for craig
 

 

 
in the lead up to today

your fifth birthday

daddy's been trying

not to imagine the anticipation

of your first day at school
last year

he pictured you

throwing first a ball with your cousins

through the cubby house window

then sand

he saw you vying

for first bounce on the trampoline

kicking your shoes off without undoing the buckles
at christmas

you're up before your brother

slipping on the kitchen tiles

where Santa left traces of snow

then fumbling with shiny wrap

and upending your teddy bear stocking
on your first birthday he pondered

your first words

your first steps

your sister

just a month away

he's considered

whether you would have liked

broccoli, carrot and potato

or whether you preferred meat

with your meat

like she does

whether you'd have danced

with hi-5 or the wiggles

and driven around in the big red car

whether you'd have climbed

had curls

your favourite story

the sound

of your laugh
he tries to avoid wondering

how different his memories might be

if you'd been born

just two days before.