Around town

so much literary progress
was obstructed then

by men who lived in Panmure
with their widowed mothers

not by any measure
a good starting point

predictive too
of late-life punctiliousness

where imagination
is concerned

*

white mane waved and moussed
chiselled movie-star looks

the elderly type in the
trench coat and cravat

who used to pick up cigarette
butts at the Mt Eden bus stop

asked me in a thick Balkan
accent if I was a Kiwi

and when I affirmed this
responded with vairy primitive

*

it was at a party
in Parnell

I saw him take a swing
at the face of a girl

who had nothing but
concern for him at heart

after which
neither he

nor his poetry
ever mattered again

*

one of his annually replaced
eighteen-year-old girlfriends

confided in me
he’s such a cunt

when he left the room
in a house in Remuera

apparently to defecate
unless it was the mirror

above the hand basin
that kept him so long

*

in a bar
in Herne Bay

he obviously
recognised me

but seemed reluctant
to make eye contact

such was the
female company

he felt unable
to introduce

*

we’d run into each other
every ten years or so

the last time
in Nostromo

a now defunct
second hand bookshop

in Grey Lynn
I still remember for his

handshake and the poem
we talked about

*

back from France
he confided his doubts

about his successor
in the Fellowship

our conversation
on the Three Kings bus

artificial stimulants
and Borges

a poem’s undergrowth too thin
to conceal a tiger in

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

In situ

Song of the highway.
Animal cries of the city.
Slow roar of applause.

America, coming in like a dream on the shortwave,
car door shutting like a gun.

Some say it is hell, and some say just another, bolder paradise.
To the east is the mountain with sweet, sweet rain.
So much bastard beauty, broken music.

A noisy country.
All too present outrage, honk and whistle.
I count the sirens.

I open my body to the funk of millions
of flowering cannabis plants, the cold salt froth
of the Pacific Ocean, the flame of the desert.

I hear America singing, doowop, doowop do.
She is lifting her hands like an orchestra.

O the sound,
so beclamoured with
the jackal-yapping of coyotes.

The air is full of spirits.
Squirrels scatter,
birds return from invisible worlds.

Raccoons whistle through the switchgrass.
Jackrabbits appear. Herds of taxi cabs.
Omegas of people. Babels of bloods.

Warriors. Weirdos. A lowdown good-for-nothing so-and-so.
All the intention of wishes, forgiveness.
User-friendly righteousness.

Towns stack up like a tarot deck.
There are babies being pushed in strollers,
women in heels descending into the subway.

Night shifts meet
day shifts in passing.
Unaware. Unreflecting.

Men and women.
[They and they.] Women and women.
Men and men.

Carload after carload of sorrow.
All-you-can-eat loneliness.
So many kinds of hunger.

All, one wave of notes in the dark gospel of the universe.


Note | This is a found poem arranged by the author and cites the work of Pauli Murray, Cynthia Dewi Oka, Ada Limón, Cynthia Cruz,
Diane Seuss, Linda Hogan, Chase Twichell, Gal Beckerman, Hala Alyan, Joanna Klink, Thomas Fuller, Walt Whitman, Crystal Williams,
Jay Deshpande, Vievee Francis, Cormac McCarthy, Hieu Minh Nguyen, Zakia Henderson-Brown, Jaswinder Bolina, Mong-Lan,
Melvin B Tolson, Terrance Hayes, Gabrielle Calvocoressi, Kyle Dargan, Laura Buccieri, Jenny Xie, Donald Revell, Lucie Brock-Broido,
Barbara Ras and Tyehimba Jess, respectively and respectfully.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

94.5fm

To make community radio is to speak/listen/organise. This teaches me things:

1. When I listen:
to tune into a conversation is to bear witness to connection; the making and interweaving
of relation. To listen in feels like an intrusion and a sacredness all at once; airwaves wash
over me again and again and again, shattering any possibility that I could be alone, that I
could be separate, that I could be atomised away from all of this breath.
2. When I speak:
to make conversation is an alchemy. I come in with parts of me, you with parts of you. We
go under together and emerge dripping in story. In memory. In dust. When I speak, I
remember that language was spoken before it was written; I remember the way words
sound and stick and feel, travel through my body, how they so easily turn into cries, or
into prayer.
3. When I organise:
radio has a rhythm, a circularity, a heartbeat; everything regenerates, turns around,
comes back. Radio is a place. A place where we commune, fix, learn, weave. Where we
sit together, observe rituals, and remember. There will be radio at the end of the world –
under the dirt and shit and rubble.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Tithonus

