please do not join do not join this train

YESTERDAY WHEN I didn’t kiss
the IT guy, the whole world fell apart.
A staticky electricity
now fills the air as I wait on
a letter that might not ever arrive.
It’s been teeming down all week, windy
as hell, sideways rain. I wore leaky
boots so wet feet all day on Wednesday
and my umbrella broke on Thursday.

Footpaths are littered with abandoned
umbrellas like dead wet birds, over-
flowing bins. Trains are packed and steamy,
days are getting dark by four o’clock.
Good things do happen. A book cover
I illustrated arrives, I do
a little dance, the designer does
several, the author will dance a jig
when his copy arrives in the post.

But something else is still going on.
My All-Important Urgent Files dis-
appear. Digital mayhem ensues.
The typesetter wants the corrections
by fax or email. I try the fax;
it jams. When I try it again it
goes off like an alarm. I try turn-
ing it off and on again – and it
goes berserk. A fucking fax machine.

I give up and leave to meet my friends,
forget to take my new umbrella.
Walking from Central to the dumpling
place I keep seeing mail vans. I think
of the letter I long for and dread
that doesn’t seem on its way to me.
Of course I miss the dumpling place and
walk into a pub, walk back on out,
find the right restaurant and join my friends.

We eat dumplings and talk about how
the IT guy has a crush on me.
My friends say it’s because he wasn’t
at work today that everything went
haywire. I wonder if he’s thinking
about me, I hope he’s not thinking
about me. Is this IT madness
all bad karma for rejecting him
sent out from the ether straight to me?

I leave the restaurant and it’s raining.
I get stuck at Central for an hour
waiting for
the train on platform nine-
teen terminates here please do not join
this train the train on platform 19
terminates here the train on platform
19 terminates here please do not
join do not join this train on platform
please do not join do not join this train

At the other end I walk through rain,
I think of the train I’m trying to
get off, wondering where I’m going,
how I hope and dread there’s a letter
waiting for me at home. I hope it
says the things the IT guy told me.
I would marry you in a heartbeat.
Can we get a dog, even a cat?
Who cares what has happened in the past

what happens is
now walking the wet
night street, I think of how it will end.
There will be no letter waiting and
I’ll curl up in bed with the two cats,
I’ll think of my new painting of my
small bright candle in the other room
and its warm steady flame in the dark.
I open the letterbox.
It’s there.

I take it out and bring it inside.
I hold the letter but can’t open
it yet because everything will change.
I sit down to write. I draft this poem.
Shortly when I open it, will I
destroy it? Will I destroy this poem?
I see the stamp’s a rose that says LOVE.
A bug’s half squished on the envelope,
moving.
I know how you feel, buddy.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Deaf Sentences

The audiogram
maps my soundscape,
plots landslides
in high frequencies.

The audiologist tells me
I hear like the elder I hope to be
in twenty years, or more;
says my cochlear hair cells
are in disorder— dead
or distorted, their thistle tufts
too limp to excite membranes
fire-up neurons,
tune in my brain.

I am snared by fricatives
and sibilants, plosives and nasals.
I hear ‘tedious break’
for ‘Finnegans Wake’;
detect the plash of ‘water polo’
but not the clarion of ‘Apollo’;
think it’s ‘in the Bible’
when it’s ‘about survival’.

Is it in my DNA?
For centuries my tribe
lived in remote valleys,
chose wives and husbands
as they bred cattle—
from familiar stock.

Now, new hearing aids
snug behind my ears
serenade me, rustle,
make me feel
gift-wrapped in sound.

I think of Ludwig
in Heiligenstadt.
At thirty-two,
surd to distant flute
and shepherd’s song,
he melodied
his mute landscape
in ‘The Pastoral’.


Ludwig in Heiligenstadt – Beethoven had a country house in Heiligenstadt, outside Vienna. In the summer of 1802, he convalesced there to
recover from his worsening deafness and wrote a letter to his brother, expressing his despair. He also started work on the Pastoral Symphony.
The letter was never sent and was discovered in his papers after his death.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

thinking about autumn in winter

here I listen to crisp air with cracked lips, to remember & forget
I paint my hair red, then rehearse the lines —
「うん、元気」
「26歳です」
「まだ結婚わしていません」
but the dye washes up a pale recollection
because I’m thinking about autumn in winter
and these mountains have bled dry

there used to be a toy shop here, where obaachan bought me gifts
and over there is the onsen, holding onto our sighs

the way here is simple
the path the shopping centre the moon the apartments
the path the shopping centre the moon the apartments
the path the shopping centre the moon the apartments
we’ve traced them over and over and over again
like photocopies, but if you knock they might sound hollow and
her apron still tastes of cigarettes in a dream
because I’m thinking about autumn in winter

