The Sherriff Buys Hawai’i

1 September 2013

O’Hara in pyjamas
Stevens in Fedora
Mel Gibson drunk.
One smart feriner shoots up the Common Room.

But only a dream
of all the heroes I wanna be.

Officially I am Alien Resident.
I rustles up some buddies
tough white boy antics
to impress the hula hula girls.

Where are you Tonto
when I need you?

Should I head back across the border
never to return, should I just
go back to sleep?

Why am I not in luv wid dem?

So Eleanor my understudy
in English 201
can play me on stage.

Do I always wake up paranoid
or was the dream
an accurate nightmare
of my feelings?

It’s just possible that as I revel
in the green flash of a Waikiki sunset
I will be cut down
by a skateboarder in the Mall.

Sheriffs welcome, but not that welcome.
There are safe ways
and Safeways
a recorded thunder
before the moisturizer spray
revives a withered Californian cabbage.

I look for Local. I pass
after a few days in the sun.
Like Julia Roberts did.
She paid 15 bucks for Paradise
and didn’t stay that long.

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