for Jill

I think of you when the lorikeets visit,
when my paper daisies start to bloom,
when I grow heartsease from seed
and watch the delicate petals strain
towards the sun. Hope you’re doing okay
in the new place. I know the transition
must have been rough. I’ve been thinking
about Eos and Tithonus, the god of dawn
who fell in love with a mortal and granted
him eternal life, but not eternal youth.
She took him to a shining room and stayed
with him as he withered older and older,
grew smaller and frailer, grew into the shape
of a cicada, that glittering little creature
who sings to greet the dawn in summer
mornings. I take a cup of tea out to watch
the light breaking over the horizon. It will
take hours for the light to reach you
over on the other side, and the light will be
softer, strained through winter, but it is
the same light. Remind me to send you
photos. Ask Aunty C if she can set up
a call when you’re free. I want to chat
to you again and hear about your travels
and adventures, the ones you used to
send to us in scrapbooks and the ones
you’ve had since. It’s been too long
and I wish I’d visited more, but I hope
you know I love you, that I think of you.
Did you know that Sappho wrote about
Tithonus? They found the scraps of papyri
in a rubbish heap at Oxyrynchus, the meter
littered with holes chewed away by worms.
She wrote about her old knees and her
hair turning white, listening to the clear
voices of the younger women singing, said
she could not become like the deathless gods
but like Tithonus, she loved delicate things,
and was satisfied with the gifts that she
retained: poetry, the sound of the lyre,
and the heat and beauty of the brilliant dawn.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

A Telephone

A telephone is not Buddha. A telephone is not Yorick’s
skull. A telephone is not Tintin, a pocketknife
or a fountain pen, nor is it a healing wound.

A telephone is not a broken relationship, not lemon
soap, nor sea glass. A telephone is not a portal
to your lost past, nor a bonsai.

A telephone is not the answer, not a stack of books
to be read. A telephone is not a pencil sharpener,
a suit of armour, an ancient clock.

A telephone is not hope, not a cure for Alzheimer’s.
A telephone cannot cheat death. A telephone
is not immortal, not your father’s thermometer.

A telephone is not a record player, a globe or a colour
printer. A telephone is not a twenty-pound weight,
nor a skateboard. A telephone is not a toolbox.

A telephone is not a map of your ancestors’ homeplaces,
not a framed portrait of your loved ones, nor your absent
daughter, mother, father, brother or sister.

A telephone is not your late great-grandmother’s
sherry glass. A telephone is not a box of letters
from lost friends, nor an overflowing rubbish bin.

A telephone is not a yoga mat, not a bookcase,
a framed poem written in blood or a declaration
of independence, nor is it a candle.

A telephone is not your paternal grandfather’s
beer glass, not a photo album or home movie,
nor a wetsuit, helmet or kneepads.

A telephone is not a coffee mug, not a Marshall
amplifier, a set of Bose speakers, nor a Swiss watch.
A telephone is not a map of the Great Ocean Road.

A telephone is not hand moisturizer, sanitizer,
lens cleaner. A telephone is not a water bottle.
A telephone is not a hip flask or shoe brush.

A telephone is not a rough draft of a memoir,
a sharpened blue pencil, nor a postage stamp,
a sliding barn door, or a red wheelbarrow.

A telephone is not a pair of black Doc Martens,
not a desk lamp or lip balm, nor a pair of spectacles
or chopsticks. A telephone is not a credit card.

A telephone is not a driver’s license or a passport,
not a bookmark, paper weight or magnifying glass,
nor is it a prayer uttered by the Dalai Lama.

A telephone is not a twelve-page handwritten
letter from your high school best friend,
nor is it an instruction manual.

A telephone is not a lifeline, not a miracle,
not a homecoming, nor is it your paternal
grandfather’s dusty green corduroy cap.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Sudden Death

After Mary Ruefle

i. cardiologist
In the room where hearts are discussed, my mother’s early death swims before me; a plastic heart, life-size on his desk. I tell the story of the sound* I thought was coming from outside my body (a hedgehog beneath the bedroom window; the low grunting noise they make), and he laughed. My mother died at the age I am now of a blocked artery, fell asleep and did not wake. Was I exhibiting any of the symptoms? Was this a manifestation of my fear that I had reached the year of her death?