I repeat my steps and repeat my lines —

「うん、元気」
「26歳です」
「まだ結婚わしていません」

「うん、元気」
「26歳です」
「まだ結婚わしていません」

did you know that to fold a memory into a neat circle, practice makes perfect?

now: we’re perched in containers
squinting through PVC, it feels cheap
her voice warbled like the sunsoaked plastic, frost melting
off her weird spindly branches

here, my carefully rehearsed lines answer nobody —
“Yes, I’m good”
“I’m 26 now”
“No, I’m not married”
it’s a non-scene
and translation clamps my tongue
and in 10 minutes we bring it to a close.

deflated, we retrace familiar patterns before ice claws over
the path the shopping centre the moon the apartments
when Mum remarks 「あ!紅葉の木!」
so we pause and look at the lonely tree, aflame like it wants to live forever
and I think maybe it will never grow old
and maybe we’ve both been thinking about autumn in winter all along

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Letter to Luoyang Chen

Time is passing, just a little, and I am still
becoming something other than I set out to be.

Piecemeal translations of SHINee lyrics –
you heard this in your mother’s car, you said;
a child. We are not each other’s children,

we are not – but at the park –
under your moon – a birthday

Could you give responsibility of yourself
to someone else
, you asked. I am trying,

over there, or in this moment, or maybe
less & less now, just a little –

Lightly touching the back of your neck,
perfectly silly mullet, or when you said
you feared you might forget yourself, mister

Ripley, mister Kundera, mister you:
the blossoming taste, the crushed ants

of your throat. Your goddess in the moon
above; I must remember, just a little.

Three nights ago my ex passed me
emergency sleeping pills, and I
dreamed of a world without you.

You were here:

atop your wolves. At one beach
or another, at McDonald’s, the books
on the train from Fremantle home.

I think I heard you howling. Just a little.

You told me you had dreamed of me
before we met. Pretend, now, you are
sleeping, Luoyang. What do I say next?

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Earth Apple

You stack his limbs, like kindling, on an eggshell mattress
study his mottled skin. Yellow and bruised
as though bitten by late blight. Hanging
each breath’s a little dust-cloud
his halo
settles into sediment, raining
spittle flecks on starchy sheets. You peel them back
like paperbark
and find him buried underneath —

a lumpy tuber,
skin full of solanine,
hidden from the sun too long, until even bone and gristle’s
gone soft, spine folding back
into a fetal form: waning
crescent moon, a sickle,
something perennial, nested,
wrinkling, and almost ready to rot.

He lays in the darkness,
you stand under pearl-light, holding
his marble palms, the colour of a storm cloud. Asking them
do these fingers miss burrowing,
like earthworms, in the dirt?
do they remember pressing palm-to-palm,
to pray?
palm-to-phallus,
to please?
do they remember how to pinch,
ripe cherries, from spring-green bows?
were they ever painted,
rose-red1, in protest?
or were they already tawny and congealed?

You wash his limbs and bruises,
his hypha, every fold,
nail bed, axilla, callous, bristles, lenticels,
his flaccid penis, anus, navel. Tenderly,
thinking of the Persian word for potato —

You are a candle burning
in the oppressive arms of a man2
woman —
perfectly imperfect, baring fuzzy flesh,
caesarean scar, your eyes
lapis lazuli
bathing milk-tears
woman —
you bellow
in the language of the birds,
even your resistance is poetry
woman —
you cut your hair
tie it around a wax-waist,
your flame burns
brighter from a shorter wick
and this man becomes your shadow.

Tying stone-things to your lily-white feet
to walk upon roiling waters.
Sticking blood-things over the black-eyed CCTV beast
Humbaba, hah hah hah!
he’s blinded in his own cedar forest.
Burning fire-things to purify this city,
white-ash and lime mortar
veiling lid and temple.

You bury the soft bones of your lover, oppressor,
brother, your father and your son;
and from the grave of a potato
new life grows.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Uncer Giedd / Our Song

this time you be the prey
& I’ll be the predator


this time you’re stranded
on an island of violent men

& I defeat them all
with the battle-strong
branches of my bōgum

this time I devour you
like a wolf

this time you find me
crying in the middle of the forest

& cover me with heavy branches
until I can barely breathe


this time I save you
from a tyrant husband


this time you be wyn
& I’ll be lāð


this time you be the wolf
& I’ll be the whelp


this time you are an island
surrounded by blood
& I have to drink it all
to save you


this
wæs mē wyn tō þon


this
uncer giedd geaddor


the weird
endlesss
aching song
we make together

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

icarus in the gloaming

i cannot deny the sky was alluring as Instagram
despite curfew, gulls flying south
into torn edges of violet-hued clouds.
the power of bigotry is a machinery, often brutal
returning from naarm, almost touching the moon
before the next cruelty-free landing,
you asked me, what did i do with my life?
woke blunders, small embarrassments in the precinct,
you know, the maze our fathers invented for our demise?
i started a mutiny, gave birth, scribbled on my palm.
bought an ostrich feather boa scarf on Etsy.
high as His Highness, i lived with blackouts,
lost sight of dad over chalk farm where the canal
meets the lock. like the mechanical buckle of a train’s
burning axle, like those delicious evenings
when schoolgirls walk the street, smoking weed,
lights flashing through the trees, i could hear traffic,
sirens at noon coalesce with whipper snippers,
frogs, cicadas, soon it would be the hour of bats.

