The Great Cosmic Sauce

Ten O'clock, two balloons and a banner
have taken flight and settled against the moonless
sky, bobbing and twisting like a mask

that's been cobbled together with stickytape
and hope. An insect the size of two fingers lands
on the screen, emits a double buzz and folds

his wings over as if to say goodnight. The air
is cooler, though not much, from a shower
that tried to happen earlier but mostly failed,

merely exciting the dragonflies and two-finger
insects and patterning the nearby tennis courts
a darker red. I was watching a Philipino typhoon

on the news and eating bibimbap in a small
Korean restaurant at the time, and the customers
rose as one as the first drops fell, then slumped

like the downswing of a bird's wings as the shower
passed. Twelve days of heat and no relief.
The weather reminds me of that old outback joke,

if stone is wet it must be raining,
if stone casts shadow the weather's fine,
if there's no stone there was a cyclone,

which gets me thinking about how Australia's
at the tail end of winter and how bloody hot
and dry Korea is. The moon makes a belated

appearance, mostly full and red, either from
the distant city or from what scientists refer to
as the Great Cosmic Sauce. The toilet's sprung

a leak much akin to a slashed artery and I lost
my bottle opener somewhere on the way
from China, which is an unfortunate pair of events,

though not as far as I can tell related. Alarm
set, lights out, nothing but a pair of manic balloons
and an insect who's decided it's time for a song.

Posted in 30: EXPERIENCE | Tagged

Man in the Shape of Someone’s Father

You were craving eclipse already, though
you didn't know it; and the son you'd lost
and found and lost again was a wound

you'd learnt to scab, but which festered
nonetheless, as shame will do. You were
master of how to blur a scene, water it down,

how to rearrange the pieces and drink away
the evenings, and in the mornings your
neighbours saw the joke, how the sun

was red as your eyes and the hills creased
as your shirt. Your workmates smelt
the poison sweating through your pores

but never said a word to your face.
And so at the end your son found you,
burned the body you'd long since ruined,

scattered the ashes into the sea, vowing
to start a new story, one with you not in it.

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Experiential

Basil Eliades: Experiential

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Boxes small

for james, and Kasia
 
 

the shape of mortality eludes us.
an enforced placid response to today
the form of our cells discontents me.
in america and immoderate states
I have buried too many children
and with the penance of breath
bought food
and returned to our lives.

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Dear Diary

8:52 people will say im formulaic

8:53 “a poem with fewer pictures looks better”

8:54 i lust her … and will splice me …

8:55 imagine an individual walking up to christ and spitting on him

8:56 youll forgive me if we dont have dinner tonight

8:57 under the handmade tree a new country

8:58 the zuni still look small from faraway

8:59 i wake up, uncertain of where i am

9:00 i appreciate your sociopathic concern

& never underestimate the power of prayer and associated cults of personality …

9:00 i don't usually offer opinions but:

noam chomsky: bad linguistics good politics

stairway to heaven: bad lyrics good guitar solo

leslie scalapino: good poetry bad hair days

candace bergen: old vagina

jane: bad temper … bad … bad …

DENNY CRANE DENNY CRANE DENNY CRANE

9:01 time for a face off between love and war
     愛愛愛
戦争戦争戦争
9:02 As we often see today.

9:03 So unfitting!

9:04 My left foot decides to colonize my right arm. lording over my entire body,

to create a kind of niche market

9:05 the clouds dark and dirty, unsuitable for viewing …

9:06 that kind of mental contamination i've been warning you about

9:07 to trap a brown snake in an old leather bag

9:08 “who'll seek to revoice the sun”

9:09 missing persons, lost articles, eye pollutants

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Ode 8

i want to be the invisible
hand want a spore
& make a catalog of absence starting
with the word
“we” there
is always a reason
a litany of blizzard
the size of texas
celebration of
arsenic i become
trapped in a new
painting & feel
this cannot go on but does

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Sonnet A

” . .. the culture's lingering anxiety”

according to paris hilton

” . . . ego obeys the requirements of reality”

according to paris hilton

“I have no boots to hike through Jerusalem”

according to paris hilton

of a deaf / of snow.

according to paris hilton

“He was not alive. The fish of poetry.”

