i wrote this poem while listening to Akon’s Sorry blame it on me and on seeing a notification from my phone about war and deaths

it’s afternoon// hot // hot like an imagined hell/
i roll under a table/ and there i make up countless dreams―/
birds unrolling from my corner/ full stop//there’s blood alert on my phone’s
screen/ there’s blood sinking into the ground somewhere/ they say
there’s a war/ a burning place/ Borno/ and a small boy/ i read from the alert/
carries a gun heavier than his body/ and a small girl/ i read from the alert/
carries crushed berries around her thighs/― mistakes/ mistakes
that amount to too many holes/ and the sky turns into masked clouds//
i think of how we use our hands/ and unfurl fire/ and smokes/
and nobody/ i mean/ nobody says a thing/ just retweets for traffic/ and
i wonder what the number of retweets/ can resolve/ while death avalanche/
while people are bathed in dusts/ and their houses are shelled down/
―this is not what prayers can undo/ this is not what running can solve/
does God blames us/ though we are made in his image?/
how our cruelty begets his cruelty?//
the rivers wail with the disturbed night:/ voices from brothers and sisters/
who should have been here/ sharing bread/ and wine/ on a round table/

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

Middle Finger

the middle finger
on my granddad’s right hand
was shorter than all the others

as kids, we fantasised
that he lost it in the war
shot off and buried in desert sands

but in fact it was
an accident with a chisel
working as a warfie, down docks in the 50s

a practical man, he
dropped for his first-born, before deploying,
the Jewish part of the family name

in case ever Hitler won

if God is there,
may he rest you, Granddad;
I wonder what you’d make of this:

Nazis in St Kilda,
draped in Aussie flags,
where you’d take us to the water

I think you’d get up,
dust your pants, don your hat,
and give them all the middle finger

you know, with your good hand

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

Improvisings. Of Sheer Now.

1: What I’ll Become
I am assembled
a history of what I’ll become

Far off there are holdfasts
cosmos winks, metal and darkness

The mind is also a swirl
needless opera

The divine numbers are a gamble
zero is a place to begin

Trees invent shadow

I cope with presence
a baffling besotted twilight
I sweep dust out the door

There is no pause button
in this immodest heat

I wake up in fragments
a prayer that never surfaces

I bless every idea, glance and jot

2: Full of Indirection
I wasn’t expecting a carnival
this perplexing delirious eclipse

I’m naked
or in someone else’s clothes
reinventing myself
from the thick weave of branches
full of indirection
unkempt endless thirst

I’m less articulate than grass
passing as a human
dreaming the immortal body
a large god of dust

I still smell it in my dreams
a name I’m not sure of

the hey-ho of unmooring

3: News We Carry
There is such beauty
in our runic flesh
Blossom dissolves darkness

Come out among
trees and wastelands
indecorous as poems

Hold my hand as we dance
new as rain

New as what we carry
in our pockets
like lost toys

Weather finds us draped
like leaves
curves of coming and going

To be with skin
held in tongues
of sunlight

The padlock drops away

4: Of Sheer Now
Everything ancient is
among flights
of sheer now
Even my hair is singing

I fall over days
vaster than history
I can’t put the leaves back

The dark is fresh
as rot, just the way
a room is
queer within

Lick plethora
the crushed rose inside me

Recompose me
in my profane air
my homely head

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

Burial

Kneeling by the dry pond, her shins
scratched pink are losing heat to space.
Her knuckles blossom violet, their nobbled bodies
flagrant; crude as mistakes.
They are loaded dice as her ring slips off.
This is how stones are made:
Earth compresses in her fist.
The box is a folded surface
just like her.
Soil shifts like a living thing
making speeches. Her arm is a thick trunk
with its tongue in the dirt,
knows Earth is a safe place
where time is measured
by warmth instead of numbers. If you dig
deep enough, warmth is constant
and under all this concrete there’s the quickening.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

Gotta Eat

My colleague is
feeding chopped up snakes to the
snakes on the conveyor belt.

