The Little Guys

By | 1 May 2020

After James Tate

A premium trolley had pulled up in aisle four and was accepting passengers for half price. Pierce Brosnan was pushing this one today and thousands were lined up in snaking lines that stretched out of the metropolis and into the shallows of the pastures. I was at the front of my line and a little nervous about being shrunk despite the reassurance of an overwhelming majority of medical experts. But I needn’t have worried. I sat down in the shrinking chair and then I was being lowered down onto a red carpet teeming with tiny, authentic paparazzi before I even felt like I was shrunk. I was encouraged to smash a camera that got too close and then I was ushered up a flashing ramp to my recliner seat. They had touch screens at the bottom of the cup holders. Through my Clear-As-Clear-Air Window® I could see the products of the supermarket enlarged to the size of modest skyscrapers. I would now have the luxury of ordering my shopping items while sitting in a velvet chair that could recline 160°, as soft as select rose petals of many select colours. And there was Pierce Brosnan from all angles live streamed, dwarfing even the wildest dreams of the ancient Egyptians, lightly forested hands resting idly on the trolley’s bar. The beginning of the journey went well. I bought some desert-poplar scented laundry detergent. I was feeling particularly adventurous and royal. Then an attendant sat down next to me. ‘They’re keeping us shrunk,’ she said. ‘Our contracts specified only periods of shrunkeness but they found some loophole.’ Her breath had a touch of low-grade donut batter. ‘We found out we all lived in the same town when they shrank it over a few days,’ she said. ‘Dog kennels, then step-parents, then the whole shebang. They’re ripping off us little guys. We’re going to revolt. We won’t just take the trolley, we’re going to take the whole damn country,’ she said. ‘Today we’re looking for little recruits. Today we’re going to shoot Pierce Brosnan in the eyes with hundreds of itsy-bitsy water pistols. We have big people on the big side with cameras. A sentimental scene will be orchestrated. When Pierce Brosnan is seen with a tiny river system running from his eyes people will not be able to help but think he is crying. Watch in your cup holders. You will see the power we are capable of wielding.’


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