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Posted in POETRY | Tagged , ,

Draught

When I read of a ribcage being sawn
then cracked open

I think of walking alleys
lined with glass, holding water. The squid can never close
its eyes and I keep finding another station
to get lost in, the rain pinning me, getting colder
we drink our fill and eat more
the taste of sesame oil coats our tongues
a drum pounds and a woman hums, sings,
plucks strings, silks arrayed around her

and here I am
a fistful of muscle in my hands
two litres of blood at my feet

Posted in 52: INTERLOCUTOR | Tagged

A Burning Confession/Declaration/Exclamation

Angels can’t save me. I knifed Eulas it’s true.
But before they string that noose
Can’t I tell my side of the tale?
Dogwood Avenue, four in the morning.
Eulas said he won’t go.
Fatboy Bobby said, No. Uh-uh.
Git yer punk ass down those steps you
‘Ho!
But Eulas won’t budge like a mule.
Is it so wrong then, what I done?
Jersey cops don’t give no peace –
Knuckles to the back of the neck, no respect,
Let me be, let me be.
More I think on it, more I gotta say
No. You know I don’t know why when they
Opened the door Eulas fell in the snow.
Po’ bastard bleedin and howlin,
Quotin his big daddy reverend.
Rapscallion don’t fool me.
Sundays baptizin at the lake,
Takin sips of Tanqueray on the slick.
Underneath proclamations, a thunderous slur.
Vanquish your demons, he say,
Which is what I done, what I’m doin,
X my heart and hope to cross that final river. I know
You won’t take me in heaven – Mister
Zilch, that’s me – but don’t take him neither.

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Shakespeare’s Interrobang

To be or not to be …
Pondered loud enough
For Wales to hear

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the kings of sorrow

the drizzle strips
the palette bare,

as blank & as fragile
as methuselah’s hair.

the kings of sorrow
face down the waves

& stare, their weary
eyes relinquish care;

like gods invoked
in the white-lead

glare of a guiltless
sun on contrite air.

all history drowned out
by the cackle of seasons.

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The Sorrows of Young Hippocrates

Twice daily I talk with
synaptic clefts, with or after meals
we take long walks
in the blister-pack twilight

In my unipolar moments
I write the lovely darkness
lend me your pistols for
the journey, I am about to unmake

How do you feel in yourself about
bathroom scales
and guilty emissions when
all pleasure fails

Maniacal, melancholic and epileptic
are the affections of spring
we must purge them
freely
downward

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Anyone Who Spends the Night on Cader Idris Will Die, or Return Mad or a Poet

(With Taliesin, Battle of the Trees)

I travelled in the earth before I was proficient in learning

once
and again once

time layers until the piling on the piling contains the gems and the corpses of everything we might once have to become

I will prophesy not badly

time circles a cliff bay at the saddle of Cader Idris – sometimes a red kite with her fragmented cry – her beak poking at singularities – sometimes in wave pulses of wind she flies on – but always in cliff rocks who chant in such long breaths that listening with my feet is the only way to hear

I was enchanted by the sage
Of sages, in the primitive world

toes reach with mind’s pause so that time’s flight rushes and stalls long enough to speak – rooted into the strata so that mountain’s layers are places where kites circle on a wind – rocks singing and moving – laughter in the ages of their becoming

The mountain has become crooked

I am rocked in the full embrace
I am kite circling with a cry

I travelled, I made a circuit

and then silence

I have been a tear in the air

once
and again once

I played in the twilight

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Postcard from Oulu

You pull faces at a sun that doesn’t quite set. The wind speaks Scandinavian tongues and the trees shiver and sway—hypnotic waltz in the mind. Lakehouses creak in tune with your grandmother’s bones; scent of pine intoxicating every stretch of your capillaries. Marimekko fabric brushes your lover’s pale skin. Just yesterday a goldfish drowned on the kitchen floorboards. You trace the outline of someone long dead and like each breath before the last you slowly begin to forget.
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This Smile

was not brought to you by Facebook
curvature of the lips simultaneous
to a flicker of your looking
this warm spring morning
your hands never still
bring in the tide I can’t get
from one end of the house to the other
my shouts are blown back into my mouth.
the hills scalloping the horizon
this muslin shield is useless

I make myself porous to hold you in

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Annales

your email was well-timed
and equally well-received
Germanicus

I see you have removed
your father’s bust from your masthead
his victories over the Suevi

is this to assuage his critics
who always seem so close
a mere fingertip away

or the whims of a distant Emperor?

