Untitled Grasp

Callow in a treasure cave
Peering through a finger hole

Wanting finger stiffens
With chalky cuticles billowing

All gargles of what is and isn’t
Catch a breath of something

Deftly capacious
After divorces, dated feelings

Without notions of solidity
We are apparently just sieves

And a statuette can sell, carve paths
Poke holes in the ceiling

Cold shower glimpses of body thunder
A shudder feels truer than anything said

The consequences of focus took more
From me than love ever did

A ringing to replace trust grows
Braying in the back of me

As I recalibrate, digest
A feint stiffness wafts

Was once stiff in the back from laying
At altars, forever-beds, isms

Send me a video of butterflies
Licking a carcass on a hillside

If what matters is how the tongue
Gyrates around its little harem

Be silent in the reverb tails of
Unprovoked claims of realness

How many times must a confession
Be made before we begin to feel the same

Posted in TMLYMI v4 | Tagged

when i tell you to run, you must run

almost like x-ray vision the
new skin of here they come
and soon the owl back to life
will notice what happened in time
as well as the egg yolk deposits for
our new bodies each nightmare kept
under pillow and so you marinate into
scattered daylight or disturbed sleep
something numb for my fingers to
feel so carnivorous and quiet that
the remnants of barbed wire will
consolidate our wide tongues we
can both be glorious and still
vanish into each other watch
and i will demonstrate not
during any rush hour
my wingspan


Return to Tell Me Like You Mean It volume 4.

Posted in TMLYMI v4 | Tagged

The Camera Adds 10 Pounds: A Short Film Analysis

A body in Cube (1997)
A body in Ghost Ship (2002)
A body in Resident Evil (2002)
A body in Elfen Leid (2004)

The One Where an Infinitely Thin Blade Penetrates the Skin, Goes Clean Through, and it All Stays Together for a Moment, in Memory, Until it Forgets, in Gravity.

A body in The Thing (1982)
A body in Akira (1988)
A body in Death Becomes Her (1992)
A body in District 9 (2006)
A body in Antiviral (2012)

The One Where, Like Plasticine, the Skin’s Integrity is Compromised or Redefined.

A body in Re-Animator (1985)
A body in The Fly (1986)
A body in Frankenhooker (1990)
A body in American Mary (2012)
A body in Excision (2012)

The One Where the Mainstream Medical Industry is Disregarded for More Home-Grown, Self-Taught Methods.

A body in Demolition Man (1993)
A body in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
A body in Futurama (1999-2003, 2008-2013)
A body in Idiocracy (2006)

The One Where Waking is Substituted by Freezing, a Group of Cells on Pause, to be Warmed Up at a Time When the Future has Arrived.

A body in Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
A body in The Matrix (1999)
A body in Vanilla Sky (2001)
A body in Paprika (2006)
A body in Inception (2010)

The One Where Waking is Substituted by Sleeping, But You Wouldn’t Know, Unless You Can Somehow Remember the Physics of Yourself.

A body in Videodrome (1983)
A body in Lost Highway (1997)
A body in Total Recall (1990)
A body in Adaptation (2002)
A body in Extraordinary You (2019)

The One Where a Space Exists Inside Another Space, and so on, Where the Spaces Forgot Where They Once Belonged.

A body in Brazil (1985)
A body in Jacob’s Ladder (1990)
A body in Mulholland Drive (2001)
A body in Click (2006)

The One Where a Traumatic Event, Such as Death or Falling Asleep, Cannot Be Comprehended, so Must be Reconstructed, in Order to Conclude the Traumatic Event for Oneself.

A body in Tron (1982)
A body in Existenz (1992)
A body in Tron: Legacy (2010)
A body in Sword Art Online (2012)

The One Where a Virtual, or Semi-Virtual, Reality Forces a Confrontation of Mortality.

A body in Sliding Doors (1998)
A body in Run Lola Run (1998)

The One Where the Copenhagen Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics is Realised.

A body in Vertigo (1958)
A body in The Prestige (2006)
A body in The Double (2013)
A body in Enemy (2013)
A body in Coherence (2013)

The One Where a Doppelganger Comes Around, and Around, and Around, and Around, and Around.

A body in Big (1988)
A body in Seventeen Again (2000)
A body in 13 Going On 30 (2004)
A body in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)
A body in 17 Again (2009)

The One Where Time and Age Have No Correlation.

A body in She’s the Man (2006)
A body in Ouran High School Host Club (2006)
A body in Coffee Prince (2007)

The One Where a She Allows Herself to Be Mistaken as a He, in Order Gain a Position Within a Male-Dominated Field.

A body in The Beauty Inside (2012)
A body in The Beauty Inside (2015)
A body in The Beauty Inside (2018)
A body in The Beauty Inside (Forthcoming)

The One Where Homeomorphism, a Continuous Function Between Topological Spaces, is Exhibited, as All Humans Contain the Same Number of Holes and Handles.

