Taking Care: White Family

We are predators at heart. Sensing weakness
puts us on edge and seeing it makes us salivate.
We want to strike, to kill. But it comes out like

healthy pushing. When White Not-Grandpa
recovered from his surgery, I’d walk with him
and White Grandma. In his survival-shock depression,

he’d want to quit and tried turning around and going home
every few steps. White Grandma would hold his walker
and use his debt to push him: “I’ll leave here,” she said.

“I’ll turn my back on all we made,” she said. “I’ll have nothing.
You promised I wouldn’t end up like that.” And he’d start moving.
She said the same thing to get him on the walk in the first place

and again to eat dinner, each time, finding new ways to phrase
his fear. In another context, the same move: try going to school
or moving to a new city, or changing careers, and we’ll find why

you want more and say you don’t deserve it. We’ll list your faults
and failures, list ours, heap on enough weight till you break,
like us. Our mouths say it’s support,

but with their eyes always forward and focused
not wide and searching
our blood says you’re prey.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

bodily (ab)normalities

my body is plumbed,
a vertical wasteland,
comparable to
a compressed chest,
some grey weight

cloudy and sleepless,
against the gut
which breathes
of its own accord.
a picture of health

three tablets a day,
my mother’s grip around
my midriff,
sweaty sheets
imposing, like rubber

praying don’t move,
sweet body, stay still.

blue light
when the night falls
like swallowing whole

the first cigarette
my father smoked,
the one that set off the addiction.
such healthy bodies,
a pair of lungs so tight

and a pack of prescription pills.
with spots mottling the skin
gathering dust,
I am segmented
carefully.

such healthy bodies
composed of half-forged things

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Infertility

men bleed cartilage wrenching bump nose splitting
cupped hand full of teeth and manly curses still photographs
the wet smell of sweat and churned grass
women bleed soft-tissue injuries hidden in A-line dresses
squatting over the toilet bowl blood dripping quickly to the cubicle
breath out and in firm fingers pushing as I blossom fall
two minutes two more minutes ‘til the end of lunch

we have waited two long years for the end of monthly curses
for a belly to quicken breasts to blossom
brown nipples to be on proud display in bandage dresses or oversized
sweatshirts listing south a longing for mangoes
things pungent and dripping juice licked from fingers pushing
yellow flesh one hand above and one below the bump on proud display
in photographs a human cello perfect pitch and tone

the doctor produces a specimen cup with a silent flourish
mouths platitudes solemn pitch and tone points out the cubicle
as I count down the silent minutes worry at my lip
with nervous teeth up up halfway towards the sign: occupied
then opened the forgotten blossom
of true desire red lines through monthly dates a calendar’s siren song
remembered days when we walked through honey haunting cello

the accompaniment to summer picnics in the grass me riding you
breath in and out out and in your shocked tone oh shit and then my name
fumbled hands pulling I look down then up pungent dripping
your blood-red thighs and belly another month wasted impossible
my body’s long silence looking up at the sun my eyes blood and honey
it’s not only men who bleed lovers who blossom and fall
but women like me curses in chorus and song two long years and nothing

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Bird

Most of the party respected their hate; anyone could have hunted the bird. The March wind harbors an inappropriate violence. He nodded to the water as he flew, knowing all of the stones and trusting the river’s glacial clarity. The reproduction of silence sounds like gravel when it plays on the police station’s stereo. Russet color on his talons suggests a suicide, the coroner rules. Birds wouldn’t do that, the police are firm, it must have been a murder. The gravel recording starts up again. The coroner turns slowly. He forbodes the pistol disposed in the riverbank, illuminated by sunken, snow-heavy stars. A solution: ether, icy metamorphosis. The vulture had made a serrated-winged pilgrimage to the Northland to pronounce the cold land’s name in his cloudless language. One wing was bound with fire to his rights, the other disappeared in moss. The answers to his overwhelming questions bloomed silently in the unclosing eyes of the fish. His legend smolders all around his imprint in the ice. The law goes home to meat and wine.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Notes from Fortune Cookies

Someone you know deserves the truth.
A sharp tongue may be both a weapon and a tool.

