(i remember)

row

on row on row of

powder pinker than pussy

disappearing into our skulls

through a crispy blue five-dollar bill

(i remember)

tenacious neon slivers

clinging to your brand-new president’s choice debit card

(i remember)

shyly bending to the bill and

you

pushing down my neck

with a loosely-cupped palm and four blunt hooks

(i remember)

because the curled paper conduit

wasn’t high past the membrane wasn’t

deep enough inside me

(i remember)

my sinuses

starting to blaze under my skin like

a lighthouse

or maybe like   rudolph

(i remember)

your strong smooth fingers

your hard short nails

dancing on walnut veneer and

coiling

on my knees

(i remember)

cheek-puckering residue working down my throat

on the unseen depths of my

tongue

(i remember)

how you cried without blinking

(i remember)

shallow blue fountains as

you whispered    I love you

like a

prayer

(i remember)

like the bitter taste of come

pushed down by some eager cock

(i remember)

ejaculation    –    genocide

those millions

                  billions?

that i gulp    or gag i  guess

(i remember)

and i swallow

each   desolate and   inevitable death.

(i remember)

i remember.

yes, i still remember.

and you still try to tell me that

this

wasn’t fucking intimacy.