A body in Pinocchio (1940)
A body in Life-Size (2000)
A body in Ponyo (2008)
A body in Under the Skin (2013)

The One Where in Becoming-Human, a Non-Human Attempts to Perform Human Rituals, to Mixed Results.

A body in The Falls (1980)
A body in Ginger Snaps (2000)
A body in Twilight (2008)
A body in The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2009)
A body in Tusk (2014)
A body in The Lobster (2015)
A body in Sorry to Bother You (2018)

The One Where, Through a Curse, Crime or Convention, a Human Non-Voluntarily Becomes-Animal.

A body in The Six Million Dollar Man (1973-1978)
A body in The Bionic Woman (1976-1978)
A body in Inspector Gadget (1983-1986)
A body in Robocop (1987)
A body in Ghost in The Shell (1995)
A body in Iron Man (2008)
A body in Iron Man 2 (2010)
A body in Iron Man 3 (2013)

The One Where, Due to Carceral Techno-Capitalism, Man Becoming-Machine Enforces Law and Order.

A body in Child’s Play (1988)
A body in The Thirteenth Floor (1999)
A body in Freaky Friday (2003)
A body in It’s A Boy Girl Thing (2006)
A body in Avatar (2009)
A body in Secret Garden (2010-2011)
A body in Your Name (2016)
A body in Altered Carbon (2018-2020)

The One Where Mind and Body Operate Independently From One Another, so in the End, Descartes Got His Way.


Return to Tell Me Like You Mean It volume 4.

Posted in TMLYMI v4 | Tagged

free meat on a suburban street

Special thanks to Vale, the mentioned friend




















































oscillating from

disassociation to despair

i try to write a poem &

i can’t

so i read abt vultures puking

& shitting on an NYC couple’s luxury condo in florida

& how one rogue neighbour kept feeding them

whole roast supermarket chickens

that relationship to chaos

is intimately familiar

i try to write a poem &

i can’t

& instead lie on the sofa

& watch six episodes of love island

& fall asleep & wake up & find

a perfect crop circle of drool

sometimes the poems

come to u

it’s been one of those weeks

where i’m so busy, far too busy to

cry cinematically in the shower

or dramatically on the floor

or luxuriously in my bed

which is quite frankly, not ok…

life is like being slapped in the face

the responsible party shouting

[redacted]

as they walk away

flipping the bird w/ a perfect manicure

i wish i could be as useful

to the world

as that cult Maybelline mascara

but my long-term infected tragus piercing

is a reminder that my body

takes time to heal

last year i thought

everything was

expansive

the truth is

everything has limits

pressing inwards

like a stern finger

it’s like a chronic chicken shortage at kfc

it’s like wearing ur best gown to the met gala

& getting locked in the toilet

a friend told me that

her mother said

flowers are condensed light

& that’s what bodies are

& that’s what feelings are

& that’s what you & i are

& that’s what this world is

& i sure am

going to miss all of this light

when it’s gone


Return to Tell Me Like You Mean It volume 4.

Posted in TMLYMI v4 | Tagged

Beginning and Ending with a Line from Hera Lindsay Bird

love comes back
harder
falling in love with you
for the second time
is trying to sail back to the harbour
against a headwind
that I hardly felt as a tailwind
sailing out
so confident
though I’ve never been on a boat
it’s perfect saying things like
“catch my drift?”
& you do
but to borrow another line
from Talking Heads
“how did I get here?”
& now
how do I get back?
how careless of me
to have arrived at this party
so overexcited
but so emotionally
underprepared
(is anyone ever just
‘whelmed’?)
promising myself
these spirits (clearly)
too much for just
one person alone
although I really
go in for that feeling
where I weigh
nothing
at the top
of the trampoline’s vault
when the valium
counterbalances the molly
when left
to my own devices
I get high on my own supply
when in my hands
these tattered sails / this
mostly empty bottle
valiantly I sense
my back’s against the wall
though I know
I’ve never looked cool
standing alone at a party
I stumble outside
to feel the same wind
from earlier in the poem
hit me suddenly
& when that rush subsides
lying down
it’s when the trampoline
stops bouncing
when the boat stops pitching
that’s when
love comes back

Posted in TMLYMI v4 | Tagged

Intergenerational status anxiety is a pending job app

Suburban mums at Highpoint Shopping Centre (highlights in hair, talons on hands)
remind me of white lion statues worn as jewellery on brick McMansions;
I can hear the hose watering the concrete driveway from my childhood.
I wanna tape myself to the wall, like a t-shirt on display—2D, empty, not embodied yet—
for everyone to look at and ask ‘Ooh, how much for this one?’.