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SORRY IM JUST A BASIC HYSTERIC!!!!!!!! a love & farewell letter to the clyde hotel on cardigan.

hysteria might be an intolerance for the messiness of gender
a wilderness of being, no civitas beneath stockings
unclothed, i am most invisible to myself unclothed
was that the kettle?
fish be to god, glory, highhighhhhhHHHHHHHHHHsssshhhhH

there is no such thing as a sexual relationship (wink emoji)
sometimes the sexiest thing is not to.
what could be sweeter than knowing
what you could have gotten–
or gotten away with

getting what you want
changes your idea of what you can get
don’t even @ me about what you’re entitled to

jesus was a tradie who was gay for books1
and spoke up at reading groups, at 12.
when people swear “jesus christ on a bicycle”
they’re taking his relationship
with mary magdalene in vain

the social-justice framework you bring
to the redistribution of sandwiches
does not hold up for fucking2
angels are not owed embraces
the devil is fucking her raw
while you spell-check your love letters,
daydreaming of more-than-half-meant blowjobs

i want to meet the people who use dental dams,
and feed them gummy bears on blueberry yoghurt

i’ve heard it hurts when you’re born into a combination
of skin and bone that makes people think
your love is less than

sorry, im just a basic hysteric,
(constantly competing with sublime hysterics, the only thing i share with hegel
is a star sign)
assigned a bastard at birth
half-un-white

a pimple on the otherwise smooth backside of identity
children happen. (existence, suddenly/i didn’t ask for it)

the sound of transience3 is
the train you just missed,
from frankston to flinders street
sunday midnight.
holding hands at the gallery
might be nice

i don’t know how to hold
what’s worth preserving
love is a story you tell
when saying “that’s not enough” feels selfish

there’s enough of me to be 100%
to all my commitments & to poetry
i am thermopylae and tirad pass4
in the alternate timeline where the underdogs win

im just a basic hysteric, not those sublime ones
we discuss at the Clyde5 while Darlene6 purrs on the carpet,
das ding behind those refrigerator doors we’ve never opened,
the mystery
keeps us returning

the things i can’t say to your face
i write in Cordite.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

lifesong (anti-elegy for a friend)

She plays Chopin by the seashore
like someone in love // someone rubbed the wrong way—
days under drought & flood
evenings under ash & microbial mists
miasma invades & infects &
murders the will to play—
January inertia // full immersion
in absurd perversions // worst version
of the Self—cycled unconscious
re-conscious of-conscious if-conscious
reverberations in the cranial reservoir.

Men in iron masks came to take her away
to maim/reclaim/defame her melodies
but rage of the lyrical
cracks the liberal & the literal //
the mystical physical inimitable rebel
cooks florid with fluid flames
& wears a chrysanthemum
in her hair.

We’re doing alright these days thanks //
together searching for effervescent dynamism—
white wine realists & red wine Romantics //
truth hurts but it doesn’t harm //
breaking free from suffocating ecstasy
& homogenous hegemony
& analysis paralysis //
we harmonise with 12am streetlights
illuminating how strange the city is on sleepless nights.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

The Northern Suburbs

i.

North of Warwick Road, The Underworld. We arDe caught in the flux: an Elysium dream. Our torment, Asphodel. The bitumen stretch of a buck, how pay-checks glimmer. MyGov is a dark god, a robo of debt. Inanna catches the 443, peels off her flesh, hangs her ego on a hook. She alights into golden hour: new names blossom across muscle and vein. A pair of Great Crested Grebes elaborate courtship, a ritual of shaking heads, ducking necks, turning left, right, algae in beak a bouquet gift. Another makes this place less other.



ii.

Glysophate bleeds the kerb, luminescent sprawl. The weeds curl back. Over at Duncraig High, kids play hacky-sack with the head of Orpheus. Blood-stained ankles, red sheened knees. They sing as they kick, exalt a poem to face down the impending tick tock tick. Anubis is the dog down the street who heralds them home, hounding joy. There is loyalty in knowing this will end. Meanwhile, on Lake Joondalup, an Australasian Darter rides low, submerges to spear fish: see death move down an elegant throat.



iii.

