By | 1 June 2022


I want to suck your eye out, I say,
you say, please do not — but I can do it any way you like,
hammer, pitcher, kitchen knife,
what is love if not the execution of metaphors,
and, as always, I will do a clean job —
you say let’s go for a walk
like you don’t get it…

In all the timelines where I have a backbone
I take my fulfilled body to a new form, offer what I have
to you, or some disciplined other…
In those times I really mean it, sex is a micropayment
off a loan of indifference, clothes ripple
with hostile potential, the mind shivers,
moulders, falls in, grows back, ringing like death metal
in a cave…

Analysts study artists like children watch movies,
to get horny
and learn how to talk… it can’t all be cocaine, you say,
but I don’t see why not. I call my psychiatrist,
so he can tell me I’m pretty. good luck excluding me
from the community of reason, my charismatic landscape
of reality controls, a prime example
of what not to do, professionally, at the pub …

The worse I feel, the more godlike. I am downtrodden and female,
but I was your husband in a past life. Statistically this is dangerous news…
Couples scream outside our house. There’s something about it …
it’s so realistic. Love is a new way to talk about yourself, and then it’s not,
it sucks and blows with the wind,
the plumbing sours, the bliss goes out,
the air wears down again …

in the mood for an aggressive drive, I say, for the fifth time,
style is just repetition, don’t I know it, standing there with a drink in my hand —

In my office it is always 3am
and a crisis, skinning traumas for luxury boots,
smiling like new leather at my own devices, condemning ‘sincerity’ —
YES, I am afraid of feeling,
I am only brave about desire,
I try to describe what I have witnessed, and find
it is too late to fail better. Here I am,
in my individual personality,
a completely imaginary and self-contained problem,
rotating helplessly —

The thing is, I’d rather be devastated than bleaked out,
I face god like a flower seeks the sun,
my throat boils, I tell myself, YOU HAVE COMMITTED NO CRIME — and if I have,
I’m resolving a set of contradictions,
and I deserve to be rewarded for the work I’ve done …

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