My companion thinks she’s too good for me. Do me a favor, huh?
Put her down with some of your poetry. That’ll make her sorry.
— Petronius, Satyricon
Marcus Valerius Martialis,
your braggart swaggery
it’s savoir unfaire.
Martial, oh Martial,
maligning the mammary gland-gifted,
knee-slapping kicks in the teeth.
True to your Mars-esque moniker,
you wage war with gut-busting barbs.
bazookas to bazooms
Was Lesbia’s natis that humungous,
cheeks like Symplegades, really?
sodomizing her culus:
all hail the archaic wedgie!
You’re not pinguiarius, but Flaccus
— poor Flaccus —
doesn’t measure up, either, does she?
Hips dipped in cheese-grating
steel saw-like spine:
“Girl can’t be mine! Not with those shins,”
or that coccyx like a javelin.
Your cock requires exquisite palpation
no amateur choking your chicken
like virago Phyllis
with snagging acrylics
thumb-strum-throttling your membrum virile.
This inventory of misogyny
is hardly unabridged,
urtext extending far
longer than Martial’s mentula,
Flaccus and Phyllis
paying the vitriol caust.
Fella tore a strip off these ladies,
but who’s the real fellator here?
“My Lord and my God”
— Jesus what a slog —
flattering Domitian in the kitchen
sink filled with vomit as you
compare his locks to laurel tendrils
tormenting weasel calumniator
creep nogoodnik louse
swine slimeball SOB
cock-sucking fucking ratbag!
nineteen hundred years dead bully
I hope you get scurvy!
blue balls stone ache and corpse.
Forever cease your
epiglottal lip flapping
Martial, oh Martial,
you epigrammatist grump!
- 101: NO THEME 10COMING SOON with J Kinsella and J Leanne 100: BROWNFACECOMING SOON! with W S Dunn 99: SINGAPOREwith J Ip and A Pang 97 & 98: PROPAGANDAwith M Breeze and S Groth 96: NO THEME IXwith M Gill and J Thayil 95: EARTHwith M Takolander 94: BAYTwith Z Hashem Beck 93: PEACHwith L Van, G Mouratidis, L Toong 92: NO THEME VIIIwith C Gaskin 91: MONSTERwith N Curnow 90: AFRICAN DIASPORAwith S Umar 89: DOMESTICwith N Harkin 88: TRANSQUEERwith S Barnes and Q Eades 87: DIFFICULTwith O Schwartz & H Isemonger 86: NO THEME VIIwith L Gorton 85: PHILIPPINESwith Mookie L and S Lua 84: SUBURBIAwith L Brown and N O'Reilly 83: MATHEMATICSwith F Hile 82: LANDwith J Stuart and J Gibian 81: NEW CARIBBEANwith V Lucien 80: NO THEME VIwith J Beveridge 57.1: EKPHRASTICwith C Atherton and P Hetherington 57: CONFESSIONwith K Glastonbury 56: EXPLODE with D Disney 55.1: DALIT / INDIGENOUSwith M Chakraborty and K MacCarter 55: FUTURE MACHINES with Bella Li 54: NO THEME V with F Wright and O Sakr 53.0: THE END with P Brown 52.0: TOIL with C Jenkins 51.1: UMAMI with L Davies and Lifted Brow 51.0: TRANSTASMAN with B Cassidy 50.0: NO THEME IV with J Tranter 49.1: A BRITISH / IRISH with M Hall and S Seita 49.0: OBSOLETE with T Ryan 48.1: CANADA with K MacCarter and S Rhodes 48.0: CONSTRAINT with C Wakeling 47.0: COLLABORATION with L Armand and H Lambert 46.1: MELBOURNE with M Farrell 46.0: NO THEME III with F Plunkett 45.0: SILENCE with J Owen 44.0: GONDWANALAND with D Motion 43.1: PUMPKIN with K MacCarter 43.0: MASQUE with A Vickery 42.0: NO THEME II with G Ryan 41.1: RATBAGGERY with D Hose 41.0: TRANSPACIFIC with J Rowe and M Nardone 40.1: INDONESIA with K MacCarter 40.0: INTERLOCUTOR with L Hart 39.1: GIBBERBIRD with S Gory 39.0: JACKPOT! with S Wagan Watson 38.0: SYDNEY with A Lorange 37.1: NEBRASKA with S Whalen 37.0: NO THEME! with A Wearne 36.0: ELECTRONICA with J Jones