BABYSITTING

1 November 2017

1:40PM in our demilitarized portion of living
across of course
from a golf course
The wolves revolve
What insipid shit
gets contrived in the outliers

The International Monetary Fund
won’t quit playing games with my heart

Maggot Therapy
a decent title
for something but
where to put it

I’m hardly a grass fed species
and once
distraught
I tossed the salad of a friend
who cared no more
for the way in which I’d hurt him
than he did for the art in which I’d no choice
but to participate

Fucking strange
happenings
Sitting here at the table
of a soon to be brother-in-law
making certain his six y/o daughter doesn’t die
for at least four hours
as we occupy ourselves
in our own silly ways

Responsibility
Fucking strange

On this table is a math problem
The homework of a fifteen y/o
who has just had a shoplifting case
dropped
in North Carolina Juvenile Court
Congrats to her
I’ve never understood maths
Never intend to understand
how to go on in such daylight
y=a(x-int1)(x-int2)
y=a
is to me
a shitty piece
of conceptual writing

Jenny says it’s all in the process
Then we agree
It’s all in the head

We’re each in a process
of becoming The six y/o is doing a headstand
has been for hours
Talking to herself
about beverages
There but for
she keeps on saying

Last night on the phone with my mom
I listed the ways
in which the Catholic church
evicted the child
right out of a self
who was frightened
of asteroids
Mainly
their immediacy


y=a(x-7)(x-1)

Why
does Y always got to equal A

It’s not my responsibility to respond

Flushing may occur
just as anything may occur

A life so heavy
is not recommended for tissue so delicate
but here I sit
beside a novel
Don’t Try To Find Me
it’s called and appears
to be about a daughter and mother
who keep secrets from each other and more devastatingly
says the book jacket
from themselves
I am tired
of so much devastation

y=10/9(x-7)(x-1)

whatever that means
at least Y doesn’t equal A this time
unless A
is the solution
I’ll never know


A crumpled up note on the table
which I’ve now made not crumpled
because the preview was appealing
reads Sophocles says:
Don’t sleep with your mom

It’s either a poem
or notes for some honors class
Whatever Sophocles said
I’ve never known
Cattulus maybe
Another mistake entirely
I remember
when what filled my days was qualified
by some form of merit

Like
you are this or that
because you did
or you didn’t

Goddamn

Now I just sit in front of a screen
for eight or nine hours a day
simply to be told
things are important
when things are not important
for $13.26 an hour I pretend to care
All forms of work are a form of pretending

Labor
skilled or unskilled
paid or unpaid
like right now
unskilled
and unpaid


Grapefruit
is listed in all caps
as a contraindication of this medicine
for the cock
which I’ve stolen
off my friend’s kitchen counter

I figure any drugs
left on a kitchen counter
are fair game
and that he’d understand
the nature of this experiment

which might be
what makes us friends

An acceleration begins to manifest
by which I mean
watch out
for moving trains in this kind of century

Ellen’ll be here soon

For her I’m grateful
Not to spurt holy
all over your chest
all over your burning bush
I’m feeling a little saved

For all the hospitals in which I’ve stayed

One look out a widow
would make a difference

is a sentence
thought of
while looking out a window

It could be the rain
but windows allow me to imagine
I’m in London
Maybe
I’m still in the hospital
but shit
at least I’m in London and o my
How I’ve experienced
a decrease in motor skills
Exclamations
are rare
I like them
as though one does a lamb burger
Questionably microbial
I open to the first page
of a book containing the blurb
Chillingly plausible
I laugh
Inside and read a line
I’d kill
for a
what
in response


It’s been concluded Ellen will not be here soon or ever again
Inside her head she’s adopted the schedule of Anna Wintour

The fashion world is not OZ

The fashion world is the shakes
and cleaning the toilet with the shakes


I remain grateful but unholy
as whatever you think unholy

Tonight a friend asked me if I knew any good reads about Sophocles

I’ve another friend in high school who’s been banned from Belk
She’ll sum up Sophocles with a ukulele performance

I think all of this and I say none

Tonight there is cause for retreat


About the job market yet another friend said
The outlook is bleak
I agree
on all fronts


Next month I’ll be in Florida for a holy union
and to tell my psychiatrist the ideation sits around
as though it’s a bill I don’t intend to pay
until threatened
with disconnection of service


If this is to be about family
then it must also by default
be about aching

I say to the six y/o
when she selects for me which character I’ll be
while playing twenty twenty five minutes rounds
of Super Smash Brothers

She laughs as if she understood
all that about aching


With a couple of stuffed animals we make noises
I say yip yip spit spit yoshi yoshi woop woop

What I say in this context
Doesn’t matter for shit

woop woop


I aim to become more proletariat by the day
I miss
I mean no living becomes earned
Just waking up should accompany a stipend


Leaving for wine now

Leaving this open
for other creatures to scrawl their opinions


Forgotten dolls make way for forgotten everything otherwise


If Bowser isn’t the oldest
but has a bunch of children
who are you to say the children are not older

How do you know
Now theorizing
with a six y/o

woop woop


I’ve taken to reading the supposed classics
Littering
your childhood bedroom
which is also your current bedroom
with bottles


Woke at 2:13AM
Frightened
of where the bay had gone


I wonder
whether I could successfully hang myself
with the entirety of this curling ribbon
Don’t worry
Not that you would worry
but don’t worry
It’s simply a question
of logistics a question
of practicality a question
of ridding oneself a question
of redundancies

Too much asparagus
Too little piss

Too languid a lifestyle
Too petty a theft

I’m no associate
or adjunct
or operator
I can however
crash four wheelers
into such winding of vines


In the parking lot of the LEGOLAND HOTEL
I assembled the LEGO helicopter
It didn’t fly as far as we’d planned
You slept the whole way back
We didn’t fly
as far as I’d planned


I’ve been a terrible friend
not meeting the new edition to the fam

Being in your new house
now makes me feel myself
such an amputee


I haven’t cum in a couple of weeks
Don’t want to accidently have a baby with a flea

Documentation from FASTMED
States I’ve postpartum depression


Remember
We used to buy food
We used to buy food
You’d nap
while I cooked the food

For one I bought the Valentine’s special for two
The cats did the napping I was out of Morton’s

so tears it was


There won’t ever be anyone to talk to about individualized decline


No bog is too
but O yeah they so are
Once
confused and cut
by what I claimed was a dog
everyone knew
was imaginary
I received

THE LOWEST GRADE IN THE CLASS

I attempted to argue
that grades and what both I
as student
and Erik
as teacher
were attempting to do mattered
none at all
on the scale of global materialism suffering harvesting you choose
a verb or noun and shove it inside the throat

I offered to discuss
this crisis of faith
he called it
over a drink
a beer I said
but Erik who’d not simply given such a low grade
but had made a point
to declare he’d done so
as fact as if by
commandment

declined
Only coffee for me these days
he said
and maybe
that was the reason
he felt compelled to inform another person
how shitty they were doing
in comparison to their peers
despite operating
inside totally inconsequential bubble
and maybe
it was a reason
I decided to exit
My bones
screaming
you people

You’re not at all as fun as I’d thought

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