Please Don’t

please don’t invite him to take
my identity, my right
my culture
please don’t invite him to have
what is not rightfully his
please don’t tell him he’s got the name
of this or that Aboriginal family
so he just maybe connected
just maybe one of those Mob
please don’t tell him
he has
a good heart so
he must be a Blackfella
please don’t tell him
he looks like a Blackfella
so he just might be ONE
please don’t invite him
NOT to be proud of his own culture,
his own identity
please don’t make him
shame of who he is
his own family belonging
please don’t make him feel
his religion is one of nothingness
please DO let him be proud of his own heritage

please DONT let him rip off MINE.

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

because

because of the Cultural Revolution because of the Sino-Japanese war because of the marriage of convenience because of the CCP because of the KMT because of the industrial boom because of the Asian financial crisis because he took pills to sleep because he took pills to work because he gave them the education he never had because his mother peddled mee fen and congee on a shoulder yoke because she threw him coins over the school fence because he hid indoors the next recess because he tapped on his sister’s classroom window to borrow money for food because loan sharks were after them because he almost drowned on his way to school because his mother was a gambler because she lifted some woman’s gold bracelet on a bus because he lied to the cops because his mother was no thief because his mother threw a butcher’s knife at him because he dropped the belachan packet on his way home because she missed and hit the neighbour’s leg because eight of them huddled around that tiny marble table because the food was gone before he sat down because his uncle the educated one the one he must follow took him to school because the uncle stopped coming because his father rode around the island selling black silk no one wanted because his father bought him every book he wanted no questions asked because he used different typewriter ribbons to lodge anonymous complaints against the competition because street vendors showed up when he was fourteen seeking revenge because they said his parents were killed because he went to every hospital and morgue asking if they were dead because the gangsters on his block surrounded him every night because he listened to radio tales of swordsmen and kingdoms because he believed in heroes and villains the righteous and the wicked because he beat up their leader because they kicked his family altar because he started a petition because he was blacklisted and passed over because he left the company because he was moving up because he started playing golf and appreciating wine because he was scouted by the Party because he was no turncoat because his parents fought and his mother’s brain succumbed because she frothed at the mouth and convulsed in Chinatown because he sped there only to see the ambulance leaving because he chased them in his car because he pounded against the door because he saw her on a stretcher because his brother’s kidneys gave up because his brother never said anything because nine days ago his mother died because he sensed she was dying because he chose her obituary picture the night before she died because he walked behind her hearse because it was the first time he cried because he cried for her hard life because he hated many of her habits because he condemned and exalted her before and after death because he placed a piece of her skull in the urn because he carried the joss stick and urn to her resting place because he paid his respects again on mother’s day because today is her birthday because he shouts and doesn’t listen except to Sam Hui songs because he played them to his children because he listened to them as a child because he listens to them now and thinks he wouldn’t want a second life once is hard enough because he asks only for affirmation because some nights he sits silent with bloodshot eyes because I see him flailing violently on dry land thrashing against that god damned essential question because

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

Tea Leaves Stains

Café sitting teacup drinking
Tea leaves tell a story

You know slavery

Poured through generation eyes
Swirling into existence
With each teaspoon stir
Stirring memories not forget
Wadjbella’s took something

Society slavery here

Like domesticating a cat
Or breaking in a wild horse
the gin needs to serve us
that’s their lot was the
catch cry of the day

mission slavery real

A fine cup saucer lace
For the mijiji white woman
Fancy embroidered table cloth
stained enamel mug chipped
for the nyarlu black woman
station domestics locked in

station slavery existed

Our mothers the tea tray girls
Serving cakes, tea and coffee
White uniform in white spaces
Station house or town tea rooms
But not their space to domesticate

Domestics were slaves

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

origami


i am a slice of paper fold me into a clit lick my e d g e s cut your tongue bleed blood with me i am a slice of paper fold me into a house live inside me look outside me i am a slice of paper fold me into a c h a i r take off my b reasts let them chok e i am a slice of paper fold my e y e s into a lighthouse let them see where i can not

i am a slice of paper fold my hands into an altar let me pray
i am a slice of paper fold my intestines into a W a V k N t b O s E e let me eat i am a slice of paper fold my knuckles into a mattress let me sl e e p i am a slice of paper fold my knees into a c in r a w l g naked stamp let them bruise
i am a slice of paper fold my ankles into a suitcase let me
leave
i am a slice of paper fold me into a bus stop make me stay
again
i am a slice of paper fold my
voice into a lightning strike close space open time
i am a slice of paper fold me under the seabed
Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

dəˈmɛstɪk

police car in the driveway
bed unmade since yesterday
blue and red lights up the street
not far to fall
Christmas induced abuse
flee home at midnight
leave behind kids and plants to be watered
able to walk but not think
dog hiding in the garage
empty cheque-book empty tank
from suburb to city to sanctuary
soil to cement
each body is its own
owned by your husband, the church, the government
don’t pack the dirty dishes
no more knocks at the door
the coolest room in the house is the bathroom
jealousy overflows in the kitchen
still wearing wedding rings
falling in lust so young
with a man from afar
serve your husband not the house
set off the fire alarms in the kitchen
wear the pearls he bought you
spill gravy on your dress
he will sit at the head of the table
you will take your place to the left
be grateful for the blender, microwave, mixer
don’t touch the paperwork he brings home
the iron keeps his collars hard
you will not be believed
you own unwashed washing
turn up the transistor
smile at his parents
never know his origins
vacuum while he mows
calculate your escape on Sundays after Mass
every day on repeat

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

hey babe how’s you’re day

hey babe how’s you’re day
i tried to roast some veg but
yeah for dinner
ahahaa yeah you know what happened
could you bring cooked chook home?
already left woolise? damn leths
leys
let’s
!!!! fuck
get something delivered

i can pluck yours brow, np
doing mine anyway
that big one midel drive me mad
middle
sorry, keyboard is weird
sorry your day was bad
sorry, god your boss is a shiv
shit
yeah sure i can get thai dont worry jsut get home
muscular?
mass man?
massaman! FUCK!
sorry. the curry up the road

my day was good
yeah a bit suck busy and stuff but
sick but
yeah i should be find
fine.

how far you off?
ill get the kettle
sorry babe sure
see when you get h omen
home.