One line circulates each time it resonates:
more people bought their seventh home than those buying their first.
Ok, not true-true; proportions a little blown out,
like an unoccupied
high-rise.
I cackle at my 26 y/o brother after he buys his second house.
Funny like wog boy had no option but to join the family business in high school.
Cinder-blocked between:
funny like wog boy had no other choice but to work hard for good money.
Truth Coming Out of Her Well (1896), but broke.
The gate to his newly purchased property reads:
FUCK OFF C*NT
in sparkly, silver graff.
But the command is owner-facing, onto the property and upside-down.

Me, a Don’s gold pinky ring
sitting next to my didi front row at my cousin’s wedding
looking down upon a man, prayerlike
removing his own coat to lay across my grandfather’s lap.
This kind of mafioso exclusivity is not reserved for the Italians
but The Sopranos makes my memory yolky
so much so
I consider buying a $2000 plinth to rest my TV on while on JobSeeker.

On the outer suburbs of wealth are critically underpaid workmates who e-mail each other:
Don’t worry! No one’s having as bad a day as Lindsay Lohan’s net worth!

Posted in TMLYMI v4 | Tagged

Because It’s Slower It Races Away

Someone at the place that used to be Michel’s Patisserie but is now called something else and is in fact something entirely else but despite efforts seems more generic than Michel’s Patisserie with its new mint green and blonde wood is wearing a red Free Julian Assange shirt. Maybe 12 years ago I saw Julian Assange walk right from where I’m standing to the counter of Woolworths, which might have been called Safeway back then but was essentially the same place as it is now even down to the lighting system buy or request to buy a SIM card for a prepaid mobile phone. That’s Julian Assange, I thought. He is buying a SIM card for a prepaid mobile phone. I knew as much about him then as today, which aside from the words Internet and Freedom is zero despite or perhaps because of the fact I once watched a poorly made biopic about his early life in Melbourne. Something about Dandenong or is it the Dandenongs. Good at the Internet. Something to do with war and America. Or is it sex and Sweden. The Internet, which I can’t explain but am always on or is it always in except for when I sleep and being in the Internet is so like being asleep or is it a dream. I’m here because I’ve been working my way up to this moment. Not that there’s anything wrong with me, or wrong with this Shopping Centre. There is, but that isn’t the point. The point is I need to buy thrush medication to treat the UTI medication to treat the unprotected sex which I suppose I had as a treat. Chemist Warehouse of course is a dream and a curse to the germaphobes and to the racists and the way I live in the Internet is like the way I live in the coronavirus, perfectly well in those correlative ways without understanding anything at all about it but receiving this information or is it this dream. Life ebbing or is it flaring in Chemist Warehouse, a fact of life I ascribe to the general paranoia between the different customers and between the customers and the staff though I don’t feel paranoia between the staff themselves. Weeks later I’ll see the security guard remember and describe what will seem like one of his big nights to the young woman behind the checkout counter. I’m not surprised there’s some aggression between an old man on his bicycle and an unseeable driver in a grey vehicle and I take the aggression on board because it feels like mine to take. Even though I only came for the thrush medication my backpack has other items I purchased and took from Chemist Warehouse and also Woolworths including: a Twix, a surprisingly square carrot, an expensive coconut water I didn’t want. I have been working up to this moment or is it that this moment has taken a lot of effort. I didn’t want this moment or is it that I don’t understand this moment. It is aggressive, expensive, sick with this moment, this moment, or is it that I’m here.

Posted in TMLYMI v4 | Tagged

Generated I

// My brain is curing me
forgiveness aches in her belly
I look at her in the window and collapse into nothingness

// My heart is knotting me
won’t you please warn someone
I gasp at us and break apart

// My blood is soothing me
when aching words stay worn she will try to reach me
god, please fear for us

// My body is nourishing me
I might get lost, there’s no symmetry
the name gnaws in her body

// My lungs are cursing me
they might fall and stay down, but she’s still here
words can’t save her

Posted in TMLYMI v4 | Tagged

Soft Edges

tea is a bush art
stoke the fire
whisper to coals
with a charred billy can
boil rainwater on smoky white box
don’t even consider a bag
leaves in the teapot
steep black oolong
wait and wait and wait
add milk or powdered sunshine
sugar is compulsory
stir rigorously

pain is a bush lesson
dad was a shearer
I followed him to work for day care
smoko is sacred tea time
stop jumping near the fire
one two three
somehow I’m in the billy can
fuck someone get some water
shearers jumping over stock fences
Nata won the Olympic hurdles
that day a gallon of water
held above his head
poured over my shedding ankle

bush lessons have dangerous curves
no phones no ambulance nowhere
shearers running long and fast
more fences and Uncle Jimmy says
Dolly you gotta drive
hold this hanky on your ankle
and stop crying it won’t stop
pain and pain and pain better
call it a lesson to claim what I learned
even small buildings can be hospitals
everyday new bandages and green blisters
I stole that other kids lollies
the nurse wasn’t watching

bush curves have soft edges
a billy can sits on the side
of coals and fate and sings
dad isn’t a shearer no more
I ate fried sheep brains
and we moved in to town
dad is in recovery from everything
billy lessons burn remission
ankles deep and he sheds his skin too
silver bandages at a new hospital
tea is a dangerous love
love is a soft edge