according to paris hilton

“the absorbing of sensation into the effects sustained by the flow of capital”

according to paris hilton

“…the more such disruptions become normalized, expected, fashionable”

according to paris hilton

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The Suspect

Over there, in the Other land, I was
gharb-zadeh, Farsi to the effect of west-

smitten. Over here, in 'Our' land, I am
Muslim immigrant, nomenclature with grave

allusions: unemployment, anger, and
unpredictable police attention. Over there

I was an 'apostate', principal's term for
the boy who failed Koran Studies and wrote

an essay on Leonardo da Vinci. Over here
dainty high school girl rejected this thick

accented adolescent for being too hairy
and a 'Muslim rapist'. Over there, utterly guilty

of doodling Zorro; hence flogged by the irate
principal. Over here shackled to a passport

etched with 'born in Tehran'. There I was
suspected of perfidy to the Faith, an Infidel-

wannabe. Over here I am suspected
of terror, 'Our' values' covert enemy. My likes

aren't to belong to tribes, nations, et al; but
welcome at the cells of the Islamic Republic's

Evin Prison, pliers pinching their finger-
nails; or sleep-deprived and hooded indefinitely

in the dark solitaries of Guantánamo Bay.

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To Sydelle Belin on the Redemption of the Bank Leumi Bond, Twelve Years Later

At my Bat Mitzvah I did not know what a bond was
how to save or make money,
just how to take it
and give a big smile. Bank Leumi sent me a letter.
My folks fished out the gift envelope
with your shaky
full name emblazoned.

Dear Aunt Syd with a Y,
the Avenue J dry cleaning store Rose owned
is now a bodega.
The train still trembles by
I passed it en route to see Gramma
at Maimonaides.
The subway's $1.50 now
and the fifty you gave me in '82
is a hundred
taxable Dad says
stick it right
in the IRA.

Syd, I envision you
the day before the Bat Mitzvah,
pulling money
from the pink seat cushion
for a special trip
to Manhattan
to make it a gift
for Fritzie's granddaughter,
isn't she big?

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An urban dictionary: I

I pops my colla
I pulled a boner

I pity the fool
I owned you

I obliterate someone
I pressed the button

I plain just don't care about them
I missed the part where that's my problem

I remember Cecil
I remember nothing

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Taking an Oath

Who wouldn't admire
a man more discreet than opium

imported from Egypt,
how it always leaves a note

on the pillow where dreams
escape the sad woman

wandering like the ghost
of an insomniac with a torch

in her hand. The light
is softer than the solid claw

of night's bitter talk.
At least she can look

forward to a visit
from Hippocrates who says

'Melancholia is moist.
She must be dried'

so he offers red wine
and bleeds her vein.

Hippocrates takes an oath
and finally there is silence.

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The Dream Temple Of Kos

The story of Hippocrates is shrouded
in uncertainty

despite these facts.
He trained as a physician

in the Dream Temple of Kos.
This was back

when Apollo
and Panaceia watched Hippocrates

observe the sick
and injured. He knew

his humours
which, in Latin means moisture

although I doubt
he laughed

until tears ran down his face.
Hippocrates

was too busy
blaming the weather

known as autumn depression
when those inclined to drink

quickly became drunks.
Hippocrates said a lot

about the cause and even today,
nothing much has changed.

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Late-night Recordings

The fog settles
in like your mother-in-law
but not even her mouth
can drown out the
revving of the engines.
High octane scream.
Tires burn out just before
the rain pours. Our shadows are black
and they cast out long.
Packs of roaming dogs
threaten our death.
We'd feel a little more
secure, if we didn't live
under these high-tension wires.

I have no place to sit.
There is no shade.
The bare trees have been
cut-down like Dutch Schultz
standing at his urinal.
What is all that noise?
Where does it come from?
Why does it have to be so loud?
The bare trees have been
cut-down like Dutch Schultz
at his urinal.

The fog roles out,
but the engine only stutters.
I'll push you in a wheelbarrow
and we'll chase the storm.

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Recollections of a Geriatric Gigolo

He'd need the busy arms of an octopus,
the lapping tongue of an anteater,
the endurance of a trudging camel living off its hump,
and the iron will of a bighorn ram hammering for hours at rival suitors,
he'd need all these natural strengths to service his past lovers
were they all now to gather under his blanket at once.

He's akin to an alpha stag after the rut,
after the early fall revelries,
after the fickle, sated and pregnant harem wanders away,
leaving the exhausted old buck to face
icy January, freezing February, famine-prone March,
and the distant, distant April thaw
with neither a herd to run with nor grass to graze.

But our human stud,
our once bon vivant among the amorously reclined
wraps a blanket tightly around himself
and feeds off a rich harvest of memories
of the dozens who once slept beside him.
And he smiles, warmly, very warmly, even giggles
for the combined weight of his conquests
were they in the flesh and not flashes of deja vu
would collapse even an emperor-sized bed.

