when we broke     i tried     to write         a poem

           commemorating the occasion. i wanted to say

our time          was worth                remembering, but

rushing forward i braised it in salty voiced sea metaphors

, you, it, me, us          , the horrifying bruise of

the colonial history of           rottnest (as if it had something

to tell     specifically      us), world war two utility fighter planes

& yr kinda racist father.
                      i entered it in a local poem contest

                          judged by scott-patrick mitchell

                . it didn’t even make the commends. 
i couldn’t see: we shared in-jokes that would not function

in poems, for example           pronouncing the word clouds

like the name klaus, exaggerating           the soft end

. i didn’t foresee: three years to follow where we’d lose

all contact, where clouds would still enter suddenly
          a ghost / a long-lost letter / a setback / a lapse

/ an impulse / a triggered nerve / synapse / a re-run

of a dumb sitcom
                that we’d watched and rewatched

                    nine or ten seasons of

, dampening down the busy brain space like
       stuff / fairy floss / cotton wool / dodgy insulation

schemes / fluffy covers / high thread count / clouds
until parted, framed that one long night where grasping

the significance, i couldn’t stop myself from crying

or doing

what i’d started: being unable to face    you or   us

, stuck          between two bad futures.

i couldn’t have: pencilled in the repetitions, the days

i’d wonder who would break this stretching silence

first until you deleted f.b. or maybe

deleted me & time passed & keeps

passing until wednesday i see

                        you in the street, do nothing but wave

             while you smile big & keep walking

& it isn’t that i’d want you back, or that

i’d do it all again, or that

i can still see laid out

the minute machinery

of how we ever worked

in the first place

, it’s just
soaked loose ends, obscured

& dangling, trigger some things

& i’ve nothing to tell them.