Wisdom is the lamp, good thoughts the oil, sweet words the flame
spices the spoils of the British Empire, but still
salt is the only flavour your tongue can detect in this Christmas spread.

Don’t you know that nothing good ever happens to the only Asian
in a hundred kilometre radius, on a country estate, in a town called Dungog?
How many times must you watch Get Out before you learn?

Anywhere this far inland is too often too flat, too hot, too much of the same.
The old elm braces itself for their bulldozing questions
and is relieved at every second they do not come.

Hold fast, stay true to yourself, and you will inherit a great fortune.
Eat their Chinese noodle salad and you bring dishonour upon all your ancestors.

It is possible to be grateful for their hospitality
and critical of their cooking at the same time.
Confucius and Whitman both contained multitudes.

Do not reduce yourself to only one thing.
Let that be their mistake to make.

A discerning tongue may taste bitterness and know that
this is what it means to be only one-fifth alive.
Your tongue is a banyan tree more deeply rooted in your skull
than any of their bloodlines are in the soil of this country.

Your ancestors would have been the first to discover the West
if not for their complete lack of interest in it.
He who is content in his own home does not covet his neighbour’s land.

All things in their being are good for something
but every act of translation is an act of violence.
You can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs.

This product contains eggs, wheat, and milk.
You contain multitudes.

Now and then someone will ask you
Where are you from originally?
Tell them fortune cookies were invented in California in the 1890s.
Tell them, I was born in Australia
but I am a product of my own invention.

Tell them how every day you are an act of violence,
a golden shell being cracked open
how you learned to recover the parts of yourself
that were lost in the act of translation, and how
in your own language
you recreate yourself.
In your own language
tell them how.

Please store in a cool dry place.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Volcanic Fed

‘One match was all it took’ Louise Gluck

She comes on too strong. Sacrifice
dear ones to placate the mephitic
breath of the goddess. Magnani1
idols offered-up to an animal pulse
hustling amongst the slave class.
I carusi
2 buckle under and wombs
bag-up hellfire. Bare bottomed mules
moil for brimstone, too cavernous
to keep in olives and bread. Boom
then bust! She’s in your face,
full-bodied; we climb her slopes
over-equipped and photograph
our risk-take. She’s public space.
The slip-slide of a rock-fall and women
who simmer.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

The Salience Network [Street Scenes, Heidelberg]

We are walking daily now. We are stepping out at the inter-
section of Cape & Brown where a bristling fir tree is
scrubbing tense from the sky. Presently I’ve never seen
so many walkers, so many dogs on leashes and sun-glossed

puffer jackets swimming in autumn’s glare. My son
in a stroller, bald head capped in out-of-season sunhat,
sporty in white-and-navy stars. My daughter on foot,
hopping and idling by pink-hearted daisies.

In the allotted hour, the cones of the fir tree—once
slim green hats—fatten into brown globes, expansive
as eyes. Like reverse fireworks, a flock of cockatoos
descend from the sky to plunder the woody scales,

shred spiked branches. Fanned bracts over blue-
toned pavement where we begin our morning walk
and needles rain down upon the heads of passers-by.
We are walking and I am scanning footpaths

for trip hazards, driveways for reversing cars. Leathery,
dogbane oleander leaves. Chalk-coated berries
appealing in purple skin. Prepped for danger—
future’s proof in the quality of my attention.

Uncertainty is unbearable until I take it out for a walk.
Like a dog I am showing it a garden of artificial grass.
Next a garden of satiny acanthus. Variegated lawns.
Vegetable patches scrabbled with herbs, starred lettuce

hearts, Italianate latticework. Everything a threat.
Everything real and growing sideways. Our neighbour’s
fir tree so close to the house that its branches press
the fringed glass like a heartsick giant looking in.

Avoiding people, their radial breath and quilted jackets
exhaling on the verge. I want to be a myna marking
territory with plumed fisticuffs, rinsing air with song. I eye
my intention. Bare teeth beneath non-woven fabric.