A tradie plasters as if pushing a boulder up a hill. Each night, crimson beaked, he reclines and gives his liver to the sprits. But his apprentice does not sleep, inhales permafrost with callused hands, an atrophy of dreams. In dust filled rentals, scales tip with feathered flesh. Walls crack, let out ghosts. In a shroud of chemicals, shadows talk if you stare at them for too long. In Yellagonga Regional Park, a Tawny Frogmouth swallows the sun with their flat lipped grin.



iv.

Our drones add more scars to the night. Eurydice walks home alone. Her knuckles glisten with keys as she threads a prayer into streetlight: dear man walking ahead of me, do not look back, do not look back. Elsewhere, teens stalk the suburbs, their faces illuminated by hand-held lanterns. They seek the soft spots of this world, places where reverie can yield thanks to a holy communion with goon. At dawn, on the Iluka Foreshore, a father fairy-wren sings to their eggs: this, a song we pass on.
Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Running Out of Air

After Bertolt Brecht

From the cities we escape
in vehicles laden, but quickly
abandon them

On highways and back roads
leaving doors open and keys
in ignitions. We take

That which we can carry—
babies, animals, their wide
eyes questioning our resolve, everything.

On sides of roads youths
and middle-aged men explode
fuel tanks, as the props of their lives

Are lost—abandoned. Tweens
traipse behind asking, what have you
done—look!

No one answers, the old women
count wrinkles on their hands, look
what’s done is done…

Like coral in reefs all that’s left
are thorns,
the flood has come—taken all.

Remember councils, they pulled all
the fruit trees we planted
along verges.

And the child in her pram points to plumes
of dust; we eat fire and heat. Scientists
think of how to measure now machines

Have ceased and whether water drinks light
more or less, now it’s so humid, so hot.

Is anyone up there, can they see
if we’re running out of air?

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Nomenclature: In All My Beginnings, Fatherhood Is Erased

It’s June, and I am tired of writing the same pentameter – my father’s dark hands and poor heart. The air curls with stillness, ascending from my lips – like he had so many times, before his heart gave out. Name a prettier way to plead guilty. Everything that reminds me of him cannot be my mother’s fault, and in the bereaved room, a semicircle of faces crowing, as though the first sunlight reaching down from the window shade had not in itself come with rage. From the tops of a few high brush, the voice of a blue jay calls, untouched, and for a moment, the past sits still inside another song, made of flesh and bone. At last, after a night of weeping, and striding between the two long benches at the corridor, heartbreak is simply as teleological as any other thrust. As a matter of fact, what prospect did my mother have then, if not the wind spilling with blossoms inside her? Five and a half years together, and my prodigal father says: I don’t love you anymore. There’s a dark cloud so heavy we get lost in it, which means my father was born and reborn from a single mistake, only to be hemmed back driven by pleasure. How much unsated mistake is too much? My father’s hair purpled by goose eggs thrown in from a river he’d tried to cross over. It is important for me to say, I wasn’t born yet how I know – memory functions like any other forms of semiology. Always, I see in my mother a kind of beforetime. That’s the other thing about conditioning. I taste the salt where affection rusts and every other human face is me; sesame, pumpkin and sunflowers. Isn’t that what it means to love too much – the heart, a reliquary full and rising. I think of her almost every time I fall in love – how the rush of a name parades grief with tenacious hunger. In profile, my father is lying on the edge of the box spring bed, beneath a rich velvet quilt, and it is midnight, my mother’s arm around him, ready to root. Genetically, they were naked, talking together and nothing grew between them.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

And here, now, again

And here, now, again,
we fall as quick and deep and sure as ever
dive into the rush of it,
and settle to swim with the current
let my body dash against rock
and crumble
if that is the fate of it
or come up breathless
in the air of a new world
the sunlight at new angles
leaves, dappled in unknown dews
and you
endlessly soft
hard
sweet
and demanding
I crawl through dusk to kneel at your feet
proffer chains
to possess and be possessed by
to be dispossessed of.

no gods
no masters

except this worship freely given
this trust laid bare placed into your
unexplored hand explore me
show me the edges of myself

run along the lines of desire,

coax from me all royal arrogance
that you may offer such gifts back,

I learn to give pain
without injury
to trust my own hands and your words
and our bodies
taking each other to edge of the edge of the edge
of a new day
light
love
oh!

to you
to you

I would give myself freely and take without fear
if you will give
your
yes

yes
you, who I see in persistent sun
rising and rising and rising again,
celebrating mortal magic,
magic as ours to tap and share
a beacon to disciples in your ways of
wild/wise/queer/sexy/healing power,

oh! you
how I’d run for you

oh! you
how we’d
be living our lives
in infinite dancing
with laughter flowering
through our teeth

and you!
oh!

how you’ve learned to love
before anyone taught to teach you

seeking every scrap meaning
to offer to community
to connection
to art, magic and myth

I come to you with nothing by a mind and body
and hope for nothing but a glimpse
of the worlds you hold
of the thousand kinds of joy in your fingers

oh you,
you!
oh
I love how you love

oh, there is no world in which I would not
love you

no Earth great enough to pull us apart,
no city so small
we could not change it,

take my hand,
we are transformed

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

{The First Time}

The first time he saw snow, he walked
from the worksite all the way to the housing,

the road choking with snirt, the headlights

sweeping the lonely landscape, the polycrystals
glinting before going dark. Starless and cold,

the sky opened up with snowburst.

