I like to pretend I’m a billionaire.

It takes the edge off being broke.

When I wake up in my shoebox room

which I share with a family of rats

(I hear them at night

playing Scrabble in the walls)

I say: I choose to live this way. I like rats.

When I go to work and the boss

tells me to move faster or I’m fired

I think: I could buy this shitty company

and sell it to China if I wanted.

Lah di dah dee, trah lah lah.

Sam Walton, founder of Wal-Mart,

drove a 1979 Ford pickup.

Henry Ford lived modestly in Michigan.

Look Ma! I’m Henry Ford

living modestly in Brooklyn!

I’m wiping my ass with invisible cash!

I’m the richest schmuck in America!

And no one knows it but me.