Victoria’s first settlers were whalers as well
as prostitutes. They were hale, they drank
ale. They were whalewrights, sexwrights –
they were Whites. They ate a lot of pasta
too – well before the Italians put in an appearance.
They didn’t call it pasta, they called it boiled
hay. The famous hay-twirlers of that time
have unforch been forgotten, their names deimagined.
By the way, citizens, to give them the retrospective
respect they so often misreceived in their
day, were often waylaid by hayrides heading
to sexpots to prosecute a beached whale for
trespassing. There were lists of such carryons
and possibilities: if you could read and they
could write. The punning laws were the most
like a minefield, to keep in mind. Requirements
and avoidances, speeches and acts: regarding
choir mints, or boy dances, peaches under
the axe. Our most senior writers were born
out of this malaise. You might substitute
scenic and or mayonnaise at this point – but
don’t hurt yourself – and don’t fall – history
isn’t worth it. We had a septic tank once,
but who has them or wants to hear about
them now, when society is so shit-free? How
they produced any progeny escapes me like
a three-footed convict, that is, awkwardly,
that is, confusingly, with so much seafaring
and the unreliability of work. The big stations
where the trains never came. Where they
were forced to invite the black milkman and
the black mailman in in order to enjoy company.
The settlers used to receive a lot of Aboriginal
people back then when wages were more
conceptual (as they’re becoming again). There’s
something about this narrative that doesn’t
make sense! It’s like the old days when the
fruit from the sheep got mixed in with the
sultanas: I think I’ve been talking about New
South Wales half the time – and that’s the
most actionable law in the book.
- FREE: 20 Poets anthology
- 91: NO THEME VIIISUBMIT to C Gaskin 90: MONSTERwith N Curnow, coming soon! 89: DOMESTICwith N Harkin 88: TRANSQUEERwith S Barnes and Q Eades 87: DIFFICULTwith O Schwartz & H Isemonger 86: NO THEME VIIwith L Gorton 85: PHILIPPINESwith Mookie L and S Lua 84: SUBURBIAwith L Brown and N O'Reilly 83: MATHEMATICSwith Fiona Hile 82: LANDwith J Stuart and J Gibian 81: NEW CARIBBEANwith Vladimir Lucien 80: NO THEME VIwith Judith Beveridge 57.1: EKPHRASTICwith C Atherton and P Hetherington 57: CONFESSIONwith Keri Glastonbury 56: EXPLODE with Dan Disney 55.1: DALIT / INDIGENOUSwith M Chakraborty and K MacCarter 55: FUTURE MACHINES with Bella Li 54: NO THEME V with F Wright and O Sakr 53.0: THE END with Pam Brown 52.0: TOIL with Carol Jenkins 51.1: UMAMI with Luke Davies and Lifted Brow 51.0: TRANSTASMAN with Bonny Cassidy 50.0: NO THEME IV with John Tranter 49.1: A BRITISH / IRISH with M Hall and S Seita 49.0: OBSOLETE with Tracy Ryan 48.1: CANADA with K MacCarter and S Rhodes 48.0: CONSTRAINT with Corey Wakeling 47.0: COLLABORATION with L Armand and H Lambert 46.1: MELBOURNE with Michael Farrell 46.0: NO THEME III with Felicity Plunkett 45.0: SILENCE with Jan Owen 44.0: GONDWANALAND with Derek Motion 43.1: PUMPKIN with Kent MacCarter 43.0: MASQUE with Ann Vickery 42.0: NO THEME II with Gig Ryan 41.1: RATBAGGERY with Duncan Hose 41.0: TRANSPACIFIC with J Rowe and M Nardone 40.1: INDONESIA with Kent MacCarter 40.0: INTERLOCUTOR with Libby Hart 39.1: GIBBERBIRD with Sarah Gory 39.0: JACKPOT! with Sam Wagan Watson 38.0: SYDNEY with Astrid Lorange 37.1: NEBRASKA with Sean Whalen 37.0: NO THEME! with Alan Wearne 36.0: ELECTRONICA with Jill Jones
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