Kind of insane,
labour’s a redundancy,
kindness really good insanity.

Somewhere, the boss releases
his spine for the first time.

She picks up a fang
and sits down.

It’s just you and me, kid

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

Wake, [Anon]

i.
Nam Phương final empress bore her lake oak-white jade continental. You are older than that. I turn history gold dream-fallen ash, therefore, public amaranth republic sweet of stem, crepuscular cosmology wept in dirty paws wrote of monkeys—
ii.
for you, my flesh wet silver, amethyst and rye myth preceded then centuries passed Nam Phương without pause, stabbed herself. A center held. Gibbons swung tendrils down, baboon and ape. I rite myself today detritus knock divine. And she who takes the hour pits a chalice into stone—
iii.
darker queen of mercy spare us—
iv.
in 1858, allegedly, Campagne de Cochinchine began, thus our child learned to swim. Gibbons scratch an anthill. Yes, the stairwell held us, bones. Gibbon cry. A father slipped his finger in papaya, therefore, I was born, queen of chive, milk. Spare us automatic, bottomless thrones of light. Lovers bathe inside of me, frayed—
v.
imagine us a crown Palme’s death in Sweden later, learned of Guernica imagine that lip surpassing massacre. Stories of my people march into another. How is it love something more machine, countries lost between us—
Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

Lament for a Friend

From “The Last song for the hearing”


I am so sorry, my friend,
The funeral, it’s forbidden me.
When the time comes
For the final lowering
I will not be there
I will not be there for you

I am so sorry, my friend,
When you stipple the waters
When you go softly
Between yourself and the sun
I will not know
I will not be there for you

I am so sorry, my friend,
I am not of your mysteries
I will not see you again
If there are strange lights
On the water
I wake, but do not see.

My friend, you leave before the time
I will bribe the gravedigger
Such, now, is the custom,
It is you that lives behind me
With your black mouth you sing,
You sing, you sing.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

A Day for Rain

“The EPA estimates that roughly 20,000 farm-workers are poisoned every year by pesticides, but because of many
immigrants’ fear of reporting incidents and inability to seek medical care, the number is likely much higher.”



It’s a terrible day for rain.
She showed me why
from stomach to neck.

She told me she was so close to heaven
but the waiting line was still so long.
God has so many forms to fill.

It’s a terrible day for rain.
After a while, even free ice-cream
makes you throw up.

I’m turning into a limón
she laughed – soon I’ll be bursting with citrus,
it’ll burn me up from inside.

In the Garden of Eden
where nothing decomposes
but nothing blooms either
how can we make a life for ourselves?

Even the blood moon
can be sucked to pale
by the endless silver fields.

Don’t you know,
you’ll never be dead
you’ll just be lighter
than a seed searching for wind.

Don’t you know,
angels don’t fly
they claw their way up
hair by bloody stem.

It’s so warm in here,
so dry.
Meanwhile outside,
it’s a terrible day for rain.

In her dreams
a tree grew from her stomach
as if the roots could feed on marrow
and she laughed because it was not limón
but melocotón that burst open to the sky
and when it rained
it was so cool on her skin
and there was a voice
in the way the drops fell
and it spoke
her name
so clearly so softly

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

mincemeat

so many things I want to say
to tell you
to explain
but the words skitter
nervous mice
scenting a predator

i cannot call them to order
they mutiny
at my approach
so here i am
left with nothing but
mumblings and excuses

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

No one Doesn’t Love You Like I Do

I don’t love you like I love
ten million dollars in my bank account,
peace on Earth, goodwill to all men
the corrective to global warming,
God,
me who is a normal person,
unconditional love love love, world without end, amen,
free, unfettered, blissful childhoods,
two good parents with two happy kids
and other things that don’t exist.

I love you like I love
sunshine,
the sun in winter,
the sun in summer,
black coffee & a cigarette,
a friend,
another friend,
one of my other friends,
tower cranes –
such things as exist.

