If I could, I’d become a liposuction vampire: a bat that would suck out fat rather than blood. I’d be a popular creature of mythology, pursued by many women. After all, the early 21st century is interminable purgatory for the vaguely over-weight. But like Humbert Humbert, who claimed a spidery sense for discerning Lolitas, I’d only puncture the flesh of real BBW. Many women claim to have been a fat child, or fat teen (the latter almost a badge of outsider pride), but only a few really continue to make fat seductive. And I’m not talking some abject pornographic fetish for fat chicks here either, or old style ‘Dimpled Dolly’ circus freaks, but a rare unselfconscious defiance that stops my heart in its tracks. It’s a certain style that is commensurate with flesh, rather than any form of compensation for it. If these women wear a black furry Cossack hat, it’s not to create a visual decoy. They can be butch (with biceps to die for) or femme (in op-shop frocks). I don’t usually go for Americans either, as somehow it feels trademarked and coy, way too pumpkin-pie. Nor am I going to trawl sites like Suicide Girls, as context is all important. While you may be able to glean on the internet, you can’t really glimpse. You can’t preempt that moment where you are following someone down a corridor and it’s like they are a ghost, but a larger-than-life presence rather than an ethereal absence. There’s something about the banal reality that makes it all the more like a visitation. The last woman I saw that enthralled me was just shopping in a clothes store in New Delhi. I couldn’t tell where she was from, she had a kind of pan-Asian aesthetic and an almost rock star quality. She may have had tattoos, but I might just be filling them in. I imagine my bat will be a kind of androgynous lothario. My eternal pain will be that I am destined to destroy my desire at its very source. These women will leave me looking like wet kittens rescued from a still warm bag in a river, all bones and mew. Where did my fat house cat go? I think it’s fat orgasms that turn me on the most, the density of the shudder. May I add that I also like deep voices and even facial hair. I wonder if guys really get all that. Here am I, the purist, accusing them of mere perversity. That said, most of my prey will probably be straight (except for the tiny bite marks just above the clavicles). I understand that feeling the waitress in Carver’s ‘Fat’ has, where the grace and politeness of the fat man puts her weedy lover to shame. But I’m not into emasculation—in fact I imagine I’ll wish for my lovers the same rugged yet intellectual men that they’ve always lusted after, that I may ultimately grant them.
- 104: KINwith E Shiosaki 103: AMBLECOMING SOON with E Gomez and S Gory 102: GAMEwith R Green and J Maxwell 101: NO THEME 10with J Kinsella and J Leanne 100: BROWNFACE with W S Dunn 99: SINGAPOREwith J Ip and A Pang 97 & 98: PROPAGANDAwith M Breeze and S Groth 96: NO THEME IXwith M Gill and J Thayil 95: EARTHwith M Takolander 94: BAYTwith Z Hashem Beck 93: PEACHwith L Van, G Mouratidis, L Toong 92: NO THEME VIIIwith C Gaskin 91: MONSTERwith N Curnow 90: AFRICAN DIASPORAwith S Umar 89: DOMESTICwith N Harkin 88: TRANSQUEERwith S Barnes and Q Eades 87: DIFFICULTwith O Schwartz & H Isemonger 86: NO THEME VIIwith L Gorton 85: PHILIPPINESwith Mookie L and S Lua 84: SUBURBIAwith L Brown and N O'Reilly 83: MATHEMATICSwith F Hile 82: LANDwith J Stuart and J Gibian 81: NEW CARIBBEANwith V Lucien 80: NO THEME VIwith J Beveridge 57.1: EKPHRASTICwith C Atherton and P Hetherington 57: CONFESSIONwith K Glastonbury 56: EXPLODE with D Disney 55.1: DALIT / INDIGENOUSwith M Chakraborty and K MacCarter 55: FUTURE MACHINES with Bella Li 54: NO THEME V with F Wright and O Sakr 53.0: THE END with P Brown 52.0: TOIL with C Jenkins 51.1: UMAMI with L Davies and Lifted Brow 51.0: TRANSTASMAN with B Cassidy 50.0: NO THEME IV with J Tranter 49.1: A BRITISH / IRISH with M Hall and S Seita 49.0: OBSOLETE with T Ryan 48.1: CANADA with K MacCarter and S Rhodes 48.0: CONSTRAINT with C Wakeling 47.0: COLLABORATION with L Armand and H Lambert 46.1: MELBOURNE with M Farrell 46.0: NO THEME III with F Plunkett 45.0: SILENCE with J Owen 44.0: GONDWANALAND with D Motion 43.1: PUMPKIN with K MacCarter 43.0: MASQUE with A Vickery 42.0: NO THEME II with G Ryan 41.1: RATBAGGERY with D Hose 41.0: TRANSPACIFIC with J Rowe and M Nardone 40.1: INDONESIA with K MacCarter 40.0: INTERLOCUTOR with L Hart 39.1: GIBBERBIRD with S Gory 39.0: JACKPOT! with S Wagan Watson 38.0: SYDNEY with A Lorange 37.1: NEBRASKA with S Whalen 37.0: NO THEME! with A Wearne 36.0: ELECTRONICA with J Jones