Posted in TMLYMI v4 | Tagged

this is just another receipt

& yes I’ll carry it like all the others
waiting for the dan when I don’t wake up thinking about
all the debts I owe to people in my life all the money I’m doing wrong
in this sci-fi film to this opening music like
what could possibly happen next svet? throw ur muppet birds & duck armies @ me

people keep making plans like another year might actually come but I’m not so sure
my plans r less made more looking @ apartments in NYC & wishing there were two of me
so I could split the rent between myself & myself.2
the problem with a second me is she’d still be me & she’d probably still be a poet &
struggle to pay rent & we’d sleep on receipts instead of madraci

Tata talks of buying an investment property & taking out another loan
he says Robbie Williams has a Beverly Hills house with 22 bathrooms & when asked why
he said what if he has a party & every one of the guests get diarrhoea?
Tata says in Darwin u can buy a property four bedrooms for $304k
Mama says ne volim properties

pls let me keep pretending like the jobseeker & writing money in my account
is my own & for spending
or @ least let me dwell on my dreams as if they’re still possible
even though
so much was never meant to be attainable

I’m comparing myself to friends again but not everyone
is from a working-class migrant home in this unemployment shit for lyf
& a poet sick of x-po-sure
that is to say disappointing my family is more than likely
with the road I’ve chosen to take

Tata says me & my sestra r lucky
we just have to show we’re young & motivated & they’ll give us a job on the spot
this is not the saddest delusion he nurtures
in Alex Chee’s ‘Inheritance’ he writes ‘My mistake being that money is not
power over pain. Facing pain is.’

as the first daughter in a new world I carry us all not only myself
so I need to know things for us all
like how the average wage for full-time working Australians in the second quarter of 2018
was over $82k—I’d laugh if I didn’t feel sick about this—
or the cost of living & minimum wage for Bosnia & Serbia

I still wonder if I’d be writing if my parents never left
I still keep all my receipts (no matter how old) in boxes under my bed &
remember to pack them when I move—choosing to accumulate to sustain a wage fantasy
I still never expect to pay off any of our debts in this lifetime

there r 400 wild horses bringing tourists to Bosnia despite their abandoned ancestors
these horses r their own bosses now & have humans who love them enough to build/work for them
& I know money abandoned us
I know this country continues to abandon & silence so many
& I just want to be these horses for them want to be sjajni snovi fulfilled

I want the kind of money to picnic inside this landscape cloud watch with loved ones
& not worry about returning to the world
Do not return, my mother
shouts from her sleep. Do not
return.


Return to Tell Me Like You Mean It volume 4.

Posted in TMLYMI v4 | Tagged

Little Animal

Posted in TMLYMI v4 | Tagged

in/on/swamp

rather buoyant to throw around a word like ‘paradise’1
but I’d take bats ova beeps & bastards any day—
& greens, flakey tans & periwinkle eeks

somewhere in another dimension, a silver commodore zips
past a window & a nuttelex-haired passenger w/ red glasses
throws the head back & laughs
o 2 b Zooming through a saturday morning
w/ such verve / or any morning really / or w/ any verve

my lungs are so full of muck & I cough
& I cough
& I did this
to myself / almost w/ purpose & w/ good reason

this place—one time (or still)—a colonial birth canal: water-rush-quote/unquote-“purity”

Semi-Divine Anxieties! o drown thy selves in washtubs
filled w/ paper bark or faecal matter
& what matters may matter will matter will mattress

is opaqueness hidden meaning or
an attempt to not be found out so quick?

\\ focus shatters

whatever peace you found here
is it here
was it ever
will it be
enough to Void thy Self, who,
like pollen in the wind will
tumble dry on high speed,
up & down wind shafts
losing what amounts to
a finger or a toenail, before evtl.,
settling somewhere else.