I detect a certain reticence
in your typeface
I miss the sanguine purple

but confess to having winced at the presumption

your aunt informs me
the chatlines are milling with rumours
of Julia Livilla and a certain procurator

the forums were once
a great comfort to your aunt
exiled to these provinces

but now she comes to me
with a face full of anguish
and a pledge to consign her notebook to the grotto

ten sesterces a day I give
to one of the slave boys
to bury her router in the potash

and each night I ache with pity
at her abject sighs
over the mulish songs of the Berbers

conjure the gateway to her happiness from my sleeve

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The Hauntings

eloquence is a furious hurricane,
it whirls and consumes and turns dizzy
all the known elements

and when it wanes I watch the water
turn to waves in sunset heat…
and so the hurricane goes, it goes in a snap,
and its echoes just slide away…

but they haunt my system until
I’m spread crippled and still,
beset by a self-conscious mind

I’m left alone, sometimes, with the ghosts of this,
of the eloquence that once occupied;
they jeer and they groan as they hand me in bones
this utterly frugal offer:
a steel-grey shroud of cold-frigid air

apparently

it’s some comfort against
the impending reheating,
the slow build-up of hurricane wild

I wait

the waves reverse the water
the sun rises like a shadow
and I can see it, the prospect:

of being silk smooth again
of being a slick social delight
and of being another cruisy-witty raconteur
who wraps them all, whatever audience there is,
in a hurricane of crucial hot air

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After Janus

Conifer branches like oars,
the sky forces pods of rain into clods of earth.
Dirty, rolling clouds freckle my eyesight and people
shrink away as they hear the inelegant sound of scratching.

Whatever you have done – whatever you have told me –
the world is going wrong.
You speak of dry ground, shrunken rivers and puckered riverbeds.
No pebbles for us to gather – no proof we have been here.

Your emaciated authority has me laughing deep into my belly.
A necklace of droplets making their familiar migration across your chest
in a place where the dead nurse carnations on their lapels.
Triangle folds like a handkerchief – the edges as sharp as a gull’s beak.

Salt shoots up your nose,
ferried by the wind, making your skin crawl.
Untrammelled waves curl under sand while my legs
catch fish with slippery accuracy.
You can stand on the short saying, ‘I think we’re done here,’ but I am not.
I’m catching fish with my wet thighs,
letting them swim through.
I tack my legs together; feel the scales resting on my virgin skin.

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My Singing Empty Hands

i hold the boat steady and my sister
climbs in the boat smells of lavender
as only the image of a boat
can smell of lavender in a dream

water purling at the lip my sister
has not grown any older
my sister says
i smell like garlic

my sister takes the oars
you sit she says i row don’t you know
anything? my sister’s words
smell strongly of washing powder

she flinches when i touch her
shut up she says just let me row
my sister’s hands on the oars
smell of soap and some sinister

cheap perfume my daughter sometimes
wears when she is angry my sister
closes her hands on the oars
my sister does not see me at all

there’s the smell of kelp in the water
some rival in her head do you remember
nothing
she says you say is true
i taste the snow in the air between us

my sister rows
precisely and with determination
the book grows soggy in her hand
ink grass clippings blood

why aren’t you helping she cries at last
thrusting the oars at me as she sheds
her crocodile tears you never do anything
the book with which she has been rowing

from under her lashes my sister
watches me my sister’s tears
taste like lamingtons my sister’s voice
shines with the cut of scales

my sister does not see through her crying
the flash of real fish in the flashing water
my sister sits in our small boat
in the middle of that wide little water

with rounded shoulders
the smell of iron filings
something burning
she wears our mother’s hair

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Avoiding the Eponymous Hero

He’s first on the scene, sweeping the sky with his hands,
claiming its moods and movements as his own.
In the wings, we see the footman waiting to come on.
He shuffles his feet, wondering if anyone will notice him arrive.