Wearing a mask I can still taste cold and sweet. Last year
is over. The year before last is over, is returning now
in streets that curve like wood after years at sea. At the peak
of Hawdon, the vista spans the Mercy—crossed,

brushed white—where my children were lifted from me
in blue-lit clouds of relief. Year of the ground glass
lung. We are grinding scales and bracts beneath our boots.
We are watching a magpie come to rest on the branch

of a tall candlebark, honeycomb a sweet tune. Next year
a truck will misread the road and reverse into this tree,
splitting its trunk like parting the earth. A man will be
trapped beneath a halo of muted leaves while the driver

sits wailing on the curb. The driver is wrapping his arms
around his torso as if he is shattered timber. We watch
the splinters rain down upon the heads of passers-by.
The streetscape is changing again. We intrude like thoughts,

plant the wrong things. Vines imperil saplings. Dog-like,
I detect menace beyond a fenceline. Beginning at
the fir tree which shakes its sharp eyes, gathers its birds,
we are walking the street we will walk again.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Genuine questions about Pet Semetary

**Spoiler Alert!**

First, what put that road there?
Sure, stuff’s gotta get somewhere,
but mostly someone’s gotta want it
when it gets there,
right? Semi-trailer gotta
hurtle along some trail.
Second, what are the odds
of friendly ol’ Fred Gwinn
having the ticker to top
Maine’s Mi’kmaq Mount Doom
before Rachel and the tykes
jet back from Thanksgiving?
A soothy septuagenarian
subsisting on bungers and Bud –
unlikely idinit?
Victor happened to be
out for a jog in Orono –
who read him
into any of this?
Is Jud evil or just stupid?
After all the ground is sour
Louis. Death should be inevitable,
that’s inviolable.

But the real big puzzler is why Rachel,
in seven years of matrimony,
never mentioned Zelda.
She didn’t once utter “Louis, you
must know, I had a sister
curtail’d of fair proportion
who breathe left in a backroom.
The flashbacks come as
vivid as noonlight
piercing a nap.”

Seems like something
you’d share with your spouse right?

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Fishhook

In some galleries I’ve visited,
people who don’t know what to say to a painting
might murmur, “It must be hard to do that.”
Perhaps that’s all you meant back then,
that suffering was something, after all.

The truth is, we never touched.
I remember deleting nudes from my phone,
so you could scroll through it.
I knew you wanted me gone.

Once, I would have let you eat the softest part of my wrist.
But if I pictured your genitalia at all,
I thought it must be cruelly veined like a horse’s neck,
something I would wash with warm soap
and fingertips, like I was holding a fishhook.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Kristen Stewart

Kristen Stewart is an actress
Who became very famous in 2008
For playing the most attractive person in a film franchise
About beautiful vampires
And everyone hated her
Because she didn’t smile enough.
Kristen Stewart was seventeen in 2008,
Which I didn’t know until I looked it up just now.
When I was seventeen I was not famous
And I had complicated feelings about Kristen Stewart,
The same way I had complicated feelings about all teenage girls.
When I was seventeen I probably knew a lot less than Kristen Stewart.

In 2008 I turned sixteen without learning any fundamental truths about myself
And was disappointed that I couldn’t say
‘Sweet sixteen and never been kissed’
Because of an incident with a boy when I was twelve
And which I’ve never really processed.
I thought about kissing all the time,
Just not about kissing Kristen Stewart.

When Kristen Stewart was twenty six,
There was an incident with a film director
And everyone hated her for being unhappy.
When I was twenty six a lot changed and I was often very unhappy
And I spent a lot of time thinking about kissing Kristen Stewart.