Posted in TMLYMI v4 | Tagged

Two Scenes

expand, taut skin sparking
sharp and hot. peel off rocks, curved
vessels full of yawning toothy sky or
that teary green, thousand winking archives,
cut-glass shoulders. here
I echo and unfold like a napkin
taking flight in sudden wind,
waiting & reaching
first dip of the summer —
one lung blown wide
submerge, completely,
until: blur:
sun-drenched stupor, each drop
a free-wheeling collision
kissing chapped lips into hungry bloom.
fade to blue and balmy
all contours and warm hollowed spaces
quiet like a prayer:
held in palm an infinite goodbye
underwater, eyes change hands

candy-coloured sweat: filmy casing
like a third body:
frozen time. light catches
ice melting in clammy-grasp,
condensation forming is a gasp
or a promise uttered aloud,
salty-granular and always in motion
hugging the open air
all glistening bodies,
slide on the sticky sweet floor
in between the bass and the next limb
come out the other end glowing
wet and dancing new, each
an oil slick, a wave of sound
I count my breaths on my fingers
sink into lip gloss pooling
heat phantom and piercing
this is communion, this is ritual
to feel synchronicity in deep electric
& forget the body, intimately
Posted in TMLYMI v4 | Tagged

Standing at the Gas Station on a Winter’s Night, What Am I Afraid of | 冬夜站在加油站我怕什么

Translated by Eleanor Goodman

A driver used to long-haul raids, I watch
pigeons by the gas station, waiting for fries dropped by people
coming out of the fast food joint

a few people with obscured faces wait in the cold wind for
odd jobs, they and the pigeons
make Ronald McDonald sort of look like Jesus—is that
what I’m afraid of

no, I’m not afraid of that, although I’m Chinese—Wang
Xiaobo’s little brother Wang Chenguang
was attacked on the street, but let me tell you I’ve been in
fights, you think it doesn’t matter

but I’m used to it, in Saint Louis or a motel on the outskirts
of Chicago
I’ve achieved it deep within myself, an unflappable cool, since
in a dimly-lit situation

with my long hair and quick steps and slightly crazy eyes, a
classmate once took me for a thug.
of course I’m not but that doesn’t make me worry—what
really makes me afraid

which is more likely to affect me, there’s no need to say, but
the feeling follows me
turning my shadow from a hunting dog into a wild horse
into an even more terrifying animal at hunt, and so if I were
walking down the street in my hometown
I’d be aggressive, those who’d dare bother me haven’t even
been born, and the blast
distorted the street, and that might be even better for me to
walk down, and did you think I’m actually afraid

my childhood friend Xiangdong who worked in a chemical
plant, already dead from cancer
my next-door neighbour, beaten to brain damage and stuck in
a madhouse where no one will ever buy him cigarettes again

the dread I feel isn’t because fate is ruthless and decisive, the
sutras have explained that
in my dreams the mountains and oceans are behind me, as
though it’s a prophecy, but the scope is so big the details are
unclear

I fear the mentality of my feet not being afraid to wear shoes,
that’s where the problem lies.
trying to be a hero is just wishful thinking, and even if you’re
abroad, you suspect that if something happens
it will be set off by your countrymen—I fear this attitude, I
hate this kind of unflappable cool, bound up in a bird’s nest

of dread in my sleep, hearing the wings of birds of prey
flapping like the sound of cut paper
at such moments, perhaps fear is unrelated to bravery, it has
to do with millions of hope-crushing feet

stepping behind the simple mould of cause and effect, ten
years before epic poetry, countless people had already
silently collapsed

this really isn’t a question, beetles can survive under water for
forty minutes, so they can adapt
to an unfriendly world, and in an age of oil they win, they feel
contented

with their lack of security, and of course I want to be like that
too, when my hometown explodes to look like its own
reflection in a funhouse mirror

Posted in HOMINGS & DEPARTURES | Tagged ,

Shovel | 一把铁锹

Translated by a j carruthers and Cui Yuwei

noon after snow
Kirin Bay Park
there where there’s a far corner
in this patch of wood
a shovel I see
stuck up a tree
two print-foot-trails
snake along
here from the path where I stand

sunbeam
it streams down through those branches there
suddenly, the shovel quivers
it’s as if it’s having a soul
gleams
dazzled light
snow forsaken by its whiteness
the two crows and with them a flock of sparrows
the lot of them frightened
flee with clatt’ring wing

Posted in HOMINGS & DEPARTURES | Tagged , ,

Sighs | 叹息

Translated by Xuan Yuan and Tim Lilburn

—for all the slaughter victims

I hear, I hear the flock of rain, crowing, rushing out of stirred
crowds of chaos and fright, sweeping past, laughing, roars of
laughter crashing into the Wailing Wall. Triumphant karma
holds a sharp blade in its mouth and slices the sigh into
pieces; one piece, two pieces, feathers flutter, dancing.
You emerge, among the whirling sleet.
The thing, the mortals can’t imagine arises. It’s time,
drops of white blood splash, the brightest blossom of solid snowflakes.
I see, I see your heart of great suffering swells up, up
till an angel thunders out, and he flexes up the roots
of his not-yet-familiar large wings, pressing against the gust
blowing from the gap in the heart, then bows his head to peck
such an immense petrified world with his sharp beak.
An already rigid You, giant sigh, stands upright, burning inside.
A fire wall, a wall of fire burns darkly and damply, smoking
whitely and bitterly, collapses and buries, buries the eternal sighs.