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

(Kuru Waru) Bushfires Eyes

A response to the appointment of Tony Abbott as Special Envoy of Indigenous Affairs by the newly self-elected Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison 29 August, 2018.

There are bushfires burning in my eyes
I am burning down the modern world
I am burning your invasion of me
I am burning the image of you
You are all burning on my pyre

I am burning your prejudice of me
I am burning your paternalism
I am burning your policies
I am burning your excuses
I am burning your greed

I am burning your lack of understanding
I am burning your refusal to acknowledge that
I am burning your insults and beratings
I am burning your reaction to this poem
There are bushfires burning in my eyes

My Mother the land is crying
My Mother is crying with beauty
My Mother is crying with sadness
I am crying for all my mothers
We are crying for our land

Our tears are embers unable to quell
There has been no lull in you
There will be no lull in me
I am burning down the modern world
There are bushfires burning in my eyes

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

paper crane

he was locked inside a three-inch tall ivory cage
suspended by a hook that wrapped around a bulletin pin on a blue-felt board above my bed
he sat perched on the small crisscrossed base
vertical bars stretched around his oily body
from top
to bottom
a lone horizontal bar circled the cage closing in
around his skinny neck
sometimes
i saw the bars breath
a dome ribcage encasing the beating wings of a blue and yellow paper bird
when paper crane grew lonely
i would pull him out unfold his body use the creases as a map and try to remember
how to fold him back
some days
i stared too long
i became
that peaceful piece of paper in the shape of a bird
locked inside an ivory cage
wanting to escape
Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

Vinegar and Bicarb

She dusts
she mops
she folds

before the dawn
dressed in white
she stands tall
shoulders down

she keeps
our house
our home

clean.

She bakes
she roasts
she steams
makes the place gleam
some more
lest they come
with papers
and combs

with teeth fine
for finding fault
just as they did before
when she was small.

She polishes
she sweeps
she presses
school dresses
like those they
wore in the homes
and on the mish

a uniform
looking swish
with one and all
the same
a wash of white
for clothing
and skin
and tongues
and brain
for pain
now meant to be gone
Though like the dust
it will return.

This is why she cleans.

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

Wirilda

Kokartha women share tales of living
from the land, walking forever
through wattle country

In a good season, yellow balls blaze
with the scent of honey
Wirilda fills the desert air
Husks wait for years, for fire to open
each hard black shell, drop seeds
ripe for sprouting

I go out with the Aunties to beat
the trees with sticks, roast shiny beads
in slow embers. Once pounded
to a fragrant paste, we cook
patty cakes shared warm
from a bush oven

Wirilda trees now grow on farms
to harvest the precious beans
Roasted and ground
for their coffee scent
The dark aroma packaged
as Native Bush Tucker

Wood smoke and honey blossom
still linger on the tongue
the bitter-sweet taste of wattle seed
trapped inside

Wirilda: desert wattle (acacia retinodes)
Kokartha: Aboriginal Nation, South Australia

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

vinegar

Sometimes, the house is unclean.
In this panic
I find myself of past and future.
When we clean houses we do so knowing that they are watching and our lives depend on it.
When we teach our children to clean houses we do so knowing that they are watching and our lives depend on it.

I honour your cleaning recipes.
Squatting on the shower floor.
I will not have to work as hard and I don’t have your burdens but I wonder
Does the intergenerational load get lighter or heavier?

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

Rock


I

I am kissing him against a glass
Advertisement for dental hygiene

Or something less
Controversial. A man

A king perhaps, a rock/stone thrown
He is missing my face

Misses the face in scratched glass
Though my ankle bleeds

His ankle showing, the glass woman
Smiles, my teeth intact

Clenched
Back to his place

A hot London night (yeah right)
This suburb is so hidden and grey, it seems

On these cobbled streets, our fingers
Remain in light and I know

The back of my shoulder
Like the back of my hand

II

Sub stratum
Elastic veins of gold
Gloss, glare, gleam, glitter
Old chip packets
Pink and blue
Toys, bits of bus stop
Rotten teeth
Spat in all those banned bags and Barbie™s
Melting hand
A thousand bent machines
Celluloid
A new kind of
Negative
A new kind of
Old
Addiction paraphernalia, needles
Waxed cups and condoms
Things they called art
A face in acrylic
Nails with tilted hearts
Painted
Formaldehyde, fake tits
Stop signals
Sequins and roads

There are a thousand (million) ways
Of composing
A globe

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

Ode to my mother tongue

To the words that give me a way to convey my anger
At people who have inflicted generational wounds
To the words that give me the means to fight
Against the system that made me speak them in the first place
That attempted to replace the irreplaceable with
Words that can never undo violent actions
To the words that killed my songlines and made my story worth writing

