U process the fish / because it’s better if u do / the nasty work / processing / ur children / than someone else / u sent Hinenuitepō a voice message / before clocking in / u don’t know why / it just gives u some comfort / to reach out / to ur new / friend / u slice through the neck / whenever / others aren’t looking / u press ur nose to the scales / and breathe in some of the pain / of the poor beasts / the factory think they have clean catch / without u / they would know the truth / u feel whatever foulness go in / and stay in / u process the fish / because it’s better if u do
/////
Rather than walk / TePō wants to grab their car / the aging furnace of a thing / ol death on wheels / as they like to call it / parked in a 1h zone / u go with / cos of course / u do / when u get to th / gathering / where ur old love / sits at the end of the table / throne like / voice as sharp as the lightning / the droppings of ghosts / decorate the table / it was always all about them / there is a little shrugging / regret / pulsing at ur throat / u both take up the remaining seats / unfortunately not next / to each other / both seeking glances / while others initiate conversation / start things that have no end / Te Pō is in lace tonight / and u wonder if they / understand the stolen glances u take / u wonder / if the glances they steal from u / r stolen for the same / reasons
/////
U can feel / the waves out there spray into nothing / as u r sitting in the car / the Night is leaning on ur shoulder / it’s too cold / out there / where the others are eating KFC & smoking blunts / ur in here / warmed by ur friend / they’re just a friend / ur fingers are touching / and neither of u move them away / there is a stirring so uncomfortable / between ur legs / u stare at the spot on the windscreen / where the world smudges / neither of u move their fingers away
/////
U lie on ur mattress in ur shitty / squat / hand down ur pants / did u want to fuck them / tonight / it was / so nice to touch them / it was so good / u watch the mould on the ceiling metastasize/ while u bring urself closer and closer to that feeling / ur / so / close / now / and whatever shit uve been holding / in / coughs out all over ur face and neck / it’s black / it’s oil slick / fuck man / what the fuck man / u feel it foam and slug along ur cheeks / u twist ur body to the side / it feels like there is a whole forest of melted / down / crude / o’ing your mouth / and everywhere hurts / until it is done / and it is not done soon / the phrase not again / please / not again / rises to the surface with each heave
/////
It continues through / the night
/////
After moving some shit / u go to wendys after / though neither of u are in a talking mood / shit has felt awkward since the date / ur sick now / and u didn’t want to bring that sickness into their life / did u
/////
When u finally do say the words / u r quiet about it / the murmuration of tides so low no human can hear it / I think i’ve fallen in love with u / the car motor is humming / the sound of something stuck in the throat / a throat that is disappointingly clearable / like a chunk of food / like forests / they are tapping fingers on the dash / they pretend not to hear u / it’s for the best probably / if they don’t hear / then u can stay friends and nothing will change / nothing
/////
U r playing it cool / down by the pools / watching everything / u have ever loved / drift in and out of the world / every time u make a confession / like this u have to come back to the / tides / they remind u / that th whole world slips / back and forth / constantly / absently / u pick at the cuticles / and feel something of ur sickness / shadow / ur thoughts / it’s best not
/////
The conveyor churns / the parts of fish / the slip of scale / u could live in / each one of their vacant eyes / u could swim for miles in that pitted black / stretching out / ur not body / oh u have longed to be a not body / again / after so long / u can feel urself and all creatures / rushing and pausing / and tensing / and pulsing / a coworker finds u / choking on ur own vomit / spasming on the concrete the floor
/////
This shit / sucks / can’t even go / to work without / this / just ripping thru u / ur memory sucked shit but u could have sworn it wasn’t this bad last time / u ended up at the hospital for two nights / but they didn’t know what to do to help u / it was something they hadn’t seen before / and u / more or less recovered / had to give the space to someone else / u don’t know what is happening / u keep throwing up / this / shit / u don’t know what is happening / u thought this had been / left behind / at loss for what to do / u come to the river / many others have come here before / th taniwha have been hungry / for so long / ravenous / since th invasion / they will eat whoever / and that is a problem / u are here to talk to / the oldest waters / u sit by th river humming / a song u know they will remember / u hold a rock in ur hand / and see the path it has taken / a pang / u wait until the sun sinks and for them to rise / as predictable as ur own tides / u go to Wainuiātea / ur mother / ur creator / they smile when they see u / what is happening to me / Wainuiātea lifts their shirt / and turns to reveal their back and / a large dark growth / crouched on one side of their spine / like a misplaced geode / the skin around it red and whining / yellow smiles leaking from its edges / I have contained it in myself / but there isn’t much I can do / u feel this new reality sink into u / it’s how they treat us / so it shows up / on our bodies