Posted in HOMINGS & DEPARTURES | Tagged , ,

The Fog of Our Age | 我们年龄的雾

Translated by Heather Inwood

How it got here is a puzzle.
That’s not to say it’s unsolvable, but I’d rather
keep a little mystery for myself.

Snail-like, up the steps,
against the wall; wherever I look
I see its milky trail:

I intentionally ignore its weight,
but this is because I know
its strength. I’ve sensed it many times.

Similarly, I never worry about
questions of visibility and the like: I’ve noticed
a post office floating in its belly.

Just like that, three meals a day, take strolls at night,
read a few pages of Pascal before bed.
The window’s open. I’ve felt the change.

Because of this, I was for a time most engrossed
with where its edges lay,
this always left me full of secret wonder.

But now I have the confidence to stuff it
in a pocket like a box of matches, good for a light,
good for warmth, or for a fortune-telling game.

I also let it turn into an ant and
slip out, watch it cross my arm,
burrow into my chest where, I admit, it tickles—

You have opened the labyrinthine entrance to my soul
and, as curious as I’ve always been: when I see you
I am already within you.

Posted in HOMINGS & DEPARTURES | Tagged ,

The Reliquary | 宝塔

Translated by Ali McIness

—for Li Chun and His Contemporaries

The reliquary is a candle; the lake by the trees
And the bottle on its shore, drawing on its warmth.
And why isn’t it the bottle?
You raise it, perhaps to take another drink?

To whistle? Or cast it into the lake,
Rending your lungs in song to the night life.
I, myself, gallop swift as storm winds, the reliquary
Rising abruptly from weekend shopping receipts to
proclaim: Love!

Hate! That with which your right hand fumbles,
resembles
Not a computer mouse or western book, but a
window frame: Push it open,
Let in the fine vapours of translation. Mountain
forms rising from the babble,
A sandpaper dawn—So false! Against this backdrop

The reliquary stands a pinnacle; the darkness you
turn to grasp,
Forever its reflection. Eyes left in attention,
Its gaze follows you. Although it may be gossamer
soft, fruit flavoured, fluorescent,
Above all else it’s crimson.

Posted in HOMINGS & DEPARTURES | Tagged ,

Cardboard Boxes | 纸箱子

Translated by Canaan Morse

I know you remember those bound-up carboard boxes.
When the spring tide came, they floated in every hallway,
light and rigid, like the model ships boys carry.
This once brought me peace,
as I have only two hands, as do you,
we can’t take it all.

But may I tell you, how I can hear
the sound of them sinking?
though we had thought they would ride the current,
go before us, all the way to the deep eddies
of paradise, and prepare for us
countless tearful gifts.

May I tell you they are disappearing,
dropping through purple kelp
and schools of migratory fish, through whirlpools
and layer on layer of candy-delicate sand?

May I tell you
they now lie wordlessly beside me; and that
nothing ever was destroyed,
but simply gone from the water’s surface?

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Rangoon Lover | 仰光情人

Translated by Liang Yujing

Your mind is to taste all nightmares.
Your body in charge of fond dreams.

Open your icebox, your white bra.
Open the two clean lungs
like you push open the shutters.
Knock the drumbeats into your guts.
Freeze the letters in a fridge.

I only have eleven lovers.
I only have poetry, this one lover.

My darling bathing in soft cheese:
for you, I can even join the Party.

When we are in love,
we don’t do anything legal.

As you breathe out chit pa de,
a bird pecks them away.

You write about me, I about you.

