End Notes

1 March 2015

from Apocalypse Dreams

it’s the end the end of the city end
of your city which is also a country
ending at stake the city on shut down
the city a military zone full of vigilantes
we hide everyone hides hard to tell who
might be hiding to hurt and to stay still
it feels like happening ending hiding
is utterly inadequate I am scared


in a back room perhaps 20 bodies
in black face down with backpacks
are these military forces or civilian
why did they die so odd flip one
over and not people but preparation
packs for people jumpsuits with back
packs attached provisions where are
the people to fill them why my mistake


because I am scared and seeing is
so many things I’ve never seen
before or want to again that the
incredible is not a category now
but a present feeling end of this
moment into the next too fast
for surprise a young girl relieved
to find a group of people dressed
as fierce military birds why is she
smiling they are smiling it is not


I look away I know what will now
happen to the smiling girl and do
not want to see when the moment
she thinks she is in becomes another
she will panic I would panic I am
watching this from safety and I
turn away glad of safety and sick
does she scream I cannot tell
always there is screaming somewhere
now it is the end of the city the end


a waterfall of effluence tumbling
people with everything else how
far it can fall off the edge of this
city as I watch I see people grasp
autonomy in face of the end for
some are surfing if I could feel
incredulity I would have first when
I saw people dying in this water
can it be fun to surf before you die
in sewage washed to the end the
is it hope or embrace or mastery it is
the end of the fall the pool I cannot see


with others on a boat a man is stitching
my hand I understand I am a refugee with
other refugees that I am hurt and he is help
yet he pricks my hand first in the palm to
test I do not know I know the sharpness
it hurts and the stitching continues the hurt
I cannot speak Spanish the comfort of English
is a stupidity I cannot resist with the stitcher
I feel safe but he hurts me he does not need to
it feels like after the end there are no boats in
the city this is a boat not in the city is there an
end of the city of the boat of the river will it end
in sea in spring in city when the end does not stop
ending and the present stretches the ending out

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