A hedgehog follows me around. I hear the same nocturnal sound in a different house—I imagine it is calling for a mate. A low, hoarse, pulsating (gruff) chuff of my heart.

ii. water divining
I was struck by Thomas More speaking of his impending death by beheading: The pain would be quick and God will not let me remember it. And I thought about my life, and by extension, all the pain of a life, and wondered how God would do this—if I were to arrive? I imagined a branch waved over my head in a great swooping magical dance. The water divining rods she has on her all the time, buried in her robes. So much buried there, invisible, useful.

iii. cardiologist II
When I try to tell him what it is like to wake into the void, a timelessness wherein I know my heart has missed a crucial beat, hanging on the dark plane where thought cannot occur, the blood so slowed as to be non-existent. On the rim of death—the antechamber where I can look around, without thought, without mind, alive in the sense of being a bodily presence but no more alive, unable to kickstart the same old trick.

iv. the colour of your horse
She slept each afternoon and died in her sleep. Terrified of cancer she always thought she’d die a lingering death, being a smoker. To die in her sleep—she would never have imagined; she probably prayed for it. Our deaths should be given to us in dreams like the Apache dreamed: knowing the moment, the situation, the colour of the horse you were riding.



* pulsatile tinnitus

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Burn, Khamenei, Burn!

Boast about having enough fire
to light a cigarette.
The rose you slipped a noose around
will rot.
In the quietest chamber of blood
you will burn that day.
While you burn,
Iran’s throat will fill with marches—
cities will cry out
like iron mouths.
And you—
you’ll drown
inside that rose.
The day we see you fall—
not far off,
tomorrow or the next—
yes, you—
you’ll smell of ash.
You’ll be condemned
inside a woman’s curse.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Where Rain Learns Two Accents

In Singapore, rain speaks first:
percussion on zinc roofs,
the air rinsed of heat,
frangipani loosening noon.

In Sydney, rain hesitates:
a thought stalled in the sky,
then falls on bitumen,
on eucalyptus breathing itself awake.

I learned Malay from my grandmother’s mouth:
how air could mean water and breath,
how jalan was road and way forward.
The words tasted of turmeric and steam,
of rice listening for fullness.

English came later:
flat vowels, edged consonants,
a language fond of distance:
footpath, backyard, forecast.

Here, rain is measured,
discussed, postponed.

Between Orchard Road and Parramatta Road
my tongue learned to turn,
to answer one place with another.
I say home and hear two doors open:
one to tiled floors cooling bare feet,
one to verandas holding dusk.

The cities speak through me now.
I translate without knowing
which voice began the sentence.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Remains

Miki Matsubara burned
all of her records and music sheets
upon learning she had cancer.
It’s so difficult to imagine
how, without hesitation,
she decided to disappear
even before the fire touched her.

Nothing much can be read
about her final days.
Did she undergo chemotherapy
and feel the heat
that seemingly set her ablaze within?
Did her longing to sing come back
like glowing charcoal?

Amid the speculations, her songs
will continue to be played.
In “Stay With Me,” she clings
to the echoes of what was.
Her voice stays with me.
It’s so easy to close my eyes
while listening to her.
When I open my eyes, it’s so easy to see
the raging bonfire.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

The Swan, No. 19 (Hilma af Klint)

The swan has turned into a shell, the kind of shell on a colorful rug in a preschool. My first memory was of a large room, small mats to take a nap on. And the neighbor who drove me in a pickup truck, the windshield cracked more each day, as if longing for ascension. No colors. No small shells on rugs. We will have a last memory, but only we will know it. Maybe the sky is a repository of final memories. Which is why some of us feel nauseous when flying in an airplane. All the final memories compressed and coming at us at 500 miles per hour. How after decades of mothering, I only remember the dark room where I picked up one child, after her nap. The way the iguana tank lit up the room like a God. How the underside of the iguana was pale, hung over the children’s dreams. How the teacher would let the iguana wander around the room, in the dark, and no one would know. The way the iguana would climb over the children’s backs while they slept. And their dreams multiplied with scales and flies. How I wish this could be my last memory. How I tiptoed, trying not to wake the children all over the floor. Their breathing, the sound of hope hemming itself while eating itself.
Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Petrichor in the Afternoon

my rescue dog barks at the front door

one of us opens it

on the other side a tall young man in efficient trousers

and a crisp polo shirt emblazoned by lightning bolt logo

his stormed umber eyes belong to Oceania



without my asking

he slides out of his crocs as he would at home

tucks a ladder into his side

and swerves across the entry like an expert footballer

he splits the legs and steps up two rungs

letting his height do the reaching

smoke alarm screeches out in beeps



until new battery installed to return the silence

I take advantage of the moment and ask a favour

hoping his height might open the kitchen window

swollen closed by torrential rain

one of his arms lifts it with ease

he leaves saying have a good day aunty

the scent of soil and steaming cement remain

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

The End

One autumn
I walked the perimeter
of a grand stone house.