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Childhood Playmate | 童年玩伴

Translated by Gu Yiwei and Cassandra Atherton

Death, is another child, with a thin face
Occasionally he comes to play with me, knocks three times,
moderate and regular, forming a habit
Like the scar on his forehead that is uncovered
when he takes off his hat—
It’s a strange mark burnt by Mars, he says
He doesn’t blame his father who smoked every day in clouds
and swam in alcohol, who was old, tied to the post
nor his mother who sat and sighed
at her dresser. His home was in the depths of the flax field across the lake
Unexpectedly, I have never really been there to have a look
(I have headed towards there several times, but returned
Before arriving) or to see the antique furnishings
he described, kept in their proper positions
Sometimes when I am not yet up, he lies prone in the sleeping bag
looking at me; sometimes when I happen to be
drinking milk in the kitchen
there are feathers floating in from the window, something to speak of
He always collects quaint baubles such as
a silent bird, a doddery horse which cannot be ridden,
Some canned fish that aren’t fresh, he probably loved these things
covered in moss in the shade, not heliophilous,
he did not expect them to grow into feral shapes
Before leaving, mum always warned, ‘You have to be home before the sun sets.’
Then we rushed across the front hall
Across some sporadic puddles, and arrived at
The reeds where discarded barges were moored, so
that was how one puddle joined another
You took off your hat to show me your scar
You even took a cat out of your arms, saying it was magic
Out of admiration, and of self-esteem, I said
This is nothing surprising, once I even held a
Colourful tiger in my arms, and let it go
with my hands. Just now a wild francolin flies over head
and you go chasing the luminous curve
As if you love falling, you run like
the rising tide, puddles gradually swallowing up the reed field
It disappears, like an innocent beach gobbled up by the waves
Coming back empty-handed, you spread out your hands, shadowed with sorrow,
‘People always talk about going somewhere far away to dance, but they
Never know where to go, or sometimes go too far,
Forgetting to come back home.’ At times like this, it means goodbye
I look at the puddles, the lake that has formed
The flaming clouds over it, and his home
He said it was only another mark, the same as the one
On his forehead. Then I stepped and splashed about here and there
Strolled back home alone, while my young solitary playmate
Always ran in the opposite direction.

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On Curing Depression | 关于抑郁症的治疗

Translated by Austin Woerner and Bao Huiyi

Now all I need to do is carefully differentiate
between each dull ache, name it, add a footnote,
lock it up
in the correct drawer: which tears I shed
for my suffering father, which for frostbitten love,
which came just from shivering in this vast,
indifferent
prison of stars in which we all live. If each small pain
could be precisely located, like troubles in Yogacara
buddhism,
they would, like sins in Dante’s funnel, become
bearable.

Every pain I refuse to, won’t stoop to, or simply
cannot pour out
will congeal into brown, olive, and silver spices
brewing miracles in the holy-water bottle of time.
Rhetoric evaporates before a suffering heart, speech
becomes frivolous,
and if not done in order to save oneself
narration is unforgivable. If I could take a piece of
sky-blue chalk
into this maze, and mark every forking
that leads to disasters: “I have been here, I will not
be tempted again” then they would become
bearable.

If all my tastes of mercury and arsenic
could exempt you from understanding this poem
—they would become bearable,
little patient.

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Contemporary Chinese Poetry in Translation: The Homings and Departures Project


Image by Wang Yin

Homings & Departures is a poetry translation project of the China Australia Writing Centre (CAWC) at Curtin and Fudan Universities, and the International Poetry Studies Institute (IPSI) at the University of Canberra. As worldwide borders close and movements are restricted, the project’s title has gained a pressing new relevance. If bodies cannot travel then words, at least, can. In a spirit of nuanced exchange, CAWC at Curtin and Fudan, along with IPSI, continue their creative collaboration at a time when it is increasingly vital.

These poems were first published in Homings and Departures: Selected Poems from Contemporary China and Australia (Qinghai People’s Publishing House, 2018), edited by Bao Huiyi and Hai An. Later this year, an Australian companion volume of Homings and Departures will be published by Recent Work Press, edited by Lucy Dougan and Paul Hetherington, with Chinese translations by Iris Fan Xing.

Mai Fei: Shovel | 一把铁锹
Translated by a j carruthers and Cui Yuwei

Wang Ao: Standing at the Gas Station on a Winter’s Night, What am I Afraid of | 冬夜站在加油站我怕什么
Translated by Eleanor Goodman

Leng Shuang: The Fog of Our Age | 我们年龄的雾
Translated by Heather Inwood

Wang Pu: The Reliquary | 宝塔
Translated by Ali McIness

Zhao Si: Sighs | 叹息
Translated by Xuan Yuan and Tim Lilburn

Dai Weina: Rangoon Lover | 仰光情人
Translated by Liang Yujing

Zhang Dinghao: Cardboard Boxes | 纸箱子
Translated by Canaan Morse

Si Rongyun: Childhood Playmate | 童年玩伴
Translated by Gu Yiwei and Cassandra Atherton

Bao Huiyi: On Curing Depression | 关于抑郁症的治疗
Translated by Austin Woerner and Bao Huiyi

Zhang Er: Buji River Serenade | 布吉河小夜曲
Translated by Michelle Yeh

Feng Na: Birthplace | 出生地
Translated by Henry Zhang and Amelia Dale

Iris Fan Xing: Canton Holiday | 广州假期
Translated by Iris Fan Xing


Editors’ notes

With thanks to all the Chinese and Australian poets and translators involved; to Paul Hetherington for the overall conception of the project; to the Director of CAWC at Fudan University, Linjing Jiang; to editors Huiyi Bao and Li Dingjun (Hai An); to publisher Ma Fei, Editor-in-Chief of Qinghai People’s Publishing House; and to Wang Yin for his photograph, which provides such an atmospheric frame for the poems in translation here.

