The Guru, Mister Whatsup, Oblomov, The Sleeping Beaut,

and Madame Lash and the Vampire Bat
are ensconced in the Common Room

when Mrs Ick Deen harrumphs in with the Pickled Dill
and the Human Egg for the Weekly Discipline get-together

that will gouge out ninety minutes of each life-
form locked in here with the Banshee Queen,

but no one’s counting anything but the slabs 
of cake that the Sleeping Beaut can put away

before lunch. The business is the Excellence 
in Teaching gong: who’ll get the colour-photocopied

sheet with the space (add name) and the Old Firm’s logo. 
But each one here is convinced no other has what

the German language in its wisdom calls the Gift.