Who lived there
I did not know.
I am the kind of woman

soothed by emptiness,
confusing it for solitude.
When I lived in my mother’s house

I sought a silent corner,
windows that trapped the moon.
That I did not find it

is the primal wound
I know as my self.
I am waiting

to be an old woman
in a house you left
two days ago.

I have always loved
a good story
told in a voice

of granite authority.
I am listening,
finally. Hollow-hearted,

awake with the coyotes.
The desperate
swaying of the trees

makes a coven of shadows.
Who lives in this house?
asks a stranger

walking the night.
Not you, now. Myself
I cannot explain.

I am going to die alone.
I am going to die of love.
I was wrong to want this.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

counterpoint

through the veil
of hot taut skin

tectonic shifts to
mountain range

quickened heart
bunched fist flailing limb

carved river line
gully bed grass plain

the earthly unfathomable
within two bodies contained

stories held in stone
passed on the breeze

beating heart
fluttered lid

a fragile web
hung with dew

magnificent mystery
held only a moment

light dancing in
the shimmying grass

this tiny life
this infinite promise

vast time
ancient melody

a dawn
a dusk too

a dusk
a dawn too
Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Abridged dictionary for a tsunami warning

After Cynthia Miller

TIDE






INLET








BIRTHING POOL
The emergency alert on my phone reads: expect strong, unpredictable surges. No call to evacuate but we eye the sea all day until it’s too dark to see anything at all. We wake unsettled at 4 a.m., listening out for something, but the tide speaks the same language as before, coming closer then receding.

Mum glimpsed a black dorsal fin near the rockpools. She texted in the family chat. I was looking for them constantly, the shadowy parts of the white-capped waves, black swans ducking underwater at the rivermouth, logs floating after a storm. But you won’t see them if you’re always looking for them. Mum said she thought it looked unusually high. Was it true or were we just looking for evidence?

You’re scared of it for so long but then it’s just a moment and it’s over, my friend said, rain falling in waves outside her window. My uncertainty filled the room but it wasn’t heavy, it was soft, she held its weight gently. She’d wanted a pool but when the time came they were all taken, they were short of midwives and she hadn’t slept in days by the time they told her to push. But don’t focus on the bad stories, my friend said. I refocused on the room, the pearly sky, the macrocarpa trees, the harbour beyond where last week a pair of humpback whales were seen. An expert on the radio said 100 years ago they were seen in the harbour all the time, entire pods of them, until whaling wiped them out. They were only just starting to recover from that, just now beginning to return.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Lifting The Veil

and evoking the rhythm of gondwana I will slip slowly away
the motion of departure unseen for centuries, as I shall be
my name unknown to my future kin. be humble in your time here
words from aged women who live in the wind, whipping around
my hair evolving in the twisting of an aerial dance, braiding veil on my face
I make an oath to bathe my hair only in fresh river water till I die

the trial for the river is illness, reduced by the theft of its sacred source
a breaking of a treaty made with an almighty creator of many names
and like many I have sat on the pews singing songs in a airless church
windows stuck shut with mosaic light blocking my view of the sky
oh gondwana it is painful and beautiful, this slow evolution of self
my hair cut by the ideals of others, now matted and trodden in mud

warriors use clay to walk among and walk within and so shall I
be a warrior, evolving in the holy salutations shared with every dawn
celebrating the currency of time with the freshness of the sun
my hair regrowing like daylight, matted and wild not by regret
I stand on the ship of my evolvement and I have forgotten my name
thrown away on the winds that whirling lead back to the freshest stream

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

How will you live now? (ii)

after Bhanu Kapil’s The Vertical Interrogation of Strangers

On a river trail
alongside a tributary far from its source,

I realise that still

I don’t know
the nomenclature.