I want to tell you – look for anonymous, not eponymous.
Find someone not famous
and he’ll touch you like he’s never been touched
closing his eyes
and while the hero soliloquises about the moon and stars,
he’ll trace their light on your cheek, your neck, your breast.
He might not compare you to summer
but he’ll bring you peaches warm from the tree.
And while, in the heat of the moment,
he’ll weep for his dead-centre friend,
once the story is told
he’ll walk with you into the wings
and out into every day.

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I Look You in the Eidos

Honey, we have our natures
and there’s a time to speak
a time to be silent also
a weekend and a week

Your sister used to have a thing
for Irishmen you said
but in the end it was a Ugandan
whom she did wed

Now focusing a microscope
you vague out and it shows
a flesh-coloured blur that seems
like it could be a rose

Our system has a problem with Office
which means we have to use
an older version of Word
when it comes up blank, click “choose”

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A Word

I want a word with you
but I don’t know which one.
Love is too thick, too rich,
a fly drowning in red wine.

I want a small, careful word
to tuck away in my pocket
with some spare change and a lighter,
so it’s there when I need it.

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Moon Landing

The solar wind that sweeps
across the moon
blows no dust
and makes no noise.
Meteorites land
more quietly there
than feathers fall here.

Our gift to the moon was
all that noise inside the Eagle,
the click of switches,
the dragging of pencils,
the sliding of zippers,
boot-scrape and impatient sighs.

As the Michelin moon-men
left their lunar campervan
and stepped down backwards
onto the iceblock silence
of the frigid grey dust
there was no clang on the ladder,
no whoosh of stepping into powder.
They broke aeons of sound drought
with resonant words,
the low pitch of dry swallow,
the iambic thump of heartbeat.

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What Will We Inherit?

The galah and the goldfinch.
These trees but not the grasses.
Instinct.
Guilt.
History, with its lashing tail.
Obligation, passed into my hand like a stone.
My grandfather’s bible. Your mother’s pearls.
The rounded rocks lying quiet in the creek.

What will we pass on?
Only the fire can say.

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What I’ll Miss When I’m Gone

I will miss the light. The south windows allow the sun to fill the rooms
from morning to dusk. After all, without light, there is little to see, wall
to wall, window to door, ceiling to floor, nothing but nothing but darkness.

And I will miss the way the light stands on the neat boards of the floor
and looks around, a gaze bounding round the room, reflecting only
on every surface and revealing all the corners and angles that the sun will.

I’ll miss the height of the house. Not that I like to look down on people,
but my walls and windows are high on the ridge, raised on wooden beams
and crossbeams so that the roofs of other houses are far below where I sit

gazing at the sea. And I will miss the freighters anchored off the coast,
especially at night when they light themselves like small islands on a grand,
barren, black plain, golden orbs gleaming between me and the horizon,

drawing my attention to where the world happens. The ridge across the valley
that rises like the great, green face of a wave, I will miss. A soaring surge
of earth, still moving but fixed before my eye, that ridge reminds me always

that nothing in this valley will long remain. I will miss the coconut tree
poised before the largest window, blocking the view of the streets below
with little scenes of sparrows, doves, and bulbuls of every song, strand,

and scrappiness. And I suppose I’ll miss the days when I’m home, and all
the noisy neighbours are at work or play somewhere far away, and that blessed,
vacant, and resonant calm steeps in the sun and shade on the tilted lane

and clustered houses. I’ll miss the flights of jets blasting from the airport,
spiking to the zenith in a dull rumble of rush and arrogance. I’ll miss the weird
pattern of roofs below, their oddly-chosen colors and the alternating shimmer

on shingles when all the angles change as the sun crosses the sky. And I will
certainly miss the nights, when I rise, barefoot, and glide to early windows
over the silent valley sprinkled with the lights of the restless and the negligent,

and above that lonely, electric pattern on the darkness of the earth are the stars,
telling the mythic stories, unread by eyes that cannot see beyond their own walls
and raised roofs, their locked doors, curtained windows, and purchased light.

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Your Silent Partner

I pride myself on making no sound
as I come down the stairs.
I imagine myself the first moments
of a kettle boiling,
or flakes of snow falling,
or even a ballerina,
all of me concentrated in one toe,
so small, so narrow,
the wood doesn’t feel a thing.