He was tired yet his body, as if of its own accord,

glided across
the white scene, the wonder of it all

a magnet that pulled his mind out of itself, and into the heart

of every snowflake that fell. The world stood

still. And he regarded the stillness with the awe
of a boy growing

up in the valley of his now distant country. Life then, there,
was slow, like a river deep in summer.

In Kurosawa’s Dreams, a boy had stumbled on a slow wedding procession
of fox spirits, each step a ceremony, every

move of the body a ritual in serenity.

In Niigata when the evening snow gathered
on the invisible ground, his heart went after

every wintry powder that drifted
in the wind,

his self unable to contain the bliss

he thought he could not have.

There was no time that time in Niigata—just a worker

discovering his happiness.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

And yet, and yet, and yet

The koolbardi-magpies on noongar boodja-country are thirsty. The water coming out of the cold tap is warm. A lonely ibis prowl outside the public library, desperate for the air conditioning, or maybe company and the blessed solitude of books. This city: its harsh buildings plastered with their logos – unbearable. The children’s metal fair rides burn our skin. I feel guilty lighting Hanukkah candles in this heat, watch them studiously (just in case). I imagine the headline: “bushfire started from abandoned Hanukkah candles in third-floor apartment”.

I wonder what I’ll tell my children (and their children) what I was doing with my life as everything was unravelling. (I should speak in the present tense. Is. Are. I should be more specific: ecosystems, species, sense of self. And you may find yourself living in an age of mass extinction.)1 Maybe I’ll tell those children about the point where the day tips over. The heat subsides. We come past the lip of a wave, the trail on a steep hillside, making it down the other side.

My most hated phrase is net zero by 2050. I know this isn’t a sexy thing to put in a poem. And yet, and yet, and yet. Here we are. Net zero by 2050, floats up from some millionaire or billionaire’s imagination, unconstrained by forces of physics or basic compassion. Spoken by people wearing suits who will be dead soon, for whom 2050 is a slow afternoon acid fever dream. They can’t even imagine one generation, let alone thirty years.

Children: the myth and promise of them; As elusive as net zero, as unsure as the reality that one day 2050 will be here. Or we will be there. Caught within its temporality. Time breaks open. Atoms split. Layers of radioactive dust and petroleum and now we have projected our presence forwards and backwards simultaneously. I was not born. These scales are not possible, and yet, and yet, and yet. Here we are.

Each day I count what I can, notice what is there, consider my steps
I spend summer in transit, watching sunsets through various modes of transport windows, orienting myself towards all the homes I have ever known
I spend summer purchasing jars of tahini and peanut butter, abruptly abandoning them in share houses and hotels for others to consume
I spend summer accepting that I’ll never get the Hollywood cliché coming out that I desire
It usually goes something like this: Parent and child sit in a living room. “I’ll always love you exactly as you are.” Then, tearful hugs and kisses. Cut to next scene.

Life doesn’t happen in that way. No Hollywood-one-challenging-moment-and-that’s-it. No net-zero-and-now-it’s-all-fixed.

only each moment, filled with suffering and abundance
as everything is unravelling, we balance or fight this dichotomy

create new ones, burn them down, tend to the seeds

our weariness carrying something of our ancestors and descendants

our palms containers of sea water

our fingers lighting candles

one by one

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Carrying water in an earthen vessel

I carry water in an earthen vessel. The jug is made from earth beneath the palash. I follow the birth of fire through the wilds. The lacuna is lined with fable and milk. Bone marrow flowers in the howls. There is a white swan by the lacuna. I will barter with the swan. Paramahamsa. The Supreme Swan. In my vessel is volcanic ash, lizard skin and burning cloves. It rains for the first time in this green village. I carry rainwater in an earthen vessel. The painter lines the lacuna with copper and wine. He is doubled over with an arched spine, like an Agnes Varda gleaner. He renders an image of the dictator with the thread from his mouth. The dictator stands under a fig tree, with Camel cigarettes in his pocket and a crow tattoo on his throat. The dictator weeps into an earthen vessel. The painter changes into a swan to flee the bowels of fictions. I carry the weeping dictator, swan and lacuna in an earthen vessel. The vessel returns to the earth as a thousand centipedes. The centipedes change into seeds for the workers to plant: anjeer, plantain, baobab.