Trees awash in uncertainty.

There is an ongoing rain within me,
relentless

symbol of grief

now common enough
that I haven’t felt triggered

in days. I convince myself this is a glistening,

a few hours of triumph
over my body

as my hiking boots shape the mud
into versions

of myself that I can never know
again. I only know

the way the ///// tree disguises itself

in colonial replacement

and feel shame in this kind of knowledge.

A partial reminder of
the inheritance

I didn’t bother to value.

Wind and other methods of erosion.

I try to embed love here
at the slip.

If I am honest, I know
I am too late before I even begin.

While on the public footpath,
trees are punctuated

by moss and lichen, brittle growths indicating
a lack

of vigour.

Out here, weather is my only forest
guide—

turn left. No, pause.

Last night’s rain filled
the floodplain and the water is too deep.

I turn toward small flowers and
disappearing green life.

Water reflects my earliest dreams.

The space between oxbow and levee
is only ever as wide

as the gaze placed upon it.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Em Hammer Dash—

– For Michelle Hamadache

Slim your willow arms, Michelle—
slide inside the ocean blue. Collar-
oy! Make your decisions on the page
so readers and writers

see the world that swims inside of you:
a little synecdoche—
a little grass on the wind,
a slender rustle and twitch

a stitch in time, none of this
is wasted on you(th). A part of you
stands in for all of me and everyone
you teach. Your hands craft

fine-boned sentences. Frengarlish
will overcome so many mother tongues—
an Algerian aubergine, a French heart,
an artichoke from Greenacre. A complicated recipe

is no impediment to (forbidden) love,
though nothing you cross out is ever misspelt,
left untidy or out of line.
You follow your father’s wave—

[elliptical] across missing metonymies of time—
fly your beloved across open skies:
waving, hello, hello, and many goodbyes.
Shelly, your cove awaits—so come with me

on this oceanic walk where anemone
shells await a hillside alive with
Sydney Harbour dragonflies. Black swans
in sequin shimmer, poised on the pointe of parataxis.

You bring so many writers
onto the page—many who were never heard
now juxtaposed in printed truths.
We value your simple language.

Anaphora calls, she calls, she calls
and-and-and-waves fall upon
such recursive shores (repeat). And if an em
should hammer an en, it’s only because

the fit is wrong—not quite size ten,
a little quizzical, imperial, your world
is not quite metric, yet. A storm fragments
as you cross the bridge: you hold together

explanations and never swim too far from your beloved D—
Why… slim your willow arms as you slide
into the colour blue—how many writers’ lives
now swim a colour of you.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Oh

It wasn’t a hen’s night by anyone else’s standards
but we gave it a red hot shot. Pub grub and cocktails.
Three sisters heeding the call to unravel.
It’s what people did. But we weren’t just people.

Our love was lethal. Were we dressed to kill?

We ordered a Japanese Slipper, maybe a Margarita
and another on a dare just to speak its name
out loud to a man who wasn’t ours.

I’m not sure what we ate. Did we eat?

Each of us married or as good as
(though none stayed the distance —
the indefinite repetition tolled and tolled)
and as we left, that bikie curbside
not revving just watching, spare helmet in hand
as we dawdled by. As we walked on water.

Maybe we spoke. Was there a question?

Later in the vortex of tending (heads and hearts)
only one of us admitted temptation
but didn’t we all feel it just a little?
The spirit moving in us, so much like the real thing.
We called it this way and that but it was what it was
— that fleeting oh to rise and shed our replica skins.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Alive

after Jacobus Capone’s Dark Learning

How did he end up here? Would he want us
near to him — sharp ragged jaw and sculpted
ribs? Where else does he want to be? High with
solitude, black against a vacant sky,
I watch him hold a fire in his fist.
It fades — he shifts his eyes away from mine,
peers into a pool that must be ice; he
looks alive to me. But there, behind the
hard façade, the anguish of a dying
man demands our frigid minds to thaw — then
let the water settle. Still he stands. A
quiet beacon, smaller than the world, carves
a path over the mountain down toward
him where he prays, where I can’t see his face.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

To be outside

A yellow light.
Surgical silence.

Turns of the alley—
like cuts made in an operating room.

A dog curls his body
to make his own pillow
on the stretcher of the alley.

The doctor has no face
to blame.
Only cold hands
to feel.