I am moving down this flight
like a wing arced toward the sun,
a feather fluttering.
I’m the paleness of my skin,
the combined weight of my shadow
and the years after I’m gone.
For all the sincerity of your kitchen radar,
you will not know it’s me.
To you, it’s no one.
To me, it’s how I rise.
Like a thermal. Like a ghost.

The first you’ll know of content
is my kiss upon your cheek.
There’ll be someone there,
compensating for your solitude.
Until then, there’ll be you
wiping tears from eyes
and me, the silent messenger,
with these instructions for your flesh.
Until then, you’ll be alone
with your thoughts.
But then I arrive,
and your thoughts
have something to think about.

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Dr Ko Explains Sky Burial

Monastery, North Eastern Tibet, 1933

Here I have the majesty of solitude, uninterrupted awareness of buddha nature. Great lamas – like my Rinpoche – die sitting up, in wooden meditation boxes, consciousness controlling body until the very end. After death they rest in the clear light before body – a fruit which has come to ripeness – begins to decay. We call it thugdham. I hope to die like that. Oh, to bury myself in luminosity! To hide in spaciousness of mind. In the west people bury bodies in earth but in Tibet we want bardo of dharmata burial … For 49 days after my death the monks will light butter lamps to chase hungry ghosts away. A lama will do phowa prayers for my transition. Then the body will be taken to consecrated land for sky burial. They will cut the body up, blood will seep into earth, feed creatures underground. The remains will be offered to the bearded vultures – lamergeyers we call them – who wait.
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Ceremony

You ask what I was raised from.
I want to say death; it held me so long.
Seedpods in the fields like burnt houses,
grass turned to matches. Somewhere
clouds hung their ghosts over crawling green,
thick with rain.

I was never dead and yet I was; how else
did they bury me? The bone rollers came,
put me under as a sunset flamed to rust.
The cells of earth crumble a thousand years
to brown ash.

You need a name, to be saved. I took mine
from skeletons like words no one could re-assemble.
You spoke mine, down with beasts at the tide,
past a gate the wind spread like iron lips.
You wanted me, did you, to come back.
Do you still?

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An Open Door

Always a monolith of a man.
In the end we could scarcely discern your shape,
scarcely vision which grassy knoll was a shoulder
or if the low slung spread of sheet was the saddle
between ribs or hips. A mountain vanishing,
swallowed by a plumed bulwark of pillows
clouding inwards, enclosing your newly grim head.

Always, you ate. You were tumescent
with the globed honey of reason, tumescent
with hope. At the end, your body ate you.
It consumed the stupa of wild intellect
(and the quiet considerate heart)
that housed a harvest of unanswered questions.
You were lost to an undulation of bile.

Always, your brother holds you;
tonight he anchors your earthly self.
Yet our grief is fracturing its way – let loose,
as if gas, or water rising from a coal seam –
irrational and unknown. Time’s compass lost
to disobedient memories that threaten to set us adrift.
Always, you travel through lucent space.

Always, we wonder if you navigate
some other sphere, whole and articulate.
If you have left behind the slough of skin
you left behind, dismissed the frailty of bodily
humours and confounded your laptop’s pale green
blinking eye. Behind you, trembling silence
of a partitioned room and a door that won’t close.

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Not the End

You had red hands
put too much salt on food
hugged with tight arms
boomed Bach from downstairs
shouted at me for sleeping in
drove the car off the road
lied about how much you drank
made ginger beer that exploded
under the house
told me our neighbour David dropped
dead and didn’t comfort me when I cried
I wondered why it was him
and not you
you invited a stranger
to my sister’s engagement dinner
called me in India to see
if the earthquake had killed us
smoked Dunhill International
and decorated the Christmas tree
not with tinsel but painstaking pieces
of delicate silver rain
you had a pain and you
stopped eating
looked confused when the woman
came to talk about respite
you kept falling down
and we couldn’t lift you
the last time
you turned yellow
and the nurses said you were comfortable
at an Easter church service
I saw for an instant
that death is not the end
then I forgot again
and wished time would stop
you were in the audience
of a show I did
this was after you died
and the director said
it was the best performance
I’d ever given and could you
please come every night
I haven’t seen you since

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