This Pigeon is a Big Man

1 February 2018

My therapist wants to know if i was breastfed
I have a short attention span and get bored easily

My Mum yells abuse at me as i’m leaving
for work One morning i move out and live

in Granville I cover my balcony with plastic grass
Two pigeons make their nest there green

& purple like oil on wet asphalt I have
a short attention span She lays two eggs

behind the milk crates I hold them in my palm like
coins I put them back South Street on Sundays

is a tunnel of chicken smoke Road rules are optional
Cars smash like eggshells His red eyes are goji berries

He puffs himself up with popcorn & cigarettes
When i stand up too fast he vanishes in a puff

of smoke They gather twigs & shit everywhere
they stay Because it is a Safe Place i live in

Granville and my barber is probably a drug front
So is that juice place no one ever goes to

At night the stray cats snarl & rip at each other
Making love sounds a lot like a catfight

I have a short attention span but some things
i remember all the time like I’m two years old

on the kitchen counter at my parents’ house
and my Mum says You know your Daddy & i

love you very much I’m twenty-three now and
there’s so much i don’t know I try to say Love

and say Loud instead try to say Mum say Mad
instead try to say Mum say Mouth instead and it

swallows me whole Family comes out Felony
Safe comes out Scathe Dad comes out Dead

This pigeon is a Big Man My Dad is more pigeon
than man Mum raises her voice and he vanishes

in a puff of smoke drives a white van around Sydney
gridlock like an egg stuffed between milk crates

She gathers coins for her empty nest I grow
old and walk around with fists full of twigs

& broken eggshells I slot my hands in
my pockets like coins I don’t know what to do

with them I have four parents Three of them
are pigeons Two are roosting on my balcony

One is a stray cat At night i lock my doors &
windows Some things i can block out but others

i remember all the time like My first word
was Car not Mum or Dad

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