To be outside
is to already be inside
the operating room.

waiting for wounds to be stitched shut.
waiting for the light to go off.
waiting for a real sleep—
where I’m not something to be fixed.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Night Prayer, the Walled City

No curfew tonight, but streets empty by sundown.
Everyone wanting to be home.
Inside the church — vespers.

A worker — borrowed from another age — with a trolley and pole
circles the square, lighting lamps.
A small bell rings. The church-goers enter the pews.

Choir rustles in. Night prayer,
sung and spoken, candles lighting
wooden rafters. Looking up,

we’re inside the hull of a sailing ship.
Is this how others see it?
From this stone-walled city

prayer transports us halfway along the quietest coastline.
The boat sails smoothly, then founders, beached in desert sand,
just when we had forgotten recent events.

Why are the choristers walking among us?
They hobble, leaning together, eyes closed.
Will the man with the pole come back?

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

my body is a public space

my body is a public space come in through the spinning turnstile punch in your token validate your ticket to a public square this public road takes you somewhere so you can modify whatever you want that’s the deal when your name is a public space you can alter the look the feel go on take me I’m yours I’m anyone’s really, activate your services so my owners get their cut no t&cs applied do as you please level up your demolition site unpack your pavers in the public place of my limbs then legally remove them deliver them claim them since my body is a communal space some place to hang out hang 10 hang your hipster tricks your narco trips your washing your socks your jocks hang it on me baby, open access, grab your family pass no limits no returns irredeemably yours since 1972 my body has been a public face upholding your decision on naming rights pull up a rug sit down on my grass roll out your towel all over my sand take my hand leave me where you want a stand in for your heritable aspirations my body is the perfect space to walk your poodle draw your doodle pin a tail on the donkey of your desire for social standing unimpeded unrestricted I’m your public domain no profit-a-prendre required my body is a space for your xmas tree your birthday glee a space for lunch or brunch your fruitful punch line no rights denied or asserted I’m your outdoor meeting room a pass off from someone else’s womb my life is a public space for the unrestricted provision of hugs tugs kisses cuddles I’m you’re modified improvement to the flaws in your genetic team your general scheme to whatever your behaviour usually means my urban redevelopment is yours too because my body is a specialised space no debate I’m your delegate your self-determination is my free enterprise agreement take two double the stakes make a centrepiece for your community integration my public space affects a lifelong benefit no need to demark my monument to your personal sacrifice you are the sole recipient of this private development opportunity from first conception to my inception my future always was a public space my arrival in the material form a convenient gate for you to latch or unlatch and yours to police or fleece your operational command obeyed my facility at your disposal my body is a public space
Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Two Places

for those who cannot return

In Sydney
the trains run on time,
coffee stays hot,
and my phone fills with emails about visas.

In Myanmar
someone’s house is burning.

I spend my days
translating fear into legal language,
writing sentences that say

he will be arrested,
she cannot return,
the risk is real.

The law asks for evidence.
Myanmar is full of it.

Mass graves.
Airstrikes.
Students who disappeared.

Sometimes it feels strange
living this quiet life
while my people learn
the sound of drones in the sky.

But distance
does not mean safety.

Every message from home
arrives like a small explosion.

Ko Ko, they took him.
Ko Ko, the village is gone.

And still
the world moves normally.

In the morning
I button my shirt,
open my laptop,
and try again

to build a bridge of words
between the country I live in
and the country
that refuses to let me go.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

(After Winston Liao)


i text my dad when it snows more than an inch in my hometown,
and when there’s a flash flood, and when the weather app
claims from a distance that it’ll be more than 90°.
he then reminds me that he has a snowblower,
and that he raised me on a hill, and that house
has always had air conditioning, although he rarely uses it.

i text my dad when my grandmother says the flu is going around,
and when there’s food recalls that might affect him,
or when there is a shooting in his neighborhood
and they don’t find the killer for days.

and he does not answer, not always
not engaging in all my welfare checks, unwilling to allow me
to treat him like a child, he who spent two weeks without groceries
because he couldn’t find the time, he who spills food on himself
so often he was gifted a tide stick by the woman who broke
up with him two hours later. he who is so afraid of being alone
that he starts dating before my mother’s grave
was dedicated with a plaque, with space for him.

i text my dad when i wish i could text my mother
instead. i text my dad to not be so unmoored.
he doesn’t always answer. he wonders why
i’m so nervous all the time.

Posted in 120: DIALOGUE | Tagged