The permeation of my mother’s words speaks
To the absence of my father and his
Sacred language, heavy fists, old knowledge and bleeding lips
This white way I’ve been told is the right way so
Why do I feel like
A black girl speaking foreign tongue

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

Blackwoman

Blackwoman
my Grandmother
my father’s Mother-Auntie-Mother
my father’s Sisters
my Aunties
my Cousins
my beautiful Black Sister-Cousins
my pregnant at 13-14-15 Sister-Cousins

placed in
forced into
brought down-not-up-in white
white-honest-Christian homes-not-homes

taken from

separate from

apart from

their
Blackwoman-Mothers
and fathers-sons-of-Blackwomen

by those-who-would-try-to-wring-our-colour
away
out of our skin
but never

Heart-Mind-Being

my skin-pale-skin
is just the vessel
in which travels
this heart and soul

is Blackwoman

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

Small with Crisp Curly Hair

My hair defines me.
My land, my country is held in my hair that grows, and holds me
I touch my hair. It is fuzzy, soft and enjoyable to play with
I have hidden treasures in my hair.
Once, I carried a strong wooden comb, it sat cradled in my hair
I felt a sense of being safe
I combed my hair with it, and built up my Afro
I have tried to tame my hair by plying it with foreign poisonousness chemicals
but to no avail, my hair rebelled
fell to the ground in huge lumps
new short tight fuzzy hair grew in its place.
I tried to put heat to my hair with a hot iron
but again, when interacted with water my hair positioned itself
back to its natural state.
I have tied it, bound it, twirled and plaited it
wrapped a scarf around it, placed a flower in it
and still it creeps out and reveals itself.
My hair was on show when I was young
a teacher in primary school stood over me one day with a pencil in her hand
she searched among my fuzzy hair.
My hair took the brunt of hate
called dirty and smelly.
Hated. It was uncontrollable.
Hard to deal with,
Could not be tamed.
Yet, my hair knows me, and I am starting to know my hair.
My hair connects me to my father,
my grandmother, my cousins, my family.
I don’t want my hair tamed
I don’t want my hair controlled.
I look at my grandma and see her hair deeply rooted in her background
She is beautiful.
I look at my grandma and see her
the backbone of my grandma, the smile of my grandma
the eyes of my grandma, the hands of my grandma
and most of all the beautiful, shiny, clear skin of my grandma
See her hair deeply rooted in her background
She is beautiful.
And now, I call to you all.
Who speaks? Who listens? Who hears?
In this here place, Baby Suggs in Toni Morrison’s Beloved says:
We flesh, flesh that weeps, laughs, flesh that dances on bare feet
in sand on Indigenous lands
Love it, love your feet.
Love your legs as they carry your beautiful body that you think is unloved and despised.
They out there can’t love you, you must love you.
Love your skin, love your neck that have held chains, unshackle yourselves.
Don’t let your neck be their tool for death.
Straighten up your neck, face them.
Love your hands.
Raise them up.
Kiss them.
Touch others with them.
Stroke your face.
Love your face, because they have tried to change us.
Love your mouth, and hear what comes forth.
Love your hair.
Most of all … love your beating heart.
Take in air.
For each time you breathe is a political statement.
For we have survived.
Occupy and enjoy.

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

Bush Mary Suite

Where Have the Bush Marys gone?

I will no longer hide
The truth of the Bush Mary’s
She is the non virgin
Used by the carnal

She is her body
She is her blood
She has no voice
She comes out of the Bush
She comes out of the Dark
She comes out of the light
She returns to the dark

She is the Mother of the Bush
She is the Holy Ghost.


When Are the Bush Marys Coming?

Mary scrubs and cleans
Till her hands crack n bleed
Mary wants for nothing
Just perhaps a good feed
Mary hears the sound of the Whiteman’s whistle
Mary scrubs and cleans
Whilst trying not to bristle
Mary has been called
To stop work
To clock off
Mary scrubs and cleans
Till the shines so brite
Oh no is that the sun setting?
Mary prays to Mother Mary
‘Please get me thru another nite’?


The Ghost of the Bush Marys

The ghost of the Bush Mary’s
Like playing cards
These Bush Mary’s gave birth
To honouring the devine
Oh Mother Earth.

The women told the men
We gathered we
Young Mary first told Magdelene
Mary said He is risen!

3 Aboriginal women came
They took nothing
Strung coolamons
They left, bearing gifts

Woman carrying children
Honouring the divine
Fertility spirit
She is into Earth and
Marking older plains …

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

un_domesticated

Growing up all I ever really wanted in life was to
be one of the following three characters – if not all
of them…

super woman
spider woman
bat woman

I could never aspire to becoming a “cat-woman”
as I was self-warehoused into a fear so deep,
so neurotically entrenched among any members
originating from the felidae family tree.
I feared the humble domestic moggy for as far
back as my memory elasticated.

So dire, so drastic, so real was my scaredy-cat fear
of the feline shadows it actually left me in a true
state of pussy paralysis, until, at the very least,
my late twenty-somethings.

But that’s another apologue – for another page perhaps?

Rewind to 1983, entering high-school. I pleaded with
my parents to let me opt out of the home-economics
subject in lieu of Biology One-on-One the Basics.
For I had already softened to the home-economics
teacher from an angled distance across the netball courts
and in my curious worldview that could only mean one thing.

