in this community

Boonwurrung country June 2017

mutual suspicion
in this community

whitefella owned homes gated & locked
blackfella hired house magpie-guarded

sugared study afternoons
walks on dusk

scaling fences & stretching thick-grassed vacant lots
trespassing to find the ocean

waves eating activewear
sand lining lycra

our beaches are open
they are not places where bloodied mattresses burn

not in Aus, mate
bad things don’t happen here

through roads & gates
slip teatree shapes

on the way home a need to ask
if we feel free

Posted in QUEERING MODES | Tagged

Garden Musings

1. 
his racism compels an energy that grows me 
a garden his Team Australia digs 
my shovel deeper his Northern Territory 
Intervention layers my compost-pile higher his 
Operation Sovereign Borders pulls my 
noxious-weeds faster his Forced Closure of 
Remote Aboriginal Communities renders my 
pruning-saw blunt and his Climate- 
Change Denial distils my rage to 
sweat drip soak feed every seed sown 
for transformation.

2. 
my daughter makes potions from this 
garden she slices lemons with oyster-shells soaks 
violets herbs and curry leaves with eucalyptus- 
blossom a cultural-fusion concentration brews 
her tea-pot and a big sky-full of love and 
glitter swills her offerings I recite queer 
and decolonisation-poetry to my children in this 
garden resistance-poets agitate the soil their 
words germinate uprisings on the freesia-scent 
of spring every new bud tells a survival story we 
raise our potion-filled tea-cups to the sun to 
thank them.

3. 
Dear Prime Minister your leadership ignites 
alchemy in this garden making rich 
soil brewing potions and shaping little 
activists who harvest sweet-offerings to counter 
the bitter after-taste of you remember 
this we are your deepest roots your 
legacy we won’t cultivate fear and 
bigotry we will blister our hands sow seeds of 
hope and tear down your white-picket-fence 
borders we will light our fires to sit around share 
food sing to our Old Ones we will 
pollinate humanity with rainbows on every 
horizon under a float of red-black- 
yellow this our every garden. 


Originally published Wasafiri, International Contemporary Writing, Vol. 31, No. 2, June 2016, p. 26.

Posted in QUEERING MODES | Tagged

Motion

I still think of how this road was made
for us. The sun is different here. Wear
our love like a talisman, ward off

the lines I wrote to demarcate you
from me. They aren’t incarnations
to summon you. I don’t think

this means I really want you
back. In my life, I’m happiest
when I’m moving. Away

from shards of geography, this us
is genealogy leaving imprints
in the shade. If you can’t then I can’t

help you. I’ve been writing poems
about you. I’ve passed moments
around you. What they don’t tell you

is you don’t win. In films
you sit in the rain and sound
cuts out and ring turns to

whistle, and blood cells grid-
lock in your temples. Then
to swelled symphony you press

two legs against cement and march
up to his door. Say I’m sorry and
I love you, except you don’t

’cos your psych says
You have impulse issues.
Don’t turn him away with another

display of manipulation so just
dream in the driver’s seat while wet
through half-open window
seeps through the lens.

Posted in QUEERING MODES | Tagged

TIDE

Who named you
White hot strike?
Decided this here:
Touch each of my hairlines
Who spoke of clean cut or dash or steel-toed?
As though you don’t crawl beneath the carpet
Rotten space you’ll smell for the rest of days

The other night I held another’s head
In ecstasy, shook you loose
Cradled between sinking bones I felt the return slow
I said: It feels like you’re sucking my cock
I meant: we’re not alone

See there – that sting in the curl of one nostril?
You’re nothing without this
Each time you lope through skin I hear your double negatives
Something sickly slides against the busted lock

This is what is pulled loose
Scraped half-circles low and dark and unseen
Even when I wear your cum to bed as a shield

I want this aching constellation you left/to make it count for us
Instead I have it all
(So much less)
Though I know
We could make it out alive

Posted in QUEERING MODES | Tagged

Binding

Today it is raining and I am glad for this falling down house that still keeps the wet out. I write in pyjamas. I write with a mosquito bite on the arch of my left foot. I write with a throat that gets sorer as the sun fights its way through water to get to the drops on the window so that it can refract in at me, at this page, at these words. I write with a restless fly climbing over the knuckles of my right hand; it will not stay still it wants to tickle walk across my skin it wants it wants it wants. I write with you. I write with your voice inside my head, the rasping depth of you, the way your words stay long after you have stopped speaking.

