He noticed me in the line up and winked, smiling.
Then he moved on to greet the rest of the men.
But when we returned to our fires, his equerry came, panting:“Come son, he wants to meet you, come now.”
I’m a farm boy and I know what’s what but I was shocked
by this directness. The man didn’t seem to care about everyone
watching us, even though my compatriots laughed and jeered:“Keep your back to the wall boy, don’t let him get behind you.”
The equerry dismissed them with a contemptuous hand, pulling
at my sleeve with the other. I burned red, but I went with him anyway
and walked through the huge throng of men, lazing in the purple evening,
swilling new wine given to them as reward for a long campaign.Finally, we reached the main tent, as big as a Roman villa and ringed
by braziers, guards’ faces bronzed and shining in the heat of a score
of torches. He was inside, tended by slaves. I found him reclining
on a divan, chewing at a leg of rabbit:“What’s this?” he said as we entered. “Ah yes, my fair boy. Come sit with me, eat.”
I took the couch next to his and was given wine and food, but I watched him
even as I ate. His face was tanned from the march, his eyes keen, in wrinkled
pockets of dry skin, like agates in dust. And he watched me too, curious
and enjoying the novelty.For me, used to hard bread and barley porridge, the scent
of rabbit and olives and good wine was almost too much,
I forgot myself and my nervousness and ate greedily,
rich juices streaking my hands and my face.After a while, filled with wine and food – then carefully
washed by his slaves – I went to work on him, sweating.He wanted soldier’s cock, so he had mine. It was awkward
and shuffling at first and he was not interested in returning
pleasure, all he wanted was to be turned over and fucked
but we managed it. And after I did him, like a sheep,
he seemed satisfied enough.Later, I went back to my platoon and to my pallet and slept,
but restlessly, my head was still dizzy with wine, my hands
remembering the dry and sinewy touch of him.During that long march home, he called me back
many times and I became used to the equerry’s near-nightly
nudging to leave my comrades for my commander’s bed.
(And, you should know, in exchange for these services,
I was given money and promised more).One night my friend Lepidus, a handsome young legionnaire
from Osteia, about my own age, was invited to join us,
so we both fucked him, slaves watching while we took turns,
the stars and moon wheeling above in the night as if in a great, black cave.But now, home again on my mother’s farm, I wonder what the point
of it all was. I fetch water for pigs, chop wood for her poor fire and yoke
the bull to the plough and it’s as hard as ever and thankless.He’s dead, murdered they say, by his friends in the senate,
my hopes with him. The stupid fuck, who couldn’t see
what would happen if he called himself Caesar?
- 115: SPACE
with A Sometimes
114: NO THEME 13
with J Toledo & C Tse
113: INVISIBLE WALLS
with A Walker & D Disney
112: TREAT
with T Dearborn
111: BABY
with S Deo & L Ferney
110: POP!
with Z Frost & B Jessen
109: NO THEME 12
with C Maling & N Rhook
108: DEDICATION
with L Patterson & L Garcia-Dolnik
107: LIMINAL
with B Li
106: OPEN
with C Lowe & J Langdon
105: NO THEME 11
with E Grills & E Stewart
104: KIN
with E Shiosaki
103: AMBLE
with E Gomez and S Gory
102: GAME
with R Green and J Maxwell
101: NO THEME 10
with J Kinsella and J Leanne
100: BROWNFACE
with W S Dunn
99: SINGAPORE
with J Ip and A Pang
97 & 98: PROPAGANDA
with M Breeze and S Groth
96: NO THEME IX
with M Gill and J Thayil
95: EARTH
with M Takolander
94: BAYT
with Z Hashem Beck
93: PEACH
with L Van, G Mouratidis, L Toong
92: NO THEME VIII
with C Gaskin
91: MONSTER
with N Curnow
90: AFRICAN DIASPORA
with S Umar
89: DOMESTIC
with N Harkin
88: TRANSQUEER
with S Barnes and Q Eades
87: DIFFICULT
with O Schwartz & H Isemonger
86: NO THEME VII
with L Gorton
85: PHILIPPINES
with Mookie L and S Lua
84: SUBURBIA
with L Brown and N O'Reilly
83: MATHEMATICS
with F Hile
82: LAND
with J Stuart and J Gibian
81: NEW CARIBBEAN
with V Lucien
80: NO THEME VI
with J Beveridge
57.1: EKPHRASTIC
with C Atherton and P Hetherington
57: CONFESSION
with K Glastonbury
56: EXPLODE
with D Disney
55.1: DALIT / INDIGENOUS
with M Chakraborty and K MacCarter
55: FUTURE MACHINES
with Bella Li
54: NO THEME V
with F Wright and O Sakr
53.0: THE END
with P Brown
52.0: TOIL
with C Jenkins
51.1: UMAMI
with L Davies and Lifted Brow
51.0: TRANSTASMAN
with B Cassidy
50.0: NO THEME IV
with J Tranter
49.1: A BRITISH / IRISH
with M Hall and S Seita
49.0: OBSOLETE
with T Ryan
48.1: CANADA
with K MacCarter and S Rhodes
48.0: CONSTRAINT
with C Wakeling
47.0: COLLABORATION
with L Armand and H Lambert
46.1: MELBOURNE
with M Farrell
46.0: NO THEME III
with F Plunkett
45.0: SILENCE
with J Owen
44.0: GONDWANALAND
with D Motion
43.1: PUMPKIN
with K MacCarter
43.0: MASQUE
with A Vickery
42.0: NO THEME II
with G Ryan
41.1: RATBAGGERY
with D Hose
41.0: TRANSPACIFIC
with J Rowe and M Nardone
40.1: INDONESIA
with K MacCarter
40.0: INTERLOCUTOR
with L Hart
39.1: GIBBERBIRD
with S Gory
39.0: JACKPOT!
with S Wagan Watson
38.0: SYDNEY
with A Lorange
37.1: NEBRASKA
with S Whalen
37.0: NO THEME!
with A Wearne
36.0: ELECTRONICA
with J Jones