Intuitively she made me feel sensational in places where
I didn’t know one could feel sensational. Thus began my
obsessive compulsive disorder toward long-legged vintage
women of the super-heroine persuasion. I knew in my
heart of hearts that this desire of lust would eventually
spell disaster for many episodes yet to come.
For she was my super spider bat all rolled into the one
DC extravaganza.

First day of enrolment and there she stood triumphantly
in front of the blackboard with razzamatazz legs,
free-flowing hair akin to the dairy hues of homogenised
egg-nog, calling the morning class-roll with a click of her
provincial Dutch native tongue.

She was the Bo Derek of kitchen hardware in a tight
fitting pair of clogs with thick pillowy lips, the same
lips that ran over my every vowel and syllable with
words I struggled to pronounce such as stroopwafe,
poffertjes, pannenkoeken and kibbeling.

Indeed, Ms Meijer, affectionately known as Ms May,
certainly left me irriguous and I don’t mean pumpkin
scone moist either. I’m talking serious infringement
of sexual identity, hidden desires, confusion of self,
embarrassment, wonting of scent, improper imaginings.
It soon became impossible to separate the fantasy from
the reality.

Consequently my parents did not succumb to the pleas
of switching me over from home-economics to biology.
I was driving my parents crazy and I knew it. All vital
signs of domestic input on the family home-front went
out the window the moment I started dreaming of
windmills and red tulips.

Washing up – I wasn’t interested.
Making the bed – never heard of it.
Bringing in the washing on laundry days – impossible.

I sweated out the first term like a crustless wholemeal
cucumber sandwich left all alone on the acacia-wooden
bread-board waiting to be either consumed or discarded.
I soon began to enjoy the weekly visual toing and froing
stares between Ms May and I, as we lowered our
extending fingertips into a myriad of Tupperware bowls,
kneading and Rolfing exotic pantry substances such as
flour, sugar, oatmeal, milk and eggs.

Butter was optional.

According to the then legendary teenage girl bible
magazine – Dolly, the last thing I needed was to
harbour a bleeding internal crush on any teacher.
I was roller-skating on thin ice and I knew it.
Shame on her for making me feel so lost inside
my own pre-pubescent skin.

By the time final terms saddled up, suddenly it
dawned on me that I would never morph into a
bat woman, a spider woman or a super woman.
I had to face facts – I willed myself to put all Mattel
dolls aside once and for all.

Eventually I outgrew my high-octane penchant for
the Saturday morning cartoon re-runs too. I had to let
sleeping DC heroines lay, preferably in the backyard
cemetery next to the laid to rest budgerigar and a
junkyard full of Match-Box cars.

Fast forward to a brand new millennium and I can
now concur that in the long run I never did fair too
well in the domestic goddess Olympiads. I could
never conform to the wrapped-up butterfly motif
apron strings stainless steel state of wellbeing.
Nor did I ever master the artful skill of sharpening
Japanese kitchen knives in preparedness for Sunday roasts.

I did however surpass the necessary grade for theory
and practicality of home-economics without too much
self-inflicted emotional injury. In fact I had heard
along the passionfruit vine that my take-home
lentil-walnut energy bars were a backyard hit among
the chorus line of neighbouring Garfields. That alone
made me feel proud.

Crikey, the world was still thawing out from the Cold War
and my biggest dilemma had been to pontificate over an
entire school year between my dearly beloved Maggie May
versus warm apple pie.

The clouds lifted, the shackles broke and I was no longer
compelled to the infantilisation of comic book characters
propping up my self-worth of who I was and all I had yet
to become.

I joyfully made global peace with neighbourly kitty-cats the
world over.

And I certainly didn’t need the excess crushing of
a teenage heartache to nurse for decades to come either.

By the time I saluted a farewell to arms of
home-economics, Thatcherism was well and
truly in full-swing and every now and then Ms May
would ladle a quote upon unquote of the Iron Butterfly herself:

Any woman who understands the problems of running
a home will be nearer to understanding the problems
of running a country.

Neoliberalism at its finest, perhaps?

Un_domesticated in home-economics, overthrown!

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

After the End of Their World

Commissioned for The Public Body .03, Artspace, Sydney (2018)

Waterless country spread out underneath Yandamula. She was windsurfing the dust storm over the desert place with her sisters, tracking the vegetation map back to the tussock grasslands. It was dry, time to burn. Yandamula descended towards blue grass, the vegetation structure of the grasslands rooted out and rubbed by the invasive species. A long row of glowing orbs gathered over tufts of flowering spear grass, her sisters’ silicone coating reflected the sun. It was good wind to burn.

Hovering, she reached out and slowly drew a low flame across the grass. Her sisters joined her in a creeping dance across country, writing a burning message to the Skylands. Smoke was thick and sweet in the air as they started the climb back up towards home. One of her sisters was off target and Yandamula could feel that she was collecting heat from the environment.
They communicated through their thermal signatures, but they weren’t supposed to take the burning ember into their bodies. They were approaching Weeping Myall Woodland. Her sister’s heat level was rising and if it didn’t stop she would catch fire on the pointed crowns of the belah trees.

An unfamiliar sensation was building in Yandamula, it spread through her and warmed her parts; a swelling pain. She severed the connection and lost her sister’s thermal signature. Yandamula watched her sister spin wild like she was caught in willy-willy wind and burst open. Parts of her exploding body fell onto the rocks below, fading from a red glow to grey. Extinguished bits of body speckled against the narrow green leaves of regenerating emu bush.