Today it is raining and we live nine-hundred kilometres apart and you wake each morning with an anxious chest that you will bind and cover with a black t-shirt so you can move into the day being held. I imagine that I am your binder, that double layer of nylon and lycra that flattens your chest, that wraps around you, that is where you are, holding you when you cannot hold yourself. Today it is raining and I am sky water in your hair, on your cheeks, down your back. I am kiss on your lips, tongue in your mouth, hands on the small of your back, smile in your eyes. Today I am green grey the weight of love today I am sending myself to you wrapping around around around, binding you, walking you through the minutes where you do not know what comes next. Today I hold you.

Posted in QUEERING MODES | Tagged

Sometimes we meet in hotels

I

Which brings us to the strap-on—

thrusting manufactured

without the shame of connected tissue—

and, accordingly,
my gaze which he has named demonic.


II

From the Greek daimonikos.

Opened for gloating spear
twelve floors in sleepless indigo.

Above sin, divorced from Maat.


III

I have had but kept none.

The woman I loved escaped and

my only hold is to his cheek
while I drive my love in.

Posted in QUEERING MODES | Tagged

workshop

we left crumbs on Country
forgot to bring them inside our cushioned seats

the photo I took of you is blurry
I walked home to a spider on my bed

beneath the lamplight
the strangeness between us is glowing

I found a place in this home hip-width wide
with a thought to replace you

I won’t flood like I used to
my kidneys are ready for winter

it’s cold here
but I’m working

shut the door
I’m working

Posted in FEMALE GAZE | Tagged

three poem suite

i. when to clean a wig
a wig must always be clean
or else develop a particular smell
or else slick strappy heavy faced
in all my years wearing wigs
none told me how to clean
one where to hang it where to
wear it can I shampoo it
hang it with my towel and
when do I put it on
again when do I take it
off for lovers how can I
keep it off their pillows and
its hint at secrets out of
their cruel visions and suspicions my
husband was once such a lover
who moved so quickly into me
and my life because he took
his glasses off when we went
to bed his underwear and mine
still on after sex no questions
about what item strewn where and
when they would be washed or
if they were clean I was
poised outside his bathroom door so
long itching at my scalp knowing
only metres away he rubbed his
cunt before we had the courage
to speak this long desire both
of us negotiating
somethings and others.
when I showered there first
I
screamed at a spider
and he
entered saw me
wigless and wet
put it
in a jar said
nothing
saw nothing more than my
naked head it would have been
less intimate less vulnerable if
instead
I left my breasts
and bits
on the hook
with that spider.
ii.
lurch ever-towards
some clumsy recount
describe and mis-describe.
who can ever tell a
thing exactly as they saw?
and not a slip or shift into
agog, delight or dread?
and who can hear exactly
as was said?
iii. a seeing
space
is
instructive
yet
flat –
just four megabytes
just
two
dimensions
no
dive-in;
archive;
un-archive;
neglect;
recall.
arse
off
astroturf
books
on
astroturf
blown
out –
books thrown out,
electrons
sent
out
to claim place
for
their
nucleus:
naked
form,
lamp, desk
– protons
couch
a
buoyed
neutron
as
unlikely
a
seeing
as any –
I read a
lithium
ion
gone
big
through smallness
small,
light
mote.
Batteries. Pills.
a
vehicle
for
rest
through
restlessness.
all
responses
to art are
just
likenesses
of
their
makers.
I res–
–pond
no diff’rent.
(Laptop lithium
batt’ry
failing.)
I
write,
my
own sight
farce
arse
to
the astroturf
even
now.
art
came to
me.
To
live
amongst it.
Become
big.
an image’s third
dimension
is
a wished-for
sight.
an
absent
mind.
Posted in FEMALE GAZE | Tagged

ode; to blue

because the senses crave melody
it drips; a whistle caught in cotton vill i
sit. nothing—
this body is beyond capture. but is a simple
sound. whistle;
[elelelelelele] ululation.
it drips; heat exit graft; each twitch
splits—
the hairs on my spine. bird shit
red stone; or white paint or red
flows across tit. all i think
about is Beyonce.
chair tipped touch wood
did she mean to fly
or dive or die or maybe if i am
less boring each act will surrender into
performance. so i practice;
each evening accent regales reflection
neck; checks over shoulder
no ghosts around as audience.
& wonder how twenty women
emerge eyes filled with direction;
i picture each of their bodies turn to paper
& flint markings
on the surface;
pitch them to an ocean of carpet—
grow tired & begin to sing
a lullaby.

