Zips are better than buttons when going to the toilet,

but not when being undone by a member of the opposite sex.
Slow sex is better than quick sex,

except when quick sex is better.

Any sex is better than no sex when you’re 21.

By the time you’re 27,

you’re looking for a significant other.

At 32 you realise one or other of you

is not significant enough.

You sulk for five years in a not very good job.

Then you take your savings and open a cheese shop.

You hire an assistant and bond over

salt-washed Gloucester. When really, you realise,

you need a makeover.

Sex now is two hours of personal histories,

and 10 minutes in bed.

You’re learning tolerance.

Which you want extended to yourself.

This doesn’t quite happen.

He brings you breakfast in bed,

with a rose between his teeth.

Which you want to slap.

Though you don’t.