Vermeer as Performance

By | 31 October 2021

after Yoko Ono’s ‘Kite Piece 1’

1. Earring Piece

Sketch the ‘Girl with a Pearl Earring’.
Snip it into pearl-shaped pieces –
as many as the original’s value.
Wear a cut-out on your left earlobe
(tack it on with a blob of glue).

2. Milk Piece

Dress like a 17th century milkmaid.
Visit the supermarket to buy milk.
Snap a selfie while taking a swig.
Print the pic and splatter it
with milk. Title it ‘The Milkperson’ 1
and hang it in your kitchen.

3. Painting Piece

Open a studio called The Art of Painting.
Paint enough replicas of ‘The Art of Painting’
to cover the walls, like wallpaper.
Invite students to study the art of painting
by wall-gazing (intently).
Offer a 30-day money-back guarantee.

4. Hat Piece

Print 100 colour copies
of the ‘Girl with the Red Hat’.
Fold into origami fedoras. Wear one
to the races, offer the rest to bystanders.
It is possible you will have 99 left.
Float them as a parade of boats
on the Yarra River.


1 Title updated to reflect the times.

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