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Another email to say they’ve thought about diversity

For T.B. and A.W.

In barren fields of fear I’m jolted by the inexperience of his words,
Plosive pleasure in defining our appeal
This scathes, rips us from a belonging to ourselves

The cacophony of colony in the air is beauty to them,
Heaving on its own poison as my heart pounds unheard
Unseen in a body once free, now commodified

I aim to reply with brisk hope but have hollow visions,
Chase wisps of a meandering fortitude
And by this overwhelming darkness am spurred on to be someone

The sickly flutter through my hands presses into keyboard letters,
With an old stealth I’m not grateful to have inherited
I manoeuvre around his white desire to be seen

In spawning warps I wander through my mind for miles,
Consider connection with the flailing tail ends of my pain,
Until a corner suddenly turned reveals the relief of warm light

For a moment
The violence of not being seen to have a body
Is defeated with a sibling’s words

Their cultures prosper on conformity
And while they are busy being afraid,
I remember you spoke of a way to see everything

I remember that afternoon,
I fell asleep to the refrain of your passion
Your essay’s melody revealing armour, my heart encased safely inside

The blood flows back to me in this new tide of belonging
The blanket is woven, knows my body is here
In the shimmering spaces between its fibres and me is an alchemy of care

I remember myself

I shake it off to run to his inbox, wish this warmth to stick to my skin

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Self-Care

Another death, another love shed
into earth, my old body made nude
again, a hairy burn in the crowd
of unknowable family. My wife
and son are behind the rock mound
we all plunder to give to the body
its roughest blanket, still life. Days
later my beloved suggests a pedicure,
an act of self-care I’ve never had.
I don’t know the name of the woman
given the task of washing my feet
and painting each nail shades of sea,
delicate greens, but I know now how
easy it is for a man to walk on water.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Behind Every Job Ad in Indigenous Studies

there are countless meetings at which mouths were fired
like guns in the old familiar campaigns
from which overstretched Native faculty limped home to be nursed by loved ones
or by Netflix or by messenger threads or by many (too many?) bottles of wine

there are policy documents that do nothing
trumpeting fashionable virtue via a PR machine with phrases sweated over (bled over)
as if those who run the show were ever going to let any of the words run off the page
to change the world anyway

there are contingent sessional part time temporary contracts
bearing names of how many Native people who knew the game was rigged but signed anyway
who gave up nights weekends summers health for work the institution wouldn’t even know
was done in its classrooms in its parking lots in its name

there are others, the ones who have already had their first days there,
but have packed up offices and had last days too –
who moved on for whispered reasons that somehow get twisted into cautionary tales
stories of what they did wrong instead of the millions of things they did right

there are administrators decisionmakers faculty donors alums
who still don’t think this is a real field deserving of real investment
who will smile today for photos like so many cheshire cats
while prepping phrases for one or three or five or seven years later like ‘i guess it’s a matter of fit’

there are ghosts and mysteries and entities
seeping through floorboards
roaming hallways
resting in doorways
looking for descendants
holding with love those they find
trying to warn them about how this story so often ends

so go ahead, Indigenous scholars: apply for these jobs! get them!
be amazing! teach students! write books!
do all the things we collectively want – need – you to do

but do not do them as the first, as the one and only
don’t allow them to turn this into a first encounter scene

do these jobs with guts and support
do them with righteous anger and rigour and love

but most of all do them knowing every moment every day every season
all of those who have come before and around you

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

family tree, year’s end

from pele to the pope, and this year’s end
continues in the chain of closing loops,
squaring the circles, _____ has left the group,
conclusions tend to be where novels trend.

unheralded as past-year policy
my last exceptions now grandfathered out
and i look upwards through my family tree
to find only my parents shading me
from the deep blue air phil larkin wrote about

one’s seventy next – what confucius called
the age of doing whatever the fuck you want
within the bounds of reason (and one can’t
expect the poor dead sage to get it all
correct in one sagacious fusillade)
— suffice to say this makes for spurious shade.

yet my own branch demands a reckoning:
forty, the age of no doubt (hey, don’t speak),
the tenuous boundary of my waist, which like
a trunk, each year grows yet another ring,
a thing of beaut … too much of a good thing,
my wife consigned to her tree-hugger’s fate
(oh lord, i probably can wear thirty-eight.)

and here i break to find a second wind,
which rustles through my well-whorled fingertips
reminding me my non-child-bearing hips
were not the ones that bore this budding grin;
bearing or boring him — his leaflet lips
and twiggy toes offshoot — overcomes me.
so looking down beneath the canopy
somewhere my end is where his world begins

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

On Knowing

I was blonde with a baby on my hip,
staring into the ocean near our house.
I was brewing stovetop decaf, longing
to stay half awake, as I curled up
in the corners of my ambition; a night
lamp who was once a flood.