///
Sometimes life / is a bit much / tuna caught in a net / writhing bodies / with no space between them / bodies lined up to be cut into / pieces u can glad wrap and sell / to whoever wishes to consume u / and can afford it / sometimes Death is the one u want / and cannot afford
/////
Rather than walk / TePō wants to grab their car / the aging furnace of a thing / ol death on wheels / as they like to call it / parked in a 1h zone / u go with / cos of course / u do / when u get to th / gathering / where ur old love / sits at the end of the table / throne like / voice as sharp as the lightning / the droppings of ghosts / decorate the table / it was always all about them / there is a little shrugging / regret / pulsing at ur throat / u both take up the remaining seats / unfortunately not next / to each other / both seeking glances / while others initiate conversation / start things that have no end / Te Pō is in lace tonight / and u wonder if they / understand the stolen glances u take / u wonder / if the glances they steal from u / r stolen for the same / reasons
/////
U can feel / the waves out there spray into nothing / as u r sitting in the car / the Night is leaning on ur shoulder / it’s too cold / out there / where the others are eating KFC & smoking blunts / ur in here / warmed by ur friend / they’re just a friend / ur fingers are touching / and neither of u move them away / there is a stirring so uncomfortable / between ur legs / u stare at the spot on the windscreen / where the world smudges / neither of u move their fingers away
/////
U lie on ur mattress in ur shitty / squat / hand down ur pants / did u want to fuck them / tonight / it was / so nice to touch them / it was so good / u watch the mould on the ceiling metastasize/ while u bring urself closer and closer to that feeling / ur / so / close / now / and whatever shit uve been holding / in / coughs out all over ur face and neck / it’s black / it’s oil slick / fuck man / what the fuck man / u feel it foam and slug along ur cheeks / u twist ur body to the side / it feels like there is a whole forest of melted / down / crude / o’ing your mouth / and everywhere hurts / until it is done / and it is not done soon / the phrase not again / please / not again / rises to the surface with each heave
/////
It continues through / the night
/////
After moving some shit / u go to wendys after / though neither of u are in a talking mood / shit has felt awkward since the date / ur sick now / and u didn’t want to bring that sickness into their life / did u
/////
When u finally do say the words / u r quiet about it / the murmuration of tides so low no human can hear it / I think i’ve fallen in love with u / the car motor is humming / the sound of something stuck in the throat / a throat that is disappointingly clearable / like a chunk of food / like forests / they are tapping fingers on the dash / they pretend not to hear u / it’s for the best probably / if they don’t hear / then u can stay friends and nothing will change / nothing
/////
U r playing it cool / down by the pools / watching everything / u have ever loved / drift in and out of the world / every time u make a confession / like this u have to come back to the / tides / they remind u / that th whole world slips / back and forth / constantly / absently / u pick at the cuticles / and feel something of ur sickness / shadow / ur thoughts / it’s best not
/////
The conveyor churns / the parts of fish / the slip of scale / u could live in / each one of their vacant eyes / u could swim for miles in that pitted black / stretching out / ur not body / oh u have longed to be a not body / again / after so long / u can feel urself and all creatures / rushing and pausing / and tensing / and pulsing / a coworker finds u / choking on ur own vomit / spasming on the concrete the floor
/////
This shit / sucks / can’t even go / to work without / this / just ripping thru u / ur memory sucked shit but u could have sworn it wasn’t this bad last time / u ended up at the hospital for two nights / but they didn’t know what to do to help u / it was something they hadn’t seen before / and u / more or less recovered / had to give the space to someone else / u don’t know what is happening / u keep throwing up / this / shit / u don’t know what is happening / u thought this had been / left behind / at loss for what to do / u come to the river / many others have come here before / th taniwha have been hungry / for so long / ravenous / since th invasion / they will eat whoever / and that is a problem / u are here to talk to / the oldest waters / u sit by th river humming / a song u know they will remember / u hold a rock in ur hand / and see the path it has taken / a pang / u wait until the sun sinks and for them to rise / as predictable as ur own tides / u go to Wainuiātea / ur mother / ur creator / they smile when they see u / what is happening to me / Wainuiātea lifts their shirt / and turns to reveal their back and / a large dark growth / crouched on one side of their spine / like a misplaced geode / the skin around it red and whining / yellow smiles leaking from its edges / I have contained it in myself / but there isn’t much I can do / u feel this new reality sink into u / it’s how they treat us / so it shows up / on our bodies
///
Sometimes life / is a bit much / tuna caught in a net / writhing bodies / with no space between them / bodies lined up to be cut into / pieces u can glad wrap and sell / to whoever wishes to consume u / and can afford it / sometimes Death is the one u want / and cannot afford