At twenty seven Kristen Stewart came out as bisexual
And confirmed what lesbians on the internet had known for many years.
When I was eighteen I came out as bisexual
And confirmed something I had been afraid of for many years.
I am twenty seven
And Kristen Stewart is starring in a movie
About female spies,
An earlier incarnation of which I saw in primary school
And which I told my mother made me gay.
My mother
Cannot pronounce Kristen Stewart’s name correctly.
My mother
Also could not correctly say Kirsten,
The name of a girl who joined my primary school in year five.
Kirsten had beautiful hair and I thought we were going to be friends
But then she became a popular girl instead.
I was never a popular girl,
And I was bad at keeping friends.
I felt about Kirsten the way I felt about Kristen Stewart in 2008.

Kristen Stewart is twenty nine and in love
And most people think she’s really cool
And she’s won awards for her acting.
I am twenty seven and in love
And I write poems about Kristen Stewart
Because she’s very beautiful and I want to kiss her
And I no longer hate young certain women on principle
The way I did in 2008
And I hadn’t thought about Kirsten in years
Until I started writing this poem,
But I hope that all the girls I used to know are happy.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Sagittarius A*

Event Horizon Telescope, May 12, 2022


how we always wanted to know
what was at the centre of it all

a sense of generational longing
only cured by operatic narrative

supermassive black hole shadow
glowing ring with cavity puncture

from far: brooding, slumberous
closer: orange-red smouldering

fast spinning silhouette wreath
devouring infalling surrounds

gas, debris swirling its perimeter
as stars slingshot around the rim

the interstices between itself
and those who view back home

an undressing blur of wonder
four million times that of our sun

synced observatories, collaboration
how we come together, uncovering

an image, years in lucid construction
calculations unveiling visions of data

core of our Milky Way hub singing
as we assemble the transit of notes

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Mahjong

East Wind

The gate is locked. A woman
exits the house, and we enter.
My grandmother takes her seat
at the table: her braceleted arms
intersect the others’ as they churn the tiles
ceaselessly, dry seas breaking over papered felt.

South Wind

She pulls a tile and runs her thumb
along its underside, across its carved
indentations. In a single swift motion,
she discards it. Her eyes search for the key.
When it finally arrives, her fingers insert the tile
into the gapped row; she calls out pung! and wins.

West Wind

The week he dies, my grandmother gives up
mahjong for a year. Her friends are bereft:
an empty space, a missing place. She lies in bed,
unsleeping, hearing his voice in every room.
Forty years of arguments, six children, nine
grandchildren—a pyre, ashes, and a stone memorial.

North Wind

I watched as my grandmother rose from the bed
and went to the bathroom without closing the door.
Lately, she has taken to stripping off and wandering
the apartment, naked. Some days, she remembers who I am.
Other days, she counts only the names of the dead. Nearly
endgame. Her final round. The clacking of the cold jade tiles—

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

On the shoulders of grandmothers

You do not read or write our language
loop the yarn of wool around your neck
legs out straight
on the chocolate and beige swirled carpet
I am child witness to your domestic reign
in the slide and pull of stitches
that do not drop
in the click and rub of steel knitting needles
a secret language of gesture and rhythm
a sovereign state behind a paling fence

white sheets catch the wind
sloped backyard planted into steppes
tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers
prickly curl of watermelon vine
the cultivation of fallow ground
in the new world
to ward doubt

sheets off the line stretched
folded like pastry rolled thin
smoothed over
the pull of excess skirt hem
fat caught in the oilcloth
mercury rising

icon of St George, dragon impaled
watches
candle lit
a trusted house sitter
your hands workworn
changing milky brine solilo/солило
pickling cabbage, green tomatoes
air tinged with the smell of vinegar
like an embalmer solicitously you worked your craft

together we read the pictures from
little golden books
old Macdonald’s farm
kikurigu petle/кикиригу петле….
Three billy goats gruff
Trap trup trap trup/трап труп трап труп
faithfully you taught me nashe/наше
amongst the snapdragons and camelias
pulling weeds quietly planting petunias
your knife sharpened on the back step
a chook that pecks deserves a knife….
doused with boiling water
plucked feathers fly
blood spattered grass

in the practice of small things
between village and suburb
around the movement of
earth from red to black
your words were
a broth of microminerals




