Survey said.

By | 1 October 2020

43% of people surveyed said they hated their lives or not in those words because there was no box for that on a two-dimensional form that didn’t ask what they’d noticed out their kitchen window that morning while absent-mindedly scooping cereal into their perfunctory mouths. Two-in-5 Australians (over the age of 18) indicated that they would like more sex while half of the respondents weren’t entirely able to explain the purpose of their mortgage let alone what it was they’d been up to for the past twenty years, deferring instead to ‘all of the above’. There wasn’t anything to formally suggest that given half a chance they’d change their preferences tomorrow but that was the feeling you got, reading between the amassed lines. The survey did however confirm that most people would rather take back-to-back round-the-world holidays though they were too polite to ask for the form for that. 15% of people vaguely hoped tomorrow would be better but couldn’t or wouldn’t count on it, while most seemed to understand that the policy was necessary. Interestingly, all those who responded knew how to fill out a survey as if it were a direct line to God (as if He might one day get to finding their thin white sheet of paper in His crowded in-tray), 12.3% of older people (over 55) hoped one day to meet Him personally for an in-person review of the data, and those who didn’t respond to the survey, well, we haven’t heard from them.


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