On Instagram my friend announced she’s pregnant and has just bought a house. Meanwhile, I have to write an email apologising for posting a video of my university lecturer with a CGI pig …
I thought it was cute but she said she felt degraded when she saw the pig on her head …

This is too hard, I didn’t ask to be born … But maybe I did? I think maybe I did … I’ve been told that the soul is very aware how challenging and painful earth will be and they still choose to live as a human for a while in order to gain wisdom and experience …

The accounts guy at work said he paid for an operation for this girl’s dog, not because he felt sorry for the girl or the dog but because the dog was so ugly with disease and he couldn’t stand looking at it. He went over to the girl’s house to fuck her but he was too distracted by the dog’s eyes. It was so disgusting, I said to her what’s wrong with your dog’s eyes, the operation was $2000 and we only dated for a month after that, but it was worth it.

Cooking a big pot of corn on the cob at midnight. Dissociation, take the wheel. Ok i’m full from eating a lot of corn now … time for bed …

I can’t believe I was in a relationship with someone who made me go on the ghost train alone when we went to the fair. The doctor complimented my dress before she put her finger in my ass. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be sharing 5 lessons I’ve learned so far from getting hit by a car with everyone on my mailing list.