1.
z called me this morning
he came here a few months ago, then he disappeared

i sort of knew what he would call me about

it would be about invasion

invading australia

an idea he got from reading my book

although i told him to ring me back one hour later

as i had not even brushed my teeth or washed my face
2.

sure enough, he said he would design a website

called “yellow peril”

he would then invite people from all over the world

“you mean the chinese-speaking world?”

i queried and commented that it wouldn't do

as to maintain it from month to month would cost too much

and then to set up something just for the chinese was simply not

worth

it
3.

“what then do you think you could do?” z said

i said, i've got an idea and it was this:

invite everyone including your state premier

to your opening at an empty gallery

fill it to overflowing and just when they start wondering

why there's nothing happening

get your troop of chinese soldiers wearing pls uniforms

carrying their rifles with ice-shining bayonets

marching into the open gallery and announcing the arrest

of all the important vips and meanwhile announcing on the radio

you had brought in and placed in a corner

that australia had been taken over by new china

exactly the same way as described in a novel written by an australian

and published in the 1980s

“brilliant idea” z said, “but i do not have the heart to do such

things

to such an innocent people!”
4.

“so far,” z said. “all they do is to be looked at, gazed at

“to have their wounds exposed and examined”

“right”, i said. “from now on, with my idea of invasion of australia

we'll look at them and trample over them, all over them”

i then said to him that he could get the people held in detention

centres

as extras to appear in his show

my ideas rushing in and i started talking about this being

gazed-at-ness

saying: right! it's like mai tongku: selling your misery

to please them because they, you know, are crazy about being beaten

up

they pay for you to piss on them shit on them and spit on them

and get a hell lot of pleasure out of it

in the end they are the masters and you are the slaves

see what i mean?
5.

the best thing, i said, is hold the exhibition in the parliament

house

in canberra and set shop selling all the memorabilia

commemorating chinese soldiers who have sacrificed their lives

in building new china and erasing the name of australia from the face

of

the earth

and everyone having a good laugh out of it all
6.

the only thing to mind is, i said, the future success of such an

adventure

if you go it alone, i wouldn't participate but if we do it together

we'd have to have an equal share of proceeds from the sales

the admissions and the prize-money

etc, chouhua shuozai qiantou, as Chinese saying goes

“say the ugly words right at the beginning” z repeated it

and, for my readership, i make it more australian below:

set the terms right at the start to avoid any future

misunderstandings

or unequal share of the booty
7.

i have one more idea about this invasion show:

issue 10000 visitor's visas to as many beautiful girls from china

get them to come to australia and visited by australian males

don't be offended

it's just a show

“what about the grant?” z said

“what about it?” i said

“australians always support good ideas that they like

you probably will get it but i'm not sure”
8.

just at this junction an email drifted in from china:

“australia is an old man's country; i can't live there

thank you for all your kindness while i was there

but i've decided i prefer the noise and dirt here”