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Sweet Goodnights

From the taxi your head spills
Followed by your stomach
I wait, my eyes skirting
Reading the watchful night
Broth mist breathing, descending
You pull up, groan, your wild eye happy enough
Now that you're fixed to an address
The William Blake dreams you'll have are
Un-contended, beached like every apparition
To only exist unreachable
Or prized away
Like photographs taken
Torn up on sight

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Motion

The paint has stuck on
A swollen smile
And then you smile
Your teeth glow sticks
in your ashen chimney mouth
And you clearly say what you need
Which is a shock as you smile again
The fumes rolling across the space between us like exhaust
And I hand you plungers
10mls 5mls
Wonder what it is you do with them
Knowing nothing can be clear
as you swing a leg over the saddle of your bike
take off one handed
the other with your remedy
clamped and pulling to your mouth

Posted in 30: EXPERIENCE | Tagged

if you kill someone bring them back to life

'theres a riot going on: quick throw away
your ciggies, & leave your house, in the wrong place;
breathe & drink water &-if necessary-the milk,
lie on a sunny riverbank. though you
may seem useless ignoring the rubbish
floating by youre working away; at your next big thought
& the approach youll use with a boy,
without headphones: ghosts, jesus said
will be with us always technology
doesnt change-that, if you could retract that look-'
you stand still on flinders lane
remembering a man from somewhere, who burnt himself,
to make it familiar; its the opposite,
tack but you dont know his pressures,
borders hes slipped through, of reality of personality,
anything he does is shocking-
he holds his heart like its a handle,
he doesnt-make, anything, still theres
a trace of his sweat in your
food clothes, run, you were born
where they didnt need a black market.
youre a student-of your own weakness
history & you act, as if well, contents irrelevant, newness-
your only criteria but incompatible with so
much you want to save eh; each little influence
& wisdom, only solves biggies, so many smallies,
in the realm of problems, each time you
must decide what different, thing you-
are going to do with the dead soldiers,
though you want to resist, without fighting
(his head on the steeringwheel like its a pillow)
look to your friends &-unfortunately their
cultures much the same as your own
so you stop, climb a hawthorn
& (neglecting to look at the braches-leaves view)
pick berries for the dying….
that wont save them & wont save you
dont kill a priest because a book said
to yet where does instruction come from these days:
'in history everyones brought back to life again';
so history expands in your mind releasing some of
the guilt you stir with your knife & life;
maybe becoming what you fear is an answer-
i mean if you fear your parents-
their mistakes are of a different-kind too:
though liable as anyone to be checked. by the
words of a guru its harder if people disappear
they come back dead of course or dont,
the less they leave the more motivation.
for example they go down to the river,
to escape their husbands-bark, bark, he kills his dog;
you take the child & make a new life
it seems impossible to do what you did before
except-error, error-& you realise that
yous not you: 'but someone else altogether.'

Posted in 30: EXPERIENCE | Tagged

the deer inside itself

inside a brown name along an objective spine
the self of a deer holds like data
like a sheaf of sugarcane-as if? still being put together by science.
thats you looking in, seeing yourself, then trying to brush yourself
away out like a fly fire. comparisons are oiliest
near the barbecue but no apron will help
now, in the virtual forest where meat is half of
greet: 'theyre like humans but outside language…'

somehow they got, in that position, the postsingular or thresh & grain.
alleluia at least he hoped so?
when we shook-hands we made the most-of it.
we went to the market, we met a gypsy on the way,
she said we were married. its possible possibly
yet at times my mind quakes like its under unknown water,
foot by foot, it removes itself from itself, & killed, by hunter,
& still standing, leafy twig in its teeth.
if you finally say something dont bother.

there are gold coins, like spoors all over the forest floor
music hands stiffen at thoughts of fur.
the deer is swimming it is dilated
with blood & thought, perhaps best left to reality?
which isnt starting, not anytime soon anyway, the restlessness of being peaks
in the wind. the box the unimprisoning box:
the fawns are in it, the stags, & the does
milk sloshing in a bucket. the body costume, not character.
all your fire reports on knowledge reduced to a smell.

there are two ways of going
at it call one attentive. paradoxically its the one immersed in emotion.
words fall into your head like green fruit, like gull feathers,
& its true without you knowing it
who could pretend to hang out in
that hot slimy place, a belly. we became lightning, cold
lightning; i saw smoke move from branch to branch had i seen a ghost?
ears, come into play. a memory of easels set up,
& wildlife documentaries with celebrities & military logic.

dad says come on be seasonable
what do any of us get by staying still?
footrot & frostbite thats if were lucky? but we werent
to hear, a song that started eons ago. a silent song a
drawing of a song, a surveying & surveillance &
a-con your smile, has evaporated in the mist:

'so do what you want but know
what you are doing, my home
my garden i know its fantasy
i try to kick a little
real rock into it when i can
sometimes though, its all mind.
its spooky waking up, finding its as
you left it like a protected exhibit.
we never see our own tape, or our blackout
the acclimatised birds are stirring.'

they, at nest, work it out.