Translations from Macedonian

Solilo /солило – brine

Nashe/наше – our language

Kikirigu Petle /кикиригу петле – cock-a-doodle-do

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Tufahije

Molim te.
Daj mi kisele jabuke i limun.
There is something to be said here
about deity in burning sugar. Violet flame against
steel to sweeten. And if hours were to still
within the tiled room, how easy is it
to break a day with screaming crickets calling
from behind each turning step. Am I wrong to watch
your bloated hands struggle against the hilt as the
blade cuts through flesh. Sada gledaj dok
radim.
Should we watch those hands meet and
part like a moving flock visit us throughout the year
we would not move past November. There is a dream
and in it I will not move away from here. I will not leave this place
from your left and we will watch the apples
soften in the pot together. Walnuts will fall into the flame
and there will be no more pot. There are no more apples. There are only
walnuts catching fire and we will watch. If the smoke rises
above us to tell secrets you will wave it away. You will say
ne mogu slušat bezvesnje stvari and I will not wonder if the flames
are too high. We are dry now there is no wet left on
my cheek and you say gledaj so I do. It does not need to catch us
because we do not hide and you say uzmi so it does. The walnuts
are on fire. The kitchen is on fire. The crickets
are on fire.
November is on fire.
We are
on fire.

dust to dust.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

plan(e)t




that is to say, cells. the small of light bouncing off one lone long hair from your cheek—that is to say
our membranes, the very
operational closure of

the system. here is a bat’s long ear and animal
skin—know that when spallanzani leaned in
to study flight, he scorched the bat’s ear.





am i your wolf, an evolution in which we taste
the tart of sumac to feel its crystal edge?

that is to say, the plan(e)t
is at once thirsty and wet—that operational
closure of the system
, the small of light dying slow on one lone
arm sprouting hair—that is to say, membrane, long fracture.




as i say wolf you must
know that means kin, i will carry you.




so would you kiss those very
lonely wolves against a crucial step in early
evolution where genetic progress long shuns normative
progress
?




a system that is to say such a boundary
always has a double
function
—that lone hair on your cheek in long seducing
wolf loneliness out of me against a crucial step in the internal
compartment
of grief.




that is to say, we are specialized in plan(e)t
deaths, repeat in the small light oozing from our lone long hands.




beloved, know i will carry your trouble as if it is mine.




a simultaneous separation from and exchange

with the environment could be as death-ridden as a cut flower
drooping slow onto the cool windowsill.




that is to say progress, whereas the orchid refuses to sprout showy in fear of a loneliness, in
fear of a cruel singularity in this house:

long plant boundary must have been a crucial step in the openness of my tongue against your nose
hair, that is to say a wolf, a bat’s ear, that is
to hear that a bat’s fear is real, that dog’s hiss
at spallanzani’s hand—slick—reaching to show once again how
tadpoles grow a new tail.

that is to say, as easy as a mild chicken stew.




the establishment of a lone, long boundary :

the us military (that contagion) once sought to weaponize bats’

echolocation, their smooth flight.
to ‘minimize collateral’, they had said.




who is to say the orchid snubs the gardenia’s eager flowers?

there, a plan(e)t romance—as if to say nervous system as criterion for whose love.




this wrist of yours is caught in my eye
in a swift, soft flick (you are readjusting
your little watch, instrument of time)

and so i reach for the orchid’s root, its
gesture to spiral out.




a pale lone pack hacks away at something cellular

to establish long boundary, membrane




did spallanzani’s hand tremble as he caught
a hint to progress in a small bat’s ear?

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

At the Grave of Te Mānihera, Tokaanu

Dawn light catches steam mist
rising through tree and bush, floating
over front lawns, vacant lots.

We wait for the ski rental place to open.
The korimako and tui make morning song.
By sailing ship, by foot

Te Mānihera, you journeyed far
before strangers placed your bones
in this church yard

under an engraved marble slab —
‘martyred in the service of Christ’.
Walking in your black suit

burning with the Holy Spirit
Kereopa at your side,
you stopped at every village, Taupō

to Turangi, reciting the Beatitudes,
keeping faith, heavy of heart, fearing death.
On Route 41, cars and trucks whoosh

up to Taumarunui, the Western Bay.
Year to year I’ve shot through here
not knowing the sins of this land.

