thinking about autumn in winter

By | 15 May 2023

here I listen to crisp air with cracked lips, to remember & forget
I paint my hair red, then rehearse the lines —
「うん、元気」
「26歳です」
「まだ結婚わしていません」
but the dye washes up a pale recollection
because I’m thinking about autumn in winter
and these mountains have bled dry

there used to be a toy shop here, where obaachan bought me gifts
and over there is the onsen, holding onto our sighs

the way here is simple
the path the shopping centre the moon the apartments
the path the shopping centre the moon the apartments
the path the shopping centre the moon the apartments
we’ve traced them over and over and over again
like photocopies, but if you knock they might sound hollow and
her apron still tastes of cigarettes in a dream
because I’m thinking about autumn in winter

I repeat my steps and repeat my lines —

「うん、元気」
「26歳です」
「まだ結婚わしていません」

「うん、元気」
「26歳です」
「まだ結婚わしていません」

did you know that to fold a memory into a neat circle, practice makes perfect?

now: we’re perched in containers
squinting through PVC, it feels cheap
her voice warbled like the sunsoaked plastic, frost melting
off her weird spindly branches

here, my carefully rehearsed lines answer nobody —
“Yes, I’m good”
“I’m 26 now”
“No, I’m not married”
it’s a non-scene
and translation clamps my tongue
and in 10 minutes we bring it to a close.

deflated, we retrace familiar patterns before ice claws over
the path the shopping centre the moon the apartments
when Mum remarks 「あ!紅葉の木!」
so we pause and look at the lonely tree, aflame like it wants to live forever
and I think maybe it will never grow old
and maybe we’ve both been thinking about autumn in winter all along

This entry was posted in 109: NO THEME 12 and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Related work:

  • No Related Posts Found

Comments are closed.