This suburb is getting crowded.

Trying to Pokémon Go with a Baudelaire avatar

and running into the usual night terrors.

Replaced footpaths, replaced neighbours,

discovering how to accessorise with greys.

Can we have a plebiscite vote

over the return of moon boots, fingerless gloves,

an end to food insecurity? My android

doesn’t recognise you or register

the small red monster hiding behind you.

Areas with leaves that fly up, not down,

are more likely to spawn the wild;

my water-type is nowhere near your grass-type.

Maybe it’s just a lack of chemistry.

I try to entice you to stay

but razz berries or a second life beret

just don’t seem to cut it anymore.

No lure module here but the pink petals

refresh. Tap, power up,

ignite your Great Ball. It’s all about the spin.

How to evolve from Shelley to Biebs,

aim for that 100-point Experience point,

sublimity’s swipe, the continual longing

to spend stardust, just to reach

those higher all-round stats.