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‘Mix it with grit’: Claire Albrecht Interviews Jill Jones


Photo by Annette Willis.

Adelaide poet Jill Jones sits down 1,525.5 km from me, Claire Albrecht in Newcastle, to discuss her sparkling twelfth book A History of What I’ll Become. That’s a lot of ground to cover – along the way we talk grit, sexuality, anxiety, and the way these might be captured by observations and processed by repetition, hesitations, and formal experimentation into a poem. We dig up the sublime and consider shared modes of composition between poetry and a symphony. We die symbolically on the beach. We write to control. Strap in.

Claire Albrecht: Jill Jones! What a pleasure to kick off this conversation. The last we had was in the back courtyard of a gritty Newcastle cafe, and I’m sorry we can’t be face-to-face again, but here we are. Strangely I feel like I’ve been in contact with you this whole time, as I’ve not only been close-reading your 2014 book The Beautiful Anxiety for my PhD exegesis but also following your Twitter observations, which for a while gorgeously catalogued your impressions of local walks during your isolation. I notice your Twitter account has been deactivated – are you still cataloguing your small observations since restrictions have eased? How does a fascination with the (non-viral) micro hold up when we’re all collectively freaking about the macro?

Jill Jones: Yes, here we are, only able to talk virtually, but it is a pleasure. I’m always up for another gritty café chat if this is ever over. Newcastle seems to be full of poets. But, sure, the micro, the local, sure interests me, always has, but I haven’t been as diligent in my iso-walk notations lately. A combination of the fact of leaving Twitter, so that sense of the constraint (280 characters) has gone, as well as the fact that, at least in Adelaide, my movement is freer around the suburbs and into the city. I have even been back into my workplace office a few times since they unlocked the building.

I’ve been re-reading Lorine Niedecker’s work, a process I recommend in these times, and in both the early and later Niedecker there’s that sense of both the associative and, especially in her mid-to-later works, a sense of that base in the local although her reading and thinking was always very broad. She did a lot of research as well. For instance, she collected together many pages of notes and research and did a road trip to write her poem, ‘Lake Superior’, which consists of only 393 words. Her work continually has that sense of the associative and the assemblage.

To me this all raises questions around improvisational practice. What can I fit onto an A7 notebook that I shove in my pocket as I walk out the door. Or simply a scrap of paper I find in the back of my wallet one day. How then to assemble poems out of such notes. The things you hear – ‘“I win again”, says little girl to daddy in the race up the garden path to the front door’ – or what you see through the streets – ‘Day 31: empty bins – empty croquet club – empty bowling club – empty trailer – empty footbridge – seven magpies at the corner of Ormonde Ave and Lloyd Ave’. I’d often find I could come up with a template for the walk on each day, so I’d only write about animals I saw, or plants, or signs. Or only use three-word phrases for each thing. Improvisation doesn’t necessarily imply lack of structure, in my mind, but seeing and feeling what comes to hand, to eye or ear, and find a way of making it into text.

On Twitter the 280-character constraint was also a useful container. And in a longer poem based on the notes, I tried a couple of approaches, like a certain number of phrases per line, or a certain regular mix of syntax. I even tried some kennings: ‘Day 23: shivergrass – mulchcrackle – yellchild – hissbike – dogpuff – crowsight’. Of course, as soon as you rewrite and rearrange you’re changing the thoughts you might have had out there in the street. The kennings, for instance, are both observational and conceptual, as well as sonic constructions.

I think about the observational as simply taking note of what’s before me. But how that becomes a poem depends, for me, on the associative, the juxtaposed, even the accidental. Observation is one part of that complex act of perception and organisation of making a poem, but it does get you, or me at least, to take notice of things outside myself, especially in this time. What are my neighbours doing? What birds are in this area? How to write that. And not just as notes or reportage.

To me, it’s observation as compositional practice, not as consumption or stage setting. It involves listening and seeing whilst passing through and with a place. It’s both passive and active, receiving and translating, as well as being in the place as one among many entities, sentient and non-sentient. The Objectivist ‘thing itself’ is more than that, it’s the thing or things, including me as a human thing, in a situation that also isn’t just singular.

It also has a ring, to me, of something Veronica Forrest-Thomson wrote about in Poetic Artifice, the ‘hesitation between empirical and discursive modes’. I recast that (not sure what she’d feel about it, though), to think about hesitations created through caesura, line endings, page position, punctuation, parataxis, assemblage as well as changes in poetic modes. Forrest-Thomson says that ‘that hesitation is not unproductive’.

And is hesitation a kind of anxiety? Maybe. I think it’s productive, for me. And there’s that first line of yours from ‘annexiety’ in your book pinky swear: ‘anxiety is the millennial condition, says a clickbait article’. So I wonder if you do?

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