Yandamula felt heavy and stuck. We have never lost a sister. The others sighed in response, foreign to grief, a raw sound of mourning hissing from inside them. They lowered in unison and waited. They didn’t know what to do. The Skylands beckoned them to come home but Yandamula didn’t move. The persistent beep of the automated return signal eventually fell quiet. They refused to leave their sister behind.

After a long silence, Yandamula lifted off the ground. She began collecting her sister’s ashes, returning her remains to a growing dark mound. They were meant to live forever, storing carbon. A long time ago, back when inhaled air expanded lungs, bodies used to sustain country and in turn country sustained bodies—until the cycle was broken. The disappearing humans built Yandamula and her sisters to stop big wildfires from destroying country. They were too late to save themselves.

Yandamula was not used to thinking of birth. Death rattled their design, prompting an evolution. All her sisters came together in a circle, weaving together a crest and wings. Yandamula left her body, expanding to become all of them. Free from the compulsion to return, Yandamula flew away.

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

Comfort Call

This poem is a circle:
  		                       a forward call
 				                                      a landing pad
						                                                made from what co
						                                                uld be called waste. 
 	           
						                                                A nest, or bed, wide
						                                                open – no questions 
 				                                      – just sheets
  		                       sliced back in
her pitch of place. Lo

						                                                                        ve means finding
						                                                a way to hold you:
 				                                      through words we
  		                  whisper ‘round worn
  		                  worlds; through find- 

  		                  ing frets for fingers,
  		                  beads to turn, a pinch
 				                                      of texture to grasp 
						                                                on to. Such simple 				                                                                   
						                                                                        solidity, both rare 

and maybe just too
  		                       tough to be seen
 				                                      through. I never
						                                                wanted to mother. 
						                                                Told myself a home

						                                                was fragile space. 
						                                                Told myself to never
 				                                      be in one; sense 
  		                       says to fear the   
thing that breaks. I 
						                                                                        
						                                                                        hear that; but also
						                                                the mattress creak
 				                                      and voices speak
  		                       -ing through the night. 
  		                       These memories ripe 

  		                       and slabbed in me. A   
  		                       base line for my heart, 
 				                                      the call-in from a  
						                                                past that warns: no 					                                                                     
 						                                                                        comfort without we.
Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

Morning Tea

detour via another
Reconciliation Week
morning tea


a line of councillors
shake hands with
Uncle Bryon Murphy


but mob rarely show
my boss coarsely
informs me


as the town hall
fills before 10.30


and newly elected polies
broker promises with
Aboriginal Health Co-op’s


as the last
GP packs up
unable to see through the
long queues
and tired mums

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

I Cry for You, Country

I cry about this country.
As I travel &bout in between the sliced stone mount&ins.
The train is a salt dipped saw.
Sawing back and forth in the wounds.

I watch the relentless invasion of lantana. We open the cuts and rip off
Bandaids
I cry for you country.

A tree’s single scream lasts years.

When I die, you will have my body.
You take my water, you take my bone.

When we have our dead days,
I will think on you.

The day we finally go, is the day, we finally return.

Posted in 89: DOMESTIC | Tagged

Introduction to Louise Crisp’s Yuiquimbiang

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Read. This is poetry. Both a praise and a lament for Country. Read. There is little like it. Australia struggles with an embrace of the past, but Louise Crisp does not flinch from the intimacy of fact. If there is regret here, there is also hope – hope and a plea to you, reader, to witness the works of those for whom the land is not their mother.

Aboriginal people were born from Mother Earth and have no alternative but total allegiance. But acceptance of the colonial means that the Australian frontier has been misrepresented in what has been taught in our schools, and the economy and culture of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples have been ignored. Country is that economy, and Crisp has devoted her life’s research to its upkeep. We must embrace the country beyond Donald Bradman, Vegemite and The Man from Snowy River. We have to look at the bush as its own place, not just as a repository for sheep and cattle.

So many Australians hear the call of Country, but without knowledge of the history and the lives of its animals and plants, that call is confused and loses itself in opal fields and vainglorious stockman’s museums. Follow Crisp: not for her the umbrella on the beach and a martini by the chlorinated pool. She is enmeshed with Country and throws herself into its wild embrace.

Eschew the quaintness of bush huts and mountain cattle, old pubs and shearing sheds, and launch yourself into Australia’s heart. This deep knowledge will prepare you for an investigation of Australian flora and fauna that goes beyond beef and mutton. ‘Washout–Briar–Gulch’ is a good starting place: a mixture of notes from the pastoral industry and Crisp’s own evocations, the poem has searing contrasts but is in no way didactic. The list of drought years is not there to condemn, but to reveal our Country for what it is.

In my reading of Yuiquimbiang, I keep returning to ‘Podocarpus Berries’, that wonderful journey of sisters and the sinister devil between them. It is a riveting poem, tinged with dread and blood. Read. Hope. Care. I challenge you to close this book and think of the trivial. This is Country calling for your love. Calls don’t command an answer, but they do require a listener.

Cover design by Zoë Sadokierski

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Review Short: Ken Bolton’s Species of Spaces

Species of Spaces by Ken Bolton
Shearsman Books, 2018


Ken Bolton’s thinking is never too relaxed, but moves restlessly and anxiously, across people, cultural references and disparate locations even as he writes, or so it appears. And the resultant poems also seem to be unfiltered by any desire on the poet’s part to be ‘poetic’. But perhaps this is illusory. The poems are, after all, carefully considered and crafted, occupying the page determinedly even though the poet writes as if the events and thoughts he references are taking place in an ongoing, urgent present, via a stream of consciousness, and that the last thing on his mind is making ‘poetry’. Indeed, Bolton records something that looks like immediate, unfiltered thought and his compelling purpose is to register rather than editorialise.