A stagecoach appears. You step out,
teeth missing,
dried blood on your face.

We hongi, share breath.
You smell of forest, warm earth.
I feel the bones in your suit jacket.

When they axed you down,
nothing was resolved.
But, in time, ways of thinking changed.

On this crisp morning, ancestors stand
with us, life and death embrace.
We scoff meat pies, slurp coffee.

These journeys and leaps
of faith, of language, of world view
take us further than ships can sail

faster than cars flash
down the Desert Road.
Beyond the red roof

and cream walls of this wooden church,
Mount Pihanga rises, cloaked in green.
The moment fills with peace.

Te Mānihera, you believed in miracles,
saw what’s precious.
Holding you in mind

I see differently
Tokaanu, these roads,
a day skiing Whakapapa.



* Te Mānihera, a Māori Christian missionary, and a would-be peacemaker, was a chief of the Maruwharanui tribe
of Taranaki in 19th century Aotearoa New Zealand. In his final journey, Te Mānihera, accompanied by Kereopa, went
to make peace with the Tuwharetoa tribe of southern Lake Taupō. But the Tuwharetoa leaders wanted vengeance for
deaths of their people in Taranaki. On entering Turangi on 12th March 1847, Te Mānihera and Kereopa were ambushed.
Kereopa died instantly from a musket wound; a wound to Te Mānihera was non-fatal. Surrounded by those who would
shortly kill him with an axe, Te Mānihera sang his own death song (or waiata poroporoaki). Moved by the song, the
Tuwharetoa chief requested Te Mānihera sing it again so they could memorise it before finishing him off. Weeks after
the killings, the people of Tuwharetoa felt remorse, converted to Christianity, and established a teaching program
that evolved into a Christian summer camp near Tokaanu. The summer camp program survived more than a
hundred years.

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

rent free

I’ve been living in the atrium of somebody’s heart // there are seats here // like at the movies // my face glows from the screenlight like a thousand phones to the sky // at sunset // there are cobwebs here // rust // mothdust // insects that tick time forward in the wet dark // butterflies, butterflies // like a middle school crush // I’ve been here for a long time // the lost months smell like earth and // I’ve been hiding from the landlord // I’ve even started a garden // new trees like candlelight along the spine // leaves that will open green and starry like // dragonwings // and blossoms so stubbornly coloured that they burn red even in // the bodied dark // sometimes the room is wounded // with light // knives of white like // stars // pinning our wrists to the sky // and the voices come to me low and boomy like // an ear to somebody’s chest or // cello music // or mildewed eyes // at a nightclub // and there are chalices of liquor // ruby-coloured // like pain // and the glass from the ceiling weeps // like glitter // oh // my chapel // oh // my love dove // tell me that I am an orchid held between two hands // like a prayer // tell me that the cigarettes light us up from the inside // like lanterns // baby // tell me that the champagne will be clear and silverbeaded // tell me that the stories will be tensionless // tell me that the atlassed skies will fall into the sea in deafening applause // tell me that the libraries will be empty pillars of joy // tell me that those kids will always be running aflight up twenty flights of stairs and // their swollen lungs will always be wings too large in their warm bodies and // they will always be there on the roof with their fat black hearts // killing time // high enough for gravity to kill // baby // I’ve been here for too long // the lost moths smell like earth and // their bodies are furred // on the doorstep // of my old flat // baby // I’ve always been here // for too long // I’ve been hiding from the landlord // I’ve even started a garden // baby // let’s be ordinary people // together // baby // tell me to stay // stay // stay

Posted in 109: NO THEME 12 | Tagged

Who Is It Who Fails The Test of Suburban Propriety So Completely?