Posted in FEMALE GAZE | Tagged

Fifth Room

However it seems dictionarily,
in writing
five means 5.
And 5 means five.
See what I mean?
Pass along here.
Nothing more to see
except linguistic philosophy.
“Number words”–
those nouns-are
numbers
themselves, something more or
less than words.
They are the “veritable thing” itself, but
abstract. Items as signage, without shadow
without much connotation,
though some (like “three”)
have rich allusional resound,
but generally they’re indexical things,
just numbers making us mouth
sounds.
I think they should
be called nounds.


Posted in NUMBERS | Tagged

Four Quatrains

Four. Quatrain
s

make a ballad

Four. Veggie
s

make a salad

Four. Quart
s

make a gallon

Four. Quartet
s

are based on five.

The fourth dimension
‘s

time.
Fourth person pronoun
s

get to speak it-
s

posthumous futurial words.
Surds.


Posted in NUMBERS | Tagged

Zero and π

Zero and rr are linked in my mind.
Both are beyond “theoretical”
right straight into “odd.”

Plethora right straight into
cornucopias of unrepeating numbers
and the absolute empty, yet something.

Something that is
a total mystery of fullness
and of nothing-which is also something.

Meantime strabismus,
that quirky crick of sight,
connects to strophe, strobe and streamer.

Remember the crepe paper swirls,
fast, bright,
authoritative circles of color?

To make a circle or a “zero,”
you attached the crepe paper length
to an old key, and swung it round and round.

It was a key that no one knew from nothing,
a key you found in the junk drawer,
with rubber bands, blunted pencils,

wads of Green Stamps,
dusty tape–
the irrational keep,

and, key attached, you took the streamer,
you the center, circling a radiant diameter
with your radius-arm.


Posted in NUMBERS | Tagged

Zero Full

You can say this talks about nothing
all you want.
but “zero” is clearly and richly filled
with signs and signage.

Not to say meaning
and strangeness,
a whole semiotics–
signs of being which is nothing–

though how do we know?
Perhaps such concepts
have microscopic cellular
movements far beyond our senses?

Is zero the phase transition
between nothing as void,
as really blankly nought-
and number?

Are zero and number
like steam to water, water to ice
a single substance in many forms?
And what is that substance?

Or perhaps it is π that illustrates
phase transition even better
from a poly-polyphonic-hedron
to a “simple circle.”


Posted in NUMBERS | Tagged

Deux mille dix

So she says her book
Has no beginning and no ending

Unlike the architecture
Of many books.

She says, “because numbers
Are in order but can occur

Anywhere, anyhow, in any
Odd combination

Sometimes called physics,
Occasionally called time,

Sometimes calculation, chaotic
Order, though some are formulaic,

Therefore with no beginning
And no ending, one leaves a space

For recounting. Maybe rearranging.”
That’s what she says.

The tsunami of netting
holds numbers for a year, a particular one

that’s now past. Washed over. Old news.
Old news twice. Yet why so fervently deny

narrative? That was then. This is now.
Is there no order? No priority? No sense to be made?

No revelation at the end? The plot
is not to have one? Does this mean no quest?

Red trap with an orange streak.
2 “x” 1000 “+” 10 “=” deux mille dix.

Two zero one zero. Twenty-ten. Twenty-eleven.
Who knows how this ardor will play out?


Posted in NUMBERS | Tagged

Selkie (after Izzy Roberts-Orr)

Posted in 83: MATHEMATICS | Tagged ,

Selkie

You take me to see the seals
spinning sleek and fast
like windchimes.

Tell me the myth of the selkie,
the women who pour out of the sea
like molten lava.

Dragging their skins behind them,
staying on shore only long enough
to leave a mark
that the surf will wash away.

My mother the ocean,
the rock, the hurricane.

The flame hair a beacon,
a lighthouse sighing –
‘do not forget me’.

Our bodies are weapons
that have been used against us.

But find your way back to the sea,
and you can learn to own
your own moorings.

Posted in 83: MATHEMATICS | Tagged

Unclaimed Land (after Pooja Nansi)

Posted in 83: MATHEMATICS | Tagged ,

Reclaimed Land

There’s a man walking through my poem, 
and suddenly, he is surrounded by brown women’s 
bodies that make no space for him. Their breasts are as full 
as their hearts, the dark hairs on their stomach thrive 
and grow in the presence of his discomfort. 
You cannot blame a poet for what the people in her poem 
do and these voices are haunted by the things 
they have never said. They have been feeding
fear for years rather than their own need for
language and now they cannot stop
speaking and truths will not stop 
thundering. Why don’t you try to feel something with us? 
They screech at him rolling their hips to a music he 
cannot keep up with. No, there is no way I can write 
enough about these brown women that walk through his city 
which can never grow big enough to satisfy. And I won’t lie it is 
delightful to see how much they petrify, how comically 
he tries to pacify. You see you cannot blame a poet 
for what the people in her poem do, and these women, 
they are chanting a fevered realisation, they are going to 
eat him alive.