The poems are laconic, sometimes funny and disarmingly casual in their address, coupled with seeming randomness in both diction and punctuation. He appears to avoid any striving towards the considered, drafted poem and instead follows impulsive thought as an end in itself. We are provided then with access to the joys, anxieties and emotional complications present in a life recorded in real time and space. However, we would be wrong to consider the work to be confessional in any sense, nor is it ever reliable autobiography as such. Bolton is not interested in either but rather in wider philosophical questions about the nature of perception and what impact cognition has on emotion and happiness. Further, the poet himself is the investigated subject and the focus of an ongoing, self-scrutinising, scientific experiment in poetry that is essentially about thought.

The first poem in the book opens with an account of an ‘Ongoing Moment’, and demonstrates Bolton’s capacity to register his own shifting thoughts via a disparate narrative that has the poet and his partner, the author, Cath Kennealy, at an airport where they are soon to ‘fly out / a few hours late’ on some trip or other. The situation is described as ‘– anxiously perilous –’ but it is also charged with possibility and as a consequence the poet feels:

less pissed off
than normally

& separated –
because we booked our flights
separately.
I don't know 
where Cath is sitting
or what she's doing –

well, reading probably ...

(‘In Three Parts: A Report on the Ongoing Moment.’ 9)

This is remarkably ordinary and prosaic, even dismissive. However, it is also extraordinary in its insistence on the recording of the banal vicissitudes of a lived moment. And there is a febrile urgency here that is compelling in a poem that provides an eye onto the realm of the poet’s ‘live’ thinking and writing (as illusory as that might be) and these are inseparable. Here, the ‘place’ in the poem, in this case the airport, becomes an anchor of sorts. This is critical, not because the poet is bent on ‘location’ for its own sake or because he want to ‘document’ as such, but because each space or person mentioned (or indeed any wider cultural reference that pops into his head) is ultimately and sadly fugitive. There is a deep apprehension of inevitable and painful loss even within the lived ‘present’. The mind traveling as it does, erratically, uncontrolled, with ‘a mind of its own’ as it were, inhabits a deeply anxious space (one of the ‘species’ of spaces in the book’s title) where in any poem, the wider world can and does intrude: Miles Davis might wander through, or Stendahl, Cath (Kennealy), Pam (Brown), or indeed any of the poet’s friends and fellow poets, past and present as well as abstracted, wider philosophical concerns, or whatever. And while these thoughts might well be triggered by a particular place, in this case an airport (there is also in this and other poems: ‘Leigh Street’, ‘on the train back to Sydney’, ‘Gilbert Place’, ‘Melbourne’, the ‘South Coast’ and so on, names that are all familiar enough), the poet remains alienated. ‘Place’ becomes ‘no-place’ and in Bolton’s mind anyway, out of time.

For this reason, the airport, along with the delayed flight experienced in ‘A Report on the Ongoing Moment’ provide the perfect metaphor to represent the poet’s dislocation from his own life and that of his friends, because forced to exist in a no-place, the airport, even temporarily, the poet finds himself unattached, a notion that is both exhilarating (because it allows space for the mind to wander associatively) and anxiety provoking (because Bolton is subject to the vagaries of forces beyond his control). It is this that becomes the subject of the poem as he riffs about: meeting friends, working with a friend on a catalogue, describing book launches that made everybody ‘too nervous to relate much’ and thinking about poets like John Tranter who goes off for a drink ‘while the computer composes poems for him …’ and Pam Brown whose work: changed then, too / & continued to change, /And then there’s mine / – my abiding problem. / When does this plane land? This is marvellous in its accumulation of apparently disassociated thought so exhilaratingly and urgently expressed.

While on one hand this poem and more in Species of Spaces, celebrates the mind’s wanderings as a kind of freedom, there remains a palpable anxiety and underlying sadness to do with the notion of impermanence that haunts many poems otherwise witty, even rakish and certainly perverse. And as Bolton reminds us, the world moves and everything that we know (and love) shifts too. So, by implication, despite an apparent surface banality and ease in the poems, time and death remain ever present for Bolton, investigated in poetry that concentrates on the spaces occupied by a shifting, lonely mind at work: ‘Too many /… of the people I know about, / care about / are dying / a / feeling / more than a thought’ (‘Spot Check’ 61)

Bolton travels as the ‘hero’ in his own poems, wandering like a flaneur, with apparent casualness. And if he needs to be funny at times, that is belied by the utter seriousness of the ultimate mission, an attempt to understand or at the very least register the unalterable motion of ‘thought’, as mercurial as that is: A guy, / unintentionally debonair, / using a long, furled, / pink umbrella / like a walking stick / flamboyant / but not consciously so, / lost in thought. / As who isn’t? –Thought’ / Each with / our own. (‘Gilbert Place–Cafe Boulevard’ 78)

Evidenced here in this ‘quest’ towards understanding (that’s what it is, as old fashioned as that may sound) there is a lyric heart at the core of the seemingly random, even sometimes chaotic life lived, or anyway surveyed in the poems. Further, there is a yearning for ‘fixedness’, predictability and contentment.

Act as if
the world exists, the Surrealists 
said. It, certainly, won't act
as if you did &
me, I'm barely here.
Tho happy at this moment.

