Horoscope for My Queer Self, Two Years Ago

1 November 2018

Maddie, pay attention. So there’s this TV personality called Antoni who you don’t know yet. He is a bisexual man who doesn’t shrink under spotlights. He’s on a show called Queer Eye which will make you cry one day. No, not the older series. It’s new. I don’t have time to explain. Stay with me. Anyway, one day there will be this show with this man who looks like he could have grown up in an adjacent bedroom. Same shade of hair and same hungry eyes. And he even likes The National. They’re a band of sad white men. Yes, I know that sounds shit. Just go with it. Anyway, so there’s a popular television show that everyone you know has been watching. And there’s a man who looks a little like you. He’s one of six gay men who give people makeovers but more than that, they understand. What I am saying is, there’s going to be a Sunday afternoon where you’re curled around a microwave meal in your pyjamas, and you’ll be entirely alone but feel like the traffic understands you. One day you will find love that writes a new syllabus for your heartrate. You will hold hands with someone and squash expectations between your palms. You don’t realise this yet, but your love might not look the way that others have told you it will look. That’s okay. Remember you’re still allowed to take up space in rooms that do not make you feel welcome. You are not a plant waiting for someone to water you, you’re the ecosystem itself. And Maddie, one more thing. You don’t need to apologise for the time it takes to grow into yourself, this pace is perfect for you.

 


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