portrait of the untouchable

By | 15 February 2023

in april, it’s everywhere, palm-fed. little cheek kisses before parting,
dangling arms & laced fingers, mouths open/wanting/painless
in the new sunlight. backs on burnt concrete, sudden springtime
grazed against the window. feigning campus indie movie
as you lay your morning-body across her, breathing the taste
of her throat all afternoon. an echo on your tongue in class,
something even mint can’t muffle. it’s all about haphazardness,
splaying out in the fields, pollen in your knotty hair & an itch
run up your skin,
her itch.
red-gleam hives up your neck,
benadryl in your teeth, falling asleep with your head in her grassy
lap. it’s all anyone talks about, whispers rushing through these halls—
the squeak of a dorm bed, hushed/giggling/unconcerned, the thawing.
not only the having, but
the wanting.
how i leave him on the crosswalk with only the memory
of my clumsy rejection, walking off in forged assurance/indifference/
disinterest in a palm pressed hot to mine. how i pool in anesthesia
for the weekend. all my latest loves are trapped in cinema,
glossy & impossible, like her body swarming up the stairs
with hair surging loose around her shoulders—
of course i long for this.
the slant of the camera across her torso, how she pauses at the window,
blinks at the tumbling snow, only polymer, only distance, cut & edited.
fuck if i never find it in me to lie all day in someone else’s sweat,
old smells caught on my inhaled breaths, erasing all prayers of pining.

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