—Here
come in under the tablecloth with me,
trefoil and dandelion spur. You,
soft-bladed violet and humming sting-
less native bee, slip inside too.

Beneath this humid hum-
an penumbra
this green
is itself already anthropic: a base

Relief, a carpeted maquette,
a hillside coaster slipped
between these jotted greyscale dwellings
and nature’s marrow, one
crewcut lawn at a time, one tiled
drive, one retaining wall, one storm drain.
Until there intervenes

A single small domain
of lion’s tooth unfettered and canker-wort,
monk’s head, witch-gowan and pissenlit,
of flaxen cities crowned
on globose pinheads.
Whose is it? Who is it

Who fails the test of suburban
propriety so completely?
Here he is, tethered,
shifting from phenomen-
ology to pharmacopoiesis
on this circuit, asking

His phone what calamity
might befall the dog if he eats this this-
tle, his eyes
stretched taut across our infrastructure’s tensile skin:
flora, macadam, detritus,

skeleton pipes and orchards,
conduits, clotting lipids.
We have remade this world
even the parts
we don’t think of as ours,

We don’t stay out
of the valley
below Richmond
even if we seem to leave it to the black snakes,
the burnweed and the jacaranda.
But listen:

To the water
outwitting our sentences
one beachfront patio at a time.
To the sand in cosmic teaspoons
besetting our waterholes and gas tanks.

To the sounds
gone ahead unheard on a dead world or
one with red sky only &
small things plotting,
abiding, or departing
in the soil the sough

And sizzle of small rocks against
larger ones, no pennants
for the wind ’s teeth to comb
upon this airless hillside, how would.
You describe

This hexapod orchestra
its oboed saws and fricatives,
its grassy shawms & sighs
expelled from occluded orifices and faces
to one who never had such as ears?

Here we made the rocks that cried
and unmade them—
remember?
We are figments

Of the earth’s slow changes,
we pareidolias of the continents’ subductive
self-erasures: they shiver.
Stretch their backs
with the thought of us.
We are oil
for something’s future

And then the world,
a pit picked clean

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7 month sleep regression

a tiredness like a concrete boulder
grinding the optic nerve. the ayes have it.
the green eyes of potatoes glowing in the dark.

outside the window: leaves move
like fingers of the dead. waving, drowning,
possums rumble in the undergrowth.

a wasp is trapped in our house. it catches
itself in floorboards glazed with yoghurt
the twins flung from their spoons and knows

we’re all under house arrest. the charge: failure
to get a unicorn before brushing spider-man’s teeth
and now he’ll never play with me again.

remember: how spider-man lifted his t-shirt
and held his baby brother’s lips to his nipple.
try to forget: how we laughed.

strange: the backs of my children’s heads;
the pink rosebud of a wiped anus; its automatic
peristalsis, like an alien mouth wanting suck.

breastfeeding makes my bones feel hollow
and I haven’t pissed in days. they say birds
are all that’s left of dinosaurs, but I know

dragons are dinosaurs who fed their young
until they lifted off this glaring earth
and flew straight for the slumber of myth

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the coldest year of the rest of my life

The college class I’m closest to remembering is the one where we listened to scientists weep over a list of extinct Hawaiian birds. I don’t remember the color of the walls or the feeling of the girl whose knees touched mine under the table flinching as smog blurred the sun from our windows. When I imagine that day there is no one but me, surrounded by bleached white forests, songless, petrified, feathers stuck in my teeth.

Another memory I almost have— my professor taking us to the shore and pressing our ears to the smooth stones and bottle shards puddled there. It was beautiful, the snarling rumble of the lake half-full of fish we couldn’t eat. I don’t remember how I did that semester, or how the storms felt kinder then. I don’t remember the hope or the fear or the way the snow went up to my knees when I was a child and in the summers there were more caterpillars than the world had jars and the border between us and the soil beneath was so thin, so fine.

Here’s what I do remember.