I don’t love you like I love
the Frank Gehry submission for Te Papa
or Kengo Kuma’s, I’d heard, untrue, he entered too,
that it was more beautiful than a Danish museum of fairytales
like those books they wouldn’t publish and the plays I couldn’t write,
the kibbutzim I never lived on,
the travels I might have taken using sails instead of planes,
the trips throughout New Zealand I would have had by train…
Like an absence of trauma setting me sound asleep at night,
and all the things that should have been but never were.

But I love you like I love
the 800-year-old leaning mosque in Mosul,
destroyed like all crooked things must be,
destroyed before I had a chance to love it any stronger,
the way I love the things that were and are no longer,
disappearing Richmond Stoneware china,
Erskine College, Bill Toomath in Karori,
Taputeranga Marae, Futuna here and now but for how much longer,
the blipping time of homogeneous homogenous homo sapiens,
destroyed like you or I will be.

And I don’t love you like I love
contact with extraterrestrial sentient life,
or the colony on Mars that saves hugemankind,
parrots evolving to go to psittacine universities,
octopodes writing epic oceanic verse,
corvids discovering fire and bombing Dresden,
dolphins mastering the dative to outwit Leibniz,
the singularity, the cure for senescence,
and all my nonsense hopes that are beautiful but meaningless.
(They say that faith is for the future…

But I love you like I love
contact with extraterrestrial bacteria,
that there are robots on Mars at all and probes in deeper space,
and that some guy is trying to grow spider silk from yeast,
that those psilocybinetic fungally infected cicadas collectively live,
the way all life eventually falls to the ground
on this cooling dust ball heliocentring a hundred thousand kilometres an hour around,
purslane porcelane lithophane lithops and the desert blooms,
this present beauteous, slight and realistic hope.
…and that belief is for the present.)

I love you not tomorrow but today.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

Tlatelolco

Where
the market
met the church
and powdered stones
reminisce together,
the visible still
sits with time on its blood,
this hoary tropical day where
the sign proclaims Cuauhtemoc
fell to Jesus Christ on such and such a recent day.

Can all ruins look the same? Squint and the plaza
takes on a Celtic hue. The church grew like a lagoon from tidal stones
and the apartments grew from modern Aztecs. If God could wring the church
(of course he could) whose blood would soak the grass of distant modern ages? Idols have
a knack for coming back, coming back in time like an inescapable poetic rhyme
but proof of idol failure is pinned under lasered glass and man-made light
in the museum. There are three things here. I am imprisoned
by the new church with five minutes to close looking at imported nudes
and Canadian narcissisms when the spire, made of market stones, taps on
the plastic window. It’s closing time, the idols bearing stone fists, smash their prisons,
scamper to the windowsill and shimmy down the obliging cross to the bells, which
ring in soft haphazard tones as idol feet induce an ugly sway. And then to the
market and down the distant metro lines in all directions
to run forever and the glass bounces at my feet.

Security
stumbles in. Sir, what does this mean, what did you do?
The world has turned to glass again, and we are stuck
above the ground in shadow buildings, looking
down at Tlatelolco, spongy ground, and steely sky
for there is no land for us, or ancient times
of heroes, and we have no gods to fail us
only numbered notes and flawless cameras
and we can only marvel at those
autochthonous dreams of other idols
where the church and market meet

and idol drums beat idol feet.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

N.F.S. (No Further Stay)

It is enshrined

how many steps,

how many minutes,

seconds or days

you can stay

within this home / land

as borders have been protected

on air, water, and all this vastness

of a continent, is-

-land.

You are only allowed,

temporarily, and permitted to become

a resident, provided

you adhere to these conditions:

• you must be an able, no violation,

• you must be under the law, lawful and legal,

• you must provide an identity, a valid and verifiable

and biometrically you,

• you must undergo all necessary checks,

no third-world disease, no tuberculosis, no form

of burden to the state funds, not a terrorist,

not arriving on a vessel that illegally beached,

nor on a plane without an authority to travel

and pass through this port

/ sentry.

