The worst part of it is remembering. That you once fell
into a lake while looking for my iguana. Another time, we split
the earth open. Once, I forgot who I was and unraveled
my mind all over Janet’s living room, tore all the wallpaper
off her code. But you kissed it together again.
Heaven is a one-way street with no stoplights and hell
is other people. A stack of unread magazines. A thought
experiment with no answers. You saw the time
knife, predicted the surgery. We’ve been through this
800 times. Sometimes, we were just friends. But if we found
each other in every reboot, why am I afraid now,
the one time I’ve graduated from lab rat to scientist?
You couldn’t lie to save a life, but I promise
I’m worth it. I’m a legit snack. I’m a forking
delight. Look at what you’ve made me, sunbaked
Arizona trashbag: a good person. You’ve cured me hard.
I’ve laughed and feared so much, it’s fixed
my coulrophobia. Here’s my agony in the garden
lawn: I didn’t ask to be the key to salvation.
I’d rather break into heaven than waltz right through
without you. I’d elope to purgatory, with all its lukewarm
beers and live covers. So please let this king’s cup
pass me by. I want to have my moral yogurt
and eat it too. I want to watch this movie with you forever.
I wish I could be selfish a little longer. But sure, I can play
the messiah. I can be a martyr: For you, I’d take
the trolley. I’d take the supermarket stampede
of a thousand shopping carts. I’d take the imperative.
So don’t worry about me. Hurry into the waiting
room. I’ll be dandy. I’ll paint the neighborhood
white, like a real good lie. Like my first Christmas
without coal. I have an archangel and a compass now.
I’ve been through hell and back. I’ll see you
on the other side. Everything will be fine.
- 109: NO THEME 12with C Maling & N Rhook 108: DEDICATIONwith L Patterson & L Garcia-Dolnik 107: LIMINALwith B Li 106: OPENwith C Lowe & J Langdon 105: NO THEME 11with E Grills & E Stewart 104: KINwith E Shiosaki 103: AMBLEwith E Gomez and S Gory 102: GAMEwith R Green and J Maxwell 101: NO THEME 10with J Kinsella and J Leanne 100: BROWNFACE with W S Dunn 99: SINGAPOREwith J Ip and A Pang 97 & 98: PROPAGANDAwith M Breeze and S Groth 96: NO THEME IXwith M Gill and J Thayil 95: EARTHwith M Takolander 94: BAYTwith Z Hashem Beck 93: PEACHwith L Van, G Mouratidis, L Toong 92: NO THEME VIIIwith C Gaskin 91: MONSTERwith N Curnow 90: AFRICAN DIASPORAwith S Umar 89: DOMESTICwith N Harkin 88: TRANSQUEERwith S Barnes and Q Eades 87: DIFFICULTwith O Schwartz & H Isemonger 86: NO THEME VIIwith L Gorton 85: PHILIPPINESwith Mookie L and S Lua 84: SUBURBIAwith L Brown and N O'Reilly 83: MATHEMATICSwith F Hile 82: LANDwith J Stuart and J Gibian 81: NEW CARIBBEANwith V Lucien 80: NO THEME VIwith J Beveridge 57.1: EKPHRASTICwith C Atherton and P Hetherington 57: CONFESSIONwith K Glastonbury 56: EXPLODE with D Disney 55.1: DALIT / INDIGENOUSwith M Chakraborty and K MacCarter 55: FUTURE MACHINES with Bella Li 54: NO THEME V with F Wright and O Sakr 53.0: THE END with P Brown 52.0: TOIL with C Jenkins 51.1: UMAMI with L Davies and Lifted Brow 51.0: TRANSTASMAN with B Cassidy 50.0: NO THEME IV with J Tranter 49.1: A BRITISH / IRISH with M Hall and S Seita 49.0: OBSOLETE with T Ryan 48.1: CANADA with K MacCarter and S Rhodes 48.0: CONSTRAINT with C Wakeling 47.0: COLLABORATION with L Armand and H Lambert 46.1: MELBOURNE with M Farrell 46.0: NO THEME III with F Plunkett 45.0: SILENCE with J Owen 44.0: GONDWANALAND with D Motion 43.1: PUMPKIN with K MacCarter 43.0: MASQUE with A Vickery 42.0: NO THEME II with G Ryan 41.1: RATBAGGERY with D Hose 41.0: TRANSPACIFIC with J Rowe and M Nardone 40.1: INDONESIA with K MacCarter 40.0: INTERLOCUTOR with L Hart 39.1: GIBBERBIRD with S Gory 39.0: JACKPOT! with S Wagan Watson 38.0: SYDNEY with A Lorange 37.1: NEBRASKA with S Whalen 37.0: NO THEME! with A Wearne 36.0: ELECTRONICA with J Jones