I was leaving lipstick mugs on the sink
of our next-door neighbour. He was
a man with splinter hands. You were dying
because you knew. Whenever you reached
inside of me, my body was a coat rack
clutching someone else’s shelter.

Still, we checked the weather
forecast and dressed accordingly.
Our pillowcases damp
with stifled laughter, as we lost sleep
sharing comedy routines.

I was blonde and we were in love
like old friends raising a future
in an underwater fireplace.

You were the first person I knew
I could stay with forever. Still, I kept
seeing your car on a cliff, my wailing
hip, our lips too thirsty to kiss.

Plus, I’d be a terrible blonde.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Angela Costi Reviews Anita Patel, Denise O’Hagan and Penelope Layland

Petals Fall by Anita Patel
Recent Works Press, 2022

Anamnesis by Denise O’Hagan
Recent Works Press, 2022

Beloved by Penelope Layland
Recent Works Press, 2022





Since 2015, Recent Work Press has published a consistently high standard of poets with years of accomplished adventure including Paul Hetherington, Peter Bakowski, Anne Casey, Damen O’Brien, Phillip Hall, Anne Elvey, Jennifer Compton, Rico Craig, Heather Taylor-Johnson, Cassandra Atherton, Jen Webb, Adrian Caesar, and so many others. Initially, it was Canberra-oriented but has extended its author base to include national and international poets. Also, it considers the work of newer poets such as the following with forthcoming debut collections: Ally Chua, Es Foong, and Thabani Tshuma. Shane Strange, the founder of the press, explains the impetus in an interview with Rosanna Licari of StylusLit (Issue 11) as:

I wanted, in a sense, to democratise the fact of a book being published and to perhaps put a little pressure onto 
what was seen as ‘good’ poetry in Australia.

This press, with its continuous energetic output, is an invaluable contributor to Australia’s poetry and literature. In 2022, it released another twelve single author books including Petals Fall by Anita Patel, Anamnesis by Denise O’Hagan and Beloved by Penelope Layland. These are offerings with distinct worlds, form, and language. Each book deserving of a separate analysis.

The fifty poems in Petals Fall are sequenced deftly and carefully to provide a sense of storyline. One that is not easily described by including those frayed words – journey, migrants, heritage – as there is a spiritual, philosophical, or political inquisition underpinning the lines of each poem. From the opening poem ‘Vanished’, we are engaged with the nuance of culture folded within culture folded within culture as the poet’s mother from Kuala Lumpur searches for her daughter’s Italian wedding dress within the “Chinese camphor wood chest / (owned by her mother)” (1). This poem is weighted with the personal in order to take us to those moments in our lives where parental expectations misalign:

like flimsy dreams
for a cherished daughter
who did not share her sorrow
at this loss––but gratefully
received the empty, teak hard
box carved with galloping 
horses, swaying trees and 
boatmen crossing a stormy river.					(1) 

The series of poems which follow herald the legacy of the grandmother and mother who have experienced war – the 1942 invasion of Malaya by the Japanese-carrying their survivor stories through visceral memories:

My grandmother pressed a black thumbprint 
on my forehead whenever anyone called me a pretty baby
Don’t tempt Providence, she said––it doesn’t do to plan or praise––
('Tempting Providence', 2)

Ah Peng is shouting: Nei soeng sei maa? Do you want to die? She hauls
me out and plonks me on a wooden bench.
The bright sky booms and shatters. Our world dissolves––toys, snacks,
rambutan tree, shady verandah, rippled water, sunshine…
('Sungai Besi, 1941: War Begins', 3) 

The ellipsis after “sunshine” introduces the invisible words that continue to tell the story. Given the context, they can be likened to ghosts of poetry inhabiting the spaces between the dots. Patel utilises ellipsis, em-dashes, commas, and full stops throughout the collection, providing the pauses and breath required for her interconnected narratives and images.

In her hybrid poem ‘Travelling to Tampin’, Patel interposes sections of her mother’s journal––describing “fleeing to a rubber plantation in the jungle ” (7) in the Tampin district of Negeri Sembilan to escape the war in Kuala Lumpur with her own experience of taking a train to the same destination in 2019:

I wish I could have thought of you as I travelled to Tampin on that fast train,
       inhaling
wafts of nasi bungkus and admiring the view…			(7)

Patel integrates her mother’s documentation of war experience in a way that adds value to what is missed or neglected in institutionalised archives:

The day was exceptionally hot and muggy. I sat uncomfortably between my two
       sisters.
When we turned off the road into the jungle, it was much cooler.	(7) 

