winter was there but you wouldn’t know it, outside fully leaf off but the girls still doffing bikinis in every post & the steroids still seem to be diligently regimented, the infinity pool still steams so invitingly, one might wonder how spending time in the gym always ends up so effortlessly lending itself to energy drink endorsements, how some folks seem to casually encounter howitzers on a near-daily basis, how / life is more about setup, you know, and i wanted to like set it up so i could get laid without like having a bunch of conversations and dates and whatnot so when i’d have these pool parties i’d have like 30 of my friends and then like two to three hundred girls
the meet and greets, the whiter than white teeth, winter like a facsimile of a smile, sometimes they don’t want you to know how empty the party life can be, yet every post is forced positivity and more parties and welcome to my party, i used to be in love with how short the days seemed / and i basically wrote about where i was at at that moment and it was kind of like a realization of like i needed to get help this is where i was at and yeah it came out really simple just super easy…it’s basically like a setup to the prequel to all the songs i made while i was in my addiction
even though you can’t see to the other side of the kitchen, even though most days are played out on the chaise lounge doomscrolling straight into oblivion, even though it turns out the person i married that openly compared themselves to god wasn’t everything i thought they’d be / it’s like the little things is what i don’t have, i have all the big things, i have the extravagant everything you could possibly imagine and noone will ever do it like that i know that you know what i mean and i’m grateful for those experiences but
it’s a very odd experience to take an animal’s life, the first time i did it, it was psychedelic, it was a transformative experience / and then i started referring to everything, regardless of its veracity, as a truth bomb, the flower arrangements being just another way to forget you live in a prison and you know to be honest
i didn’t ask for any of this, tbh some days i pretend i’m sylvester stallone & just run up and down the driveway and i honestly feel cajoled into the 21st century, each season of survivor i honestly think: we’d probably be better off if instagram had never existed but i suppose the tribe has spoken, and honestly does this honesty make me an edgelord, honestly it barely keeps me a brand ambassador, honestly i didn’t even know there were so many different types of vitamins / honestly like seeing sorry seeing how people reacted to this like i don’t even know if i wanna do this anymore like this is messed up stuff people are saying
it might sound cliché but nietszche said the only worthwhile thing about life was dancing, foucault said the madness of people is divine spectacle, truffaut said you can’t have an anti-war movie because all war movies eventually devolve into spectacle, why are french people so obsessed with spectacles, sontag said we’ll do anything to keep ourselves from being moved, shakespeare said idk you guys, our phalanx at the bar yelled why can’t we see something beautiful without also desiring to possess it and in the comments section someone said / so it’s really funny because i thought i did my like face super cute today and now i have to redo my concealer cause you made me cry