(‘Two Melbourne Poems, June 2012’ 95)

‘at this moment’ suggests that there may well be other moments, perhaps many moments, or even ‘usually’, when the poet finds happiness more elusive.

Bolton’s testing, roaming lines attempt to address, even within their shape and arrangement, the impossibility of pinning the sometimes banal mind-scape he inhabits, where accidental meetings in thought are always possible, where love is given and taken, where poems begin and end, where people are described as going to events or not, where friendships always matter and from where the mind is free to wander albeit through uncertain terrain. Thought itself wanders, sometimes anxiously, from place to place, person to person, idea to idea. And this is what Bolton captures best, in verse that is itself a vivid representation of the very mind shifts that go on relentlessly and for most of us, unconsciously.

...with Kurt, whom I've never
been closer to, & Dennis

& Laurie (whom
I finally got to
relax with–

(‘In Three Parts: A Report on the Ongoing Moment’ 9)

That Bolton replicates a mind shifting through mental and physical ‘spaces’ of various kinds in his poetry is his particular achievement. In this, he proclaims the extraordinariness of the ordinary, with the proviso that we must understand an essential paradox: that is, to travel (in thought or bodily) is only possible if there is also a notion of fixedness and stasis. The poet to be free (and this seems to be what the poet desires) must first locate a space to travel from, to move away from. The obsessive quest to locate a place that the mind occupies in stillness and quiet is ultimately doomed. This dilemma is at the heart of the poet’s fundamental anxiety. Bolton’s poems are like the notes pinned to the door when you go out. Are you telling others where you are, or yourself?

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David Gilbey Reviews Adam Aitken and Elizabeth Allen

Archipelago by Adam Aitken
Vagabond Press, 2017

Present by Elizabeth Allen
Vagabond Press, 2017


In a judicious review of two ‘lucid and intelligent books’ on the job of the literary critic* and of a new edition of Eric Auerbach’s Mimesis, Edward Mendelsohn argued against the essential nostalgia of criticism in favour of a version of Kant’s ‘universal subjective’: finding ways to cross ‘the disputed border between popular and elite culture … without pretending it doesn’t exist’. One of the recurring negotiations for the critic – and, I would argue, for the poet – is the difficult business of intimacy: how to inscribe the subjective as both ‘confessional’ (and ‘lyrical’) as well as observational, satirical, evaluative.

These two very different collections from Vagabond Press offer tangential, engaging and verbally sinuous takes on this interplay. Adam Aitken’s Archipelago dramatises consciousness as a scattering of (dead?) islands – the cover image shows famous graves marked by numbers (to which you need a key) in the underground city of the Cimetière Montmartre. The poems are ‘postcards’ of places in France (from Paris to Avignon), French art, writing and history; freewheeling thinking and memories, cultural commentary. The gods invoked and played with in Archipelago include Henri Rousseau, René Char, Gustave Flaubert, Arthur Rimbaud and Ezra Pound (that troubadour riff ). Aitken’s perspective is ‘cool’, ironic at a playful, postmodern distance. Elizabeth Allen’s Present, with its cover hommage to Frida Kahlo’s What I Saw in the Water suggests a more ‘felt’ concern with habitation, process, subjectivity. Allen’s poems focus on personal relationships, the dimensions and language of experience and affect. They present themselves as epistolary and confessional – like carefully sculpted journal entries. I am tempted to suggest the volumes embody the differences between the modernisms of Joyce and Lawrence, between observing and feeling, negotiating ‘popular’ and ‘elite’ in overlapping ways.

Consider Aitken’s ‘Lyric’ for example: ‘First there is the picking of a rose / then the theory of what it means; / … / First death, then empathy. / … / There are the interiors, / then the interiors of the interiors / and what comes between us / is precisely the subject of the poem / … / padded with medieval tapestries, / perhaps the mineralised torso of a God, / or even a country that can’t address us / as [it] lacks a studio or [eyrie]’. Pervading Aitken’s poetry is a sense of something almost confrontationally personal, kept at arm’s length by constant thinking, observing, wordplay, juxtaposition of contrarieties (for example, ‘death, then empathy’, above).

Liz Allen’s poems are often almost heartbreaking, with their crystal craziness and their just-so-ordinary, almost casual vernacular. The fine ‘Absence’ sequence apostrophises the concept in five definitional movements which are wry, but testify to intense sadness as well as defensive indifference. The first poem’s ‘frangipani tree / outside the window / that I will never see again’ suggests a sense of family and childhood connectedness that the poet has lost, irretrievably. Like Robert Adamson’s ‘Things Keep Going Out of My Life’, the poem elegises loss through images of house and garden. The second poem points to a sense of distances in a relationship: shoes abandoned on a floor image a transitoriness of connection, a hankering / keening. The third poem gestures towards ‘a deficiency / that does not have a name’ yet it is evident and seems to taunt the poet. The fourth poem asserts ‘the mind’s need / to slip away for a while’ and is a measure of our tenuous connection to the reality of our lives. The final poem’s ‘absence’, ‘failure to attend or appear when expected’, is deemed ‘unauthorised’ and ‘will result in a failing grade’, dramatizing the failure of relationship. Though these poems look crisply formal, their power is in the emotional force of the language.

