0. Self-insert as narrator:
[ i cannot look you
in the eye / tell the story
without telling it ]i am in flight again: [ ] is a name unspoken:
i am creating a home without boxes: [ ] is an extended phase:
i am rehearsing a memory: [ ] is a re-run
repeating: i am quietly imploding:cascade of stars. awakening.
[ i am something other
than what i th/ought ]
the irony comes after a premature wedding / everything created is bound by its context /
that is, space and time / so i will forgive myself later / for now, the next iteration:
1. Self-insert as a story:
Star Trek Voyager is an odyssey – an impossible
& endless homecoming. i start to believe
in impossible feats like survival:in the face of destruction & death
the starship rebuilds itself again.
the crew renews its memory each episode,
no trace of the last trauma
[ i will remember this later,
post- the edge of my known world
when i excise the boy from my poetry ]
2. Self-insert as Chief Engineer:
Lieutenant B’Elanna Torres is a mirror:
angry / lost / confused / conflicted / alone
half-Klingon & half-human, B’Elanna
cleaves & falls into herself, a shattered identity[ relate / recognise / reflect / become ]
3. Self-insert as space:
grow obsessed with a gravity i can’t escape / a black-hole anomaly / can’t get enough / don’t realise
i’ve fallen in love with a fictional character / all that misplaced longing projected into nightly viewings:she sees my pent-up longing, all that stifled ache /
i am begging to be seen / i am guilty for wanting it
what it comes to:
fanfiction is a necessary salve
– i falsify into re-tellings:#StarTrekVoyager #f/f #Torres/Janeway #Kathryn/B’Elanna
#angst #femslash #lesbians #slow burn
in the blue-lit dark i learn / what i had never known of desire.
4. Self-insert as Captain Janeway:
nothing is simple about confronting fear
when flung into a distant quadrant. which is to say
i looked awayfrom [ memory / mirror / mouth / monster ]
or: the answer i seek
5. Self-insert as alien lifeform:
i sleep next to the boy
not with him.
my alien body
my alien longing.6. Self-insert as audience:
follow the fanfic to its logical conclusion:
the captain and chief engineer’s lusty affair,
a hook-up in the Jeffries tubes.
learn how to pleasure another woman
in some far-off impossible
a fiction twice, three times removed.
[ the strangeness of a future where
interspecies relationships are widely accepted,
but two women never fall in love. ]
7. Self-insert as a starship:
my body a ship dead in the water.
my body a wreckage in the deep –
number seven searching seasons before i return
to myself / ruptured. reborn. rebuilding.
- 109: NO THEME 12with C Maling & N Rhook 108: DEDICATIONwith L Patterson & L Garcia-Dolnik 107: LIMINALwith B Li 106: OPENwith C Lowe & J Langdon 105: NO THEME 11with E Grills & E Stewart 104: KINwith E Shiosaki 103: AMBLEwith E Gomez and S Gory 102: GAMEwith R Green and J Maxwell 101: NO THEME 10with J Kinsella and J Leanne 100: BROWNFACE with W S Dunn 99: SINGAPOREwith J Ip and A Pang 97 & 98: PROPAGANDAwith M Breeze and S Groth 96: NO THEME IXwith M Gill and J Thayil 95: EARTHwith M Takolander 94: BAYTwith Z Hashem Beck 93: PEACHwith L Van, G Mouratidis, L Toong 92: NO THEME VIIIwith C Gaskin 91: MONSTERwith N Curnow 90: AFRICAN DIASPORAwith S Umar 89: DOMESTICwith N Harkin 88: TRANSQUEERwith S Barnes and Q Eades 87: DIFFICULTwith O Schwartz & H Isemonger 86: NO THEME VIIwith L Gorton 85: PHILIPPINESwith Mookie L and S Lua 84: SUBURBIAwith L Brown and N O'Reilly 83: MATHEMATICSwith F Hile 82: LANDwith J Stuart and J Gibian 81: NEW CARIBBEANwith V Lucien 80: NO THEME VIwith J Beveridge 57.1: EKPHRASTICwith C Atherton and P Hetherington 57: CONFESSIONwith K Glastonbury 56: EXPLODE with D Disney 55.1: DALIT / INDIGENOUSwith M Chakraborty and K MacCarter 55: FUTURE MACHINES with Bella Li 54: NO THEME V with F Wright and O Sakr 53.0: THE END with P Brown 52.0: TOIL with C Jenkins 51.1: UMAMI with L Davies and Lifted Brow 51.0: TRANSTASMAN with B Cassidy 50.0: NO THEME IV with J Tranter 49.1: A BRITISH / IRISH with M Hall and S Seita 49.0: OBSOLETE with T Ryan 48.1: CANADA with K MacCarter and S Rhodes 48.0: CONSTRAINT with C Wakeling 47.0: COLLABORATION with L Armand and H Lambert 46.1: MELBOURNE with M Farrell 46.0: NO THEME III with F Plunkett 45.0: SILENCE with J Owen 44.0: GONDWANALAND with D Motion 43.1: PUMPKIN with K MacCarter 43.0: MASQUE with A Vickery 42.0: NO THEME II with G Ryan 41.1: RATBAGGERY with D Hose 41.0: TRANSPACIFIC with J Rowe and M Nardone 40.1: INDONESIA with K MacCarter 40.0: INTERLOCUTOR with L Hart 39.1: GIBBERBIRD with S Gory 39.0: JACKPOT! with S Wagan Watson 38.0: SYDNEY with A Lorange 37.1: NEBRASKA with S Whalen 37.0: NO THEME! with A Wearne 36.0: ELECTRONICA with J Jones