a brothel run out of an apartment (high-rise on Eglington
those places were asking to be busted, basically, the neighbours
don’t like it); I only worked there a few shifts, later
I saw it in the paper
but for some other crime thing
it had a fountain with no water, a Grecian sculpture
verdigris bowl and circular driveway
cracked, plants grown over. I want to saythe owner had rabbits. I want to
say that but it may not be true. The room floats
not so much hazy as a blown-out photograph
whisked in front of my face repeatedly as I try to glimpse
a cage on the floor
in front of the window/balcony? Hexagonal wire? A cloud of fur?
And an idea
that there was a baby or babies (human ones
that is), rather than an image of it/them, was thisthis apartment, or some other? Trying
to get to the truth
of images like this, it doesn’t
get you anywhere but the itch, once scratched, hard
to leave alone and you think (little addict you)
this time (maybe) you’ll get through…these images
I can no more control when they come as I could
the impulse to take that first drink
a hallway arrivesand a room on the right, a futon, a man
in a checkered jacket, oranges and browns
a gold necklace snaking in a nest of chest chair
acne scars along cheekbones like cordilleras, mustagiven him my number because later we’d meet at his donut store
and he’d drive us to his house in Scarborough
(his wife visited her mother on weekends)
pictures of the wife, mermaid-long hair and flawless
almond eyes, why would he cheat on her with me
I thought, and felt embarrassed about
that aspect? (Yeah I know); this manone of those who liked to tell me how much money he had
pull out hunks of silver and gold, shove watches under my nose
gesture at dining room table candelabras; affix
dollar amounts. His low-roofed house cluttered
as a tchotchke emporium
he never tipped me
and often counted out the last ten in loonies and toonies. Youare the best
he’d tell me…for sex
and with that pause there, every time, I thought maybe
meant to be half a sentence
e.g. You are the best, for sex, BUT
no good for x, y, z…?
But he never added anything so maybejust mantra/reassurance: that I was money well-allocated
the best product at the best price. I
smiled and laughed (of course). This may have been the extent
of our conversation. He liked
to sit with me in the donut store before we went to his house
wanted his employees to see me
he said, for them to know he had a mistress
(if they thought he was paying me that was fine too
I think, maybe better, not sure), well
they didn’t appear interested in anything their boss was doingone time I showed up in a leather jacket I’d found at
Kensington Market, totally funky, oversize with square pockets
motley like peeling paint
or desert topographies
he went straight to the car (an SUV, I want to say beige
a flash of beige coffee cup holders; is that real? was that
this SUV?) well
he motioned for me to get in. No mistress of minehe said, should wear rags like that. I felt red and hot
arrows and pinned to the seat, mumbling apologies
into my lap. I hated
to displease anyone, especially in person. I had fewerproblems with disappearing however, so later I stopped
answering his calls. The whole rigmarole
as I saw it, took a lot of time, and he only ever paid me for an hour
- 115: SPACE
with A Sometimes
114: NO THEME 13
with J Toledo & C Tse
113: INVISIBLE WALLS
with A Walker & D Disney
112: TREAT
with T Dearborn
111: BABY
with S Deo & L Ferney
110: POP!
with Z Frost & B Jessen
109: NO THEME 12
with C Maling & N Rhook
108: DEDICATION
with L Patterson & L Garcia-Dolnik
107: LIMINAL
with B Li
106: OPEN
with C Lowe & J Langdon
105: NO THEME 11
with E Grills & E Stewart
104: KIN
with E Shiosaki
103: AMBLE
with E Gomez and S Gory
102: GAME
with R Green and J Maxwell
101: NO THEME 10
with J Kinsella and J Leanne
100: BROWNFACE
with W S Dunn
99: SINGAPORE
with J Ip and A Pang
97 & 98: PROPAGANDA
with M Breeze and S Groth
96: NO THEME IX
with M Gill and J Thayil
95: EARTH
with M Takolander
94: BAYT
with Z Hashem Beck
93: PEACH
with L Van, G Mouratidis, L Toong
92: NO THEME VIII
with C Gaskin
91: MONSTER
with N Curnow
90: AFRICAN DIASPORA
with S Umar
89: DOMESTIC
with N Harkin
88: TRANSQUEER
with S Barnes and Q Eades
87: DIFFICULT
with O Schwartz & H Isemonger
86: NO THEME VII
with L Gorton
85: PHILIPPINES
with Mookie L and S Lua
84: SUBURBIA
with L Brown and N O'Reilly
83: MATHEMATICS
with F Hile
82: LAND
with J Stuart and J Gibian
81: NEW CARIBBEAN
with V Lucien
80: NO THEME VI
with J Beveridge
57.1: EKPHRASTIC
with C Atherton and P Hetherington
57: CONFESSION
with K Glastonbury
56: EXPLODE
with D Disney
55.1: DALIT / INDIGENOUS
with M Chakraborty and K MacCarter
55: FUTURE MACHINES
with Bella Li
54: NO THEME V
with F Wright and O Sakr
53.0: THE END
with P Brown
52.0: TOIL
with C Jenkins
51.1: UMAMI
with L Davies and Lifted Brow
51.0: TRANSTASMAN
with B Cassidy
50.0: NO THEME IV
with J Tranter
49.1: A BRITISH / IRISH
with M Hall and S Seita
49.0: OBSOLETE
with T Ryan
48.1: CANADA
with K MacCarter and S Rhodes
48.0: CONSTRAINT
with C Wakeling
47.0: COLLABORATION
with L Armand and H Lambert
46.1: MELBOURNE
with M Farrell
46.0: NO THEME III
with F Plunkett
45.0: SILENCE
with J Owen
44.0: GONDWANALAND
with D Motion
43.1: PUMPKIN
with K MacCarter
43.0: MASQUE
with A Vickery
42.0: NO THEME II
with G Ryan
41.1: RATBAGGERY
with D Hose
41.0: TRANSPACIFIC
with J Rowe and M Nardone
40.1: INDONESIA
with K MacCarter
40.0: INTERLOCUTOR
with L Hart
39.1: GIBBERBIRD
with S Gory
39.0: JACKPOT!
with S Wagan Watson
38.0: SYDNEY
with A Lorange
37.1: NEBRASKA
with S Whalen
37.0: NO THEME!
with A Wearne
36.0: ELECTRONICA
with J Jones