in april, it’s everywhere, palm-fed.         little cheek kisses before parting,

dangling arms & laced fingers,         mouths open/wanting/painless

in the new sunlight.         backs on burnt concrete, sudden springtime

grazed against the window.         feigning campus indie movie

as you lay your morning-body across her,         breathing the taste

of her throat all afternoon.         an echo on your tongue in class,

something even mint can’t muffle.         it’s all about haphazardness,

splaying out in the fields,         pollen in your knotty hair & an itch

run up your skin,

                                    her itch.

                                                      red-gleam hives up your neck,

benadryl in your teeth,         falling asleep with your head in her grassy

lap. it’s all anyone talks about,         whispers rushing through these halls—

the squeak of a dorm bed,         hushed/giggling/unconcerned, the thawing.

                           not only the having, but

                                                           the wanting.

how i leave him on the crosswalk         with only the memory

of my clumsy rejection,         walking off in forged assurance/indifference/

disinterest in a palm pressed hot to mine.         how i pool in anesthesia

for the weekend.         all my latest loves are trapped in cinema,

glossy & impossible,         like her body swarming up the stairs

with hair surging loose around her shoulders—

                                                                    of course i long for this.

the slant of the camera across her torso,         how she pauses at the window,

blinks at the tumbling snow,         only polymer, only distance, cut & edited.

fuck if i never find it in me         to lie all day in someone else’s sweat,

old smells caught on my inhaled breaths,         erasing all prayers of pining.