By | 1 May 2020

it’s like someone told me once to lean into the pain
now i am always leaning into the pain

i am leaning in too much

i am sticking my neck out and playing chicken with pain
i am shouting come and get me cunts to pain

you let me dive recklessly into your life
despite your severe and life threatening allergies to sentiment

you are macaulay culkin in my girl
and everything i say is bees

i say a minor catastrophe
could do you so much good

we are signing an extended lease together
the same time each of us are buying one-way tickets
to separate continents

it’s like the concept of not waking up next to you every morning
feels like being dragged through miles of broken glass
but it seems senseless to labor the point

it’s like i love you in the way
that my brain is yet to process you will one day die
like you casually mention you won’t live forever
and i feel a deep searing betrayal at the suggestion

it’s like hello
nice to meet you
are you mad at me

it’s like our wedding day arrives after years
and it seems necessary to ask if you actually like me
or if you’ve just been excessively polite
for a worrying length of time

if this was a complex joke
you’ve been pulling for several years
at the expense of basically all other aspects of your life

come and get me cunts


it’s not that i want to be validated
by external sources

it’s just that
have you looked at the internal sources

i want you to love me in such a way
that it positively baffles modern science
sending lab-coated professors into fits of utter bewilderment
as they crunch the numbers on our courtship with abject futility

i want you to love me like love is a thylacine
and despite credible evidence of total extinction
we’ve discovered the last surviving one
and killed it

i want you to love me
like i am always leaning into the
pain too much come and get me cunts
and you’re not scared by it
or feel an embarrassing need to make me feel better

like you’ve accepted that we can’t make anyone feel better
we can only make them less alone
and even then who knows how much or for how long

i want you to love me like i’m not a project
you hope might one day achieve sustainability

i want you to love me like it’s no big deal

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