• you will genuinely

marry and be in an inclusive relationship,

• you must work within this load (no cash

on hand),

• you must not get sick, or get

an insurance,

• you must assure and abide

by the rules, all the time, despite the law

and employer failing you for the nth time,

or else a rubber stamp,

an electronic record

or an officer will say:

no further stay,

no further stay,

and go away.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

What I remember most of all

Like a rolling siren, dead sounds
without a step doppler away. We flip
switches to tell each other how we hurt.
Yesterday, I flipped a live switch and heard
the indicator light pop—I didn’t have
the right bulbs—no one ever told me
there’s a right and wrong way to light bulbs
how a proper bulb can sing for months, a background
deluge. Halogen shatters within a surge.
The hurt flew out of me today
and broke the ceiling fan, hung off a blade
until it bowed to the hardwood ground.

My job is to feel something—sugared knife,
Dead Sea net ablaze with thread. Catch nothing.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

Broken in Two

The entrance is lined, each time, with smokers
in absurd clusters, on beds in the sun.

The lift doors reveal, on each floor, huge orange numbers
and letters from 5A to 12C.

I think C is for Cancer.

My friend told me once that she heard a doctor tell a patient,
“You have cancer.”
Then he spelled it out.
“C.A.N.,
C.E.R.”

That’s how I think of it now,
broken in two.

She didn’t want to move rooms. She said,
“I don’t want to go up where everyone’s dying.”

In the lift to 12C, scrawled next to a message from a church it said,
“Jesus Wants Your $$”

Next time I found her, most alive in the Emergency room,
breath stunk of blood.

Her nose bled whenever she sat,
or thought
or ate.

Across from her a woman yelled,
“Oh shit! I want to go home to Israel.”

She’s right. Everyone on 12 C is dying.
Across the room, one says nothing.
One can’t stop.
They hobble downstairs together
I see them smoking when I pass.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

nerve damage

being gets fragmentary
but obscurely significant

thought hollows
but there are more edges
to peer over

you’re becoming cautionary & allegorical
but love is after

all,
a word

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

A Study of Cowardice

            I will tell you now what I didn’t have the courage
            to say then: I was awake
                                                the whole time
when you pressed my glassy palms against
the soil,

let loose                      a wild animal inside my mouth
I’ve always had the teeth to bite back
            but didn’t,
                        how it dug its nails, savored the sweet
                        nicotine infestation on my purpling gums
                        as it crawled down with the intent
of slitting my throat from inside. I know
to cough                    something                    out
            when it is unwelcome; fervent, aching—even
the newest of bodies learn this out of instinct:

                                    Bitter gourd.
                                    Asbestos.
                                    A lock of a lover’s hair.

            I take the shape of a hairless spider to ward off
anything that will devour me and call it mercy,
which is to say,

I have arrived—here, with a gratitude for all
things that have not succeeded in killing me
            long ago,

when I exiled my lungs to the depths of the ocean,
it found in the chasms and interstices the secret
to my survival. Somewhere,

a lost city plunged underwater throbs harder
                                    than it did alive

            which my father calls cowardice, even with
his body fit more for flutter than for flight, and so
                                                             I learned to surrender
                        with cupped hands, like feeding water
                        to a parched mouth,
my long-held secret; a kind of weaponized submission
(or omission?) that’s kept me alive.

                        In the factory of alleged virtues, I learned
to swim without my lungs. Surrender, it persuades.

Learned to fight not out of need but out of will.
This is the only way, I am told, where

            bent-backed roses bloom thorn-less
in a garden full of sin, I linger a coward still, forgoing
                        even things not mine to surrender.
Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