There will be life. New life. Strange life. It will crawl out of the mud of my bones, my neighbor’s bones, the bones of every one of us who survive on melting margins; the tiny bones of island birds, the bones of rotting riverbeds, of all the tuskless elephants, of every sunken factory and our earth— our lonely giant of impossible birth— will turn long after the stars go dark.

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Elegy for the World and George Floyd and All His Successors

Time seems to be toxic. Or the times
perhaps. The sky’s no longer good for us
and staying warm and staying clothed are crimes
we’re born to. And of course the obvious
reverse applies. We’re no good for the sky
and our being born at all’s a sort of threat
to everything. The world’s allergic. My
presence and yours, my friends, are dead set
dangerous miracles. And we are death
to one another. Dare a touch of colour
and here’s a knee to put an end to breath,
a living blue one-sided fatal collar.
The times are toxic. Time’s nine parts despair
and one part anger. Time is the stopped air.

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Exultations upon your absence

My god, I am so glad I did not marry you. I have never been happier to not be married to someone. To not be someone’s wife. I wake up every day singing Glory Glory Hallelujah, today I’m not your wife! I correct my students—it’s Miss! Not Mrs.—no near misses today! I turn to the empty pillow beside me and—oh hell, no I don’t! I don’t stare longingly at any spaces anymore—they’re not empty to me, Miss freedom fries and a shot of cold air! Glory be! Praise the lord! I awoke this morning unhitched! And tonight, when I go to sleep, I will dream only dreams enough for me. I mean, hot damn how unwedded am I? Is there a less married maiden than me? Unbridled nor brided, homeward and abounding! Christ almighty, hear my resounding rejoicery!

Is there a freer woman in this world than the one who kept the cat you hated?

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Valour

If he were angrier, it would be better
for them. She would like that more.
Want him in a way she can’t anymore.

They can’t be in the car anymore. Camp
in an empty lot beside a football oval off the highway
a few hours north of Melbourne.

Black cockatoos laugh at sunset.

At 4 a.m., a car whips in. Gravel fireworks, high
beams catching the apple-green tent fly. He imagines

they can see him. Silhouetted, as his toes
steal glances at her heels pumiced
smooth by seabed. The lovers—

frenzied in that focused, eloquent, ice way.
She trusted that psycho who pranks her at work
threatens him

threatens to rape his kids—
she ate his come. Lent him four grand.

And she won’t loan him? Won’t trust him? Is she going to
shit why’d they take this exit?

Boot in the door if the toilet’s locked.
Go on the ground. Go on the ground, dog.

Where’s his pipe? It’s not under the seat and if she doesn’t
find it in ten seconds. Where’s that fifty bucks?

Awake now, she holds him. He holds
the wrench from the vestibule. A man who longs to run
clean as boiled water

gums rust off the wrench head. So many addicts
roam in couples like birds, he thinks,
outside sadness, retooled for murder.

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Triptych with Oranges

i
The valley cambered as much as hollowed between hills that let us come here as strangers dropping flesh around planted fields, a containment where the orchard coughed up oranges, forsaken fruit nobody picked. One by one they fell, each swollen ovary inspired from a single blossom, & rolled downhill, co-locating at the corner of the rusted steel-wire fence, like a fermenting neon arrowhead bringing our attention to that point on the river where it held the coat a leafless tree was trying to pull under.


ii
You always said neon when you meant luminescent, started painting watercolour trees on cardboard back when you were single & deep, working away in the East. You came home stung by the colour orange & exhausted ironwood jungles. Woods separated you from the street – its names, eyes, spit & fur, the cluster of man passing, playing. I remember sitting beside you at the Blackbutt table, dining on glow, blood moon crashing into the house, you licking it from the polished blade of a knife.


iii
We crossed over the main road in the suburb’s south, passing its broken tables on the verge, its row of never-opened windows. The smoke-wracked air stung even our spit as it left our mouths. You obsessed over there not being enough names for orange, how each related back to edible things – apricot, tangerine, salmon. Hear the rainwater in the gully beside the roadworks, how it sounds like the sea, I said it only to distract. You coughed, lifted a traffic cone & held it to your ear, nodding.
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