It is poetry that does more than reimagine lives from photo albums as Patel seeks truth through lived experience. In dialogue through her mother’s writing, she creatively documents the impact of war and vicarious inheritance. There are resonances with the poignant, powerful work of Charmaine Papertalk Green in her award-winning collection Nganajungu Yagu (Cordite Books, 2019). In a First Nations context, Papertalk Greens’ hybrid writing shows how to extend historical research through motherline correspondence – excerpts from her mother’s letters inspire a response that extends knowledge of First Nations endurance of colonialism during the 1970s, if not earlier. In a migratory context, Patel’s poem, titled ‘Picking up the post’, consolidates excerpts “from family letters to my mother as a student in England 1951-1955 found after her death ” (epigraph, 22) to provide a cultural collage from birthland:

                  on the way to Mass),                                         Uncle Eric
       back from
                                                the jungle with a wild piglet (alamak!)
                                                                          squealing and
                                                    running all over the kitchen…
Dolly’s first baby (safely delivered), 
                                      Cousin Ernie (so naughty lah) fired his catapult	(22) 

In other poems, Patel retells stories and acknowledges who they’re from. “My daughter looks like your daughter… (Rita’s story )” is one from Patel’s Eurasian cousin about a Japanese soldier showing unexpected kindness:

The officer speaks to her in English: In my country, a mother with many
children is honoured.

Then he looks at me––a skinny eight year old, fringe pasted flat over
my black eyes. He pulls a photo out of his wallet. My daughter––looks
like your daughter.

And there she is––my Japanese twin. Her straight hair chopped into a
bowl, her dark eyes gazing at me. Her father tucks her back into his
pocket.
                                                                              The next day tins
                                                                 of food appear at our door.	(4)

Towards the end of the collection, the Japanese soldier is evoked like a shadow character in a narrative arc, returning as Patel travels to Miyajima, Japan. He is not the same soldier as in ‘Rita’s story‘ yet has the same impact; her grandmother calls him “Jack in the Box ”. He would “pop up when least expected / with offerings of food for the baby” (41). A survival story to plant among the sacred shrines and “cherry trees” as Patel acknowledges Japan’s devastation:

under White Dragon Stream and
Cool Breeze Tea House and
Field of Good Harvest––
so many crumbled bones
('In Shukkei-en Garden (Hiroshima)', (40))

In a number of poems, Patel incisively unravels the established norm to provide another sensibility – in a sense, speaking up or advocating for the Malaysian culture, which is marginalised within the dominant culture. Supermarket chicken is compared to “kampong chicken” (13), the pantoum is contrasted to the “pantun” (12), ‘Cocky’s Joy’ (18) to Malaysian cuisine. These poems sink into a common experience, such as the primary school’s annual nativity re-enactment in ‘Come to the Manger’, where the hierarchical ordering we have grown up with is played out:

I am not the Virgin Mary, milky white, veiled in blue,
that role belongs to Margaret with the golden hair.
I am one of the children who come to the manger,
kohl eyes shining in my small brown face, dressed in
a lengha and choli cut from my mother’s oldest sari,
my friend Lorraine steps beside me wrapped in vibrant
Jamaican colours. Cheongsam, sarong, kaftan and kurta
parade, brightly, on the lit stage. Our parents cheer as
we deliver gifts to the Christ Child. Margaret with the golden
hair smiles sweetly, as we kneel in front of the Virgin Mary.	(15)

Patel has an ease with juxtaposition, such as in ‘Storm’, where a nurse assisting an older father to shower is set against a 1960s memory of a tropical downpour (19). The current collapses into the past becoming the whole way of seeing the scene. Throughout the collection, a tumble of emotions – grief, despair, outrage, ache, solace, calm – are felt in “the tensile strength” (back cover) of Patel’s responsibility as a poet and a documenter.

Posted in BOOK REVIEWS | Tagged , , ,

2023 Queensland Poetry Val Vallis Award Winners


Image by Torrey+Atkin

Jarad Bruinstroop has won the 2023 Queensland Poetry Val Vallis Prize with ‘Fragments on the Myth of Cy Twombly’ (as well as the highest Queensland entry) and Gayelene Carbis wins 2nd prize with ‘What We’re Not Going to Talk About’.

Judges’ comments on Jarad Bruinstroop: Without prior consultation, this poem rose to the top of each of our shortlists; it was unquestionably our winner. An ekphrastic poem oriented across landscape pages, ‘Fragments …’ invites multiple – even fragmented – ways of reading. The result is something more often possible only in visual art: a precise and rich abstraction – not esoteric, but intimately offering many interpretations.

Judges’ comments on Gayelene Carbis: This prose poem drops us in medias res into a living room with the cast of Seinfield blasting through the fourth wall to mediate a fraught mother-daughter relationship. Within the block constraint of the form, the poet alternates very long and very clipped sentences; the effect floats us along a stream of consciousness punctuated by illuminating dialogue.

Posted in GUNCOTTON | Tagged , , ,