By | 1 September 2023

Always having to look like a pop star is exhausting
Here, people shake our hands in the street
Vulnerable boys are drawn in
But I hate my ageing body
Why do I look at myself with disgust?
How do you grow up in an anti-ageing world?
Before Survivor, I trained like an elite athlete
Nothing prepared me for what happened next
I saw the trees from Bluey everywhere

I’ve had a hard time between shows
For my new role I ate fried chicken, french fries, donuts
Fame gives you the worst main character syndrome

I pledged I’d go to mass for 30 days to understand what I was feeling
I’m a really emotional person
Ten minutes in and we were both crying
Then I found my dream job, thanks to a nasty fall into wild garlic
I didn’t need persuading
This is my chance!
I was a Harrods store detective for a day
Behind the scenes at a drag competition –
Eighty-nine perfect minutes

An eye infection brings domestic life into sharp focus
My son is refusing to eat his dinner, he litters indoors
I own multiple vacuum cleaners
But do I need a $3300 self-driving stroller to be a good parent?
You can’t blame the young for being moody
My next steps are critical
This pasta has some really big energy

Now the chatGPT bot is causing panic
So I took my dog to obedience school
But it was me who got trained –
Befriending a wild animal will make you a better human
Don’t just do poodles, sitting ducks, lesser-spotted balloon animals
We should all try to be this sexy cockatoo
Turning into a wolf was fantastic

The above cento employs, sometimes with minor alterations, headlines and subheadings
Guardian Australia, www.theguardian.com/au

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