What Animal Could You Beat in a Fight?

By | 1 August 2021

a Twitter Found Poem

I’m glad you asked.
It would have to be small. Maybe an insect. Not poisonous ones.
Would I be wearing body armour? Or some kind of stiffened leather?
Do I have the advantage of surprise or terrain?
Any animal which is low to the ground, if it is snowing,
or a kangaroo because they can’t go backwards.
Definitely a goat or a goose. Geese are not as tough as people think:
I’d slide under its wings and grab it by the neck.
I could probably take a bear if I had to, once the adrenalin kicked in,
15% survival chance. But not a Gorilla, Gorillas are a one punch K.O.
Yep. A whale or a shark. But only on dry land.
I won’t fight mythical creatures, though: griffins and armadillos and Big Foot.
You. You’re not an animal? Then myself. If someone cloned me.
In a fistfight, I couldn’t take a Puma, but I could beat a racoon.
I’m glad you asked.
I’m glad you asked.
Tactically, spiders and snakes are out, and I can’t fly, so not birds.
You can’t let a panda get in too close, it’s all about reach.
I’ve been thinking about this for some time.
It depends on the rules: I could beat most animals in chess.
Not vertebrates, even jellyfish, though. Jellyfish will swarm you.
I’m glad you asked.
Could I make an alliance with some of the animals against the rest?
Nothing smarter than a cat.
If I was a samurai, then easily killer bees.
Oh wait…no weapons? What about the animals? Do they have weapons
or are they declawed and defanged?
No point choosing wolves or big animals. They don’t exist anymore.
A cougar once you tire it out.
A human can kill anything.
We are the ultimate predators.
I reject the premise of the question.
I’m glad you asked.

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