What's in a name?

Alan Shakespeare

 

 
Dear Alan, with benignest aims

(you're telling me indeed What's in-)

I give you not immodest claims,

nor self promotion's wincing din

(non-Alans need to bear this, grin,

unless you're one you'll never know)

our king of names demands it so:

with simple maximized endeavour

watch my ballade's blazon flow:

We Alans always stick together
No minnows in the name big pond:

Turing, Lomax, Greenspan, Fels,

even our black sheep Jones and Bond;

the world takes note and something jells:

there's that bigheartedness which tells

we're democratic by the gallons.

just reinvent yourselves as Alans,

give the past a mighty sever

Ahmed, Boris, tip the balance,

join the name that sticks together!
Near holy writ, you know it pal,

like in a movie starring Ladd

that sheer delight in being Al:

the word gets out how, man, we're baaaaad!

Chicks just swarm to Alan's pad.

Or we're a test team lead by Border

who'll willingly obey this order

(seize the willow, whack the leather!)

in mateship pure (there's little broader)

we Alans always stick together.
Claudes make way! Move over Jasons!

We lay it wide and lay it thick.

You'd think we were a mob of masons

to see backscratching do the trick:

when poesy meets biopic

who'll play the Curnows, Ginsbergs, Tates?

Why Messrs. Alda, Rickman, Bates.

(Met any poet first name Trevor?

His lonely, untuned, tin ear grates.)

Muses and Alans stick together.
Piss off Con 'n' Don 'n' Ron,

the world has not seen lesser beaux.

Like Monsieur ('ow you say?) Delon,

there's one way for a name to go:

ditch that Edgar, Mr. Poe,

join my friends Alans Wayman, Murphy:

airborne, waterlogged or earthy

their word is law to end of tether.

Backsliders? Hardly! What a furphy,

both they and us will stick together!
Pettersson, Bullock, Jeans and Price

All helped to build the Alan pie.

For kudos, though, please give that twice

since be it known that you and I

can only hold up half the sky,

and needing those who'll share our vistas

-since there's a Ms. for all the misters

(Kyle has Kylie, Heath has Heather)

four simple words adorn our sisters:

Allanahs always stick together!
And since our name's the sweetest fate

here be our slogan, better, motto

If he's an Alan he's a mate.

(Who'd ever be a Merv or Otto?)

Like endless First Division lotto

our deal is trumps, our crown is jeweled.

And furthermore all gods have ruled:

from big bang to the twelfth of never

(no need to tell you Brother Gould)

we Alans always stick together.
From yoohoo unto toodle-oo

Your days are over Jean Paul, Lou,

our cause is a when not whether.

One l, two ls, a, e, u

(oh band of brothers! happy few!)

we Al(l)a(e)(u)ns always stick together.




The Alan Key 




Alda

 
American Actor 



Bates

 
British Actor 



Bond

 
Corporate crook



Border 

 
Australian cricket test team captain



Bullock

 
British historian



Curnow

 
New Zealand poet



Delon (Alain) 

 
French actor



Fels

 
Former head of ACCC



Ginsberg

 
American poet



Gould

 
Australian poet



Greenspan

 
Head of the US Federal Reserve



Jeans

 
Australian football coach



Jones

 
Rightwing talkbacker



Ladd

 
American actor



Lomax

 
Recorder and promoter of blues music



Murphy

 
Friend, co-composer of The Stag’s Song



Pettersson

 
Swedish composer



Poe (Edgar)

 
American writer



Price

 
British rock musician



Rickman

 
British actor



Tate

 
American poet



Turing

 
British computer scientist



Wayman

 
Friend since 1958