Posted in 30: EXPERIENCE | Tagged

Jetty

Boats lie dead on the horizon as seabirds
Wheel through pallid skies and squid
Work the seagrass under the wooden jetty
Where fishermen with hangovers gaze
Through bottle green waters at their lives
And late-night disputes with wives
Over undone chores unpaid bills
The dreadful denied desperation of
Endless repetition of purpose and place.
Another year gone more lines less hair
More rooms on the house less room in
The heart and the unspoken horror of the
Unthought life a steel cold stone in the gut
Eased only with fags and a drink and
Some time at the jetty under quiet skies
Watching empty plastic jellyfish bags
Ghost gliding through watery shadows.

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Mock Eden

People line up in fine afternoon sunlight
outside the Shatin cinema
for the movie Armageddon.

In the same shopping complex
I've stumbled across an exhibition of winning entries
from the '1998 Art Competition for People with Mental Handicap'.

Poon Tai Hang has drawn 'The Land Where We Live':
a circular earth bristling with people, trees and buildings,
enclosed in a bubble of blue sky,
punctured at the poles

and filling with lethal rays

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The Searcher

I saw the same young woman
twice in walking boots
hefting a backpack
as if on some wilderness hike
but she was in the suburbs
with map and compass
two days running I noticed her
she didn't look at me
and seemed in no distress
her stride was purposeful
an anthropologist perhaps
in search of other lives
the better to recognise her own.
I wondered where she'd camp
and if from behind shy walls
of brick veneer she might coax
someone to share her food and fire.
The sight of her solitary plod
made me think how easy
it is to lose direction and
once lost how hard to find
a way back home.

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Factory Boys

White overalls, rubber boots and a hairnet
a red surname sewn into the chest pocket –
I was ready. To sacrifice sunlight
for the punishing noise of steel clanging on steel,
revolving guillotine blades carving lengths of cheese
the pressure on my feet
from eight hours of standing beside a conveyor belt,
checking steel containers clasping blocks of cheddar
shunting past like minutes, each one counted,
then hands whirling over steel in the washroom,
overalls soaked and inventing jokes with the Yank
from Detroit who hates cheese, work and Aussies,
both of us shouting above the clamour
as if opinions ever matter
when the stainless steel is piling up around you.

A week later, the shifts have become ingrained
jobs so familiar, I finish them in my sleep –
checking valves, testing rennet, twisting
stainless steel taps to switch milk between vats.
For the permanents, extended tea breaks are ignored.
The supervisors take walks between 3 and 4am.
The seasonal casuals- hungover, love bites on the neck –
wheel 44-gallon drums of cheese off-cuts
under the crusher. We are paid above the award.

One night, after two weeks on late shift
I fell asleep, clipped a white post, did a 180
on the crest of a hill, shimmied up an embankment
slammed into bluestone rocks, headlights
shining in my sister-in-law's bedroom.
Next week in the tea-room, it barely rated a mention.

We lived for the buzz of our pay slip
dragging each other off as we left the car park,
racing the train to the road crossing.
We were laid off at the end
of each milking season,
our faces turning pasty
as the hunks of cheese
we kicked around the concrete floor.

Posted in 30: EXPERIENCE | Tagged

Strategic Education Plan

Grinding your teeth as you pursue
the unobtainable, the deep, tossing and turning
the fear of entering a class, your voice rising in self-doubt
as students walk out, their complaints minuted.
You've become a teacher cornered in the staff room;
glances, half-smiles and what a whisper allows.
Never make a decision in the middle of the night
with an alarm clock undermining the very idea
of tomorrow. Your feet begin to itch
a rash appears on your skin. Your methods
have been appraised. A teacher can make a difference
watching a re-run of Great Expectations at 4am.
Their voices never leave you as the marking piles up
the prospect of holidays, elusive as an A+.

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Washing the Dishes with R.E.M.

A sense of haste
helps me slide across the floorboards,

stack the dishwasher, clear benches, return
salt, pepper and oil to their rightful places.

Nostalgia has its purposes; each song
a key to an other self I fall into,

or a full stop I am falling towards.
Listening to Radio Free Europe

is like standing in a lift as it falls through the floors,
except these are years; gone, yet haunting like debts.

The dishes never relent, they seem to multiply
like these feelings twanged by regret.

Some nights it's possible to put away the cutlery
with a two note melody keeping time in my head.

Some nights it's possible to be falling through time
weightless as an astronaut, ready to begin again.

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