Posted in 83: MATHEMATICS | Tagged

demodex

whenever you are alone and in the dark spiders fuck on your face
on the lesser horizons of eyesight the giants loom to half a millimeter
whenever you are alone and scared consider
the demodex who born with six legs wakes up having

genestatised overnight another pair consider
living his divot existence digging out
at sunset to wade oases of nose-oil and breed
consider mrs vermicula who makes her nests inside your pores

from webs of your dead skin and packs twenty odd ova
per follicle consider the lack of anus
and the faecal fireworks that celebrate the end of night
and existence whenever in the dark a breeze touches your cheek

know child that it’s just i god watching wormy spiders fuck
across your face and nudging my atoms together like eggs

Posted in 83: MATHEMATICS | Tagged

Redux

What if I said the earth had been
flattened back in to history? Galileo is
forgotten and no one accedes to the horizon.

The line is not circular. The face is not
as you remember. What if I said the insect
had fallen from its sting, taken from the buzz

of irritation and grounded by merely
waving a hand. This is not what I intended.
I meant it to have some Buddhist reprieve as

the ant that is side-stepped or the bee
congratulated. What if I said “The moon is
flattened overhead” if you reached for its rough

surface you might graze the sky of its
singularity? The ancient stones pile around
me in witness. The temples return, column and

atrium to receive the lasting sacrifice.
What if I said it will all devolve to a final
Pandemonium? Then and now concurrent and

the inclusion of every name ever spoken
revived in a single word. The word was the
beginning, before the horizon was drawn on,

before rain made its mark on the sand.
With the word came the dividing, where
the infinite broke from the finite, where the first

ache of language arced from the first
tongue. The empirical silence was broken.
The moon rang like a bell in response to the

sound and the flat earth stretched to
be discovered by those who had learned
to shape and offer meaning, to offer it a name.

Posted in 83: MATHEMATICS | Tagged

I Box the Forms

for Melvin Way

I box the forms, the parade of carbon rings to which hydrogen, nitrogen, and oxygen cling. The organic seems solid but lies, nothing more than protons and electrons vibrating mute attraction. I corral the molecular herd. I hem it in.        Arc and cosine   pick    up megaphones.   They shout over me.   I tape them down, tape the tape, lock them into equations. I demand obedience to principle. Scornfully, they redistribute, associating with whichever one they please.   They refuse binaries, squaring and negating.   I put my hands over my ears. I put my head in a vise. I tighten the clamps until it threatens to split, a melon rind, a cervix crowning.   I pocket each scrap. They writhe beneath my fingers in darkness, escape when I remove my hands. I sew them in. Still they riot. You tell me—where do I go from here?

Posted in 83: MATHEMATICS | Tagged

The Pavanne for Hanne Darboven

Posted in 83: MATHEMATICS | Tagged

Precursor

afterwards
there will have been no
justification for silence
you will only have had
its circumstantial axiom
to pass through:
history’s hot sum pulse
softened to oily lead
sweet for soldering instants
time’s tendency to atrophy
when flung to the cutting floor
buckling in brown lengths
now retreat to parietal eye
quietness as waiting
(as your dark continents’ coiling-waiting)
a muscular totem when
apprehended in full sun
mute skin sheds eventually
body rearing
poised on nothing but
sprung centre thickened patience
at times silence was worse
than no words appalled more
since lard-pale & avascular
shunting now rejoined
neither bitten nor shy
the trajectories we fling
are curved while also tessellated
do not read inflammation
as precursor to speech

Posted in 83: MATHEMATICS | Tagged

Notes to Self on Remaining Alive

Disassemble. See the unpixelated sky as fathomable, just
not with ideas and unequivocally not with words. Allow night to
alight on skin, flinch but don’t

turn from its harder truths. Be constant as moons are, radiant
even when absent. Embrace fallow seasons, especially when your earth
is at its most dead – one less

of you means none of you. Greet the deep-down pain as
a friend. Benefactor and muse. Remember the therapeutic value
of torment.

Lie in bed and watch rain fall undistracted. Lie directly beneath
stars and clouds. Lie supine upon the earth in such a way that it pulses
through your metaphysics.

Uncoil but remain curved. Give to her body. Remember the law
of attraction and invite her body in. Placate that which would tear your
mind’s silence.

Search for the hurt in all evil. Spend more time with innocence.
Become imbued with its native hope. Be unguarded, in safer moments. Don’t
hunger into screens.

Posted in 83: MATHEMATICS | Tagged