Dirty Talk

I know I’m low in iron
when
I start craving the dirt.
I mix mineral supplements into my orange juice,
because you absorb iron more effectively with vitamin C,
did you know?
and then the cravings subside.
But the supplements are expensive
so sometimes
I just live in this state of side-eyeing the dirt,
like it’s a girl whose freckles I love too much
and whose boyfriend is inconvenient.
I’m happy for them, of course,
of course.
I flirt with the dirt,
I think.
I lather my face in a dead sea mud mask
and oops,
it’s on my lips.
I knead the earth to nurture my plants
and,
uh-oh,
I smear some across my face
or
scrape it under my fingernails,
a deep black midnight snack.
At the supermarket I always buy brushed potatoes,
because brushed means
still lush
with a cakey layer of soil.
They’re cheaper,
and usually
people buy them when they’re going
to peel the potatoes anyway,
or commit to a long, thorough scrub.
I give them a tepid wash, but leave them still freckled with flavour.
I paid for this dirt, after all.
It’s worse in winter,
when I’m bleeding constantly
and hungry for the warmth of gentle rain
on sleeping minerals.
Freckles sometimes makes me homemade play-dough
because it’s tastier to eat than store-bought,
basically organic free-range soy salt dough, y’know?
but it’s not dirty, not even a little.
She has bright, sober eyes and can eat soup
in a white blouse
without ever making a mess,
not even from the fickle splosh of a spoon chinking the bowl’s cusp.
Her dough is never dirty.
My dog snuffles around in the backyard,
a slobbery sealion
pretend-playing as a truffle pig.
Her mind is an underground blueprint
of latitude lines across every goat horn
and chew toy hidden.
She walks back through the dogdoor
with a telltale mudsnout,
sneezing on secrets.
I envy the trail of her whiskers
paving alleyways for ants
through a miniature wilderness.
I listen to Another One Bites the Dust,
and I wish I would,
but literally.
Just lemme fucking eat the dirt.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

colonial levity

Stumbling through Botswanan delta, the poet’s wife
lines up and frames
the Okavango natives as arsonists (maybe!), his
words tripping
down her tongue. Her rubies flash bright in the face
of all that applause.
In her wake, he satirized the King’s Dream with
colonial levity
(during When Is White History Month) to tittering
laughter.

He tells us of the collected skulls in St Nikolai
Church, severed and shelved
to deter robbers.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

Sanctuary

Grunting for breath between gulps, he tears at a half-eaten bun not caring about the pain in his gums, garbage overflow lapping spongy shoes. His bowel hasn’t worked for days. He sees a piece of hamburger missed, squats for it as a novelty car horn freezes his thin frame in an athlete’s stance, a tatterdemalion ready to run, his mind an economy of survival. Sidestepping pigeons question his thirst as he drains empty soft-drink cans. Then he uses a puddle for a wash, rubbing greasy fingers against his dark face. He shakes a discarded deodorant can for a few feeble squirts.

The city smells of vehicle exhausts, concrete, burnt sugar, scaffolding, cooking oil. Early morning workers avoid him, each in his own space, air tangy. He feels a throb of hope, can’t allow himself the cushion of memory, can’t think beyond his immediate dream to work as a restaurant dishwasher, swap sweat for freedom.

He cuts and tugs sleeping asbestos, wearing a wee white mask of course, face hidden under lowered lids, not that he wants to open his mouth. The big ex-gangster who employs him, perhaps recalling his own beginnings, grins, silently checking the work. He is refurbishing an old restaurant. His expensive teeth often sparkle from the society pages of newspapers – his life could fill an opportunistic book – but our guy of the slashing sharp knife, the tightly-knotted bags of swirling unseen fibres that get taken for a ride come nightfall, uses newspapers for extra warmth, has only survival English.

He arrives and leaves by the rear lane, enduring nights in a Salvos bin keeping still deep inside utter darkness imagining passing vehicles as tanks, sometimes wakened by his strangled nightmare cries. He lets rip for $12.50 an hour cash, minus the cost of masks, saving some, wasting nothing, is advised, understanding body language, to continue keeping his mouth shut, a workplace condition he noddingly accepts. Imagine him, dishwashing dream down the drain for now, high on hope, doing the maths, buoyant with every breath he takes, aiming to be prosperous one day, fleshy like his boss, that grinning profiteer.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

And This Too Shall Pass

After Hera Lindsay Bird

You make me want to lick all the stars for their strawberry centres

And then, sick from those candy hearts, I would clamber into our bed and
Hold your too long limbs in a
Sympathy with my
Too short patiences and
I would gently promise to plant the damned aquilegias, and

To paint the ceiling in the outdoor dunny
That shade of blue I hate
But that you love, and
I would promise to never again come at you
Cold and blinking like those hollowed out stars.