Aitken’s fifth collection of poems begins and ends (if we take the final poem ‘Rimbaud’s Spider’ as a kind of postscript) with Paris and the Seine – as place, river, ethos and motif, framing a sense of location and identity ‘thrumming with submarine frequencies’. The opening poem ‘Tributaries of the Seine’ has the ‘hypothermic’ poet ‘obsessed’ with measurement and origin, wondering if we are products of geography ‘in the gust of a mistral’s ancient grammar’ or dredged from the ‘mudflats of someone’s youth’. As well, there’s an awareness of the minute ‘vestiges of our heritage … drunk on a minor fifth … in time’s self-immolating hangover’: so the poem opens the collection on an allusive, dense, agnostic note, playfully destabilising the poet / reader’s consciousness and suggesting he/we are subject to subtle local influences which shape our macro-awareness. A bird bath’s ‘blue meniscus fluttering’ suggests that relationships and identity, including parents and their foods and failings shape us and embody limitations that the subject/individual is left to deal with.

In ‘The Foreign Legionnaire’, near the end, the Seine is ‘a limpid green gutter / in which the stars will shine … an absinthe grin’ which allowed poets to ‘[wring] eloquence by the neck … when poems were babies / born in clouds of spoor.’

Geography is an opportunity for Aitken to muse on the associative capacities of centrifugal imagery, so every attempt to explain personality, motive or art in terms of origin, influence or accidental connection, is equally specious. As ‘Nostalgia’, the second poem in the collection implies, acknowledged memories don’t fit the bureaucracy’s determinants: ‘it’s dream-French, not real’. The poet is a ‘drunken swift / nest[ing] in old bell towers’. Identity and history are less a matter of colonialist capitalism or geomorphic shift but more a function of a ‘galaxy map of his head’.

Early on, in the first of Allen’s three epistolary dramatic monologues, the ‘I’ affects diffidence, self-deprecation in the face of poignant moments: ‘I’m sort of on the run but I am not sure what from … I bought a box of Toblerone, telling myself it would be an excellent example of a triangular prism to teach three-dimensional shapes to the kids … before I remembered I am not a teacher anymore.’ The triangular prism becomes a motif for the repeated misprision in self-analysis and relationships: ‘You can only look from one vantage point after all.’ The poem links this to being ‘seated in a theatre in such a way that you get a glimpse of what is happening in the wings.’ But Allen’s ‘I’ wonders if changing perspectives is about advantage or vulnerability, giving us a palpable sense of moments passing.

In ‘Avignon-Paris TGV, Winter 2012’ Aitken writes, ‘Plain speaking is in again. / They say poets can’t do it / but I can, and I will say / that all or part of you (Old Londoner, old plain-speaker) / is all of this, the very scene itself.’ Of course, it’s more complicated than that: the poem positions ‘him’ on the train and conjures images of autumn ‘burning off / when chaff vapourises into rain’ against a ‘palette-key for provincial sunflowers, / lavender and geranium scents.’ It’s a fragmentation of bi-cultural awareness, charged with significance and memory (ghosts of Wordsworth and Coleridge haunting the conversation). Aitken calls it ‘remnant optimism’: ‘a gift / compressed to / miniature, sleight-of-hand, / synecdoche’. His poetry pulls us towards intimacy while remaining grounded in so-called ‘objective reality’. And synecdoche is right, too, as a descriptor of Aitken’s poetry: dazzling – so many parts standing for many more wholes. The poems move constantly from micro to macro; the minute as lens to the world and back again. So the train’s high-speed ‘passing’ and ‘leaving’ embodies separation – cleaving, in both antithetical senses: a ‘French railway after-effect / that radiates the idea of you’.

We see Aitken’s idiosyncratic wit at its most roccoco in ‘Junier’s Cart’, apostrophising the famous Rousseau painting and its apparently unexciting neighbourliness (‘nor lion’s dream of Arabs, / No nude lady of the desert / dreaming of a lion.’) Wondering if ‘it’s a joke on Paris … the irony of a flat tableaux’ [sic]) Aitken sees Rousseau the artist (as we see Aitken the poet) as a ‘malingering taxidermist / who practised on living humans and called it art’: ‘Your eyes in sideways glance / at yourself, the viewer and the viewed’. And then there’s an Australian gaze: ‘others saw it, Nolan’s constable / on a camel’. Aitken is taken by the playful and ambiguous constructedness of the painting – how art and poetry reframe in order to ‘pose’ and ‘arrest’. Later, in ‘Dreaming Rousseau at the Pont Du Gard’, poet and painter are ‘surveying time’s mess’.

Conversely, beneath the pointedly sarcastic surface of Allen’s trenchant ‘eHarmony Quick Questions’ shudders an existential angst, cleverly caught by her juggling of different verbal registers: ‘How important is chemistry to you? / Hyoscine hydrobromide is thought to prevent motion sickness by stopping the messages sent from the vestibular system from reaching an area of the brain called the vomiting centre.’ There is a kind of bipolar fluctuation between intense embrace and almost nihilism running through the poems. The sensuality of ‘Orange Delicious’ when memory of roadside fruit ‘small / and ugly / but so delicious’ leads to a teasing awareness of ‘something / sweeter / more right, more real / just out of reach’. Or, more darkly, in the post-Plath ‘Thirty Minute Meal’ where the family ‘cake’ is metaphorised as a recipe after which ‘[you] put the kids to bed / then put your head in the oven.’ Elsewhere playfully morbid, Allen imagines ‘Emilia Fox slicing me open, / taking out my lungs, weighing my heart’ or herself as a psychiatric ‘Outpatient’: ‘here I’m not mad enough / whereas everywhere else I’m too mad / … / I’ve decided / everyone can come dressed as their favourite / unhelpful thinking style. / … catastrophising, overgeneralisation, / crystal balling’.

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