You make me want to dig into the winter soil and
Take out the earthworms, to give them a better
Life inside jars of compost, warmed by a
Double glazed sun.

You make me want to find the point of scintillation
On a Mediterranean wave and
Dance up from the surface,
Into the blue depths while,
From a blue yarn of the pale light
I knit a hauberk to keep you immortal.

You make me want to lie under the shade of the linden tree
On a spring’s mild day
With my face in a sunspot
Burning
Knowing that the lines of damage
I am creating
Are MEMENTOS
Of this day
Of this you and this me.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

South

yet with cameras and caps, how
diluted this tanker’s oil streaming
through wharves, cashed
town searching for extremities,
habitat of buses; here we are,
we are on time. i too have followed
the landed coast, prodigal breath
thrusting salt over headlands,
worrying wings of hair;
i threw the beach
in your face and brightened
birds you flew.
latitudes, can
we align? Good Hope, del
Fuego, clasp hands: pole-
stretched arrows, meeting
the reclusive ice half way.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

Antonio Gramsci

You posed the Southern Question
while waging war in the trenches
of bourgeoisie fantasy.
You drank languages & histories.

Mussolini drank your blood.
Unswayed by victory,
you refused to genuflect before teleology.
Breaking with Hegel–surpassing Croce–

you made prose into poetry.
Fragile wrists pouring over notebooks
in a staccato more rigid
than the bars of your cell.

You are the particles of shivering light,
on the crossbars of your smoky windowpanes.
Recipient of deposits made by history
without the benefit of an inventory.

The task, you said, is to make that inventory.
You are the politics your body rejected.
Optimism of the will,
pessimism of the intellect.

You are eyes-wide-open despair,
hope plus seeing, will plus being.
Vico’s son, made by history
the “we” born into poetry.

You are the name on the lips
of every freedom hungry soul.
Agitator of peasant visionaries,
mobilizer of dreams forged in factories,

democratizer of beauty, leading
the Communist Party
to question reality.
For the US Senator testifying

to the House Ways & Means Committee,
you are an agitator
for the destruction
of Western democracy.

The jottings your sister-in-law
removed from your prison cell quietly,
the unpublished masterpiece
that will merge with eternity.

Family torn from your arms,
your wife removed in Russia,
your son seen once in the airport
before he vanished from your horizon.

You directed his education
from your prison cell,
Gramsci, whose mother
considered her son

the state’s enemy number one
Anti-utopian of universal equality,
theorizer of the new society,
you are no martyr, Gramsci,

just an organizer
accelerating
the revolution
rooted in reality.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

One Last Gin And Tonic At La Hacienda

Another G&T please,
with some orange peel.

You try to drown
your ailing thoughts,
they seem to sink at first,
but in the end resurface,
can stay afloat on any booze.
You stay sick in turn.
Luckily for me,
there are cool bartenders,
quick and gentle youths.
They are smart,
besides professional,
can read both your face and mind,
have good words and smiles for you,
with discretion,
but know when to become serious,
wearing a mildly reproving look
over their indulgent grin,
and definitely convince you
that the time has come,
however bad it all still feels,
to put down the Copa de Balon
and walk back home.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged

Don’t look too closely

The cold of winter haemorrhages
as raised circles of flesh
bump down to skin on knees
the texture of underripe peaches,
teeth hurt from bighting down
the chatter of days
bows low.

The second cup of coffee
turns into a third
days are full of lay ins and layered clothes,
my conscience, like tangled hair,
is not worthy of reflection
I choose my wardrobe to hide the comfort
then balance it up with more.

Posted in 93: PEACH | Tagged